Sunday, June 30, 2013

Silky Sullivan

Can the hobo beat the gent?Back in the day, there once was a racehorse whose ability to come from behind and win at long odds was the stuff of legend.  And were it not for this horse's ability to pay handsomely at the betting window, your LakeCountyEye would not be enjoying the leisure life of the gentleman blogger today.  The horse was Silky Sullivan:
Silky Sullivan (February 28, 1955 – November 18, 1977) was an American thoroughbred race horse best known for his come-from-behind racing style. His name is now a term used in sports and politics for someone who seems so far behind the competition that they cannot win, yet they do.
Silky Sullivan
If there was any one person in Lake County that Silky Sullivan personifies, he would not be Ed Sullivan Jr. A State Representative in a district gerrymandered to encompass a Republican super-majority, Sullivan has never been the darkhorse in an election. That however may change.

Sullivan, who favors marriage equality, has angered his Republican base -- who have promised to challenge him in the 2014 primary. Against a strong conservative challenger, Sullivan may finally find himself the underdog in an election, next March. Or will he?

Sullivan told the Daily Herald ...
he expects that his support for same-sex marriage this year means he'll face his first primary race in 2014 since he first ran in 2002. He was not shy about how he thinks that'll go. "You'd better be prepared for a battle," Sullivan said.
Sullivan expects primary, eyes leadership
A week later, the specter of a Sullivan primary challenge had the News-Sun all in a lather:
If Sullivan's support for marriage equality is the only blemish on his conservative credentials and provokes a conservative primary challenger, the party will send a signal. It punishes moderation. If a conservative were to defeat Sullivan, it will signal to every other candidate that moderation gets you the GOP political death sentence.
Can Illinois GOP give moderation a chance?
At the same time, the Daily Herald spread a rumor that Sullivan was in a position to be the next House Republican leader:
Suburban Republicans still appear to be the front-runners for the job, with state Reps. Jim Durkin of Western Springs, Tim Schmitz of Batavia, Dennis Reboletti of Elmhurst and Ed Sullivan of Mundelein all expressing various levels of interest.
New rules to pick a new ruler
Of course editorials do not win elections. What do the voters think about the rebranded Ed Sullivan Jr? Some of them have sent letters to the editor.

This letter appeared in the Daily Herald:
It is important that those of us who stand united with Rep. Sullivan show our support and let him know we appreciate his stance on this important issue. Thank you, Rep. Sullivan.
Praise for lawmaker’s support of gay marriage
This one appeared in the News-Sun:
I wish to thank Rep. Ed Sullivan for his support of the Marriage Equality Act. I know he went against many members of his party to do so, but apparently he felt it to be as important as I do.
Marriage equality
Another, more recent, letter appeared in, again, the Daily Herald:
Kudos to state Rep. Ed Sullivan for announcing his support of marriage equality in the face of protests from his party and opposition from his church.
Praise for support of marriage rights
Do media talking points like these ever appear all by chance?


Will there be touted, in the next election, a come-from-behind longshot -- a candidate who wins in spite of impossible odds? Your LakeCountyEye thinks not. Silky Sullivan will not be running in Lake County.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

The Lulz Before the Storm

Puss in BumbershootsLake County is busy squeegeeing-off its collective self after riding out a second 100-year flood in as many months. As readers of this blog are waterloggedly aware:
Sinking in the Rain
They weren't whistling Dixie when they decided to call it Lake County. According to the Daily Herald ...
One day after heavy rain from an early-morning storm caused flooding in southern Lake County, officials said those areas are slowly returning to normal.
Flooded areas returning to normal in Lake County
But before the waters receded, the backyard bass were bitin' to beat the band, and operatives are invited to the LakeCountyEye Compound for an old fashioned fish fry. (Bring your own bottle.)

Climatologists are all predicting that these Lake County freak floods will be the new normal. Not to be outdone, your LakeCountyEye consulted a number of board certified futurologists, and they all agreed about what Lake County can look forward to in the future. Ten times, by your LakeCountyEye's count:
Ten Things to Expect After Lake County's Next 100-Year Flood
  1. The Stupid Route 53 Extension will be rebranded the Awesome Route 53 Water Slide.

