A Boat Anchor

If Lake County's villages were engaged in an arms race for your tourist dollars, then the Village of Fox Lake just got a $15,000 shipment of guns. Haha, the Daily Herald said that ...

Fox Lake officials hope a new marketing campaign focusing on the future while remembering the past will bring tourists to the former resort town on the shores of the Chain O' Lakes. Using the tagline "Anchoring Traditions ... Linking the Future," the new initiative is designed not only to strengthen the community and connect with residents, but also to appeal to tourists with the goal of becoming a destination for Illinois and Wisconsin residents, Mayor Donnie Schmit said Wednesday.
Fox Lake unveils new marketing campaign, logo

Fox Lake retained a marketing firm at $2,200/mo to manage the campaign. The village also budgeted $15,000 for a new logo.

This was the old Fox Lake logo:

In case you ever wondered what happened to Chief Illiniwek, he retired to a waterfront cottage on Fox Lake.

This is the new Fox Lake logo:

One goal of the rebranding campaign is to call attention to Fox Lake's festivals: Venetian Night, Cardboard Boat Race, Mayor's Challenge Pasta Dinner and 5K Race, Holiday Parade & Tree Lighting Ceremony, Annual Polar Plunge.

It is unknown if Talk Like a Pirate Day will be included.

Operatives who crave a cool personal logo of their own, are directed to any of these clipart websites:

Bing Images

Yarrr, we be pirates.

Sticky Notes from the Underground

Trees may be down and buildings may be damaged, but at least the culprit this time was an EF-1 tornado (that touched down Sunday in Grayslake). And not from excavation work under the Lake County Courthouse.

Haha, as readers of this blog no doubt recall ...

Notes from the Underground

An underground tunnel is being dug in Waukegan to transfer prisoners from the County Jail to the County Courthouse. Worries that a large-scale underground excavation like this can lead to widespread damage may not be totally groundless.

Your LakeCountyEye has learned the below-ground excavators broke a sewage pipe that flooded basements under the County Sheriff and Court Buildings. Informed sources say stored paper files were submerged and that County employees were ordered to retrieve the records. And without the safety of protective scuba gear!

It is unknown whether Lake County Chairman Aaron Lawlor, who was seen earlier this year cleaning sludge at a County water reclamation plant ...

Lake County's Dirty Jobs - Vernon Hills Water Reclamation Facility

rolled up his pant-legs and pitched in to help.

Note to Ops: If the County has not been responding to your requests for vital paper documents, you now know why. On second thought, you may want to reassess your need for those documents.

EPA investigators with hazmat gear were seen. Do not be surprised if you see yellow EPA-Superfund-Site tape around County buildings.

OSHA however is not expected to file suit against County officials. One OSHA source told your LakeCountyEye, "Sure we can get some guilty verdicts, the law is cut and dry. But this is Lake County. In the long run they will be suing us for wrongful conviction. Why bother?"

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

We Don't Need No Stinkin Amstutz

If the Amstutz Expressway were a 36 inch pizza then the long knives would be out for it. A News-Sun op-ed published last week was really a thinly veiled call for the Amstutz's demise:

There's nothing about the 2.9-mile abomination and its social, financial, aesthetic or cultural contribution to Waukegan that could not be improved by unleashing jackhammers to destroy it.
Rutter: Waukegan's Amstutz Expressway is a 'massive purple wart'

Is the Amstutz on the road to oblivion? Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi -- the Travelling Professor at the College of Lake County.

"Ya," sighed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "they want to bulldoze the Amstutz into Lake Michigan like it was some empty beach and turn it into high-value lakefront property."

Too sad. Who exactly would feel the burden?

"No one ever uses the road, so exactly no one." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "And that's exactly why the Amstutz is America's highway. Every movie chase scene since Ben-Hur has been filmed on the Amstutz."

Ben-Hur?

"Bullitt, The French Connection, Smokey and the Bandit, Thelma & Louise, Mad Max, Death Race 2000, Driving Miss Daisy ... these were all filmed on the Amstutz. It's the most recognizable 2.9 mile stretch of highway in the lower 48!"

Too cool. Are there plans to save the Amstutz?

"Bet on it." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Do you remember the Route 53 Extension?"

Who can forget?

"The Route 53 Extension," continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "is a $3 billion, unbuilt highway that everybody wants but nobody wants to pay for. Compare it with the Amstutz -- a highway that is built and paid-for, but nobody wants. Now combine the two and what do you get?"

One of those venn diagram jokes?

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi pulled up close: "The Route 53 Blue Ribbon Advisory Council has a top-secret fail-safe doomsday-scenario contingency plan prepared, in case the taxpayers don't give them those 3 billion smackers. Just suppose one moonless night the Lake County Division of Transportation shuts down the Amstutz -- and removes all of the highway signs. And replaces them with Route 53 Extension highway signs. What will everyone think the next morning?"

Your LakeCountyEye, being no Carnac the Magnificent, did not know.

"The commuters," chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "will think the Amstutz had been demolished. And that the Route 53 Extension had finally been built! The County gets rid of the Amstutz, and produces a Route 53 Extension -- all for the price of a couple dozen traffic signs. It's a win-win for everyone."

Too crazy. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Don't be surprised if the Amstutz turns, one day, into a $5 toll-road. Tell your Operatives to hold on to their pennies."

Location Location Location

Question of the day: Name the one thing in Lake County seen by more people on the planet than anything else. If you said a settlement check for a wrongful conviction, give yourself a judge's citation. The correct answer is the Amstutz Expressway.

The Amstutz Expressway in Waukegan has been an outdoor location for hit movies seen by millions. The seldom used freeway is a favorite with moviemakers, ever since scenes in The Blues Brothers were shot there in 1980. The Chicago Tribune said (in 1998) ...

