Thursday, December 29, 2011

Little Bridges

Motorists driving through scenic Long Grove this holiday season may need to remember that their seat cushions are also flotation devices. The covered bridge there on Robert Parker Coffin Rd may be falling down. According to the News-Sun, the bridge ...
will be in need of repair soon, and village officials say they no longer have the money to cover even routine maintenance.
Long Grove's iconic covered bridge needs repairs
Your LakeCountyEye has been told that no one at the Lake County Department of Transportation looks forward to the prospect of vehicles plummeting to their fiery demise into the 1000 ft sheer-drop crevice beneath the bridge. However, it still remains a favorite destination for wireless device users, as the bridge provides cover to anyone who likes to text while driving and without being distracted by law enforcement officials.

It has been proposed that the life of the crumbling structure can be extended by building a roundabout at the intersection of Rbt Parker Coffin and Old McHenry Road. Drivers who do not avoid these confounding traffic circles altogether, are projected, after a couple of go-arounds, to succumb to frustration and end up eventually in neighboring Buffalo Grove. It is estimated this will reduce traffic over the covered bridge by up to a factor of 100%.

The Village of Long Grove may simply want someone else to pay for their bridge repair and is blaming another road project, the Route 53 Extension. Long Grove Mayor, Maria Rodriguez, campaigned unsuccessfully in the 2010 Eighth Congressional District Republican primary, in part on a platform to build the Route 53 Extension. However in 2013 she would face re-election in decidedly anti-Route-53-centric Long Grove. As reported in the News-Sun, Rodriguez is now saying that Long Grove is having difficulty paying for existing infrastructure problems, like ...
stormwater runoff, which will likely worsen if the Illinois State Toll Highway Authority succeeds in extending Route 53 next to Long Grove. "(Route) 53 is going to compound that by a thousandfold," she said. Rodriguez is a member of both the Lake County Stormwater Management Commission and the tollway's 53 Advisory Committee.
Long Grove's iconic covered bridge needs repairs
Your LakeCountyEye has learned that there is a compromise plan being discussed. The Route 53 extension would be built along Robert Coffin Parker Road. And a toll-plaza would be constructed over the covered bridge. It is projected that the covered bridge would pay for itself within less than fifty years. Seems like an out-and-out win-win to your LakeCountyEye!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Frank God it's Christmas

Franks for the memories.While it seems unrealistic to swear off Joe Walsh stories for 2012, your LakeCountyEye had resolved to go cold turkey through the end of the year. Ha ha that won't be happening either -- the Congressman from the Eighth District, in the way of a seasons greeting, has flipped the holiday bird.

As readers of this blog are truculently aware ...
Merry War On Christmas!
there is a war on Christmas that is waged every year, around now, i.e. at Christmastime, and uncoincidentally so. And when there is fightin' to be done and a safe perch atop a grandstand to do it on, can Joe Walsh be far behind? The Sun-Times posed the question thus ...
Should members of Congress be able to say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Hanukkah" in taxpayer-funded newsletters to their constituents? Rep. Joe Walsh, R-McHenry, was incensed to learn that he could not under current House rules.
Rep. Walsh on crusade for Christmas, Hanukkah mailing
At stake is whether your congresscritter should be allowed to mail out campaign lit, not only disguised as Christmas cards/newsletters -- but more importantly, campaign lit paid-for by your Federal government. Note to operatives: to succeed, frame this sort of battle against a backdrop of the first amendment or political correctness or the sanctity of Christmas or some other hot-button issue. The average voter will forget your primary goal is to pick their pocket.

Walsh, according to the Daily Herald, has declared Mission Accomplished ...
the beltway paper The Hill reported that House leaders have now received new guidelines on holiday correspondence. "The Franking Commission has spent the last year coming up with a whole host of revisions, and those are before the leadership now awaiting approval," Illinois Republican Rep. Aaron Schock, the chairman of the House Franking Commission, told the paper. Walsh told The Daily Herald Friday evening that he was pleased his voice had been heard on the issue
Walsh's Christmas mission is successful
Ha ha, operatives of all religious and non-religious affiliations in the Eighth District are now advised to watch their mailboxes for that Christmas greeting from Congressman Joe Walsh. You paid for it.

Merry Christmas turkeys!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry War On Christmas!

During this very special holiday season your LakeCountyEye wishes each and every reader of this blog a joyful and merry war on Christmas!