  2. Highland Park will ban Super Soakers.

  3. Video poker machines will pay double for drawing a flush.

  4. The Antioch Rescue Squad will d/b/a the Antioch Coast Guard.

  5. A no-wake order will be in effect for most of I-294.

  6. The free-range chicken farms will be repurposed into free-range duck farms.

  7. Every home will have an unobstructed view of Lake Michigan.

  8. All daytime sprinkler bans will be lifted.

  9. It will be even harder to tell where Barrington ends and Lake Barrington begins.

  10. Lake County will no longer share a border with any other Illinois county. So say goodbye to the Lake County Election Commission.
Look for your LakeCountyEye in a water closet near you.

Monday, June 24, 2013

The Rights of Man

Do the ladies of Lake County occupy the thoughts of anyone in Washington more than Congressman Peter Roskam? Your LakeCountyEye thinks not. As readers of this blog are pensively aware:
Shark-Bait and Switch
The ladies of Lake County have given Peter Roskam so much to think about that he voted for a House Bill to ban abortions after 20 weeks.

It is not for nothing that Roskam benefits from a reputation of being Lake County's ladiesman in Congress. And as if any additional proof was needed, Roskam sent out this new campaign mailer to those very same ladies of Lake County:

Peter Roskam -- Protecting the Rights of Women Here at Home
The mailer is fecund with photo reproductions of Roskam talking with the ladies, all presumably of Lake County. Although the pictures do not have captions, they no doubt portray Roskam advising these ladies on their rights under the law. Your LakeCountyEye has deduced some likely captions from the body language and other contextual cues:
"Your Fourth Amendment Right prohibits Federal Marshals from searching your home or your body, unless they have a warrant."
"Under your Miranda Rights you do not have to answer questions advanced by the arresting Marshals, prior to obtaining legal counsel."
"Young ladies, if any of your mommies need a late-term abortion and then must go to a Federal penitentiary, you still will have some limited rights after you are placed in the DCFS System."
Next: Peter Roskam on the in and outs of winning a Presidential pardon.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Shark-Bait and Switch

Bruce the SharkThe ladies of Lake County want one man to represent them in Washington, and that is their ladiesman Peter Roskam. And when the ladies of Lake County don't get the attention they feel they deserve, Peter Roskam knows exactly what to do.

Congressman Peter Roskam recently sent them all a candygram of sorts, in the form of a video press release. In the video, Roskam offers them some guidance on the problem of sexual assault in the military:
We've also set up a process by which victims of sexual assault in the military have access to counsel. That is, legal advisors to help them move through the process; and also to seek and receive permanent transfer out of a hostile environment into a different assignment.
Ask Peter: Protecting Our Soldiers
The message is clear: ladies throughout Lake County should be happy to know that Peter Roskam has not forgotten them at all, particularly those in the military. If you are on active duty and you are a lady, Roskam has your back. He wants to give you access to legal counsel and provide a pathway out of a hostile environment.

In related news, Peter Roskam voted this week in favor of HR-1797 -- a House bill that would ban abortion after 20 weeks. For those ladies who need to have an abortion after the 20 week deadline, it is unclear whether or not Roskam wants to provide you with access to legal counsel. And if you happen to find yourself in prison, it is unclear whether or not Roskam wants to provide you with a pathway out of your hostile environment.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you posted as further events warrant.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Guns or Butternut Squash

Mr Gallagher and Mr Ball-PeenWith the possible exception of assault weapons, there is nothing Lake County craves more than fresh, locally grown fruits and vegetables. Not uncoincidentally NBC Chicago is reporting that the State of Illinois wants to help Lake County obtain what it really really wants, and not a minute too soon:
Gov. Pat Quinn wants Illinois residents to buy fruits and vegetables that are produced in-state. The Chicago Democrat on Saturday announced a new "Where Fresh Is" campaign. The campaign is aimed at promoting the purchase of Illinois-grown food.
Quinn Wants Residents to Buy Illinois Produce
Not to brag, but your LakeCountyEye knows a thing or two about locally grown produce -- as there are some chronic illnesses can only be successfully treated with prescription medicinal marijuana. Nonetheless, the best way to identify the fruits & vegetables likely to appear on the typical Lake County dinner plate, would be to ask some typical Lake County residents.