The Amstutz makes a perfect location because it looks like a full-blown expressway and can be closed off for days at a time without causing any real problems for commuters. "The people at the Illinois Film Office call me and ask if the Amstutz is still the road to nowhere," said David Motley, Waukegan's director of public relations and special events. "It's very popular because it looks right and it's easy to close off. We don't charge a rental fee either. Just what it costs for public works and police to close it. What I want to do, though, is show producers some of our other locations when they're in town using the Amstutz."
The Road To Nowhere
If Traffic Were Meant To Fly, All Roads Would Be Like The Amstutz Expressway

However, while the Illinois Film Office features a gallery of top movie locations ...

Location Gallery

... the Amstutz is conspicuous in its absence.

Note to Ops: The Illinois Film Office wants to know about your film location and provides a handy web form ...

Submit a Location

So if you happen to own the Amstutz, please waste no time in correcting this regrettable bureaucratic oversight. If you don't act quickly this offer can expire at any time and without notice.

Film Noir

On Monday two young lookalikes for the President and First Lady were noticed cruising up and down the Amstutz in an old yellow Datsun. Prelude to another inevitable Lake County wrongful conviction? No, this time it was a movie being filmed:

Southside With You is an upcoming American romantic dramedy film directed and written by Richard Tanne. The film stars Parker Sawyers and Tika Sumpter as a young Barack and Michelle Robinson Obama, respectively.
Southside with You

Waukegan's Amstutz Expressway was the scene this week for the Obama bio-pic Southside with You. The Mayor and other Waukegan dignitaries were present on the set, hoping to get a glimpse of the stars. The News-Sun said ...

everyone was told that Sawyers and Sumpter were in the middle of filming and wouldn't have time to greet them.
Barack, Michelle Obama's first date re-created in Waukegan film shoot

In related news ...

Would eliminating the Amstutz improve Waukegan lakefront?

the City of Waukegan wants to bulldoze the whole Amstutz Expressway into Lake Michigan. Siskel and Ebert were unavailable for comment.

Life's a Beach

While it is true that a tunnel is being dug in Waukegan to transfer prisoners from the Lake County Jail -- your LakeCountyEye incorrectly reported that the underground excavation opened a sinkhole on the Waukegan Beach:

Notes from the Underground

The sinkhole in question turned out to be a tidepool of natural origin. The News-Sun observed that the ...

Lake County Health Department threatened to close the beach on June 26 due to a stubborn pool of water that had been developing all year in the middle of the sand.
'Unsafe' area at Waukegan beach fixed after shutdown threat

The Sheriff's Department is adamant that it has no authority to police the tidepool or, for that matter, any Waukegan Municipal shoreline. The News-Sun said ...

Responding to complaints out of Waukegan about motorized watercraft entering the swimming area off Municipal Beach last weekend, Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran disputed claims by city officials that his department's marine unit has jurisdiction to enforce local laws along the Lake Michigan shore. "The county doesn't have any statutory responsibility for the waters, period," Curran said Wednesday, two days after Waukegan City Council discussion included statements by Mayor Wayne Motley and 8th Ward Ald. William Valko that Lake County has jurisdiction beyond the beach.
Dangerous boating reports prompt Waukegan to police beach

Perhaps out of desperation, the City of Waukegan bulldozed the whole beach into Lake Michigan. According to the News-Sun, Waukegan Mayor Wayne Motley says ...

the eventual plan is to completely remove the south dune to both open up more recreational space and allow a view of Waukegan Harbor. "We filled it in, and now we're going to grade it so it grades back into the lake," he said, adding that no protected wetland sections of the dunes were affected. "We've opened up that whole section to the south, so now people can go all the way south, which is really nice."
'Unsafe' area at Waukegan beach fixed after shutdown threat

It is unknown whether there are plans to blacktop the affected area. The displaced piping plovers, sanderlings, spotted sandpipers, dowitchers, rails, common terns, marram grass, sea rocket were unavailable for comment.

Notes from the Underground

There is no truth to the rumor that Mexican druglord Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán is already planning his next escape through the Lake County Jail inmate tunnel.

Haha, according to the News-Sun ...

Workers will begin pouring concrete next week for an underground tunnel that is designed to securely transfer Lake County Jail inmates separately from county officials, jurors and judges between court buildings in downtown Waukegan. The tunnel is part of a $110.6 million Lake County Courthouse expansion project, approved by the Lake County Board in 2012. The expansion includes construction of a nearly 200,000-square-foot, eight-story tower to house 15 new courtrooms
Inmate tunnel next step in $110M jail, courthouse expansion

Sources tell your LakeCountyEye that a preliminary tunnel already had to be abandoned because of faulty GPS coordinates ...

County miners veered off course and punched a hole in Rasmussen Lake, near Antioch:

Where do fish go when you drain a lake?

The miners then hit some sand when they tunneled under Waukegan Beach:

'Unsafe' area at Waukegan beach fixed after shutdown threat

They saw the light of day when coming to the surface in Long Grove:

Giant sinkhole closes Diamond Lake Road in Long Grove

Note to Ops: If you see a lost crew of miners, point them in the direction of Waukegan. And when they get there, to look for a $110.6 million hole in the Lake County budget.

Phone Trees

Note to Ops: Don't bother trying to hook-up in a Lake County Forest Preserve -- there are no bars there.  Your smartphone service, however, will improve dramatically as soon as the Lake County Board decides to build cell towers in the Forest Preserves. The Daily Herald talked to Forest Preserve chairwoman, Ann Maine:

"I don't want to give people the impression we're looking to commercialize everything, but at the very least, we should look into it," Maine said of the cell tower issue.
New contract for Lake County forest preserve chief

While the predictable pooh-poohers say this is an inappropriate setting for commercial phone towers, Lake County officials are undeterred about introducing cell service to the Forest Preserves. One told your LakeCountyEye: "If I can't drive over to a Forest Preserve and shoot some Angry Birds, then who will?"

Best of all, your LakeCountyEye has learned that leasing public land to the commercial cell service interests will actually pay for itself in the long run! Who knew?