Star of Bethlehem
  • God ferie
  • أعياد سعيدة
  • Aw ni kɔnze duman
  • Весели празници
  • Bones festes
  • 节日快乐
  • 節日快樂
  • Sretni blagdani
  • Veselé svátky
  • Prettige feestdagen
  • Joyeuses fêtes
  • Felices festas
  • Frohe feiertage
  • Καλές γιορτές
  • חג שמחआपकी छुट्टियाँ आनंददायक हों
  • Kellemes Ünnepeket
  • Gleðilega hátíð
  • Selamat Hari Raya
  • Buone feste
  • 楽しいホリデーシーズンを
  • 해피 할러데이즈
  • Laimīgas Brīvdienas
  • Džiaugsmingų švenčių
  • Gledelig høytid
  • تعطيلات خوش بگذره
  • Wesołych świąt
  • Boas festas
  • Sărbători fericite
  • С праздником
  • Srećni praznici
  • Срећни празници
  • Vesele praznike
  • Felices fiestas
  • Habari Gani
  • God Helg
  • عید مبارک
  • Nghỉ lễ vui vẻ
  • Happy Holidays!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Loyal Opposition?

Yin & YangNot since the christening scene in The Godfather has one local power broker as swiftly and cleanly eliminated his rivals from his turf. Ha ha, as readers of this blog are utterly aware,
Unnatural Election
Darlene Ruscitti unexpectedly dropped out of the Eighth District Primary leaving the field wide open for incumbent GOP Congressman Joe Walsh.

Operatives may suspect that in stone-cold eliminating his Primary competition, Walsh has shot himself in the foot. Without a Primary opponent, media attention will naturally gravitate toward Walsh's Democratic opposition -- in case you've forgotten, Tammy Duckworth and Raja Krishnamoorthi are also competing for the opportunity to be on the Eighth District ballot.

For operatives uncertain about how long Walsh could withstand prolonged exposure to a media vacuum before impolding, your LakeCountyEye advises not to worry. There are currently a couple of GOP chumbolones who have filed and presumably were sent to keep it real and provide Walsh with some token Primary opposition ...
While front runners typically try to duck out of debates against lesser known opponents, don't look for Walsh to follow suit. Your LakeCountyEye does not expect Walsh to pass any opportunity to play his Mr Natural shtick on the debate stage against a couple of Flakey Foonts. In all likelihood Walsh will demand and to get as many debates as can humanly fit into a campaign schedule. Look for Walsh to be up-front reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and in general practicing his patented brand of histrionics regularly on the YouTubes from now through March 20 -- and sucking all the air out of the Eighth District, away from Duckworth and Krishnamoorthi.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Unnatural Election

There goes the neighborhood.If Johnsburg was Atlanta and if Schaumburg was Savannah and if Lake County was the State of Georgia then the juggernaut that is the Joe Walsh re-election campaign -- now rolling through the devastated remnants of the Eighth Congressional District -- would be Sherman's March to the Sea. Ha ha, the latest casualty in what all observers agree will be a long war of attrition in the new Lake-County-Free Eighth District is GOP footsoldier Darlene Ruscitti. According to the Daily Herald, Ruscitti, the DuPage Superintendent of Schools, who was ...
expected to be a tough GOP primary challenger for Joe Walsh in the 8th District, has backed out of the race. "Today, after careful consideration with family, supporters and friends, I have decided not to run for Congress in the 8th Congressional District," the statement, released Wednesday afternoon, reads. Ruscitti said her campaign "collected over 4,000 petition signatures, signed up hundreds of volunteers and gained the support of dozens of elected officials -- but my role as a leader within the Illinois Republican Party and a desire to avoid a costly primary outweigh my personal political aspirations."
Ruscitti bows out of 8th District GOP primary
As it goes in warfare so it goes in politics. According to Illinois Election Law those 4000 signatures are regarded as the electoral equivalent to spoils of war, and now all belong to Walsh's re-election campaign. Those same petition signatures will no doubt be summarily dispatched to the Walsh campaign paper shredders. The whereabouts and ultimate fate of the "hundreds of volunteers" and "dozens of elected officials" remains unknown.