Unfortunately, however, as readers of this blog are unfortunately aware ...
Disarm with a Smile
because of a tight deadline imposed by Springfield, a number of Lake County municipalities are concurrently seeking to ban assault weapons. And your LakeCountyEye was not able to talk to any -- technically speaking -- Lake County residents. On the other hand there were plenty of representatives from the gun manufacturer's lobby on scene and eager to talk, all of which was good enough for your LakeCountyEye!

One might assume the typical gun aficionado would be more likely to stop for a beer and a brat than for some locally grown fruits and vegetables. But your LakeCountyEye was pleasantly surprised to learn that gun-rights advocates not only regularly seek out fresh produce, they do so in significant numbers. Virtually every down-state gun lobbyist that talked to your LakeCountyEye wanted to know where to find the best local-grown farmer's market.

Your LakeCountyEye was more than happy to oblige, particularly after being told that gun owners need to practice every day, especially when out of town. And in the words of one lobbyist, "target practice on fruits and vegetables is just classier than target practice on beer bottles and highway signs".

"Gun owners have in their hands implements of deadly force", this garrulous lobbyist told your LakeCountyEye. "So it is essential we maintain our skill levels. That is why I practice every day. A difference of one or two millimeters can be the difference between life and death."

This particular gun owner travelled with an AR-15 Assault Rifle, the weapon of choice among gun industry lobbyists.

Your LakeCountyEye wanted to know which fruits & vegetables they like to shoot, during practice. "Of course, some fruit and vegetables make better targets than others", the lobbyist said. "But we all prefer watermelons."

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Disarm with a Smile

Do I feel lucky?Of the 102 counties in the State of Illinois, not one loves their guns more than Lake County. And by gun your LakeCountyEye means the semi-automatic military-style assault rifle.

So when nanny-state municipal government bureaucrats start talking about banning these guns, Lake County takes notice. According to the Chicago Tribune:
About 50 suburban firearms enthusiasts recently gathered in Buffalo Grove to strategize on how to oppose assault weapons bans currently under consideration in Highland Park, Deerfield, Buffalo Grove, Lake Forest, Waukegan and elsewhere.
Gun enthusiasts ready to fight assault weapons bans
A firefly on the wall, there, tells your LakeCountyEye that attendees were advised to make their concerns directly known their municipal representatives. And one Illinois State Rifle Association leader reminded everyone to remain civil:
"Of course, always be polite"
Gun enthusiasts ready to fight assault weapons bans
Good advice for anyone mustering an army of gun rights advocates eager to launch a full-frontal assault against a big-brother government that wants to infringe everyone's government-protected freedoms. Never assume you can win a political battle solely by virtue of the fact that you possess the assault rifle -- even if said battle is over your right to possess said rifle.

When it comes to winning over hearts and minds, there are better ways than shooting from the hip. Your LakeCountyEye can recommend, instead, some focus-group-tested talking points that are 100% guaranteed to bring around even the most pointie-headed government functionary bent on confiscating your guns:
  • Greet your pointie-headed government functionary with an ice-breaker that reassures nobody will get hurt ...
    No, that is not a gun in my pocket. I'm just glad to see you.
  • Make your sales-pitch in a calm, even, and emotionless manner ...
    Did you know guns do not kill people? People kill people.
  • If your pointie-headed government functionary is not persuaded, assure him there are no hard feelings ...
    Go ahead, make my day.
And remember, always be polite!

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Spinning in Reverse

You can stop now, we have a winner. As readers of this blog are competitively aware ...
The Ex-Cubs Factor
operatives were challenged to guess the new name the Chicago Cubs will take after the franchise moves to DuPage County, location TBD. The winning entry -- DuPage Reverse-Spin Doctors -- comes from the Illinois Second District Appellate Court, courtesy a court messenger. The lucky winner will receive a pair of Chicago Cub DuPage Reverse-Spin Doctor tickets, for opening day at the club's brand-new stadium in DuPage County. TBD.

