Friday, December 30, 2016

Ebony & Ivory

As years go, 2016 was one for the history books. The #1 story had to be Santa Claus, whose lifeless body was found on a McHenry County street, dead from a prescription painkiller overdose. The McHenryCountyBlog broke the story:
CL Kiwanis Santa Run Misses Snow Storm
Your LakeCountyEye jacked the McHenryCountyBlog story and photos:
Santa Sleighed
And then the McHenryCountyBlog jacked the story back, off the LakeCountyEye:
An anonymous blogger writing Lake County Eye has a wonderful sense of humor. And, he's a reader of McHenry County Blog. Usually he makes fun of my mistakes, but this time he has reinterpreted three photos of the Crystal Lake Kiwanis' Santa Run.
Reinterpreting Santa Run Photos
Now just between you and your LakeCountyEye and the blogpost, that Cal Skinner at the McHenryCountyBlog is an incurable wisenheimer. Cal Skinner and your LakeCountyEye go way back many years, and he could tell you exactly who that "anonymous blogger" is. Here is an old photo of Skinner and your LakeCountyEye working the phones at a Channel 11 telethon for the Dan Walker legal defense fund:
Cal SkinnerBarney Baxter
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!
Note to Ops: If you are looking for a good chuckle, you could do worse than the McHenryCountyBlog!

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

The Sullivan Caucus

It is not for nothing that the Lake County Gazette is the most trusted source of fake news in Lake County. This week the Lake County Gazette published a story about Ed Sullivan's retirement from the Illinois General Assembly, but illustrated it with a photo of some chumbolone who is not Ed Sullivan:
The error was quickly corrected within a speedy 72 hour time span:

Sullivan formally resigns from Illinois House seat
An understandable faux pas given that Sullivan was a Lake County State Rep for only 14 years.

Note to Ops: Your LakeCountyEye did not recognize the not-Ed-Sullivan chumbolone either, and fed the image into the Google facial recognition API. The results were not totally unsurprising:

Dan Sullivan (U.S. Senator)
It appears that Alaska Senator Dan Sullivan and former State Rep Ed Sullivan share a lot in common, which would explain the Lake County Gazette's honest mistake:
Alaska US Senator Dan SullivanFormer Illinois State Rep Ed Sullivan
Last Name is Sullivan?
Middle Aged?
US Senator?
The message intended by the Lake County Gazette is loud and clear: If you've seen one middle-aged white guy you've seen them all!

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Hymn for a Sunday Evening

Haha, the Lake County Gazette -- Lake County's #1 fake news source -- got the fake news wrong. As readers of this blog are aware ...
All the News That's Counterfeit to Print
The Lake County Gazette published a story about State Rep Ed Sullivan's retirement from the General Assembly ...

Internet Archive
... but lead with a photo of some goomer, one who is not State Rep Ed Sullivan.

Since then, the Lake County Gazette changed the photo -- although still not recognizably of Ed Sullivan:

Sullivan formally resigns from Illinois House seat
Now it goes without saying that the fake news is mostly outsourced to unemployed hackers in Eastern Europe. And those same Uzbekistan hackers may not know who Ed Sullivan is, nor would be expected to recognize him on the street. But a good photo of Ed Sullivan is no farther away than a Google search:
Note to Operatives at the Lake County Gazette: Your fly is open. Please update your story with the provided photo of Ed Sullivan.

Monday, December 26, 2016

All the News That's Counterfeit to Print

There is a rumor circulating the webs regarding State Rep Ed Sullivan. According to the Lake County Gazette:
State Rep. Ed Sullivan (R-Mundelein) ended his 14-year career with the Illinois House of Representatives on Thursday. His formal resignation comes after he announced in August 2015 that he would not be seeking re-election for his seat.
Sullivan formally resigns from Illinois House seat
Readers are cautioned not to believe everything they read on the Internet. Sullivan is an occasional commenter on this blog. And your LakeCountyEye is exceedingly skeptical of the Lake County Gazette story about him:

Sullivan formally resigns from Illinois House seat
C'mon, everyone by now should know that the Lake County Gazette is a fake news site.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

An Artificial Christmas

fake to the left fake to the right It has come to your LakeCountyEye's attention that you cannot believe everything you read on the Internet. Unscrupled actors can and will pepper the web with ersatz news stories made to look like the real thing, and for nefarious purposes. Who knew?