Your LakeCountyEye does send a tip of the green eyeshade to Darlene Ruscitti. She volunteered for what is largely regarded a political suicide mission: run as something more than the token GOP opposition candidate in the Eighth District. And then after Walsh decided he wanted all along to be that GOP candidate instead, Ruscitti volunteered again -- this time (in what is also regarded a political suicide mission) to be thrown under the campaign bus. Ruscitti has proven to be more than a good sport for taking one two for the team.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011


Move over, Tom Cruise.Whoever said politics is show business for ugly people never envisioned Mitt Romney. The front-runner in the GOP Presidential sweepstakes, Romney is blessed with the sort of preternatural male allure that one expects from their network news anchors and BVD models. In the imperishable words of the immortal Harry Caray ... there goes one good-lookin' player.

Of course Romney isn't the only GOP contender for the highest office in the land. Rick Perry from the Lone Star State has some of the rugged cowboy machismo that a Jake Gyllenhaal exudes on the silver screen but, in your LakeCountyEye's opinion, is no match when held up against a Romney's urbane & knowing je ne sais quoi.

Other Republican Presidential candidates include the toadish Newt Gingrich. As well as political queen bee, Michele Bachmann. There is someone's old grandpa, Ru Ron Paul. And a guy you never heard of so you'll have to Google him yourself, Rick Santorum.

Against a wooden field like this, Mitt Romney certainly has the leg up. Romney may not have a straight path to the White House ahead of him but he certainly has the muscle that, quite candidly, no one else can beat.

That said, it should come as no surprise that Illinois junior Senator Mark Kirk endorsed Mitt Romney this week:
Mark Kirk says Mitt Romney will boost GOP ticket in Illinois
Your LakeCountyEye does suspect however that Kirk was privy to confidential polling data before issuing his endorsement.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Screaming Memes

An actual conversation overheard in a Lake County bar:
Barfly: Could you speak louder, please? I have a banana in my ear.
Ha ha, it's not for nothing that one Illinois Congressman totally owns his awesome nickname, Screamin' Joe Walsh.

Of course, it was not always thus. It was well into this summer when when Screamin' Joe was still just Plain Ol' Joe -- Walsh. And then back in July your LakeCountyEye dropped the S-Bomb ...
Touch Wood
Truth be told, despite high hopes Screamin' Joe did not become an instant Internet meme. And as readers of this blog are mimetically aware, there were a couple of subsequent half-hearted attempts to give the Congressman from the Eighth District the Internet recognition he deserves:

Got Any Gum?
But politics is like show-biz, there is a lot of sitting around and waiting involved. Well, your LakeCountyEye had to sit around and wait until the 2012 Primary started to heat up before Screamin' Joe Walsh became a household word in cyber-households (whatever those are):

Joe Walsh - Running & Screaming in IL 8
Ha ha, Tammy Duckworth, please send that royalty payment to:
By the way, your LakeCountyEye also does message development. Cheap. Just Google
Screamin' Joe Walsh
for a referral.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Re:Pete After Me

You lie!The new congressional map is now officially the law of the land in the Land of Lincoln, as readers of this blog are lincolnesquely aware ...
Q the Eye/12.18.11
All of which means Lake County will increase its congressmen-for-life tally from two to three. Chris Krug, editor of the Northwest Herald, observes that if you live in the new Sixth District ...
you'll have your pick next November of Republican incumbent Peter Roskum or one of three Democrat challengers: Leslie Coolidge, Geoffrey Petzel or Maureen Yates.
Your LakeCountyEye doesn't know much about the new congresscritter from the far west burbs, and Roskam is no doubt a novice when it comes to Lake County politics. Operatives wishing to do their homework will see better results Googling R-O-S-K-A-M and not R-O-S-K-U-M:
Peter Roskam
Chris Krug's spelling boo-boo might be attributed to the fact that Peter Roskam's name is not pronounced like it is spelled:
Do Not Say: räw’scam

Rather Say: räw’scum
This is the sort of vital information that gets one noticed at that next RALC meeting!

Those operatives still reading are asked to provide their own Beavis & Butthead joke here.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Q the Eye/12.18.11

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I need to run for Congress. This year.

Mr Smith Goes to Washington
Dear Mr Smith (if that's your real name),

Ὥρος HōrosWith Congressional job approval numbers hovering in the low negative digits, you've picked a good year to toss your hat in the ring. An angry electorate is in a mood to throw the bums out, while hoping for nothing more than to meet-the-new-bum-same-as-the-old-bum in 2012.