Well your LakeCountyEye knows. Your LakeCountyEye also knows that Lake County officials have some other ideas for turning the Forest Preserves into gold. 10 to be exact:

Ten Surefire Proposals for Monetizing the Lake County Forest Preserves

Host the 2024 Olympics Medical Marijuana Sharecropping Two Words: Banana Derby! Purchase the Long Grove Sinkhole & Unveil New LCFPD Bungee Park Plenty of Trees for Another Wood Roller Coaster Phase #1: Give the Exploding Oil Trains Right-of-Way Access Phase #2: Wait for Trains to Explode Phase #3: Collect FEMA Money New Site of the Relocated SAIA Truck Terminal Where Else are They Supposed to Put the Route 53 Extension Feeder Ramps? LCFPD Sues the County for Wrongful Conviction Damages Flip the Land into Townhomes

Look for your LakeCountyEye making like a tree near you.

Murder in Paris

The LakeCountyEye VCR will be recording ...

Death Row Stories: Murder in Paris

on CNN tonight, Sunday, July 19, 9pm CDT.

Ordinarily your LakeCountyEye would embed a video trailer at this point. But stupid CNN has their promotional video set up to auto-play. You will have to settle for a screen-cap:

Death Row Stories: Murder in Paris Trailer

CountyLeaks has eveything you need to know about the CNN documentary:

CountyLeaks has published never-reported information on the role the Illinois State's Attorneys Appellate Prosecutor's office, its former Board of Governors and the Illinois State's Attorneys Association in protecting wealthy and powerful individuals.
ALERT: CNN's Death Row Stories this Sunday: Paris, IL Unsolved Murders

Scroll down the right side of this blog ad look for Local Blogs of Note where you will see the very same CountyLeaks -- the area's investigative blog without peer.

Lake County malefactors, freeboodlers and curs are advised to hatch their schemes on 9pm Sunday, July 19. Because that's when your LakeCountyEye will be watching CNN: Death Row Stories: Murder in Paris

Keef, Body & Soul

Lake County has heard not a peep out of Chief Keef. Not since Keef -- Lake County rap-artist and favorite-son -- missed a court hearing last year for a DUI issued in Highland Park. While a DUI conviction may qualify you for elected office in the Village of Mundelein, the same offense can get you jail time in Highland Park.

He may be gone, but Chief Keef apparently hasn't forgotten Lake County -- his new single is called Ain't Missing You:

Chief Keef - Ain't Missing You feat Jenn Em - Tribute To Big Glo

Haha, touche.

Sources tell your LakeCountyEye that Keef wants to return -- in order to file a wrongful conviction suit. Legal scholars, though, agree that Keef would not be able to collect a sizable wrongful conviction judgement against Lake County -- without having been convicted of something first. For that reason, your LakeCountyEye does not expect to see Keef back any time soon.

Keef is holding a live concert this week in Chicago, to benefit a shooting victim. While Keef, physically, will be in California -- his performance can be seen in Chicago via hologram:

Chief Keef's performance on a soundstage in Beverly Hills, Calif., will be shown at a yet-to-be-announced location in Chicago. A stage will be built into a semitrailer that can display holograms, Hologram USA spokesman Owen Phillips said. The concert will be live streamed on filmon.com. Chief Keef, whose real name is Keith Cozart, can't be in the Chicago area because of outstanding warrants, Phillips said.
Chief Keef concert: Stage to be built into truck that can display holograms

High ranking officials informed your LakeCountyEye that the Lake County Sheriff's Department has obtained a holodeck from Homeland Security. And Sheriff Deputies will be waiting with a holographic arrest warrant, if a holographic Chief Keef appears in Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Adlai E. Stevenson - Citizen of the World: His Life and Legacy

Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy

Dr. Alexander Karakkal, former Vice Chancellor of Kannur University in Kerala, India will address the influence of Adlai Stevenson II on the world scene at a commemoration of the 50th anniversary of Stevenson's death. Adlai Stevenson III, the chairman of the board of the Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy, will introduce Dr. Karakkal and reflect on Governor Stevenson's political legacy and its implications.

• Sunday
  July 19, 2015
  2:00 pm
• The Stevenson Center on Democracy
  25200 N St Mary's Rd
  Mettawa (Libertyville), IL 60048
  773- 281-0378
• Coffee and conversation will follow the presentation
• This Event is Free

The Monkey Business

Lake County loves a dog & pony show. Particularly when the ponies are dogs. And the dogs are capuchin monkeys.

The Lake County Fair is bringing back the Banana Derby this year, which is your chance see capuchin monkeys (cebus capucinus) competing on the backs of dogs -- like itty-bitty little jockeys. Haha.

Some spoilsports, however, do not think this is a laughing matter. According to the Daily Herald ...

Despite urgings from some Lake County Board members, the Chicago Zoological Society and others, fair officials say there is no compelling reason to cancel a popular feature the fair has had for five years, and they take proper animal care and handling is a responsibility very seriously.
Protests don't get the monkeys off dogs' backs at county fair

One bona fide authority assured your LakeCountyEye, "For safety, they crazyglue the monkeys to the dogs. None of the animals, that way, don't get hurt."

The Banana Derby is a top draw at the Lake County Fair. The same official explained, "We're a for-profit organization and most of our customers are from Wisconsin. Do the math."

Your LakeCountyEye did the math and counted up 10 more popular attractions at the Lake County Fair (July 29 - Aug 2):

Ten Additional Attractions to See at the 2015 Lake County Fair

Dwarf Tossing Bear Baiting Cock Fighting Cow Tipping Bait & Switch Swatting The Swimsuit Competition Dog Fighting Toad Licking Wrongful Convictions

Look for your LakeCountyEye at the OTB near you.

An Unwin Situation

Anyone out this weekend could have seen your LakeCountyEye at the Mundelein Fourth-of-July Festival. Your LakeCountyEye volunteered for a shift in the elected-official wing of the festival's sober-up tent. Haha.

One sourpuss Mundelein elected official has little patience for that sort of intemperate revelry -- and gave a Fourth of July address explaining why changes in social norms signal the decline of the Republic. The address cites the ostensibly scientific theories of J.D. Unwin and is posted on YouTube:

Steve Lentz July 4th

The Daily Herald took notice:

Mundelein Mayor Steve Lentz on Monday defended widely criticized comments he made about the legalization of gay marriage and other societal issues during an Independence Day speech.
Mundelein mayor defends controversial remarks on gay marriage

Is the nation is going through a period of irrational exuberance or to hell in a hand basket? For the real lowdown, your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi -- the J.D. Unwin Professor of Anthropology at the College of Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye had never heard of J.D. Unwin.