Truth be told, the fake news phenomenon is without any doubt utterly out of control. Witness the Daily Herald with tips on how to distinguish facts from fabrications:
How to detect fake news, from the left and right
Which just goes to show you can fool some of the people all of the time.

Now, there is an old saying in Lake County:
You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
And what that old saying means is that here on the LakeCountyEye everything you see is triple sourced, fact checked, and 100% completely accurate. You have your LakeCountyEye guarantee that no fake news shall ever be covertly disseminated by this blog. Take that to the bank!

And be sure to have a happy and safe 4th of July holiday weekend!

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

The World Class POTUS

Rule #1 among the purveyors of fake news is never make up a story that is too preposterous to believe. So it is with some trepidation that your LakeCountyEye reports that the Electoral College met on Monday and selected Donald J Trump to be the 45th President of the United States. Haha. Ever since Trump's implausible victory (albeit on a technicality) Internet news outlets have been scrambling to find a good catchy meme to reference the new president-elect.

To be sure, all the biggest past Presidents had their own iconic nicknames. Lincoln is the Great Emancipator. Washington the Father of His County. Reagan the Great Communicator. And George W Bush is Dubya. Someone as brand conscious as Donald J Trump would seem naked without a standout web handle to dangle from his mantle. So your LakeCountyEye released the webbots and they have delivered ten Internet memes suitable for framing Mr. Trump.
The 10 Most Huge Nicknames for
President-Elect Donald Trump
  1. The Great Bankruptor
  2. Trump Pirate Towers
  3. Trumped Up
  4. Pussy Galore
  5. White is the New Black
  6. The Father of His Ivanka
  7. Trump and Trumper
  8. Mein Trumpf
  9. The Short Fingered Vulgarian
  10. TrumpNuts™
Look for your LakeCountyEye Trumpeting the fake news near you.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

A Shaggy Dog Story

On the Internet nobody knows you're a dog. It's a dog eat dog world when you can't even ask the Village of Mundelein to pass an ordinance banning the sale of puppy-mill dogs.  And the collective we at the Chicago Tribune were none to pleased:
... we're disappointed at the Mundelein Village Board. We're not outraged. We're not angry. Even miffed seems too strident. We simply wish they had shown more heart when civic courage was just what the moment offered them. In a larger civic universe that seems populated with colder self-dealing arrogance than we had thought, what Mundelein's mandarins did was not villainous as much as venal. It was the absence of meaningful values left clanging loudly in a vacuum. They could have banned the horrific trade in puppy mills from making a profit in their town.
Rutter: Mundelein had chance to lead on puppy mills, but didn't
... but they did not.

Dawn Abernathy, one Mundelein Trustee who does not support a ban, told the Tribune ...
"If you need to change this, you can make these little humane ordinances but they'll just go to the next town," Abernathy said.
Mundelein trustees decide against puppy mill ban, opt for disclosure
Two weeks later, Abernathy was back in the news:
A Mundelein village trustee said her election petition packet was taken from her car sometime this week. Dawn Abernathy said she plans to seek reelection to the Mundelein Village Board and has been gathering petition signatures. On Thursday morning, Abernathy wrote a Facebook post that said her packet of notarized petitions was no longer in her car. "Well it really is election season and this one is going to be bad," the post reads. "Someone has taken my petitions out of my car. Really?"
Mundelein trustee believes petition packet was stolen from her car
Sources told investigators that the dog ate Abernathy's petitions.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Fell from the Heavens

"The Shermanator" Rob Sherman, Illinois's best known atheist, died last week. Sherman was a front-line fighter against the encroachment of religion into secular government. And at a time when the Constitutional principle of the separation of religion and state is under unprecedented assault, Rob Sherman's voice will be missed.