And as reported in the Sun-Times, you're also in luck because a Federal court has just put their seal of approval on Illinois's new congressional map:
Illinois GOP lose congressional remap case; Democratic map stands
The controversial decision will yield its share of winners and losers but the number-one big winner has to be the Illinois GOP. With the new map set in stone, Illinois's GOP is now on course to divest itself of its biggest blunder since Alan Keyes, namely Eighth District Congressman Joe Walsh.

Walsh's no-holds-barred media histrionics is a source of embarrassment for the Illinois GOP while translating into a bonanza of fundraising dollars for both national and Illinois Democrats. The Illinois GOP's nightmare scenario was an unmuzzled Walsh winning re-election over and over and over again in a safe Republican congressional district. But the federal ruling gave the Illinois GOP the time and opportunity to exile Walsh to a newly drawn Eighth District where he is on track to be summarily dispatched by the Tammy Duckworth juggernaut in November of 2012.

No longer will operatives be subjected to the cringe-worthy spectacle of local GOP blogs in desperate search of nice things to say about Walsh:
Hopefully that's the way Congressman Joe Walsh is taking it, since the New York Times published a nice hit piece on Walsh yesterday. The NYT goes through Walsh's various troubles with his divorce and other tidbits (have you heard his driver's license was suspended? Twice? Horrors!) to set up the real question so that us parochial voters here in Illinois can hopefully understand it -- don't you people see what kind of a hypocritical, loose-cannon you losers out in the cornfields have elected? The thing about Joe, though, is that he cares little for what anyone thinks about him, especially an outfit like the NYT, except that he does care for the people who elected him.
The New York Times Takes a Swing at Joe Walsh
TeamAmerica10th and McHenryCountyBlog and the rest all owe the Illinois Democrats a debt of gratitude for not redrawing the congressional map in a way that the Eighth District became a safe Republican vote-sink -- and where a then-incumbent Joe Walsh would win re-election over and over and over again.

Anyways, you have until December 27 to submit your nominating petition. The requirement is 600 signatures, drawn from any one of Illinois's eighteen congressional districts. Your LakeCountyEye personally recommends the Eighth.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Municipally Munificent Mundelein

All politics may be local but all local politics is boring, the very thought of which is enough to make your LakeCountyEye's eyes glaze over. Which is why you are rarely subjected to a rehash of some petty hometown political drama on this blog -- your LakeCountyEye prefers to examine the big pressing national issues of the day, instead. Like the War on Christmas.

A knuckle-biter in Mundelein city hall this week however does deserve a brief mention. According to the News-Sun ...
A 60-day extension to iron out details between the Village Board and a downtown redeveloper over building a new Village Hall sparked a split vote Monday night. On a 4-3 vote, three trustees — Lentz, Meier and Voss — voted against the extension. They questioned whether the Board was on the right track in proceeding with a public-private partnership with Weston Solutions, Inc. to build a new Village Hall that will replace the quaint but deteriorating Hawley Street building. However, Trustee Ed Sullivan strongly favored the arrangement, pointing out the extensive site planning and initiative that the company has already put into the proposed project.
Delay sparks concerns over new Mundelein Village Hall
Operatives not familiar with the aforementioned Weston Solutions, Inc. may recall when the company was named Roy F. Weston, Inc.. More details from the News-Sun ...
Weston Solutions has already done an estimated $325,000 in site planning design and preliminary engineering services on the project. The plan would be to build a two-story, 32,000-square-foot structure with the Village occupying the first floor and Weston Solutions Chicago area headquarters leasing the second floor under a seven year lease, with options for an additional six years. Weston Solutions would serve as general contractor for the job, and would serve as the owner's representative interfacing with Village officials during the construction phase. Additionally the company would provide fee-for-service consulting on architectural design and resolve zoning issues.
Delay sparks concerns over new Mundelein Village Hall
If the company still does not ring a bell, operatives may want to double check if Weston Solutions, Inc. made a past contribution to one of their candidates:
Illinois State Board of Elections: Contributions List
Your LakeCountyEye also went to the trouble of embedding a web widget to aid in your research:

Weston Inc : Individual Contributions
Overall, a big win for big government and big government's advocates.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Challenge Challenged?

Quite the yarn.Note to operatives searching for that last-minute gift: If any of the candidates who filed in Illinois Senate District 26 or Representative District 52 are on your gift list, your LakeCountyEye recommends presenting them with a framed copy of their birth certificate. Ha ha, as readers of this blog are postnatally aware ...
Unidentified Flying Objections
Sharon Meroni has filed objections against every candidate in Senate/26 and Rep/52 -- for not providing documentation to prove they are US citizens. Legal-eyed operatives may observe that proof of citizenship is not a ballot requirement in Illinois. On the other hand, it costs nothing to file a ballot objection.

