There's No Fool Like a Fossil Fool

Peter Roskam emerged this week from his climate-controlled underground bunker to take credit for having defeated global warming:

U.S. Rep. Peter Roskam, a Wheaton Republican in a tight race with Democratic challenger Sean Casten, took credit for the EPA's commitment to conduct more testing for ethylene oxide in part of the area he represents in Congress. Casten has criticized Roskam for having a 7 percent rating from the League of Conservation Voters on public health and environment legislation, and for supporting Republican-authored bills that would strip the EPA of authority to address health risks from ethylene oxide and other toxic chemicals.
After weeks of public outrage about Sterigenics, Trump EPA to test air in surrounding neighborhoods

Roskam, Lake County's vestigial Congressman, subsequently saw the shadow of a townhall, and quickly retreated back to his underground cleanroom facility. Where fossil fuel industry lobbyists are asked to send their checks:

Fossil Fool Peter Roskam

The Groundhog was unavailable for comment.

It's Not Rocket Science

An actual unretouched screencap from the science deniers at the McHenryCountyBlog:

Message of the Day – Global Warming

Government statistics indicate that everyone raised in McHenry County is homeschooled. Those souls are taught to believe that the Earth was created in 6 days, that Evolution is bunk, and that babies are delivered by the Stork. Is it any wonder that an insular population deficient in basic STEM education would find it difficult to grasp principal scientific concepts like climate change?

Well, sure.

Appearances to the contrary, science is not hard to understand. Science can be and is taught at every level, K thru 12. In fact Busy Brains will be hosting the acclaimed Science Road Show on Jan 28, in Lake Villa:

Busy Brains: Beat the Winter Blues

Note to McHenry County Ops: Don't miss this opportunity to see what the 21st Century is like!

The Global Optimum

Mark Kirk -- the only US Senator living in Lake County -- shot off his mouth last week. Kirk told a reporter at the E&E Daily that global warming isn't caused by greenhouse gas emissions. To prove it, he cited Greenland as evidence, stating that Greenland was green back in the day of Leif Erikson, which coincided with a period of exceptional planetary warmth known as the global optimum.

Kirk now is backpedaling from these comments. The Chicago Tribune reports that ...

After criticism from environmental groups, Sen. Mark Kirk said Thursday that climate change is real and human activity contributes to it.
Sen. Kirk clarifies view on climate change

Kirk did not backtrack on his claim that Greenland was green in the time of Lief Erikson, some 1,000 years ago -- during a period known as the global optimum, a time of climate warming. For the record, Greenland has been covered by an ice sheet for 110,000 years. Additionally, global optimum is not a term of climate science, and it is unknown what Kirk meant by it.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised as further developments warrant. Until then, Operatives are challenged to match-up the individuals pictured below with a recent quotation of theirs:

Quotable Notables: Who Said It?
Grandpa Simpson	"Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war."
Mark Kirk	"We had the previous warming period, which was called the global optimum, and the best way to talk about that is when Leif Erickson went west from his home, he discovered a landmass that he called Greenland, because it was," Kirk said after Senate Republicans' first weekly caucus lunch. "And that was called the global optimum, because the planet was much warmer. By calling Greenland 'green land,' we know that the climate has been changing pretty regularly within recorded memory."

Ultima Phule

Lake County US Senator and favorite son Mark Kirk may have changed the course of history this week. Kirk explained the facts behind global warming to the E&E News:

"We had the previous warming period, which was called the global optimum, and the best way to talk about that is when Leif Erickson went west from his home, he discovered a landmass that he called Greenland, because it was," Kirk said after Senate Republicans' first weekly caucus lunch. "And that was called the global optimum, because the planet was much warmer. By calling Greenland 'green land,' we know that the climate has been changing pretty regularly within recorded memory."
Kirk disavows climate change ahead of expected Senate vote

Your LakeCountyEye did some fact checking and learned that the Greenland ice sheet is actually 110,000 years old:

Greenland ice sheet

In comparison, if Leif Erickson (c. 970 – c. 1020) was alive today, he would be a sprightly 1045 years old:

Leif Erickson

As far as the global optimum goes, it's some mathematical thingy dealio:

In mathematics, a global optimum is a selection from a given domain which provides either the highest value (the global maximum) or lowest value (the global minimum), depending on the objective, when a specific function is applied.
Global optimum

How long has Mark Kirk been in Washington? He may be drinking the Kool-Aid. Or something.