Sherman died in a plane crash:
National Transportation Safety Board investigators say it could be into next week before they know what led to the deadly Friday night crash of a single-engine plane in a Marengo cornfield.
NTSB: Reports from Marengo plane crash could take time
One source told your LakeCountyEye that they will rule out an Act of God.

Rob Sherman, 1953 - 2016

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Old School

Donald Trump may trail by 3 million votes, but won the electoral vote. This is possible because the US Constitution guarantees admission into the Electoral College to anyone who scores 50 or better on their SATs.

A low bar by any measure. So naturally your LakeCountyEye contacted Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Dean of the Electoral College School at the College of Lake County.

"Ya." chuckled Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The Electoral College looks like its been packed with dropouts from Trump University."

It does seem to be an historical anachronism.

"And it's not likely to go away any time soon." grimaced Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The Republican Party knows it can't get a white man in the White House without a shot in the arm from the Electoral College."

Is the Republic permanently saddled with its Electoral College?

"No, but it will take a Constitutional Amendment." opined Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "And that will require bi-partisan support. Are you familiar with donor states?"

Your LakeCountyEye was not.

"Every state gives tax dollars to the Federal Government and receives money back in the form of federal spending." explained Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Those that give more than they take are donor states. Illinois for instance."

What about states that take back more than they give?

"These are deadbeat states." deadpanned Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Now the best way to fix the Electoral College is to monetize it. A state will be given Electoral Votes based on a percentage of the number of net dollars that state donates to the Federal Government." Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi produced a chart:
Federal Taxes Paid vs Federal Spending Received
California 289,627 242,023 47,604 48
New Jersey 86,112 58,617 27,495 27
New York 168,710 144,876 23,834 24
Illinois 99,776 80,778 18,998 19
Connecticut 40,314 30,774 9,540 10
Minnesota 40,578 31,067 9,511 10
Massachusetts 63,003 55,830 7,173 7
Nevada 20,135 14,089 6,046 6
Colorado 35,880 31,173 4,707 5
Washington 49,682 46,338 3,344 3
Wisconsin 36,961 33,749 3,212 3
New Hampshire 10,649 8,331 2,318 2
Michigan 66,326 64,787 1,539 2
Delaware 6,622 5,495 1,127 1
Oregon 23,583 22,792 791 1
Florida 135,146 134,544 602 1
Rhode Island 7,969 8,423 -454 0
Vermont 4,085 4,645 -560 -1
Wyoming 4,209 4,782 -573 -1
Nebraska 11,261 12,785 -1,524 -2
Utah 13,134 14,823 -1,689 -2
Texas 146,932 148,683 -1,751 -2
Idaho 7,728 9,598 -1,870 -2
Iowa 17,830 20,345 -2,515 -3
Montana 5,228 7,814 -2,586 -3
South Dakota 4,840 7,481 -2,641 -3
North Dakota 3,829 6,608 -2,779 -3
Kansas 17,434 20,492 -3,058 -3
Maine 7,728 11,365 -3,637 -4
Georgia 55,952 59,846 -3,894 -4
Hawaii 8,519 12,699 -4,180 -4
Indiana 38,081 42,347 -4,266 -4
Alaska 4,830 9,230 -4,400 -4
Arkansas 13,926 20,387 -6,461 -6
North Carolina 52,547 59,162 -6,615 -7
West Virginia 8,815 16,087 -7,272 -7
Ohio 70,304 77,881 -7,577 -8
Oklahoma 19,572 27,637 -8,065 -8
Arizona 35,988 44,639 -8,651 -9
South Carolina 22,711 32,044 -9,333 -9
New Mexico 9,891 20,604 -10,713 -11
Pennsylvania 87,940 99,503 -11,563 -12
Tennessee 35,872 48,288 -12,416 -12
Kentucky 22,003 34,653 -12,650 -13
Missouri 35,171 48,273 -13,102 -13
Mississippi 12,434 26,181 -13,747 -14
Alabama 24,675 42,061 -17,386 -17
Maryland 49,178 66,720 -17,542 -18
Louisiana 20,563 39,628 -19,065 -19
District of Columbia 6,735 37,859 -31,124 -31
Virginia 60,185 95,097 -34,912 -35
Source: Federal Taxes Paid vs. Federal Spending Received by State, 1981-2005
Monetize the Electoral College?