So it shouldn't come as a surprise that Meroni's were not the only objections filed there. According to the Daily Herald ...
David McSweeney of Barrington Hills is trying to clear out his competition in the GOP primary for the Illinois House by challenging the petition signatures turned in by his two opponents, incumbent state Rep. Kent Gaffney of Lake Barrington and Danielle Rowe of Island Lake. McSweeney sent out a statement that said, among other things...
"I have taken this step in order to sustain the integrity of the petition process and to respect the high ethical standards that the people of the 52nd should expect from candidates and elected officials. I believe that the Illinois State Board of Elections will determine that both of my opponents will not qualify to be on the ballot."
As it turns out, McSweeney's petitions have been challenged as well.

A primary challenge challenge
(Note #2 to operatives: if you're an election lawyer in Representative District 52, life is good.)

The Herald story never actually names who challenged McSweeney's petitions, mentioning instead an unreturned call to Kent Gaffney and an on-the-record comment by Danielle Rowe that McSweeney is acting like a "bully." Those operatives who would assume the unnamed McSweeney challenger is Gaffney or Rowe would be wrong. Currently the only pending objection against McSweeney is ...
Once McSweeney digs up a birth certificate he's in the free & clear. Your LakeCountyEye can't say as much for Gaffney or Rowe.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Unidentified Flying Objections

Line #7: Signer resides outside the district.He's making a list,
He's checking it twice,
He's gonna find out
Who's naughty or nice.

Old Kris Kringle sure needs plenty of help around this time of the year. Which means the elves operatives down in Springfield have been working overtime all week, scrutinizing nominating petitions for even the tiniest transgression. Ho ho, candidates have filed for the 2012 Primary and petition challenge season is nigh upon Lake County.

The season's most dogged elf has to be Sharon Meroni. According to the Northwest Herald ...
A familiar face from the 2010 election, Sharon Ann Meroni, filed objections Monday against all three candidates for the 52nd District, as well as against 26th Senate District incumbent Dan Duffy, R-Lake Barrington, and Democratic challenger Amanda Howland.
Objections filed to petitions for local House, Senate districts
Senate/26 and Rep/52 are districts where Meroni is eligible to file. Five objections, although an impressive number, are no match against the astonishing thirty-two Meroni filed in 2010. The Northwest Herald, again ...
Meroni, of Barrington Hills, filed 32 objections in 2010 in an effort to get proof of their U.S. citizenship.
Objections filed to petitions for local House, Senate districts
Ho ho, a note to all junior operatives, when you put out milk and cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, it might not hurt to leave a copy of your photo ID as well.

Meroni, of course, should be commended in demanding proof of citizenship from her ballot candidates. Who knows how many illegal aliens have already snuck across the Illinois border to get themselves elected to the statehouse, brazenly represent you, and later on retire to live the sweet, sweet life of the public sector pensioner?

Suspicious operatives may suspect that requiring proof of citizenship from their candidates is really part of a wider effort to suppress voter turnout. If the birther movement ever gets its way, sooner or later everyone will be required to show a birth certificate before being granted access to their voting booth. Tis the season however, and your LakeCountyEye wishes Sharon Meroni and all the birthers well, and hopes Santa Claus is extra nice to each and every one of them on Christmas night. Just don't forget to ask Santa for his birth certificate first.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Good Cop Bad Cop

Multi-UseHa ha, that isn't a new roundabout in Waukegan. They were circling the wagons at the office of the Lake County State's Attorney. The wagons were being circled to throw a twenty year assistant state's attorney under the bus.

The wheels started turning on November 25 when the New York Times -- the newspaper of record in Lake County -- published an investigative story that provided a glimpse into Michael Waller's Lake County State's Attorney's office. One assistant state's attorney, Mike Mermel, was profiled with regard to some recent high-profile & controversial prosecutions. Mermel apparently does not think highly of DNA evidence, and demonstrated its limitations with statements like this one, which raised some local eyebrows ...
"The example I like to give people is next time you go to a motel room, bring a plastic bag, because the dirtiest thing in that room is the remote control. Everybody has sex and then rolls over and goes, 'I wonder what's on?' " he said. "O.K., so you can find DNA in the form of sperm from 10 different people in that room from that remote control or even on a person who has touched it."
The Prosecution’s Case Against DNA
The Lake County State's Attorney is up for election in 2012. While Michael Waller is retiring, Mermel's public statements are embarrassing to those members of Waller's team who want to succeed him on the ballot.

