Saturday, July 31, 2010

Special Election Special Edition

The US Senate special election is only 94 days away which, due to a rare quirk of the lunar calendar, is the same number of days before the general election. All your special election need-to-know facts & figures were covered here in ...
Election Night Special
The political parties are scheduled to nominate their special election Senatorial candidates, the identities of whom were reported here and no longer are a closely held secret. Spoiler alert for those who care not to know who they will see on their ballot prior to showing up at the polls: Alexi Giannoulias has the Democratic nomination in the bank; while the Republicans will give their carte blanche blessing to Jim Oberweis. Remember you heard it here first on your LakeCountyEye. The joker in the deck remains the identity of the Green Party nominee.

To be eligible for the ballot, independent candidates are required to gather signatures from a percentage of registered voters. That percentage currently stands at 650%, which is calculated by Illinois legislators to keep many independent candidates off the ballot. On the other hand, the Green Party is a recognized political party in the State of Illinois. The looser petition requirements governing political parties mean the magic signature number for a Green Party candidate averages at about 5. No, not 5% of registered voters -- a typical Green Party candidate needs to gather 5 petition signatures to get on the ballot. Maybe 6 or 7 for a state-wide office.

So it should be no surprise that the Green Party is the 900 lb black hole of Illinois electoral politics. It attracts to its ranks the type of office seeker who normally would be passing out handwritten fliers on election day, rather than actually running for election. For instance, white supremacists and black panthers and nutjobs of various color and stripe -- in other words your typical LakeCountyEye operative.

Is there any wonder predicting the name of the Green Party special election candidate is a fool's errand? This is precisely why they needed to invent WikiLeaks. Direct from the whistleblowers at Green Party Headquarters -- aka your nearest Starbucks -- your LakeCountyEye has their 10 likeliest Senate hopefuls:

Ten Most Likely Green Party Special Election Senatorial Nominees
NomineeReason for Candidacy
1Rod BlagojevichNeeds a Job in Nov
2Scott Lee CohenNeeds a Job in Nov
3Lisa StoneNeeds a Job in Nov
4Joe WalshNeeds a Job in Nov
5Bill ScheurerNeeds a Job in Nov
6Rahm EmanuelNeeds a Job in Nov
7Alan KeyesNeeds a Job in Nov
8Princess NudelmanNeeds a Job in Nov
9Roland BurrisNeeds a Job in Nov
10Mark KirkNeeds a Job in Nov

Your LakeCountyEye plans to vote for a Venti Caramel Macchiato.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Election Night Special

You know the dog days of summer have arrived when your dog's head is in the toilet. And already Lake County is in the throes of election fever. Not just any election fever -- special election fever. For those operatives who've been abroad in Wisconsin and haven't heard the news, Illinois will hold two elections in November: a mainstream election and a special election. A special election was added to the ballot to give voters the opportunity to pick someone to replace Roland Burris.

For those sharpeyed operatives who believed they already would have an opportunity to replace Burris in November, they will also get a bonus opportunity. A Federal Judge ordered to the ballot a pre-replacement candidate who will precede the replacement candidate. As far as your LakeCountyEye can see, this ballot option is supposed to serve the same purpose that the practice question serves on SAT exams.

Operatives who genuinely want to understand are advised to consult TeamAmerica10th or someone else that purports to know what this special election mess is supposed to be about ...
Bad News for Giannoulias: Roland Burris Apparently Not Giving Up Special Election Hopes
Since it is technically a vote for a Federal office, the high-stakes behind-the-scenes maneuvering began before you even heard about this special election. The respective special candidates are to be caucused in by their state Party committees. TeamAmerica10th thinks that Roland Burris is positioned to make things difficult for the Democrats and claim the nomination for himself. A daydream which corroborates what your LakeCountyEye already knows, that Lake County already is in the throes of special election fever.

Knowing the track record of Michael Madigan, the caucus votes are already in the bank for whoever the Democrats decide to nominate. The bigger questionmark is really on the Republican side of the Caucasus. The Republican Chair is Pat Brady, whose only claim to fame is another Republican stole his name to run for governor. (The previous generic gubernatorial name -- Ryan -- has been permanently retired.)

The State Republican caucus is split down the middle between the Tea Partiers and party operatives. Who the Tea Partiers decide to back is unknown, and given their tepid support for the liberally social Mark Kirk, this particular nomination by no means looks to be the slamdunk for him. If history is any indication, look for the unthinkable to emerge from a Republican smokefilled room.