"Ya, J.D. Unwin was a British Anthropologist who published a study in 1934." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "He looked at 80 non-civilized societies, like primitive cultures, etc, plus 16 civilized cultures and he discovered an amazing correlation."

Your LakeCountyEye's curiosity was piqued.

"The cultures that had a strict code of marital monogamy -- heterosexual marital monogamy -- those cultures had the most vibrancy, and affected those around them the most." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "And when the wheels came off and the standards began to decline in that area, it was within two to three generations that culture would end."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like Get-Out!

"What's astounding is that there was no exception to this. And what's astounding to me too is he was not some radical Christian evangelical with an ax to grind." explained Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "He was not a Christian at all."

OMG, OMG, is there any hope?

"Upon discovering his findings he proposed that in Britain that they start abstinence clubs for the youth -- that would have the revelation of his findings and voluntarily abstain until marriage." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "He didn't tell them to go to church or any of that. He came from a completely different perspective. He had that level of conviction."

By now, the LakeCountyEye mellow was totally harshed. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives that these facts are the established scientific truth. And are nothing whatsoever like global warming."

Bang for the Bucks

If you're lucky, Christmas may come in July -- but Independence Day is celebrated on July 4, rain or shine. Your LakeCountyEye has compiled a map of Fourth of July holiday destinations:

Every day the oil industry sends millions of gallons of highly flammable crude oil through cities and towns across North America. Our rail system was never built for this dangerous cargo.
Oil Train Blast Zone

Being a checkerboard of these exploding oil-train routes, Lake County is the perfect place to celebrate the Fourth beneath an awesome pyrotechnic display. If you love fireworks, hurry over to one of the red zones, above. These however, technically are evacuation zones -- so if safety is your first concern, reserve a spot outside of the 1/2 mile perimeter in one of the yellow zones, instead.

The exploding oil-trains crisscross Lake County 24/7/365. Don't be late, the fireworks can start any time. Rain or shine.

Not Exactly Gay About Marriage

Traditionally June is the month for marriage rulings from the Supreme Court. June also marks the end of the school year, and your LakeCountyEye has a pop quiz. Operatives are challenged to guess which of these actual headlines (for this week's Supreme Court gay marriage ruling) was seen in the Daily Herald:

	Supreme Court extends gay marriage nationwide
	Supreme Court ends bans nationwide on same-sex marriage, recognition
	McHenry County residents react to Supreme Court's gay marriage ruling
	Sharp language from justices on gay marriage decision

If you checked the last headline give yourself a pat on the behind. While most local newspapers chose to trumpet the historic Supreme Court decision, the old gray lady -- the Daily Herald -- seemed none too pleased.

While your LakeCountyEye has not actually read the story, the Herald's headline says all you need to know:

Sharp language from justices on gay marriage decision

Your LakeCountyEye assumes the dissenting Court justices issued a firm tongue lashing, or some junk.

One Daily Herald reporter told your LakeCountyEye: "There aren't any more eligible bachelors as it is. And now they can all marry each other? Give me a break!" On top of that, it is feared that the only marriageable men remaining soon will be the Illinois GOP caucus of confirmed bachelor legislators. The aforementioned bro's with no ho's were unavailable for comment.

A Confederacy of Dukes

In Lake County the word on the street is ... the South Will Rise Again. And they aren't talking about the sales tax in Cook County.

According to the News-Sun, the latest confirmed siting of a Confederate flag is in the Village of Volo:

The director of the Volo Auto Museum said he's committed to keeping one of the original General Lee cars from the television show "The Dukes of Hazzard" on display, despite the fact that it sports a hand-painted Confederate flag on its roof.
Volo museum to keep 'Hazzard' car with Confederate flag on display

Readers of this blog may recall ...

Takedowns

that David McSweeney sponsored a Bill in Springfield to remove the Confederate Flag from the South Carolina state Capitol. McSweeney probably did not risk offending his constituents, because his Representative district is about 850 miles from Columbia, South Carolina. For purposes of comparison, his district is about 3 miles from the Village of Volo.

Your LakeCountyEye was informed today that South Carolina passed a Bill to take down the Confederate Flag in the Volo Auto Museum. Boss Hogg was unavailable for comment.

Takedowns

With the Illinois legislative session nearly over, and with the people's work done, most legislators will be heading home to lower expectations. According to the Daily Herald, however, one suburban legislator wants to lower a flag as well ...

Illinois lawmakers entered the debate over the Confederate flag when a suburban Republican Monday formally called for South Carolina leaders to remove it from that state's Capitol grounds. State Rep. David McSweeney, a Barrington Hills Republican, filed a resolution in Springfield that wouldn't carry legal weight but was intended to convey lawmakers' opinion.
Suburban Republican: South Carolina should take down Confederate flag

What is Representative McSweeney's next challenge, if he is successful in getting the Confederate flag removed from the South Carolina state Capitol? Your LakeCountyEye has learned there is already a bill in committee to lower the Sky Trek Tower at Six Flags Great America:

Riders were stuck on the "Sky Trek Tower" ride for more than two hours Sunday at Six Flags Great America in north suburban Gurnee. Passengers told NBC Chicago they had made it to the top of the nearly 30-story ride when it got stuck.
Riders Stuck on Six Flags' "Sky Trek Tower" for More Than 2 Hours

No word yet on whether there will be a bill to turnaround recall Governor Rauner. Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Q the Eye/06.20.15

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I take umbrage against your recent diatribe against McHenry County gun owners and 2nd Amendment patriots. It was simply false to assert that McHenry County hospitals are reporting a pandemic of self-inflicted gunshot wounds to the leg.