Damage control in the form of a big gun was rolled out on December 2. The News-Sun reported that Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran ...
called for prosecutor Mike Mermel to be fired for remarks he felt undermined law enforcement and the justice system. The unusual move was prompted by a recent story in the New York Times concerning some Lake County murder cases where DNA evidence pointed a finger away from suspects who confessed to crimes after long interrogations.
Sheriff wants prosecutor fired
With Curran playing bad cop, Michael Waller had the cover he needed. Good cop Waller wasted no time on the same day, December 2, to telegraph this message to the Daily Herald ...
Comments made by a top Lake County prosecutor in a New York Times article are being addressed as a personnel matter, according to a statement issued Friday by the Lake County State's Attorney's Office.
Waller: Lake County prosecutor's comments a personnel matter
On December 7, five days later and according to the News-Sun, the embarassing problem in the midst of the Lake County State's Attorney office was wiped cleaner than a Lake County crime investigation scene:
One of Lake County's top prosecutor's is retiring after comments he has made concerning cases involving DNA angered Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran who asked for Michael Mermel to be fired. Mermel's last day on the job will be in January.
Prosecutor retiring after sheriff called for his firing
The end.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Beyond the Countdown to the End of the Countdown

Just a hunka hunka burnin' love.Those operatives perched at the edge of their seats, sitting on pins and needles, waiting for Joe Walsh's highly anticipated Monday announcement -- announcing where he will run for re-election -- are just going to have wait some more. The Eighth District Congressman, according to the Sun-Times was out of town Monday:
Tea Party Rep. Joe Walsh (R-Ill.)-- who boycotted President Obama's jobs speech, said Obama should "quit lying" and that the president "got no shame," waited in line with his wife, Monday at the White House, for a photo with Obama and First Lady Michelle.
Rep. Joe Walsh spotted at White House in line for Obama photo
And Walsh at this very moment may be cooling his heels at the D.C. FotoMat, looking for those prints of himself with the President and First Lady. For, according to a press release reprinted in the Sun-Times, the much ballyhooed announcement is now scheduled for Thursday ...
"Congressman Joe Walsh will make an important re-election announcement this Thursday at the Chicago Tea Party meeting. After spending the last week discussing his options with family, supporters, and party officials, Congressman Walsh believes the choice is clear."
Rep. Joe Walsh: announcing political plans Thursday at Tea Party meeting

Chicago Tea Party Meeting
Thursday, December 8, 2011, 7PM
The Cubby Bear
1059 W. Addison St., Chicago
Your LakeCountyEye observes that one does not invite the press down to Wrigleyville in December (and during prime bar hours) for an "important re-election announcement" -- only to tell them the rumors are false, he hasn't changed his mind, ha ha, Joe Walsh will still be running for re-election in District Fourteen.

Your LakeCountyEye bets District Eight.

In any event, the countdown clock has been recalibrated:

Countdown Clock
Thursday, December 8, 2011, 7:00 PM
Where Will Joe Walsh Run?

Tick! Tick! Tick!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Countdown to the End of the Countdown

With the year rapidly coming to a close, the economy has received a much needed boost from last minute shoppers -- who are purchasing ammo for their weapons. As everyone knows the world is scheduled to end on December 21 ...
The 2012 phenomenon comprises a range of eschatological beliefs according to which cataclysmic or transformative events will occur on December 21, 2012 This date is regarded as the end-date of a 5,125-year-long cycle in the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar. Various astronomical alignments and numerological formulae related to this date have been proposed.
2012 phenomenon
One recognized harbinger of the apocalypse was foretold to occur on Monday, December 5 -- the day Eighth District Congressman Joe Walsh had scheduled to announce his plans to run for re-election in the Eighth District. Or, according to Fox Chicago News, maybe not the Eighth ...
Joe Walsh to Announce Where He’ll Run After Congressional District Remap
(But it's going to be the Eighth.)

In commemoration of the impending conflagration, and to tick off the minutes, your LakeCountyEye has posted a countdown clock widget. This same countdown widget appeared on this blog about one year ago, as readers of this blog are ...

