Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Must Have Brains

So a paid campaign canvasser went door knocking on Halloween. On that day, he did not shave. Or comb his hair. Or wash. If his clothes looked like they were slept in, that's because they were. A homeowner took one look at the frightful doorknocker and said: "That's the best Halloween costume I've seen all day." The paid canvasser said: "What, today is Halloween??"

Haha, true story.

The prize this year for best scary costume by a Lake County career politician goes to David Stolman. Stolman's costume is called the Zombie Stare:
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, an absolute spot-on zombie makeup job.

Stolman is running for Treasurer. And despite the fact that the Lake County Treasurer cannot either raise or lower taxes, Stolman promises to lower your property taxes anyways:
Note to Ops: Make sure you see them drop that Property Tax adjustment into the Halloween sack.

Trick or Treat!

Monday, October 29, 2018


Answering the call of the wild, Lake County boreal Congressman Randy Hultgren migrated South this weekend. Hultgren traversed more than 300 miles of rugged terrain to Murphysboro Tennessee Illinois where he was sighted with legitimate businessman and US President, Donald J Trump:

Trump campaigns to eager crowd in southern Illinois, calling state 'such a special place'
Hultgren represents chunks of Northern and Western Lake County. Why would he travel far downstate to campaign, less than 10 days before an election?

Randy Hultgren was there to model the new Fall arrivals from the Trump CollectionTM ...

The Trump Collection
Note to Ops: Are you tired of being empty suit? The Trump CollectionTM is tailor made for you. Clothes make the man!

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Country Trumpkins

Legitimate businessman and US President Donald J Trump was in downstate Murphysboro for a Make America Hate Again campaign rally. Where is Murphysboro IL? Dunno. Points south of the Mason-Dixon line, your LakeCountyEye has been told.

Legitimate businessman and shorttime Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner was seen in the stands, wearing a MAGA foam hat:

President Donald Trump to hold rally in Southern Illinois, Gov. Bruce Rauner will attend
Not seen at the rally was Lake County's vestigial Congressman Peter Roskam:
Since being elected, Trump has avoided the Chicago area, where Republican U.S. Reps. Peter Roskam of Wheaton and Randy Hultgren of Plano face their own tough challenges in the suburbs. The president is less popular there than in many areas downstate.
President Donald Trump to hold rally in Southern Illinois, Gov. Bruce Rauner will attend
Undeterred, Trump dispatched an advance team to the Western suburbs, lead by his Secretary of Non-White-People, Kanye West:
Rapper Kanye West visited Pepe's Mexican Restaurant in Naperville on Thursday and after dining played pool at the restaurant's bar, known as "The Can." West came in to the 1272 E. Chicago Ave. restaurant with eight bodyguards and three other people about 2:30 p.m.
Kanye West eats tacos, plays pool at Pepe's Mexican Restaurant in Naperville
Speaking on behalf of Peter Roskam, your LakeCountyEye invites Donald Trump to campaign for the Representative up in the Sixth Congressional District. Peter Roskam welcomes Trump with open arms, your LakeCountyEye has been told -- Roskam would like to be appointed Ambassador to Taiwan after the 2018 election.

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Guns and Guber

Shorttime Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner was in Lake County for Sweetest Day. And while money can't buy you love, it does buy guns. As in hired guns.

In an effort to buck up his conservative streetcred, Rauner posed with Helene Walsh and Ken Idstein:
Helene Walsh and Ken Idstein were last seen at the Lake County Republican 2nd Amendment Dinner & Gun Raffle.

Here Helene (née Joe) Walsh points to a big rod and some guy with an AR-15:
Here Ken Idstein is seen huddling in back with shockjock Joe Walsh:
Gobbling up the foreground is Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran. Records indicate that no one died in the Lake County jail on that night.

And after parachuting into Lake County for his lock'n'load photo-op, Bruce Rauner was gone faster than you can say NRA.
The End.


Just Sayin!