When you wrote in A Leg Up that "McHenry County is populated by erstwhile bipedal unidexters with a knack for shooting off their feet", nothing could be further from the truth. Speaking as a McHenry County native and life-long gun owner, I can state with certainty that I do not lack any appendages below my belt-line. And I assure you, as an eyewitness, that this is true of every McHenry County gun owner in my acquaintance.

If anyone is a "one-legged human pogo-stick with an itchy trigger-finger" those would have to be the people of Lake County. And I can prove it.

The Illinois State Police have issued 3,142 concealed carry permits to McHenry County gun owners. With a population of 307,283, that works out to about 1 permit for every 100 McHenry County residents.

But Lake County on the other hand, with a population of 705,186, has received 5,179 concealed carry permits. Mathematically, it means that for every 100 Lake County residents, 0.7 of those have a concealed carry permit.

You read that correctly, each concealed carry permit in Lake County is held by zero-point-seven, or seven tenths of a person. Is that even possible? It absolutely is, if that means those people are all missing appendages.

I submit to you that it is gun owners of Lake County who are shooting off their feet, and not the crack marksmen of McHenry County.

And I demand an immediate retraction!

I Second That Amendment

Dear Second Banana,

Your LakeCountyEye stands corrected.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

High Volume Turnaround Agenda

Mark your calendars, Christmas in July arrived a month early this year. When then-candidate Bruce Rauner promised the voters a lump-sum cash distribution if they elected him Governor, frankly, your LakeCountyEye was skeptical. But now-Governor Bruce Rauner is apparently making good on that promise.

Your LakeCountyEye has learned that the Bruce Rauner Turnaround Agenda^® is doling out substantial gratuities to help give the stagnant Illinois economy a Reboot^® to the rear. Some lucky Lake County residents have already received their checks from Citizens for Rauner, Inc:

Committee to Elect Sheri Jesiel


Committee to Elect Dan Duffy


David McSweeney for State Representative

And it's not just Lake County residents who benefit from the Governor's largess:

Citizens for Pamela J Althoff


Citizens for Matt Murphy


Committee to Elect Michael W Tryon

If you have not received your dividend check yet, then visit your nearest Citizens for Rauner, Inc branch office. Tell the minimum-wage clerk there that you you are eager to help goose-start the Illinois economy, and would like your check deposited in your PAC right away.

Do not delay. This offer may be voided without notice, pending review of the RICO statutes.

A final note:  When the minimum-wage clerk asks for your preference, request the $8000 check and not the $4000 check.  If you are like your LakeCountyEye you will not regret it.

The Brohoho Over Mark Kirk

Q: Name three guests who were recently expunged from the Mark Kirk Christmas party list?

A: Ho, Ho, Ho

HaHaHa, congenital Lake County US Senator Mark Kirk was heard this week talking trash on one of his homeboys:

A spokeswoman says Illinois' U.S. Sen. Mark Kirk has apologized after being caught on a hot mic using a word considered disparaging to women. Kirk called Republican senator and presidential candidate Lindsey Graham a "bro with no ho."
Kirk apologizes for calling Lindsey Graham 'bro with no ho'

The object of Kirk's reflection, Lindsey Graham, is an announced candidate for the office of US President. Washington insiders say Graham, who is unmarried, will have to beard the lion if he hopes to get to the White House without the benefit of a First Lady.

Sources tell your LakeCountyEye that the National Republican Senatorial Committee is all-in, and actively seeking a suitable companion for the footloose & fancy-free senior Senator from South Carolina:

      prohibited^[?]      Posted: 1 day ago

Confirmed Bachelor Seeks Ho

Elderly male seeks wifey bitch. Honey dimes only! Deuces, stangs, tweakers, babymommas, need not apply.

Send photo and resume to Lindsey Graham for President
Be sure to include a photo.

Please observe the utmost discretion. No 3rd party inquiries. You must be 18 or older.

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

post id: heaterpoints      posted: 1 day ago      updated: an hour ago

craigslist

Senator Kirk, your LakeCountyEye learned, can stand-in as father of the bride.

Until then, look for your LakeCountyEye shooting fish in a barrel near you.

Hastert Highway Revisited

He's back and he's broke. Dennis "I'm Broke & Back" Hastert was in the news again, this time pleading not guilty to Federal banking charges -- charges (as incorrectly reported on this blog) totally unrelated to check kiting.

If Hastert did have a wad of hush money salted away in a secret bank account, the $3,500,000 must have evaporated -- because the former Yorkville wrestling coach had to bum a ride to his arraignment in a borrowed Lincoln:

Hastert's long-awaited day in court began about 9:30 a.m. Tuesday, when he was spotted by reporters leaving his sprawling estate in far west suburban Plano in the hired black Lincoln.
Dennis Hastert pleads not guilty amid claims of hush money, lying to FBI

Rumors of Hastert's wealth, your LakeCountyEye has learned, are greatly exaggerated. Any doubts of Hastert's beggary will be immediately dispelled by the News-Sun, which revealed that Hastert, in fact, drives an old used car:

A classic car once owned by former House Speaker Dennis Hastert will be removed Friday from an I-90 tollway oasis display between Rockford and Marengo.
Auto museum to remove Dennis Hastert car from tollway display

The story goes on to say that Hastert's buggy is now in the hands of the repo man. You can help Hastert out of these hard times by donating to the Dennis Hastert Legal Defense Fund. Please limit donations to $10,000, in small denomination bills.

The Rauner Turnbuckle Agenda

The Governor Bruce Rauner Turnaround Agenda® is coming to the Lake County schools. Lake County will be participating in a pilot program aimed at eliminating the State budget deficit by reducing education costs. Beginning with the 2015-16 school year, Lake County schools will be required to include wrestling instruction in their common-core curricula, for all grades K thru 12.

It recently came to the attention of the Governor's office that former Yorkville wrestling coach Dennis Hastert had not only retired comfortably, but had enough discretionary income on hand to dole out $3,500,000 in hush money. Not a paltry sum, your LakeCountyEye has learned, even by Governor Rauner's standards.

According to the Governor's office, if that kind of money can be made on a wrestling coach's salary, then every public school teacher should be required to teach wrestling. And every public school teacher can expect to retire as comfortably well-off as Dennis Hastert.