... hold it ... this just in. Frequent Tweeter Calvin from Plano has informed your LakeCountyEye that Armageddon is scheduled to occur on Dec 21, 2012 -- while the current year is 2011. And that 2011 is very different than 2012. Yearwise.

Your LakeCountyEye's green eyeshade sure must look red. Well there's no harm in putting that countdown clock to some use anyways, after your LakeCountyEye went to the all trouble of retrieving it from the pawn shop mothballs:

Countdown Clock: Monday, December 5, 2011
Where Will Joe Walsh Run?

Waste not want not!

Monday, December 5, 2011

The Spies Who Came in for Cong. Dold

This must be oppo week in Lake County. As readers of this blog are off-guardedly aware, State Rep Sandy Cole had been observed probing the petitions of other candidates ...
The Spy Who Came in was Rep. Cole
Now there is news that operatives from the office of Tenth District Congressman Robert Dold were observed surveilling a Wheeling Township Democrats meeting. According to the Tribune ...
Indicating how frightened Republicans are by the strong field of 10th District Democrats, three staffers for incumbent Republican Rep. Bob Dold (IL-10) attended last night's Wheeling Township Democrats Candidates Forum. The Dold staffers included Philippe Melin, the Congressman's taxpayer-funded District Representative and 2010 campaign field director, plus an as-yet unidentified man and woman.
Dold Staffers "The Three Mouseketeers" Sneak Into Wheeling Dems Candidates Forum
Operatives are advised not to bother clicking the TribLocal link. All it will get them for their effort is this 404 Error:
The story however may still be available in the Google Cache:
Dold Staffers "The Three Mouseketeers" Sneak Into Wheeling Dems Candidates Forum
Now, no one thinks a TribLocal story is anything like a legitimate news story. So your LakeCountyEye wonders why the Tribune even bothers scrubbing stories off of their TribLocal websites when they get a complaint. Just sayin'.

Your LakeCountyEye also wonders why Dold staffers would bother trying to sneak into a public meeting, incognito. Dudes, you're going to be IDed. Why bother?

Here is how it is done: waltz in, find the most conspicuous spot to set up the FlipCam, and wait for your macaca moment. It works like a charm at Joe Walsh townhalls.

Your LakeCountyEye suspects the one staffer was avoiding identification because he is Dold's District Representative -- in other words the staffer is on the federal payroll. Which would be a violation of the Hatch Act or the Mann Act or something. A minimum security federal prison is still a federal prison.

Please remember, next time you need to know what the competition is up to, your LakeCountyEye works discretely and cheaply. No job is too small. Expect nothing less than a proven track record of an enviable 96% accuracy. And satisfaction 100% guaranteed!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Teh Crazy Eighth

Christmas is only three weeks away and naturally foremost in everyone's thoughts is whether or not Joe Walsh will be running in the Eighth District. According to the Northwest Herald ...
U.S. Rep. Joe Walsh said he would decide by Monday whether he would run in the 8th Congressional District or in the 14th, where he would continue to face off against incumbent U.S. Rep. Randy Hultgren, R-Winfield. "You'll know soon enough what I'm going to do," said Walsh, R-McHenry.
to decide district by Monday
In a Saturday townhall, Walsh says that he will know by Monday. This telegraphs the message that Walsh was meeting with his pollsters or donors or somebody on Sunday night. Video of the townhall is on YouTube:

However your LakeCountyEye is betting Walsh has already made up his mind -- he will jump ship and run in the Eighth. If he had decided to tough it out in Fourteen, it would have been easy for him to say so at the Saturday townhall, and quash the rumors. It wouldn't be nearly as easy to admit he changed his mind and will be running in Eight instead. And certainly not to a townhall audience. Your LakeCountyEye expects a long & weepy Joe Walsh press conference with his announcement, sometimes this week.

This is smart politics on Walsh's part. If the polls showing that Hultgren will beat Walsh in a primary are accurate, then Walsh's political career would effectively be over on March 21. However it's a virtual certainty he wins a primary in the Eighth. This would extend his political career at least to November 6, where he would likely be on the ballot against Tammy Duckworth. The election in the Illinois Eighth Congressional District would be catapulted into a national marquee race -- the Teaparty favorite vs the Iraq War vet. If so, look for Walsh (and Duckworth) on all the Sunday morning news shows through the November election. Your LakeCountyEye expects this fits well into Walsh's plans.