Sharp-eyed operatives may recall that Reverse Spin is also the name of the DuPage County political consultants that Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran had hired, for purposes TBD. As reported on this blog last January ...
A Reverse Spin of Fortune
Curran's campaign committee -- Friends of Mark Curran -- posted expenditures of $5000 made out to Reverse Spin.

But that was back in the day. Since then even more money flowed out of Curran's PAC and into Reverse Spin's bank account -- another $5000 to be exact:

SBE Expenditure List
Hawk-eyed operatives will recall that Curran at one time was telling the press that he planned to run for Illinois Attorney General in 2014. Currans's last $2500 payment to Reverse Spin is dated on February 11 of this year. Perhaps not uncoincidentally Curran then told the press on February 13 that he would not run for Attorney General, and as reported in this blog ...
he would be seeking re-election as Lake County Sheriff instead.

Note to operatives: Your LakeCountyEye does political consulting as well. And if you know of anyone who wants to become Illinois Attorney General, or hold some other high office, your LakeCountyEye will be glad to take their money. And give them advice. And until it becomes obvious it's something that ain't gonna happen in a million years.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Ex-Cubs Factor

Did you know Picasso was a diehard cubist?The last time your LakeCountyEye attended a Chicago Cubs game was back in the day when horse-drawn trolleys had the right-of-way and a trip the ballpark was a good four or five hours. Of course nowadays you'd need a presidential motorcade to make it from Lake County to Wrigley Field in under five hours.

So it should be no surprise that your LakeCountyEye welcomes the news that the Cubs may be moving the franchise to the suburbs. More specifically, the Cubs could very well be playing someday soon in DuPage County, at least according to the Daily Herald:
DuPage County is working quickly to develop a plan to bring the Chicago Cubs to the Western suburbs after being approached by an unnamed intermediary of the Ricketts family, county board Chairman Dan Cronin said. Cronin said Wednesday the county will "have something to propose within 10 days."
DuPage County trying to land Chicago Cubs
Provided one pretends that Cook County does not exist, both Lake and DuPage Counties share a long, common border. Which means a commute to the Friendly Confines is promising to be no worse than a quick run up the Route 53 Extension for a new tattoo.

Chloroformed sources have told your LakeCountyEye that not only has the deal been sealed, but the Cubs are ready to pack up and move as soon as all parties can agree on a name to call the new ballclub. Rumor has it ten names are under consideration:
Ten New Team Names for the Chicago Cubs
After They Move to Suburban DuPage County
  1. Chicago Thugs
  2. DuPage Dupes
  3. Chicago Rickets
  4. Fermilab Isotopes
  5. DuPage Election Commissioners
  6. Bolingbrook Bowlers
  7. The Cronin Cronies
  8. DuPage Reverse-Spin Doctors
  9. Bensenville Sluggers
  10. Lake County Fielders
Look for your LakeCountyEye, failing to beat fun a the old ballpark.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Tow the Mark

Your LakeCountyEye is fuming. Halfway to the Route 53 Extension (for some dirt-cheap tollway oasis gas) it became apparent that there is no Route 53 Extension Tollway Oasis. Because there is no Route 53 Extension. So here your LakeCountyEye sits waiting for the tow truck. And some gasoline. And fuming.

Luckily a nearby Exxon/Mobil, with an unsecured WiFi, has allowed your LakeCountyEye to pass the time surfin the Web for campaign contributions.  As in campaign contributions given to some notable Lake County politicians.

One notable politician is Lake County Sheriff, Mark Curran -- who, coincidentally and not long ago posted contributions his campaign received from some towing companies and ambulance services.  There are at least seven, by your LakeCountyEye's count ...

Friends of Mark Curran :: Individual Contributions :: Illinois State Board of Elections
Altogether, the seven companies gave more than $9,000 to Friends of Mark Curran.  If your LakeCountyEye didn't know any better it would've looked like they were engaged in some sort of bidding war.  But if anything is certain to your LakeCountyEye, it is that Curran must be experiencing all sorts of trouble driving to and from work.  Enough trouble that he has required the assistance of seven emergency road services -- who no doubt are all grateful for his business.