One source told your LakeCountyEye: "This teacher pension system can be eliminated entirely. Teacher's unions will be eliminated as well -- because who with $3,500,000 in their secret bank account will ever want to go on strike?" No doubt about it, a win-win for everyone.

School-age children in Lake County have been asked to practice up on their noogies, wedgies & wet willies over the summer.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. No biting, hitting below the belt, or head butting is allowed.

The Hastert Highway

Governor Bruce Rauner, this week, killed the downstate Illiana Expressway. Opponents were able to scuttle the project, your LakeCountyEye has learned, by renaming the ill-fated tollway to the Dennis Hastert Memorial Highway.

Haha, in related news, the Governor appointed a bunch of suburban guys to the Toll Authority ...

Schillerstrom: Route 53 expansion could do great things for Lake County

It is not known whether or not the Governor appointed Individual A to the Toll Authority:

Who is 'Individual A'?
The person Hastert is said to have paid hasn't been identified, and is referred to in the indictment only as "Individual A."
Key questions about Dennis Hastert's scandalous indictment

One source did tell your LakeCountyEye: "Do the math. With weekly payments in $10,000 increments, we'll be able to pay off the Route 53 Extension in less than 6,000 years!"

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. And you can take that to the bank.

Propellerhead

A week is a long time in politics. Which means it's been about one political week since your LakeCountyEye last posted a Caption Contest!

The H/T for this week's Caption Contest! goes to the News-Sun for this headshot portrait of Robert Dold -- who was at the Great Lakes Naval Station last week for a photo op:

Caption Contest!

Dold touts military spending bills in visit to Naval Station Great Lakes

Contestants are challenged to put on their thinking caps and come up with an uproarious caption for this picture of Congressman Robert Dold. The winning entry will be the best caption that is likely to be over the head of Dold, Lake County's rotating Congressman.

The Caption Contest! is not restricted to black hats and l33ts -- anyone is welcome to participate, even n00bs and propellerheads. Note to Ops: this is your chance to claim the political props you deserve, on top of those you already have.

One lucky winner will receive an army-surplus oversize-propeller drone.

The secret to success, as always, is low overhead. The judge's decision is final.

Video Shoot

It may not cover the cost of a wedding photographer, but $60,000 is still a lot to spend for some shaky video footage. The Daily Herald says the Village of Round Lake Park ...

authorized Police Chief George Filenko to spend up to $60,000 for a video system for seven front-line squad cars and body cameras for 13 officers. "This wasn't knee jerk and there is no rush to this," Filenko said.
Round Lake Park authorizes body cams for police

With that cue to cut to the chase, your LakeCountyEye contacted Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Dual Professor of Criminology and Cinematography at the College of Lake County.

"Ya, 60-grand is a lot of cheddar." snorted Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The Village of Zion only needed $55,000 to break their contract with the Lake County Fielders."

Your LakeCountyEye was surprised too see any Lake County village with money to spend on police cameras. These small municipalities are expecting to see their budgets slashed -- especially if Governor Rauner makes good on a promise to raid the Local Government Distributive Fund.

"A major metropolitan area can easily absorb that sort of expenditure." observed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

But doesn't the population of Round Lake Park hover around 7500?

"It's not the population but the median income that matters to a municipal taxing body." observed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

But aren't most of the homes in Round Lake Park on 4 wheels and exempt from property taxes?

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi furrowed his brows. "Hmmm. Is that why they call themselves Round Lake Park?"

You're not really a Professor at the College of Lake County are you?

"Ever since they transferred me from the College of DuPage." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Maybe the village of Round Lake Park hopes to monetize the expense by streaming their police video to a YouTube Channel. FailBlog, I understand, makes a ton of money."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives in Round Lake Park to watch their speedometers. Also don't believe anyone who says the paint on older model cars do not reflect radar beams."

Round Lake Park Appointee Arrested

In March, I reported that law enforcement seized the computer of a Round Lake Park Village appointee, and was under investigation.

Computer Taken for Evidence in Round Lake Area

Since then, the Round Lake Area News has reported that Randall Wagner was arrested for possession of child pornography.

After a lengthy investigation, Randall L. Wagner was taken into custody on April 13. 2015, and charged with three counts of child pornography and possession (CHILD PORN/POSSESS FILM/PHOTOS). Wagner is the spouse of Round Lake Park Trustee Donna Wagner and is listed on the Round Lake Park village website as a Mayoral Appointment to the Plan Commission & Zoning Board of Appeals.
RLP Trustee’s Spouse Arrested on Child Porn Charges

Randall Wagner is no longer listed on the Round Lake Park website of Mayoral Appointments. I do not know if Wagner has resigned from his appointment.

As far as I can tell, this arrest has not been reported anywhere else in the local media.

Every Jack Has His Cal

Cal Skinner, the tireless tax-fighter who writes the McHenry County Blog, is undoubtedly a Frankophobe. One can tell by the mind-set of his posts. This week he skewered the Capitol Fax Blog for saying nice things about State Rep. Jack Franks:

Rich Miller, the man who writes Capitol Fax is undoubtedly a Democrat. One can tell by the slant on his posts. Today, he pats State Rep. Jack Franks on the back for his anti-tax voting record.
Jack Franks Gets Another Pat on the Back from Capitol Fax

Not to be outdone, your LakeCountyEye has banished the frankfurter from this blog. This staple of the backyard barbecue shall, henceforth, be known here as the Freedomfurter.

Enjoy the holiday & toss one on the grill for your LakeCountyEye.

A Leg Up

May is World Foot Health Awareness Month. Perhaps not uncoincidentally, two people recently shot themselves in the foot while at McHenry County gun ranges:

My Foot!

As reported on this blog, it is uncommon (to say the least) when the men and women of McHenry County take up the burden to shoot themselves in the foot -- simply to exercise their freedoms guaranteed by the 2nd Amendment.

