Thursday, July 30, 2015

Film Noir

Fred & Ginger On Monday two young lookalikes for the President and First Lady were noticed cruising up and down the Amstutz in an old yellow Datsun. Prelude to another inevitable Lake County wrongful conviction? No, this time it was a movie being filmed:
Southside With You is an upcoming American romantic dramedy film directed and written by Richard Tanne. The film stars Parker Sawyers and Tika Sumpter as a young Barack and Michelle Robinson Obama, respectively.
Southside with You
Waukegan's Amstutz Expressway was the scene this week for the Obama bio-pic Southside with You. The Mayor and other Waukegan dignitaries were present on the set, hoping to get a glimpse of the stars. The News-Sun said ...
everyone was told that Sawyers and Sumpter were in the middle of filming and wouldn't have time to greet them.
Barack, Michelle Obama's first date re-created in Waukegan film shoot
In related news ...
Would eliminating the Amstutz improve Waukegan lakefront?
the City of Waukegan wants to bulldoze the whole Amstutz Expressway into Lake Michigan. Siskel and Ebert were unavailable for comment.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Life's a Beach

bulldozer bob While it is true that a tunnel is being dug in Waukegan to transfer prisoners from the Lake County Jail -- your LakeCountyEye incorrectly reported that the underground excavation opened a sinkhole on the Waukegan Beach:
Notes from the Underground
The sinkhole in question turned out to be a tidepool of natural origin. The News-Sun observed that the ...
Lake County Health Department threatened to close the beach on June 26 due to a stubborn pool of water that had been developing all year in the middle of the sand.
'Unsafe' area at Waukegan beach fixed after shutdown threat
The Sheriff's Department is adamant that it has no authority to police the tidepool or, for that matter, any Waukegan Municipal shoreline. The News-Sun said ...
Responding to complaints out of Waukegan about motorized watercraft entering the swimming area off Municipal Beach last weekend, Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran disputed claims by city officials that his department's marine unit has jurisdiction to enforce local laws along the Lake Michigan shore. "The county doesn't have any statutory responsibility for the waters, period," Curran said Wednesday, two days after Waukegan City Council discussion included statements by Mayor Wayne Motley and 8th Ward Ald. William Valko that Lake County has jurisdiction beyond the beach.
Dangerous boating reports prompt Waukegan to police beach
Perhaps out of desperation, the City of Waukegan bulldozed the whole beach into Lake Michigan. According to the News-Sun, Waukegan Mayor Wayne Motley says ...
the eventual plan is to completely remove the south dune to both open up more recreational space and allow a view of Waukegan Harbor. "We filled it in, and now we're going to grade it so it grades back into the lake," he said, adding that no protected wetland sections of the dunes were affected. "We've opened up that whole section to the south, so now people can go all the way south, which is really nice."
'Unsafe' area at Waukegan beach fixed after shutdown threat
It is unknown whether there are plans to blacktop the affected area. The displaced piping plovers, sanderlings, spotted sandpipers, dowitchers, rails, common terns, marram grass, sea rocket were unavailable for comment.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Notes from the Underground

There is no truth to the rumor that Mexican druglord Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán is already planning his next escape through the Lake County Jail inmate tunnel.

Haha, according to the News-Sun ...
Workers will begin pouring concrete next week for an underground tunnel that is designed to securely transfer Lake County Jail inmates separately from county officials, jurors and judges between court buildings in downtown Waukegan. The tunnel is part of a $110.6 million Lake County Courthouse expansion project, approved by the Lake County Board in 2012. The expansion includes construction of a nearly 200,000-square-foot, eight-story tower to house 15 new courtrooms
Inmate tunnel next step in $110M jail, courthouse expansion
Sources tell your LakeCountyEye that a preliminary tunnel already had to be abandoned because of faulty GPS coordinates ...

County miners veered off course and punched a hole in Rasmussen Lake, near Antioch:

Where do fish go when you drain a lake?
The miners then hit some sand when they tunneled under Waukegan Beach:

'Unsafe' area at Waukegan beach fixed after shutdown threat
They saw the light of day when coming to the surface in Long Grove:

Giant sinkhole closes Diamond Lake Road in Long Grove
Note to Ops: If you see a lost crew of miners, point them in the direction of Waukegan. And when they get there, to look for a $110.6 million hole in the Lake County budget.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Phone Trees

Can you find the cell tower in this picture? Note to Ops: Don't bother trying to hook-up in a Lake County Forest Preserve -- there are no bars there.  Your smartphone service, however, will improve dramatically as soon as the Lake County Board decides to build cell towers in the Forest Preserves. The Daily Herald talked to Forest Preserve chairwoman, Ann Maine:
"I don't want to give people the impression we're looking to commercialize everything, but at the very least, we should look into it," Maine said of the cell tower issue.
New contract for Lake County forest preserve chief
While the predictable pooh-poohers say this is an inappropriate setting for commercial phone towers, Lake County officials are undeterred about introducing cell service to the Forest Preserves. One told your LakeCountyEye: "If I can't drive over to a Forest Preserve and shoot some Angry Birds, then who will?"