The Lulz Before the Storm

Lake County is busy squeegeeing-off its collective self after riding out a second 100-year flood in as many months. As readers of this blog are waterloggedly aware:

Sinking in the Rain

They weren't whistling Dixie when they decided to call it Lake County. According to the Daily Herald ...

One day after heavy rain from an early-morning storm caused flooding in southern Lake County, officials said those areas are slowly returning to normal.
Flooded areas returning to normal in Lake County

But before the waters receded, the backyard bass were bitin' to beat the band, and operatives are invited to the LakeCountyEye Compound for an old fashioned fish fry. (Bring your own bottle.)

Climatologists are all predicting that these Lake County freak floods will be the new normal. Not to be outdone, your LakeCountyEye consulted a number of board certified futurologists, and they all agreed about what Lake County can look forward to in the future. Ten times, by your LakeCountyEye's count:

Ten Things to Expect After Lake County's Next 100-Year Flood

The Stupid Route 53 Extension will be rebranded the Awesome Route 53 Water Slide. Highland Park will ban Super Soakers. Video poker machines will pay double for drawing a flush. The Antioch Rescue Squad will d/b/a the Antioch Coast Guard. A no-wake order will be in effect for most of I-294. The free-range chicken farms will be repurposed into free-range duck farms. Every home will have an unobstructed view of Lake Michigan. All daytime sprinkler bans will be lifted. It will be even harder to tell where Barrington ends and Lake Barrington begins. Lake County will no longer share a border with any other Illinois county. So say goodbye to the Lake County Election Commission.

Look for your LakeCountyEye in a water closet near you.

Please Do Not Pray for Rain

Haha, it is safe to come out of your storm shelters. As readers of this blog are erroneously aware ...

Gone With The Wind

this blog erroneously reported that the Lake County Emergency Management Agency website had been blown into Lake Michigan by a random monster tornado. Nothing can be further from the truth. While the website in question ...

Alert Lake County : Thunderstorm/Tornado

may still not be responding to anyone, your LakeCountyEye has been assured the cause is not weather related -- it was apparently taken down by Syrian Hackers.  That critical County emergency response website is expected to be up and running again within a month or two. In the meantime, your LakeCountyEye was told, operatives should pray that nothing bad happens.

An unrepentant skeptic, your LakeCountyEye decided to consult an expert for a second opinion. In this case the expert is Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Intercessory Meteorology at the College of Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye wanted to know if it was true that the weather can be affected by prayer or good behavior. Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi chuckled,"Absolutely there is a connection between bad moral choices and weather events. It may be an idea that the blowhard bloggers are quick to mock, but people everywhere believe in it, and have done so for millennia.  The Bible is teeming with stories where God reciprocates bad behavior with bad weather. Sodom and Gomorrah, Noah's Flood, the Exodus from Egypt, to name a few. What we observe today are just these old stories retooled for the modern age."

Your LakeCountyEye was a tad confused: "If the recent surge in extreme weather is Divine retribution, who is doing the retributing?"

Casting a stage sigh like he was being forced to deal with some untutored boob, Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi said "Have you heard of Climate Change?  Although you may be calling it Global Warming."

Somewhat taken aback, your LakeCountyEye was all like: "Um, OK, the climate is changing because Global Warming is displeased with mankind. So, what are people doing to make Global Warming angry?"

Looking at your LakeCountyEye now as if he were looking at some poor soul off their rocker, Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi said "What they are doing is denying Global Warming.  That is the one thing that can push even the most genial deity over the edge -- deny that they exist."

Like a lightning bolt in the night, suddenly everything was clear.  Your LakeCountyEye asked if  Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi had some parting wisdom for the operatives.

"If you have any trips planned to McHenry County, cancel them."