Now, it goes without saying that the self-inflicted gunshot wound, even in pursuit of the noblest of goals, is not all guns and roses. Especially so, if one refused to sign up for ObamaCare in protest against big government bureaucratic programs. Be that as it may, every cloud has a silver bullet. Ten to be exact, when that cloud happens to issue from the barrel of a smoking gun:

Shot Yourself in the Foot? Ten Benefits

It's evident you put your pants on one leg at a time. Reduce by 50% your sock bill. Never alone at the three legged races. You da Man on Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day. There's no one at the ass-kicking contest busier than you. People only need a 9-foot pole to touch you. Half the worries while strolling through a LCFPD Dog Park. No one will ever accuse you of being a knee-jerk liberal. An effective remedy for restless leg syndrome. Costs an arm and a leg? Not a problem.

Look for your LakeCountyEye on foot near you.

My Foot!

For those who believe in the rule of threes, you are advised to discharge your weapons in Lake County. The Northwest Herald reports that two people have shot themselves in the foot while at McHenry County gun ranges:

A 56-year-old man was flown to a nearby hospital after he accidentally shot himself at a McHenry gun range, a fire official said.
Man accidentally shoots himself at McHenry gun range, fire official says

A 55-year-old McHenry woman was taken to an area hospital Monday after accidentally shooting her own leg, police said.
McHenry woman accidentally shoots herself at Crystal Lake gun range

With 2555 applications for concealed carry permits, and counting, epidemiologists are closely monitoring this sudden outbreak of unipedality in McHenry County.

The McHenryCountyBlog reports that emergency medical teams are currently on-site and working to contain the epidemic:

McHenry County Right to Carry Presents Course

Anyone who wishes to help can contact the McHenry County Right to Carry Association:

McHenry County Right to Carry Association is sponsoring a training event with our friends at Spartan Tactical Training Group. This course is not just for firearms instructors but for anyone that wishes to add real emergency medical skills to your mental tool kit. This class course is taught to law enforcement agency personnel around the country. Class space is limited so sign up early at the link below. Also military grade IFAK (individual first aid kits) will be available for purchase and information for this is on the link.
Emergency Medical Response for Firearms Instructors

One spokesperson issued a statement: "Under the Second Amendment, my right to shoot myself in the foot -- and at the time and place of my choosing -- shall not be infringed. Anyone who says otherwise doesn't have a leg to stand on!"

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Hop along, now.

Take a Break!

"Bulldozer"Aaron Lawlor, the Chair of the Lake County Board, will be in Grant Township later this month. Lawlor, the Daily Herald says, will talk about the Route 53 Extension ...

Lake County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor will be the featured speaker when the Grant Township Republican Club meets Thursday, May 28, to discuss the Route 53 extension.
Lawlor to address Grant Township Republicans

The topic of Lawlor's address will be:

Unregulated Engine Breaking on the Route 53 Extension:
Environmental Catastrophe or Economic Necessity?

It should be noted that the topic of Chairman Lawlor's address will NOT be:

No-Wake Restrictions on the Route 53 Extension:
Gentleman's Agreement or IDNR Mandate?

Your LakeCountyEye regrets the mistake.

The Plot Thickens in Grant Twp, Part 2

We received another open letter to the Grant Township Assessor. It is reproduced, unedited, below. The attachment referred to by the doc is the PDF that was posted here yesterday.

May 13 2015 letter to EOLC and GTA Office and States Attorney

Until new information is brought to the attention of this blog, I've said about all I can say, here.

The Plot Thickens in Grant Township

Yesterday I reported what I interpreted to be a claim made by the Grant Township Assessor: That the Assessor does not take into consideration lake restrictions when valuing lake-front properties.

It now appears that my judgement was wrong. I have received a document, signed by the Assessor, regarding four lakes in Grant Township:

Grant Township Assessor Chart of Lakes

This document appears to evaluate the lakes based on a number of criteria, including "Leads to Chain" and "Restrictions on Lake". By all appearances, this document is used for the purposes of evaluating comparable properties on or near these lakes.

If I was wrong in my conclusion that lake restrictions are not factored in how homes get assessed in Lake County, then my original questions remain: What authority governs and controls how our inland lakes are restricted? What guidelines must our Assessors follow when evaluating our homes -- in particular lake-front properties?

I am getting the feeling that these are things that just get made up as we go along.

The Grant Township Assessor Replies

The Grant Township Assessor e-mailed a reply to the property owner's letter that I posted here yesterday:

Mr. Rowden,

Land values have not changed on Wooster Lake and your overall value was reduced in 2014. I noticed on your tax bill mailed last week that your property taxes went DOWN approximately $1,000. By law, properties are valued based on sales in the previous 3 years of similar properties in the same neighborhood and we will continue to value your property in this manner. I hope you and your neighbors on Wooster Lake are able to reach an agreement on how Wooster Lake should be used but my understanding of the current use is that some owners treat the lake as non-motorized while others jet-ski and boat as they please. My office does not determine how lakes are used, only what the property on the lakes are worth.

I've already addressed the Tanneron Bay accusations. You can not compare your 3500 sq.ft. home on over 2 acres built in 2006 to a condo or townhouse.

Jeri Barr, Grant Township Assessor

If not directly, the Grant Assessor seems to have answered some of the questions I asked yesterday. I may understand this incorrectly, but the law requires our homes to be assessed based on how they compare with similar homes in the same area. Of course, the word "similar" is vague and open to interpretation. This I am sure is the basis for most appeals filed against our home assessments.

In the case of Wooster Lake, the question of how the lake is restricted seems to be irrelevant to this Assessor's purposes. What matters is that homes are assessed against similar homes. Of course, "similar" is in the eye of the beholder. There still seems to be a lot of arbitrariness baked into the whole system.

Another Open Letter to the Grant Township Assessor

We received another open letter to the Grant Township Assessor:

Assessor Barr,
Almost 12 years ago in July 2003 I bought 3 Wooster Lake properties in the Village of Fox Lake.
05-23-100-026
05-23-100-027
05-23-100-034

When I bought, I bought into lake restrictions which were since January 2003 recorded in recording 5094179. As you know and can plainly see, the 5094179 recording is an official recording at the Lake County Recorder of Deeds Office, a Declaration that Cambridge at Holiday Park HOA not only says I am legally bound to but one which the HOA relied on in recent law suits they filed against me. The judge unfortunately did not provide a Declaratory Judgment towards 5094179 or its restrictions in either of these cases. To this day the HOA contends I am legally bound to this Declaration, sending me a bill as recently as February 2015.