Saturday, October 20, 2018

Helene Speaks

Extreme Helene Walsh got her extreme closeup. WGN Channel 9 aimed the spotlight at Helene (née Joe) Walsh this week:

A closer look at extreme candidates in Illinois
Here Lake County favorite son Helene Walsh betrays her ignorance over how government works:
In Illinois House District 51, local Republicans chose Helene Miller Walsh to fill the vacant seat. She's married to conservative firebrand Joe Walsh, a former congressman. Helene Walsh, like her husband, has expressed controversial views, some of which were reportedly posted on Facebook. "I don't even know what hate speech is," Walsh said at a recent League of Women Voters candidate forum. "You're allowed to say whatever you want in this country. ... That's called free speech."
A closer look at extreme candidates in Illinois
In point of fact, you are not allowed to say whatever you want in this county.  Your Constitutional Right to Free Speech does not extend to, for instance, verbal assault. If you were to go and call someone an ignorant slut, you would not be protected by the First Amendment.

Unless of course ignorant slut was being employed for satirical purposes. Just Sayin!

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Willard Writes

never bring cupid's arrow to a gunfight
Willard ❤❤❤ Peter.

Lake County Clerk In Perpetua Willard Helander sent a valentine to Lake County vestigial Congressman Peter Roskam:
Roskam is the real deal and is working for you.

Willard Helander

Letter: Supporting Peter Roskam
Note to Ops: Sweetest Day is this Saturday. Show that special bae of yours just how you feel in a carefully crafted op-ed submitted to the local paper.

Monday, October 15, 2018

The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict in the Time of Trump

Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy
Attorney and activist Richard M. Goldwasser will speak on the subject of Advocating in the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict in the Time of Trump.He is currently the chair of J Street Chicago which works to promote a two-state solution to the conflict.
  • Sunday
    October 21 2018
    2:00 pm
  • The Stevenson Center on Democracy
    25200 N St Mary's Rd
    Mettawa (Libertyville), IL 60048
  • $15
    (Students Free)

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Haunted House District Six

There is no truth to the rumor that Peter Roskam will not attend a townhall meeting because he's spooked by his constituents.  No, there will be no townhall meetings with vestigial Lake County Congressman Peter Roskam because he will be guiding tours of Sixth House District Haunted Houses instead.

Here Roskam scares the bejeebers out of his voters, while Beetlejuice lurks over his shoulder:

Trump looms large as Rep. Peter Roskam fights for his political life against Sean Casten
Note to Ops: It's showtime!

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Signs of Intruders

Unlike the Chicago Cubs, Peter Roskam has a ready-made excuse for when he chokes. Someone is stealing his signs.

Haha, vestigial Lake County Congressman Peter Roskam issued this press release, with a dire warning:
This past week, at a Roskam supporter's home in Wheaton, a young man in a hoody was spotted in her front yard with both hands on the Roskam for Congress yard sign.
Congressional updates: Underwood raises $2+ million; Casten up by 5; Londrigan down by 1
Homeowners who are trained to respond to the sound of a dog whistle are reported to have witnessed this:
This past week, at a Roskam supporter's home in Wheaton, a young black man from the hood was spotted in her front yard with bare hands on Roskam.
Your LakeCountyEye medevaced the Roskam press release to Fermilab (conveniently located in the Sixth Congressional District) for analysis:
Note to Ops in the 6th Congressional District: Lock your doors.

Sunday, October 7, 2018

Extreme Helene

a helene website
Lake County favorite son Helene Walsh finally has a website. And by your LakeCountyEye's reckoning, a hella good one:
Extreme Helene Walsh
Card carrying NRA member Helene (née Joe) Walsh can usually be counted on to shoot from the hip. And his her new website does not disappoint:
Helene Walsh shared a post.

But let's spend our time and resources teaching our kids about anal and oral sex and how to pray to Allah and wear a hijab.

Note to Ops: Get over to Extreme Helene Walsh and like it on your Twitter and Facebook and Snapchat and Pinterest and Yelp today!

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

What's Black & White and White All Over?

How are the white people of Lake County doing? For the answer, look no farther than Lake County's #1 fakenews source, the Lake County Gazette:

Lake County Gazette

Lake County Gazette / Page 2
The Lake County Gazette is the only Lake County media outlet that obtains its news content solely from Russian Twitter Bots.

Note to Ops: Your LakeCountyEye has ascertained that that Russian Twitter Bot joke is not a joke.