Now, even your LakeCountyEye's pre-owned vehicle doesn't break down that frequently.  Just sayin!

Anyhow, a Lake County courtesy patrol just stopped and the officer wants your LakeCountyEye to roll down the window.  Hopefully this helpful Sheriff's Deputy will know the contact info to an inexpensive emergency road service.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Lost in Space

In this age of Photoshop, Internet Mashups & CGI Graphics it's refreshing to see that there is at least one political cartoonist left in Lake County who plies his trade in pen & ink. Your LakeCountyEye, of course, refers to the Northwest Herald's DIY cartoonist:

Editorial Cartoons
When it comes to political satire, the Northwest Herald's DIY cartoonist is at the top of his game, and he can teach the the noobs a thing or two -- and with, haha, one hand tied behind his back.

This week's lesson covers the do's and don'ts of how to properly set up a joke. Suppose you are assigned to caricature the legislative gridlock in Springfield. Don't make the mistake of one inexperienced (and unnamed) cartoonist:

You're Doing It Wrong

Danger ... Warning ... Will Robinson!
Don't laugh, you are enjoying another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!
This cartoonist wants to poke some fun at the fellows on the left, but who are the two caricatures supposed to be? Beats the heck out of your LakeCountyEye.

It's important to embed those must-need subtle clues in a drawing that leave no doubt who the targets of your ridicule are.  Pay attention here, the Northwest Herald's DIY cartoonist shows how it is done:

Epic Win!

Targets of Ridicule
With one or two smartly rendered hints your joke is now properly set up, and the rest is a piece of cake ...
Drop that boffo punchline, for a KO!

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Q the Eye/06.06.13

Dear LakeCountyEye,

If you're supposed to be psychic, then who sponsored that Lake County Election Board Bill?

Laws Are Like Link Sausages
Dear It Wasn't Your LakeCountyEye,

Ὥρος HōrosBeing an all-seeing psychic these days ain't what it used to be. Who would've foreseen the News-Sun -- Lake County's newspaper of record -- declaring that the time has come for a bi-partisan Election Commission?
It was time for non-partisanship in elections
Not your LakeCountyEye.

As readers of this blog are eerily aware, your LakeCountyEye did predict, way back in November, that Lake County would be getting an independent election commission:
Reverse Nips
(A tip'o the green eyeshade goes to the spin-averse bloggers at CountyLeaks, for alerting your LakeCountyEye to this spookily accurate coincidence forecast. Who knew?)

Of course 20 gets you 20 for anything, in hindsight. Your LakeCountyEye does foresee that the aforementioned Election Commission is a done deal -- and the reason why is hidden in the Lake County briar patch.

Absolutely, the Lake County Republican establishment has been protesting mightily -- but they betrayed their hand by protesting too much. The spirits have informed your LakeCountyEye that the GOP secretly welcomes a new Election Commission because they have a problem: there is an election in November, 2014 and they they don't have a platform to run on. But a new election board in Lake County quite neatly solves their problem.

A Primary election will be held in March, 2014.  Just suppose the Primary happens to be botched by an inexperienced and partisan-mandated election board.  The Lake County Republican Party then would have the platform they need to drive their voters to the polls: an incompetent election commission that was imposed upon the county by partisan interests.

By your LakeCountyEye's reckoning there are at least 50 ways to botch any election. And for certain parties, it would be in their interest to use everything at their disposal to help that along -- although in all likelihood it's going to be botched even if they sit back and do nothing.

The next time someone pounds the table to protest a Lake County Election Commission -- think of Br'er Rabbit:
Please don't throw me in the briar patch!
If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

Monday, June 3, 2013

All Politics is Loco

joltin' joeYour LakeCountyEye has been told that Lake County's Republicans are howling mad. They are frothing at the mouth -- figuratively speaking -- over an on-line voter registration bill that will also create an independent election board in Lake County. As proof of their displeasure, the County's top Republican, Aaron Lawlor, told the Chicago Tribune ...
the county was unfairly singled out — even though it is not actually named in the bill. The amendment refers to "any county with a population of more than 700,000 persons ... that borders another state and borders no more than 2 other Illinois counties."
Lake County opposes state-mandated election board
It is noteworthy that not a single Democratic operative has approached your LakeCountyEye pleading for advice on how to circumvent this election bill before it becomes law.