**** See pages 33-34, 46 of 5094179 recorded at Lake County Recorder of Deeds Office listing and claiming my above PINs are part of the Cambridge development and also as part of the Wooster Lake Conservation & Control Association. See pages 5, 7-9, 35-47 about the lake properties' restrictions.****

After buying my lake properties I had growing concerns about this recording that are still not fixed today and that is the problem. When States Attorney Nerheim was elected, I met with him in Waukegan in 2013. Nerheim said his Office and every other Office were by law not capable of nullifying anything in 5094179 because it is an official recording active with the Lake County Recorder of Deeds Office. Nerheim said "only a judge with a Declaratory Judgment" could nullify the recording. Now 2 years later I see your Office is off acting as if it is nullifying these recorded restrictions and is supposedly changing the lake to not restricted after all these years being restricted, per the recordings and per the Assessor's Office.

I want you to immediately provide me with a copy of the Declaratory Judgment that issues a judge's opinion of the recording 5094179, a Declaratory Judgment that supposedly gives you the power to have changed my lake properties.

Eye On Lake County,
Can you post my response to Assessor Barr?

Don Rowden

As far as I can tell, this owner has properties on Wooster Lake. At issue is whether or not Wooster Lake is bound to boating restrictions. The homeowner is charging the Grant Township Assessor with valuing his properties against comparable homes on unrestricted lakes. Apparently these homes are assessed at higher values, when compared to homes on restricted lakes.

Wooster Lake had for many years been used as a restricted lake. Furthermore, there is a quasi-legal document filed by a Wooster Lake home-owner's-association with the Recorder of Deeds that purports to establish this.

Since, from a legal perspective, Wooster seems to be a restricted lake, the homeowner objects to the Grant Township Assessor valuing his property against other (higher valued) properties on unrestricted lakes. And he wants the Grant Township Assessor to produce a legal authority as a justification.

I'm going to admit that I understand very little about the guidelines that control how our homes get assessed. And I understand even less about how and under whose authority our inland lakes become restricted. But Wooster Lake just seems to demonstrate to me that there is a lot of arbitrariness baked into both processes.

Heater Points

Note to supporters of the Bruce Rauner Turnaround Agenda: your time has come, please turn around.

Haha, Governor Rauner will get his opportunity to make good on a campaign promise to turn the State of Illinois around. The Illinois Legislature plans to call a vote on the Turnaround Agenda in six days, on May 14.

While six days is the same amount of time needed to turn around an aircraft carrier, one Lake County legislator is not as sanguine as the n00b Republican Governor of Illinois. State Representative Ed Sullivan is opposed to Illinois House Speaker Michael Madigan's efforts to fasttrack the Bruce Rauner Turnaround Agenda through the Illinois House. Sullivan told the Sun-Times ...

"Gov. Rauner is trying to negotiate things in totality," Sullivan said. "Speaker Madigan doesn't want any part of it, so he's trying to bring out the heater points. Cause chaos."
Mike Madigan schedules vote on right-to-work, urges Rauner to give details

Easy for spoilsport Sullivan to say, who occupies a safe legislative district. But any Operative who has read this tough-talk will most certainly have one question for Rep Sullivan:

Heater Points? What is a heater point?

Note to Ops: you have probably been challenged, since back in the day, to bring out all sorts of different things. But if you are like your LakeCountyEye, it's never been to bring out the heater points.

Make no mistake about it, the heater point is positioned to become the State's next hot-button issue. Therefore, your LakeCountyEye has agreed to crowdsource the question over to you. The first Operative to plausibly explain what a heater point is, gets a 60 day free trial subscription to this blog. And the gratitude of a Governor for having rescued his Turnaround Agenda.

This, of course, means you must be able to use heater points in an sentence. Some examples:

• Whoa, have you ever had anyone look at those heater points?
  
  
• Gabriel Heater points out that when the rate of return on capital exceeds the rate of growth of output and income, as it did in the nineteenth century and seems quite likely to do again in the twenty-first, capitalism automatically generates arbitrary and unsustainable inequalities that radically undermine the meritocratic values on which democratic societies are based.
  
  
• My heater points due North.

Send your entries, with a SASE, to LakeCountyEye@gmail.com. Do not delay, the Bruce Rauner Turnaround Agenda is riding on your answer.

The Fast and the Spurious

Those who commute throughout the Lake County highway system go by a simple motto: Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse.

Haha, will the maximum speed limit of the Route 53 Extension top out at 45mph? One retired public servant thinks not. Former Illinois Tollway board member Bill Morris told the Chicago Tribune that ...

the 45-mph speed limit is "unrealistic" and motorists will ignore it. "Anyone who believes traffic will go 45 mph," Morris said, "is smoking too much medical marijuana."
Rauner faces new challenge with proposal for new Lake County tollway

The Tribune declined to say whether or not the anchor store at the Route 53 Extension Tollway Oasis will be a Medical Marijuana clinic. Ops are advised not to hold their breaths.

But while the Route 53 Extension has seen its share of ups and downs, one Lake County attraction owes its very success to its ups and downs. The Goliath rollercoaster at Great America is, according to the Sun-Times, setting new records ...

On Saturday, the 71.89 mph figure — or 115.7 kilometers per hour — was displayed on one of three certificates issued by Guinness confirming Goliath's status as the fastest, tallest (180 feet) and steepest (85.13 degree) "roller coaster made from wood" in the industry.
Six Flags Great America's Goliath earns 3 Guinness World Record titles

Informed sources say the Route 53 Blue-Ribbon Advisory Council is now studying options to reroute their highway through the Six Flags Great America amusement park in Gurnee -- where the speed limits exceed 70mph.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Do you know how fast you were going?