"The Government nets roughly $19 billion dollars from the State of Illinois." explained Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "So Illinois would get 19 electoral votes. California gets 48 votes. New York gets 24. Do you see where I am going?"

What about states that take more than they give?

"Deadbeat states will be allotted negative electoral votes." replied Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The Federal Government loses nearly $2 billion to the State of Texas. So Texas would get a minus 2 electoral votes."

Negative Electoral Votes?

"Absolutely." insisted Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "If Texas votes for a Donald Trump then Donald Trump loses 2 electoral votes. The math is simple."

Your LakeCountyEye was skeptical.

"The plan is designed for bi-partisan appeal." maintained Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The GOP does not want to eliminate the Electoral College.  But they do want to privatize the Federal Government -- and this plan privatizes the Electoral College. And at the same time Democrats will notice that the biggest donor states are all blue states. You can do the math."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives not to forget to pay their taxes!"

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Santa Sleighed

Per Capita, McHenry County can claim almost twice as many concealed carry licenses, when compared to Cook County:
  • McHenry County: 10.23 per 1000
  • Cook County: 5.70 per 1000
And so it should have been no surprise to learn that Santa Claus was gunned down last week, in broad daylight on a McHenry County street.

The grim news was first reported on the McHenryCountyBlog ...
CL Kiwanis Santa Run Misses Snow Storm
Your LakeCountyEye has obtained crime scene photos ...

Warning: Graphic Images
Some may find these pictures disturbing!

Santa, minutes before shots were fired.

911 Caller: Santa Down! Santa Down!

"Oh the Humanity!"

[h/t: McHenryCountyBlog]

Monday, December 5, 2016

Foreclose Enough for Government Work

You Talking to Me? Note to those Operatives living out of their vans: There is no danger that you will be evicted by Steven "the Foreclosure King" Mnuchin. That's because Donald Trump wants the Goldman Sachs banker Mnuchin to be his Treasury Secretary.

Former Lake County Congressman Joe Walsh however, was none too pleased:
As Politico warns, Goldman Sachs is "poised for return to power" in a Trump administration. Walsh duly tweeted, "Mr Trump, this is bullshit. Can you hire someone who doesn't work for Goldman Sachs? What about that swamp? Huh?"
Tea Party’s Joe Walsh Calls ‘Bullsh*t’ on Trump Decision to Hire Goldman Sachs Execs
This is the same Joe Walsh who was foreclosed upon and evicted in 2008:
Joe Walsh, the Winnetka Republican running against Democratic incumbent Melissa Bean in the 8th House District, used to own a condominium on the 1400 block of Sherman Avenue near downtown Evanston. The two-bedroom unit went into foreclosure in 2008 and Walsh was evicted last fall, Cook County circuit court records and real-estate reports indicate.
8th Dist. challenger lost condo to foreclosure
Note to Steven Mnuchin Operatives: This is the same Joe Walsh who is no stranger to Second Amendment Remedies:
Former Rep. Joe Walsh on Friday defended calling on Americans to grab their "musket" if Hillary Clinton is elected president, insisting it was not an incitement to armed revolution.
Ex-congressman: 'If Trump loses, I'm grabbing my musket'
Forewarned is forearmed!

Saturday, December 3, 2016

A Nickel's Worth of Difference

Note to Sharpeyed Operatives: You are not seeing double.

Appearances to the contrary ...
Two recent stories posted on this blog ...
Land of the Free

The Non-Profit Motive
... were totally different. Totally.

Eagleeyed Operatives will note that these stories were about two different not-for-profit corporations getting tax breaks in Lake County ...

Illinois Secretary of State -- CORPORATION/LLC SEARCH RESULTS

Illinois Secretary of State -- CORPORATION/LLC SEARCH RESULTS
Despite the fact that both non-profits were dissolved!

Operatives are challenged to find other dissolved not-for-profit corporations that are not paying taxes on properties owned.

The first ten lucky winners get a coveted LakeCountyEye h/t.