Best of all, your LakeCountyEye has learned that leasing public land to the commercial cell service interests will actually pay for itself in the long run! Who knew?

Well your LakeCountyEye knows. Your LakeCountyEye also knows that Lake County officials have some other ideas for turning the Forest Preserves into gold. 10 to be exact:
Ten Surefire Proposals
for Monetizing the Lake County Forest Preserves
  1. Host the 2024 Olympics

  2. Medical Marijuana Sharecropping

  3. Two Words: Banana Derby!

  4. Purchase the Long Grove Sinkhole & Unveil New LCFPD Bungee Park

  5. Plenty of Trees for Another Wood Roller Coaster
  6. Phase #1: Give the Exploding Oil Trains Right-of-Way Access
    Phase #2: Wait for Trains to Explode
    Phase #3: Collect FEMA Money
  7. New Site of the Relocated SAIA Truck Terminal

  8. Where Else are They Supposed to Put the Route 53 Extension Feeder Ramps?

  9. LCFPD Sues the County for Wrongful Conviction Damages

  10. Flip the Land into Townhomes
Look for your LakeCountyEye making like a tree near you.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Murder in Paris

The LakeCountyEye VCR will be recording ...
Death Row Stories: Murder in Paris
on CNN tonight, Sunday, July 19, 9pm CDT.

Ordinarily your LakeCountyEye would embed a video trailer at this point. But stupid CNN has their promotional video set up to auto-play. You will have to settle for a screen-cap:

Death Row Stories: Murder in Paris Trailer
CountyLeaks has eveything you need to know about the CNN documentary:
CountyLeaks has published never-reported information on the role the Illinois State's Attorneys Appellate Prosecutor's office, its former Board of Governors and the Illinois State's Attorneys Association in protecting wealthy and powerful individuals.
ALERT: CNN's Death Row Stories this Sunday: Paris, IL Unsolved Murders
Scroll down the right side of this blog ad look for Local Blogs of Note where you will see the very same CountyLeaks -- the area's investigative blog without peer.

Lake County malefactors, freeboodlers and curs are advised to hatch their schemes on 9pm Sunday, July 19. Because that's when your LakeCountyEye will be watching CNN: Death Row Stories: Murder in Paris

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Keef, Body & Soul

Lake County has heard not a peep out of Chief Keef. Not since Keef -- Lake County rap-artist and favorite-son -- missed a court hearing last year for a DUI issued in Highland Park. While a DUI conviction may qualify you for elected office in the Village of Mundelein, the same offense can get you jail time in Highland Park.

He may be gone, but Chief Keef apparently hasn't forgotten Lake County -- his new single is called Ain't Missing You:

Chief Keef - Ain't Missing You feat Jenn Em - Tribute To Big Glo
Haha, touche.

Sources tell your LakeCountyEye that Keef wants to return -- in order to file a wrongful conviction suit. Legal scholars, though, agree that Keef would not be able to collect a sizable wrongful conviction judgement against Lake County -- without having been convicted of something first. For that reason, your LakeCountyEye does not expect to see Keef back any time soon.

Keef is holding a live concert this week in Chicago, to benefit a shooting victim. While Keef, physically, will be in California -- his performance can be seen in Chicago via hologram:
Chief Keef's performance on a soundstage in Beverly Hills, Calif., will be shown at a yet-to-be-announced location in Chicago. A stage will be built into a semitrailer that can display holograms, Hologram USA spokesman Owen Phillips said. The concert will be live streamed on Chief Keef, whose real name is Keith Cozart, can't be in the Chicago area because of outstanding warrants, Phillips said.
Chief Keef concert: Stage to be built into truck that can display holograms
High ranking officials informed your LakeCountyEye that the Lake County Sheriff's Department has obtained a holodeck from Homeland Security. And Sheriff Deputies will be waiting with a holographic arrest warrant, if a holographic Chief Keef appears in Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Adlai E. Stevenson - Citizen of the World: His Life and Legacy

Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy
Dr. Alexander Karakkal, former Vice Chancellor of Kannur University in Kerala, India will address the influence of Adlai Stevenson II on the world scene at a commemoration of the 50th anniversary of Stevenson's death. Adlai Stevenson III, the chairman of the board of the Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy, will introduce Dr. Karakkal and reflect on Governor Stevenson's political legacy and its implications.
  • Sunday
    July 19, 2015
    2:00 pm
  • The Stevenson Center on Democracy
    25200 N St Mary's Rd
    Mettawa (Libertyville), IL 60048
    773- 281-0378
  • Coffee and conversation will follow the presentation
  • This Event is Free

Saturday, July 11, 2015

The Monkey Business

Lake County loves a dog & pony show. Particularly when the ponies are dogs. And the dogs are capuchin monkeys.