More later. Speaking of smokefilled rooms, your LakeCountyEye agreed to have Alan Keyes stay the weekend -- until he can re-establish legal residence in the state.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Koi Story

The USA Today has reported in ...
Global warming raises water shortage risks in one-third of U.S. counties
that global warming will raise the water shortage risk for 1 out of 3 of US counties. Combine that with the 30,000 additional homes built here the past 10 years and Lake County is on a one way track to being stranded high & dry.

Luckily, as reported in this blog ...
Water Pipe Dreams
that one way track stops at the water pipe to be built, like a BP well, directly into Lake Michigan. Hundreds of bankrupt home builders may have abandoned Lake County faster than an EPA-Superfund mining town, leaving in their wake deforested subdivisions of dessicated lawns and dust-filled pools -- but fret not, operatives. Once that spigot to Lake Michigan is turned on, every financially under-water home may at least be a literally under-water home.

To celebrate this waterfall windfall, Lake County has just dedicated the world's largest publicly owned koi pond. As reported by the Lake County Journal ...
Teen catches koi fish in Grays Lake
... you're invited to Grays Lake, get your photo in the Guinness Book of Records, and do whatever it is people do with their koi ponds. Still guaranteed 100% Asian carp free.

All of which brings to mind a fish-tale sized squall related to your LakeCountyEye a few years ago. Back in the day, a local police chief (who will not be named) was summoned at 3am to the backyard of a distressed homeowner. "All the koi were stolen!" said the owner, pointing to his empty koi pond. "Can't someone leave their home for vacation and not expect all their stuff to be ripped off! What do I pay taxes for?!"

The chief wrote down all the details and the next day called the homeowner. "We have your perp -- you'll have to pick him out of a lineup."

An hour later the chief led the homeowner to the lineup room. Inside, standing under the spotlight, were about a half dozen great blue herons. After a few minutes of silence the chief said, "Now don't you think you owe me an apology?" The homeowner replied, "Apology? Why do I owe you an apology? I have no egrets!"

True story.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Where's Waldo?

The climatological experts at the McHenryCountyBlog rarely miss an opportunity to pass along a helpful reminder that global warming is a hoax perpetrated by the benighted liberal media.

No doubt as a reaction to the record cold temperatures this summer, those same experts have been combing their no-doubt skyrocketing Nicor gas bill for refundable errors. Perhaps this explains why the McHenryCountyBlog posted a scan of one of those special-offer inserts that fall out of the Nicor bill ...
which has been reproduced here, to the right.

The insert is an offer for low-cost monthly utility insurance of some sort -- although this one in particular looks like something that could have fallen out of a ComEd bill instead. Luckily, the McHenryCountBlog posts some helpful commentary, alerting their readers to the salient marketing elements ...
Under the really worried woman’s and disturbed husband’s photo is the subject of the ad:

Your LakeCountyEye would add that if the woman's husband has anything to be disturbed about it, it may be about the sort of look she is passing that gas meter reader guy. Not to mention that 8 inch steely-dan he's holding.

The McHenryCountBlog has never let a subliminal message get by unlimned, and concurs, observing ...
But what sticks out in the piece is the "Protect yourself from (the) SHOCK."
For faithful readers of the McHenryCountyBlog, it goes without saying that every government protected monopoly is always trying to stick it to somebody every chance they get.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

RIGHTeous Indignation

The 2010 Alpine Fest Parade is now history and what a glorious day for a parade. The streets were lined with people and Mother Nature cooperated with sunny skies and low humidity.

This year, the folks at the Lake Zurich Lion's Club enacted a change-up with parade rules as they relate to political entries. Their rationale, or so they say, was to limit the size of the parade in order not to have to keep major thorough fares closed for longer than necessary. Political Entries were by invitation only! ELECTED Officials that represented Lake Zurich were allowed to have: themselves, a car, and one passenger to deliver candy. No campaign literatures, No campaign promotional material whatsoever, that is unless they made a $500.00 donation to the Lake Zurich Lion's Club. Candidates for offices that represented Lake Zurich were not invited according to the Lion's Club webpage and Parade Rules found at In addition to these new rules, only one entrant per political party was allowed. The Eight District Dems and Independent followed the rules with a car, driver, passenger and candy as did the Lake County Republican Sheriff, Clerk, Superintendent of Schools and Treasurer with a truck/trailer.