Gone With The Wind

There are few things Lake County looks forward to more than a 3-day weekend. And with this 3-day weekend past nigh, Lake County has three uninterrupted days to lose sleep over where & when the the next random monster tornado strikes.  Haha, at least that's what your LakeCountyEye has made plans for, this weekend.  So you don't have to.

You may not know it but Lake County has its own local version of FEMA: the Lake County Emergency Management Agency (EMA):

Lake County's Emergency Management Agency (EMA)

If you wonder why the agency's acronym is not LCEMA instead, you are not alone.  Your LakeCountyEye suspects a protracted and costly trademark battle may have transpired at some time in the past:

Lawrence County Emergency Management Agency

At any rate, LCEMA has a website with the up-to-the-minute emergency info and weather conditions that everyone needs -- Alert Lake County -- and, if you're anything like your LakeCountyEye, that's the website you check at least 5 -- 10 -- 15 -- 100 times every day:

Alert Lake County
Your Emergency Preparededness Resource

No emergency preparededness resource should come without instructions on how to respond to an emergency, and Alert Lake County does not disappoint. The website has a smörgåsbord of emergencies to choose from:

It is advisable to resist the immediate temptation to click on Bioterrorism or Dirty Bomb. While these nodoubt are emergencies of some vital importance, it is more often than not a good idea to prioritize your armageddons -- and first review, instead, your best emergency response to a tornado.

So your LakeCountyEye asks operatives to go immediately to LCEMA's Alert Lake County website, before it's too late, and click the Thunderstorm/Tornado hyperlink ...

... which will redirect you to this webpage:

Alert Lake County : Thunderstorm/Tornado

Whoops.

Hopefully random monster tornadoes travel west to east. And that this one is over Lake Michigan by now.

Some Political Heater

In Lake County the dog days of summer arrive, nowadays, like a cat on a hot tin roof. It's been so hot that your LakeCountyEye has taken to stashing the Red Bull in the freezer. Look behind the Cheetos.

Days when the thermometer outscores your operative's median IQ -- are those days that will make or break a campaign. Your LakeCountyEye is convinced that climate change denial is a vast conspiracy by political incumbents:

• Boobs in the media repeatedly insist that global warming is junk science.
• As a result nothing is done to stop global warming.
• Your campaign volunteers won't knock on doors because it's too hot.
• The entrenched incumbent you are challenging sails to an easy re-election.
• Genius!

So don't let this happen to you. If your campaign is on the one-way street to a political meltdown then your LakeCountyEye has 10 cool-headed tips for surviving the Summer of 2012:

Ten Ways to Beat the Heat Now that Global Warming has Kicked-In, Some Bloody Awful

Promise your call-bankers that they will be making cold calls. Canvass in Lake Chilla Township. Treat your volunteers to a double-header from the air-conditioned comfort of a Fielder's Stadium skybox. Convert to metric -- 100° is a cool 38° Celsius. Drive across the Wisconsin border. Before frostbite sets in, drive back. Repeat as needed. Contact the Lake County State's Attorney. They will be happy to put you on ice. Schlep yourself and a lawnchair over to a Libertyville windfarm. Order a pizza and give the driver directions through a Lake County roundabout. By the time the driver arrives the pizza will be cold ... and free! Volunteer to judge the ice sculpture contestants at the Lake County Fair. This year: July 25 thru July 29 See to it that the Route 53 Extension gets built. Then enjoy the ancillary-benefit of hell freezing over.

Look for your LakeCountyEye in the freezer section of a store near you.

Happy 4th of July Eve

In anticipation of the Fourth of July festivities, it's home improvement time at the LakeCountyEye compound. Look for your LakeCountyEye this week hanging asbestos shingles. According to the News-Sun ...

Drought-like conditions in Lake County are beginning to take their toll for upcoming Fourth of July fireworks shows. Officials in Round Lake Beach and Wauconda on Friday announced they are canceling their towns' fireworks displays, citing the risk of fire from the hot and dry conditions over the past month.
Dry conditions force fireworks cancellations in Round Lake Beach, Wauconda

Operatives may add this to the unexpected consequences of global warming: a rain of fireworks and brimstone every Fourth of July.