Of course whenever faced with a vexing political problem, your LakeCountyEye usually advises ops to hire an inexpensive (but competent) political consultant. In this case the consultant is Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Political Dirty Tricks at the College of Lake County.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi was familiar with the bill and said, "You have three viable options. The bill is restricted to counties that border other states. In this case, that is Wisconsin. If Wisconsin were to secede to from the union, then Lake County would instead share a border with a foreign country. Don't laugh, there are legislators in Madison who are favorably disposed to the idea."

Your LakeCountyEye expressed strong skepticism that this would ever happen.

"I suppose not." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi said with a frown. "That would mean that Wisconsin would also have to secede from the NFL. But, wait, the bill also specifies counties that border no more than 2 other counties.  You may recall that Palatine and Wheeling Townships were threatening, a few years ago, to secede from Cook County.  If I recall correctly, they wanted to establish something like an off-shore tax haven.  Anyhow, that would mean Lake County would abut up against 3 Illinois counties!"

Your LakeCountyEye pointed out that Todd Stroger was defeated in 2010.

"And that was the end of Freedonia County, or whatever they were going to call themselves." sighed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "Well, in that case there is really only one feasible option.  The bill also singles out counties with more than 700,000 people.  According to the 2010 Census, Lake County has 703,462 people.  Get rid of just 3,463 people and you're back in the driver's seat."

Your LakeCountyEye was goggle-eyed.  "You mean something like offering generous tax incentives to get people to move out?"

"Don't be ridiculous." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "That costs money.  I mean start deporting people.  It shouldn't be difficult for any County Sheriff to locate that many people without proper documentation -- even a nanny-state liberal Sheriff like Lake County has.  This is doable."

This interview was over. Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi if he had any advice for the ops.

He replied in a deadpan tone, "Tell all your operatives to make sure their H-1B and F-1 visas are up-to-date. I just renewed mine for another 12 months."

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Kabuki Theater

外道ベイビーLake County Clerk Willard Helander's job may become a lot easier. As readers of this blog are dubiously aware ...
A No Confidence Vote
a bill passed this week in Springfield that allows voters to register online -- and, among other things, would create an independent election board in Lake County.  And as the commodiously unread blog Common Sense in Illinois' 10th has reported, the bill passed mostly along party lines:
How Our Lake County Senators Voted on HB2418
How our Illinois House Voted on HB 2418
Whereas every Republican legislator in Lake County voted to kill the bill, an overall majority of Democratic legislators did not. (Some nice scut work compiling those stats, Louis!)

One legislator even told the Daily Herald ...
"This is political," said state Rep. Ed Sullivan, a Mundelein Republican.
Lake County election change sent to Quinn
It goes without saying that politics is show business for ugly people -- and in Lake County that emphasis is on show business. Lake County politicians will swell up and be all righteously indignant over some perceived slight, but of course it's all for the benefit of the paying audience -- or as the case may be, the voters.

So, your LakeCountyEye would not be surprised to learn that a deal of sorts had been struck between Lake County's Democrats and the County Clerk's Office -- who for years are rumored to have maintained close ties.  According to the terms of the deal, the Lake County Clerk gets a much needed respite in day-to-day duties, and in return earns the opportunity to pursue other objectives.  These objectives presumably would include meeting with Republican and other grass-roots organizations to speak on a topic that Helander calls  ...
Why Illinois is a Blue State
Your LakeCountyEye has not heard Helander's outstanding presentation but has been told on the highest authority it is a must-see for anyone wishing to understand why Illinois is a "blue" state & why Lake County should be considered "blue", and what can be done to make them "red" again.

To book Helander for your township or grass-roots meeting, your LakeCountyEye recommends contacting those commodious bloggers at Common Sense in Illinois' 10th, who ...
would highly recommend that Republican organizations seek out Ms. Helander in the near future to listen to her presentation. This would include the Republican Illinois State Central Committee, Lake County Republican Central Committee and the Township Committees.
Grass Roots Republican Wake Up Call