Now who didn't follow the rules???? Well you could say the Ela Township Republicans by virtue of having elected Precinct Committeemen could have been in the parade, but it is what that group did that caught the eye of many parade goers, Lion's Officials and other entrants who followed the rules. The Ela Township Republicans bucked the rules, and moved out of the political entrants staging area (F) and took a spot all the way upfront in (B). OK so home turf, we could let that slide, but wait there is more.....numerous Joe Walsh walkers (remember no walkers this year) showed up and Joe himself snuck in the back way to avoid the check-in process. Why...because as a candidate, he wasn't invited. Did Joe donate $500.00 to the Lion's Club.....only his D2s will tell, but given his history for paying up. Eye doubts it! But wait there is more...Diane Winter, Candidate for the 5th Sub-Circuit Court and currently an appointed judge (not for Lake Zurich) and now seeking election as a Republican Judge completely blew off the rules. She showed up with campaign signs, handed out campaign balloons and certainly, had no car, but a cute wagon and more than permitted amount of walkers which you remember is none! Her D2s will also be checked for a $500 dollar donation to the Lake Zurich Lion's Club.

The Parade Coordinator was questioned about all of these rule breakers and their response was "They know the rules, I can't make them abide by them"

So it appears that the "Rules Don't Apply to Me" mentality have taken a front row in the vision for these two Republican Candidates, one of whom is deeply entrenched in the Tea Party.

Another observation, the Walsh Walkers are just plain rude. We understand we have differences, but these supporters want to jam their views down your throat. Save it for the Walsh rallies not public parades that are meant for family.

Now should this Eye Blogger hear back from any of these campaigns, saying they were 'invited" by the Lake Zurich Lion's Club, then a public apology will be issued and we will look at a violation of one of the "core purposes" of the Lion's Club of not engaging in partisan politics. The Eye knows many candidates up for election in November who were not invited to this parade.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery; then there are celebrity impersonators. Operatives may have been flattergasted to learn from the News-Sun that your LakeCountyEye will be patrolling the Lake County Fair.
'Barney' to patrol fairgrounds
While it is true there will be a celebrity Barney at next week's County Fair, the celebrity will not be this blog's very own Barney Baxter. In an exclusive to this publication, your LakeCountyEye can report with a high degree of certainty that Mr Baxter had been contacted by Lake County Fair organizers with an offer to cover the Fair live. It was to have been promoted as the LakeCountyEye keeps an eye on the Lake County Fair. And a deal might have been struck. However negotiations faltered when it became clear that when Mr Baxter agreed to cover the Fair, Mr Baxter meant he would live-blog the Fair from his basement. That stipulation in particular proved to be the deal-breaker.

Given the abundance of corndogs & fried cheesecakes & cotton candy slushies, plus bad music and a dress code that tops out at tank tops & shorts, a County fair is essentially an open air blogger's basement. And Mr Baxter may have been better advised to rethink his truculence.

But your LakeCountyEye digresses. Long story short, Fair organizers hired a Barney celebrity impersonator, no doubt at a steep discount to themselves. Although in all honesty, your LakeCountyEye believes Fair organizers got the rump end of that deal.
Celebrity Impersonator
or Maalox Moment?
Ersatz Barney BaxterBarney Baxter
Personally your LakeCountyEye thinks he looks more like Jim Carrey.

The Lake County Fair is Jul 27 thru Aug 1 -- 8am thru 11pm -- at the corner of Peterson & Midlothian in Grayslake. Operatives are encouraged to attend and say hello to Barney's doppelganger. This may not be the genuine article -- but half a loafer is better than none.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Water Pipe Dreams

It's been noted already that it's been hot, very hot, and your LakeCountyEye can report it was hot enough today to deep-fry a Twinkie on the sidewalk. The local climatological experts have retreated to their Arctic circle base-camp, where they are preparing a statement that the record heat proves that global warming is a hoax perpetrated by the liberal media.

Doctors typically recommend plenty of water for hot days like these, and water is what Lake County desires these days -- more specifically, Lake Michigan water. Western Lake County has gotten so thirsty that 10 communities want to see Lake Michigan water pouring out of their taps:
  • Antioch
  • Fox Lake
  • Lake Villa
  • Lindenhurst
  • Long Grove
  • Wauconda
  • Lake Zurich
  • Volo
  • Fox Lake Hills
  • Grandwood Park
No pipe that size will be cheap, it's already estimated at a quarter of a billion dollars. Each community must lay down $50,000 in up-front money, and Antioch is already balking. The Daily Herald talked to one Antioch trustee ...
"If no other communities are in on this, why should we be the first community to feed the trough?" Trustee Scott Pierce said.
Antioch doesn't want to jump the gun on water vote
A small price to pay for a front-row seat at the water trough, but your LakeCountyEye digresses.