While on the subject of fire crackers, McHenry County, which had been redistricted to north of the Canadian border, still dismisses global warming as a lamestreammedia hoax ...

Archive for the 'Global Warming'

But for those still situated in the lower 48, your LakeCountyEye recommends observing some sensible precautions. Every town and TIF district has a parade scheduled, so don't overdo it. Operatives are advised to march in no more than 10 parades on the Fourth -- 12 max. Always bully your way to the head of the parade line-up, especially on those 100+ degree days. In between parades, don't forget to hydrate. And your LakeCountyEye recommends the Route 53 extension for shaving some precious minutes off that dash between municipalities. Finally, nothing makes a mess like a trunk full of Tootsie Rolls and Hershey Kisses -- make sure to fling hardcandy at the kiddies whenever the mercury tops 110.

Follow these simple commonsense precautions and your LakeCountyEye guarantees you many more future Fourth of July parades to come!

Blowhards

The big-tools for big-oil over at the McHenryCountyBlog were eager to pass along some big news:

Remember all the hype about Global Warming being the reason for frog and other amphibian deaths? Man made climate change was the cause. It turns out that man's actions may have caused the die-off, but it seems to be because man brought a species of African frog with a skin disease to the New World.
Frog Die-Off Traced to Fungus, Not Climate Change, Global Warming

Ha ha, the mass frog die-off has nothing to do with global warming. It's all because of some frog with a fungus and a Kenyan birth certificate that illegally got into this country. Therefore Global Warming is a media-fed hoax and doesn't exist. The end.

The McHenryCountyBlog is to Internet blogging what AOL dial-up is to 4G. So, no big surprise, what the McHenryCountyBlog reported as breaking news had been widely known for at least 4 years. According to The Sunday Times, from back-in-the-day in 2007 ...

Conservationists estimate that 170 species of frogs have become extinct in the last two decades and fear another 1,900 are on the way out. Many of them have been killed off by the chytrid fungus which is thought to have emerged from Africa to spread to every continent except Antarctica.
Deadly fungus threatens mass extinction of frogs

This of course doesn't dissuade the McHenryCountyBlog from pointing to the frogs as a straw-man proving that Global Warming is junk science.

Speaking of straw-men, hopefully yours was nailed down. Two days after the frog story, the McHenryCountyBlog reported a funnel cloud spotted in McHenry County:

* AT 455 PM ... NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR INDICATED A SEVERE THUNDERSTORM CAPABLE OF PRODUCING A TORNADO. THIS STORM WAS LOCATED 2 MILES NORTHWEST OF MARENGO ... MOVING NORTHEAST AT 20 MPH. IN ADDITION ... A TRAINED SPOTTER REPORTED A FUNNEL CLOUD IN ASSOCIATION WITH THIS STORM.
In Case You Didn’t Have TV On

Will the McHenryCountyBlog ever connect the dots between Global Warming and funnel clouds before it's too late? Or is the McHenryCountyBlog to connect-the-dots what Pakistani Intelligence is to Osama Bin Laden?

Stay tuned!

Water Pipe Dreams

It's been noted already that it's been hot, very hot, and your LakeCountyEye can report it was hot enough today to deep-fry a Twinkie on the sidewalk. The local climatological experts have retreated to their Arctic circle base-camp, where they are preparing a statement that the record heat proves that global warming is a hoax perpetrated by the liberal media.

Doctors typically recommend plenty of water for hot days like these, and water is what Lake County desires these days -- more specifically, Lake Michigan water. Western Lake County has gotten so thirsty that 10 communities want to see Lake Michigan water pouring out of their taps:

• Antioch
• Fox Lake
• Lake Villa
• Lindenhurst
• Long Grove
• Wauconda
• Lake Zurich
• Volo
• Fox Lake Hills
• Grandwood Park

No pipe that size will be cheap, it's already estimated at a quarter of a billion dollars. Each community must lay down $50,000 in up-front money, and Antioch is already balking. The Daily Herald talked to one Antioch trustee ...

"If no other communities are in on this, why should we be the first community to feed the trough?" Trustee Scott Pierce said.
Antioch doesn't want to jump the gun on water vote

A small price to pay for a front-row seat at the water trough, but your LakeCountyEye digresses.

