Sunday, October 29, 2023

The Amen Corner

The tinfoil theocrats McHenry County Blog do not have a prayer. Not if that prayer was from the Illinois House of Representatives.

Muslim clerics recited (in Arabic) the opening prayer for the General Assembly in Springfield. But the idea did not inspire much Christian charity from the McHenry County Blog:

One spokesman for God said: "They should be reading prayers from the Bible, which was written in English."

Tuesday, October 24, 2023

Wham, Bam, Mammogram

Ladies, Lake County State Rep Martin McLaughlin has your back!

October is breast cancer awareness month. Be sure to schedule your mammogram:

Only be sure not to go to a conveniently located family planning clinic where a mammogram can be scheduled at a minimal cost. Martin McLaughlin wants to see those shut down: Note to Ops: Martin McLaughlin may have your back but that doesn't mean he has your uterus.

Thursday, October 19, 2023

The Ninth Circle

Stay on the straight and narrow.
Been experiencing dizziness lately? You're not alone. Lake County has a new roundabout:
Lake County's ninth roundabout near Wauconda opens early
With it being the 21st Century and everything, Lake County is all in on traffic circles. A roundabout will efficiently move vehicles through an intersection and at a fraction of the cost -- what's not to like? Nothing, not to mention all the things to like. Of which there are ten:
10 Off-Label Benefits of a Lake County Traffic Circle
  1. The Waukegan Airport can annex it for a circular runway.

  2. Trucks will crash in the roundabout before crashing into the Long Grove bridge.

  3. Call it the Route 53 Extension. Solve all of your traffic problems.*

  4. Host the next GOP Presidential debate there. It can be promoted as the Circular Firing Squad.

  5. Waukegan casino? No dice. Instead play roundabout roulette.

  6. Prototype the new Six Flags thrill ride.

  7. A totally tubular spot for an outdoor marijuana festival.

  8. Install some red-light cameras and the roundabout pays for itself.

  9. All-purpose Mexican Independence Day parade route.

  10. Make it a TIF district. Because you can.

* This joke circa 2007.
Look for your LakeCountyEye circling, near you.

Sunday, October 15, 2023

Bust Your Bridges

If you can dream it...
The truck that crashes into the Long Grove bridge failed to crash into the Long Grove bridge. The vehicle crashed into the Metra bridge on Route 45 instead:
Semi-truck strikes bridge, leads to three-vehicle crash near Libertyville
In related news, the Lake County exploding bomb train failed to explode on the Route 45 Metra bridge.

The McHenry County man who shot himself in the foot but failed to shoot himself in the foot was unavailable for comment.

Tuesday, October 10, 2023

School Colors

Actual unretouched screencaps from Lake County's #1 fakenews source, the Lake County Gazette:

Next from the Lake County Gazette: "The Supreme Court repealed Roe v Wade. Why not Brown v Board of the Education?"

Thursday, October 5, 2023

The Drinking Party

Approved by Vladimir Putin
It's time to play Truth or Dare!
Question: What would you do for free beer?

Answer: Join the Republicans.
HaHa, last week nearly 50 mostly uncommitted Republican voters gathered in Barrington for a debate-watch party.
Second Republican debate fails to impress uncommitted GOP voters
Is that the truth? There can't be 50 Republican voters in Lake County, let alone in Barrington. How does anyone scare up 50 GOP voters for a debate watch party?

Well, this is how it is done. You give away free booze:
As the wine and beer kept flowing, the watch party became more "party" than "watch."
Second Republican debate fails to impress uncommitted GOP voters
The technique of sweettalking your voters with free liquor is as old as the Republic itself:
George Washington Plied Voters with Booze
Note to Ops: Do not try this on election day.