This of course is not to downplay the seriousness of the issue. A Lindenhurst trustee explained to the News-Sun ...
"We have to find a sustainable source of water for the future," said Trustee Timothy Wayne.
$50,000 allocated for pipeline planning
And serious it is. If western Lake County does not get its share of that sweet, light Lake Michigan water, and get some soon, then what will become of County essential services? Services like the Annual Fox Lake Fireman's Festival Water Fight?

Voice of Fox Lake water fights still going strong
Will Lake County residents be privileged to witness the combined effects of high pressure hoses and beer kegs, ever again? To underscore the gravity of the situation your LakeCountyEye has compiled another 10 pressing needs for that direct pipe to Lake Michigan.

Lake County's 10 Most Urgent Requirements for Lake Michigan Water
  1. Strong, unexpected demand for Asian carp koi ponds.

  2. Construction ready to begin on the Route 53 extension canal.

  3. New water hazards planned for Fort Sheridan golf course.

  4. Section 8 housing for Princess Nudelman.

  5. 2 words: Lake FUNdelein

  6. Port Barrington should have a port.

  7. There is never enough water for VFW Hall beer.

  8. County hydroponic medicinal marijuana farms.

  9. Waukegan City Council has voted to flood Genesee St for Scuba the Loop.

  10. Now every home in Lake County can be under water.

With all this talk about water, your LakeCountyEye needs a drink!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Natural Election

With the temperature stuck in the 90s, Lake County prefers to practice its electoral politics au naturel. Your LakeCountyEye already spotted the trend here in ...
Talking Down
taking note of how easy it is to bamboozle the inattentive masses with ten-dollar words & phrases like the Natural Moral Law. This particular bit of political flimflammery is as elegant as it is simple. Operatives are encouraged to get up on your soapboxes and tell the crowd that you speak on behalf of something natural -- whether it is natural rights, or natural moral law, or natural logarithms, it doesn't matter. Just convey the idea that you speak for some universal principle or the dictates of history or the Divine Will -- all of which pretty much amount to the same thing.

Those LakeCountyEye Operatives who have gotten this natural religion better than anyone else are the Tea Party Operatives. At the most recent Tea Party rally in Libertyville, a phalanx of candidates -- including our Lake County Sheriff -- were observed thumping their tea chests while purporting to be emissaries of the Divine Word.

Tea Party Rally, Libertyville, July 5 2010
A wink of the LakeCountyEye goes out to these natural born citizens.
They're gonna put me in the movies.
They're gonna make a big star out of me.
We'll make a film about a man that's sad and lonely,
And all I have to do is act naturally.

Act Naturally, Russell/Morrison

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Talking Down

Having just returned from the old alma mater -- the U of Eye Fightin' Eye-rish -- your LakeCountyEye was on-hand down-state to deliver the commencement address. The best applause line of the evening:
You have convened this fine mid-july day to go forth into the world -- and your LakeCountyEye is struck by some incontrovertible facts. The corn is knee high. You're watching the all-star game on the iPhones. And the competent students all graduated back in May. But even though you've been held back for summer school; and even though you face the worst job market since the Great Depression; fear not. Because your LakeCountyEye is living proof that a bright future awaits even you as an Internet blogger.
That line always brings down the house. Afterward, and in the beer tent, a good time was had by all. Your LakeCountyEye can report that the campus was abuzz over a Religion Department instructor who was fired for lecturing that homosexuality is morally wrong. The NewsSun noticed the story, where the instructor, Kenneth Howell said ...
same-sex relations would be acceptable under the concept of utilitarianism, but not under natural moral law. Natural moral law "says that Morality must be a response to REALITY," his e-mail said. "In other words, sexual acts are appropriate only for people who are complementary, not the same." Howell's e-mail also touched on other moral issues, including artificial contraceptives, which he also said would be precluded by natural moral law.
Academic freedom
Now your LakeCountyEye will not go into whether being gay, or birth control, or abortion is morally right or wrong. Nor whether or not Howell's academic freedom was violated. Although your LakeCountyEye notes that Howell didn't waste any time sharing his misfortune with the press. Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel; freedom of speech is the second-to-last refuge. But your LakeCountyEye will be the first to recognize a fellow grifter when your LakeCountyEye sees one.

One could do worse than take their direction from Prof Howell. All you need to do is get up on your soapbox and tell everyone that you speak for God. Of course Howell is clever enough to couch it in different terms: he says he speaks for the Natural Moral Law. But everyone knows that is code for saying he takes his dictation from The Almighty. C'mon, the guy is a Catholic theologian.