This of course is not to downplay the seriousness of the issue. A Lindenhurst trustee explained to the News-Sun ...

"We have to find a sustainable source of water for the future," said Trustee Timothy Wayne.
$50,000 allocated for pipeline planning

And serious it is. If western Lake County does not get its share of that sweet, light Lake Michigan water, and get some soon, then what will become of County essential services? Services like the Annual Fox Lake Fireman's Festival Water Fight?

Voice of Fox Lake water fights still going strong

Will Lake County residents be privileged to witness the combined effects of high pressure hoses and beer kegs, ever again? To underscore the gravity of the situation your LakeCountyEye has compiled another 10 pressing needs for that direct pipe to Lake Michigan.

Lake County's 10 Most Urgent Requirements for Lake Michigan Water

Strong, unexpected demand for Asian carp koi ponds. Construction ready to begin on the Route 53 extension canal. New water hazards planned for Fort Sheridan golf course. Section 8 housing for Princess Nudelman. 2 words: Lake FUNdelein Port Barrington should have a port. There is never enough water for VFW Hall beer. County hydroponic medicinal marijuana farms. Waukegan City Council has voted to flood Genesee St for Scuba the Loop. Now every home in Lake County can be under water.

With all this talk about water, your LakeCountyEye needs a drink!

You Don't Need a Weatherman to Know Which Way the Wind Blows

The socialized healthcare bandwagon sweeping the nation has finally become a reality, and not a minute too soon. Especially now that your LakeCountyEye has been out of commission with an attack of the vapors precipitated by all the recent hoopla. While recuperating, your LakeCountyEye has been indulging in a favorite free-time activity: analyzing recent weather statistics. Ever since Jane Byrne rode into town on a snowstorm in 1979, your LakeCountyEye has been a keen student of local weather conditions.

LakeCountyEye Ops may recall how unseasonably warm it was last week. That is, until Saturday when the temperature dropped back down to normal for a Lake County Spring, plus the couple inches of snow that dropped along with it. But if you thought summer had arrived early you weren't imagining things. Numbers never lie. Your LakeCountyEye crunched the data with some help from a nonlinear stochastic climate model and arrived at an exhaustive climatological analysis of last week's unusually warm weather:

Date	High Temperature	Average High Temperature	Deviation	Climatological Analysis
Mar 16	58	44	+14	Wow a warm day.
Mar 17	61	44	+17	Wow a warm day.
Mar 18	62	45	+17	Wow a warm day.
Mar 19	65	45	+20	Wow a warm day.
Mar 20	39	46	-7	Well, back to normal.

Of course, no scientific experiment is considered valid unless its results are compared against a control group. In this case, the control group would be what other Lake County bloggers are saying about the weather. Unfortunately, Ellen of the 10th seems more concerned about the HuffPo rankings than about the weather. And while spring weather may turn a young man's fancy to thoughts of love, TeamAmerica's valentines are all for Mark Kirk. Out of desperation your LakeCountyEye has enlisted for its control, the nearby McHenry County Blog. Overall, as a control group, McHenry County (not being in Lake County) leaves much to be desired. But at least Cal Skinner says some things about the weather in the blog.

Well, not every day, but once in a while. There is no mention of the warm weather in the McHenry County Blog on March 16. No mention on March 17. No mention on March 18. And no mention on March 19. But hang on, Skinner did notice that March 20 turned chilly with snow:

An Al Gore Spring Equinox

The circled links are to other McHenry County Blog posts that are unabashedly skeptical of global warming.

Is Cal Skinner relying on a climatological model at variance with your LakeCountyEye's? Your LakeCountyEye looks at four unseasonably warm days followed by a snowstorm and sees pretty much normal March weather. While the McHenry County Blog interprets a snowfall on the first day of spring as more evidence that global warming is nothing but a myth. All of which demonstrates the value of pursuing scientific research with rigor and without preconceived notions. This significant difference in opinion between your LakeCountyEye and the McHenry County Blog conclusively demonstrates that there is simply no consensus among experts about the reality of global warming!