The Lake County Fair is bringing back the Banana Derby this year, which is your chance see capuchin monkeys (cebus capucinus) competing on the backs of dogs -- like itty-bitty little jockeys. Haha.

Some spoilsports, however, do not think this is a laughing matter. According to the Daily Herald ...
Despite urgings from some Lake County Board members, the Chicago Zoological Society and others, fair officials say there is no compelling reason to cancel a popular feature the fair has had for five years, and they take proper animal care and handling is a responsibility very seriously.
Protests don't get the monkeys off dogs' backs at county fair
One bona fide authority assured your LakeCountyEye, "For safety, they crazyglue the monkeys to the dogs. None of the animals, that way, don't get hurt."

The Banana Derby is a top draw at the Lake County Fair. The same official explained, "We're a for-profit organization and most of our customers are from Wisconsin. Do the math."

Your LakeCountyEye did the math and counted up 10 more popular attractions at the Lake County Fair (July 29 - Aug 2):
Ten Additional Attractions to See
at the 2015 Lake County Fair
  1. Dwarf Tossing
  2. Bear Baiting
  3. Cock Fighting
  4. Cow Tipping
  5. Bait & Switch
  6. Swatting
  7. The Swimsuit Competition
  8. Dog Fighting
  9. Toad Licking
  10. Wrongful Convictions
Look for your LakeCountyEye at the OTB near you.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

An Unwin Situation

Get some. Anyone out this weekend could have seen your LakeCountyEye at the Mundelein Fourth-of-July Festival. Your LakeCountyEye volunteered for a shift in the elected-official wing of the festival's sober-up tent. Haha.

One sourpuss Mundelein elected official has little patience for that sort of intemperate revelry -- and gave a Fourth of July address explaining why changes in social norms signal the decline of the Republic. The address cites the ostensibly scientific theories of J.D. Unwin and is posted on YouTube:
Steve Lentz July 4th
The Daily Herald took notice:
Mundelein Mayor Steve Lentz on Monday defended widely criticized comments he made about the legalization of gay marriage and other societal issues during an Independence Day speech.
Mundelein mayor defends controversial remarks on gay marriage
Is the nation is going through a period of irrational exuberance or to hell in a hand basket? For the real lowdown, your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi -- the J.D. Unwin Professor of Anthropology at the College of Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye had never heard of J.D. Unwin.

"Ya, J.D. Unwin was a British Anthropologist who published a study in 1934." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "He looked at 80 non-civilized societies, like primitive cultures, etc, plus 16 civilized cultures and he discovered an amazing correlation."

Your LakeCountyEye's curiosity was piqued.

"The cultures that had a strict code of marital monogamy -- heterosexual marital monogamy -- those cultures had the most vibrancy, and affected those around them the most." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "And when the wheels came off and the standards began to decline in that area, it was within two to three generations that culture would end."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like Get-Out!

"What's astounding is that there was no exception to this. And what's astounding to me too is he was not some radical Christian evangelical with an ax to grind." explained Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "He was not a Christian at all."

OMG, OMG, is there any hope?

"Upon discovering his findings he proposed that in Britain that they start abstinence clubs for the youth -- that would have the revelation of his findings and voluntarily abstain until marriage." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "He didn't tell them to go to church or any of that. He came from a completely different perspective. He had that level of conviction."

By now, the LakeCountyEye mellow was totally harshed. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives that these facts are the established scientific truth. And are nothing whatsoever like global warming."

Friday, July 3, 2015

Bang for the Bucks

If you're lucky, Christmas may come in July -- but Independence Day is celebrated on July 4, rain or shine. Your LakeCountyEye has compiled a map of Fourth of July holiday destinations:

Every day the oil industry sends millions of gallons of highly flammable crude oil through cities and towns across North America. Our rail system was never built for this dangerous cargo.
Oil Train Blast Zone
Being a checkerboard of these exploding oil-train routes, Lake County is the perfect place to celebrate the Fourth beneath an awesome pyrotechnic display. If you love fireworks, hurry over to one of the red zones, above. These however, technically are evacuation zones -- so if safety is your first concern, reserve a spot outside of the 1/2 mile perimeter in one of the yellow zones, instead.

The exploding oil-trains crisscross Lake County 24/7/365. Don't be late, the fireworks can start any time. Rain or shine.