Operatives who have a candidate to get elected, or an issue to support, or just some pet hobbyhorse to flog -- tell everyone that you speak for natural moral law, or original intent, or self-evident truth, or the goal of history, or manifest destiny, or some other vague highfalutin' concept. Everyone will know what you really mean.

Anyhow your LakeCountyEye knows a good scam and is not one to let an opportunity go to waste. From God's mouth, as they say, to your LakeCountyEye's -- erm -- ear. You heard it here first!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Q the Eye/07.06.10

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I have this reoccurring dream all of the time. I'm at my town square, in a crowd of people. And I all of a sudden I realize I'm not wearing anything except my underwear! Am I nuts?

Caught With My Pants Down

Dear Boxers-or-Briefs,

Most LakeCountyEye Operatives experience just this dream on a regular basis. According to Freud ...

The nucleus of an exhibition-dream is furnished by one's own person, which is seen not as that of a child, but as it exists in the present, and by the idea of scanty clothing which emerges indistinctly, owing to the superimposition of so many later situations of being partially clothed, or out of consideration for the censorship; to these elements are added the persons in whose presence one is ashamed. I know of no example in which the actual spectators of these infantile exhibitions reappear in a dream; for a dream is hardly ever a simple recollection. Strangely enough, those persons who are the objects of our sexual interest in childhood are omitted from all reproductions, in dreams, in hysteria or in obsessional neurosis; paranoia alone restores the spectators, and is fanatically convinced of their presence, although they remain unseen. The substitute for these persons offered by the dream, the number of strangers who take no notice of the spectacle offered them, is precisely the counter-wish to that single intimately-known person for whom the exposure was intended. "A number of strangers," moreover, often occur in dreams in all sorts of other connections; as a counter-wish they always signify a secret. * It will be seen that even that restitution of the old state of affairs that occurs in paranoia complies with this counter-tendency. One is no longer alone; one is quite positively being watched; but the spectators are a number of strange, curiously indeterminate people.
The Interpretation of Dreams
... and blah blah blah blah blah.

Your LakeCountyEye's advice: don't worry about it. The time to start worrying is when you forgot to wear your pants, but this time it isn't a dream.

The time to really worry is when it's not you -- it's the Sheriff.

Libertyville hosts Tea Party event

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

Monday, July 5, 2010

Creepy Tribune Cartoonist:
Draw Your Weapons

Your LakeCountyEye was disarmed by the latest drawing from the Tribune's Creepy Cartoonist ...

Chicago Tribune, 07/02/2010
A drawn-to-scale Chicago Mayor Richard M Daley is depicted taking a principled one-man-stand against a much better armed gun enthusiast ...
It may not be obvious to some Operatives, but the label Gun Violence in the cartoon is code for the Gun Lobby. For doubters, your LakeCountyEye has the exclusive documentary evidence ...
Peter & Repeater?
Gun LobbyistWayne LaPierre
Creepy Cartoonist
Big Gun,
Natl Rifle Assn
Wishing everyone enjoyed a safe and pleasant holiday weekend. Your LakeCountyEye spent the 4th shooting ...
a) Shooting off fireworks.
b) Shooting off your LakeCountyEye's mouth.
c) Shooting blanks.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Who Are You?

Your LakeCountyEye has been AWOL, having decided to accept a deep-background, eyes-only mission for an undisclosed governmental body.
Can you ID your LakeCountyEye in this picture?

Eye on Chicago
Now with the mission wrapped & ready for historians to ponder, quantities of kudos must go to Mr Redtail for holding down the fort here. Your LakeCountyEye will confess that Mr Redtail has an enviable knack for stirring up the blog-pot, given the reaction to this recent post ...
Loan Shark Hosts Dold Funder
Your LakeCountyEye hasn't actually bothered reading the post -- it has something to do with 10th Congressional District candidate & vendor of extermination services, Robert Dold. However the post has logged 33 comments, to date! For anyone reading the comments, and who is anyone like your LakeCountyEye, their initial reaction was: who are these people?

Well your LakeCountyEye has done more than react, going beyond reaction to extraction -- namely, looking up IP addresses. Herewith is the answer to this question on the mind of every Operative:

Loan Shark Hosts Dold Funder:
10 Most Frequent Commenters

  1. Sock Puppets
  2. Trolls
  3. Spammers
  4. Political Haxxors
  5. Phishers
  6. The Orkin Man
  7. Flamers
  8. Lusers
  9. LOLcats
  10. Consumer Legal Services, Corp.
    Attorneys at Law

Your LakeCountyEye has no comment.