The Spy Who Came in was Rep. Cole

It's been a busy week for Lake County's legislators. Nominating petitions were due, and at the same time they were called to Springfield for a veto session. One local Rep used the opportunity to gain some earned media vis-a-vis a few rabble-rousing remarks -- reminiscent of a Joe Walsh (from his younger days):
And while that Rep was hogging all the spotlight, fending off the national MSM papparozzo, another local Rep was quietly gathering petition signatures. This Rep is Sandy Cole; the signatures were copies of other candidate's petitions that Cole requested while in Springfield.

Ha ha, the end of the petition gathering period means one thing: the petition challenge period begins. Cole requested the petition of her Democratic opponent Sam Yingling:
Candidate Detail
Cole also requested petitions of Senate 31 candidates, Lennie Jarratt, Larry Leafblad and Melinda Bush:
Candidate Detail

Candidate Detail

Candidate Detail
Typically copies of petitions are requested by an agent posting the address of a Springfield office or hotel or apartment. These would be Senate and House staffers sent by their bosses to go "fishin' for petitions". It's unusual to see a request made by someone from an out-of-town address. Particularly if that address belongs to a sitting legislator.

Just for the record, your LakeCountyEye is a licensed and bonded petition requester, and is on call 24/7 during the entire filing period. Full-service packages are available. Or choose to be billed either by the hour or by the page -- Springfield carfare included. Your LakeCountyEye works efficiently and confidentially, and has a proven track record with better than 96% accuracy. No job is too small, and petition requests from either side of the isle i'll aisle are gladly accepted. Utmost satisfaction is guaranteed!

Saturday, December 3, 2011


Look for The Onion label.These are not crocodile tears, your LakeCountyEye has been reading The Onion.

As readers of this blog are grievously aware ...
Rated R:
for Things Blown Way Out of Proportion
Some Springfield Rep this week tried to send a shout-out to Occupy Wall Street with a lame you-go-we're-all-behind-you House Resolution. The shout-out however was shot-down with front-line support from a familiar name:
The House voted down the resolution 58-37, led by Joe Walsh's new BFF, Rep. Ed Sullivan Jr. (R-Mundelein). Sullivan perpetuated the incoherent and unfounded ramblings of Walsh, once again tossing around that whole "un-American" thing. However, he went a step forward when he cutely pointed out he had supposedly read reports that demonstrators were "raping and pillaging and beating people up and murdering." Documentation of such reports remain missing. Perhaps Mr. Sullivan has re-read his copy of Game Of Thrones one too many times.
Illinois House votes down Occupy support resolution, cites protestors' "raping," "pillaging"
Sharpeyed operatives will detect snark reminiscent of your LakeCountyEye. The above quote, however, does not belong to your LakeCountyEye -- it is taken from The Onion. (The link is to A.V. Club, a spinoff of The Onion.)

Your LakeCountyEye did predict that Sullivan's remarks would attact some national media attention. However your LakeCountyEye did not expect to be stone cold ripped off by The Onion. And for the record, The Onion did not do their homework -- the aforementioned "documentation" is not "missing". The reports can be read in the comment section of ...
Q the Eye/12.02.11
... as readers of this blog are indignantly aware.

Now sometimes a hometown official will go off-script and go on-record to the media about who they think is un-American. And the hometown Internet smartalecks will be all over that official like a misspelled word all over Facebook. That's just the American way.

But when a national media outlet rips off your material, that's something different entirely. Editors of The Onion, this is fair warning: expect to see some sternly worded letters coming your way. Look in your comment section.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Q the Eye/12.02.11

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I must vigorously stand up and protest this latest of calumnies you've perpetrated upon an unexpecting and misinformed electorate and at the expense of one of our finest elected government officials! To wit I refer your attention to a recent dispatch posted on this laughably self-described "non-partisan" blog, of which your readers are without a doubt pompously aware! ...
Rated R:
for Things Blown Way Out of Proportion
Therein you basely attribute to State Representative Ed Sullivan Jr outrageous statements of an inflammatory nature against some self-appointed left-wing anarchists occupying our public plazas and thoroughfares! It stretches my credulity that the thoughtful, independent Ed Sullivan Jr would brand these hooligans as being "un-American" or accuse them of "raping and pillaging and beating people up and murdering". Whereas these same hooligans are obviously capable of such treasonous and criminal acts and more, no sensible elected official, at least within my sphere of influence, would ever make any sort of silly accusation of this nature! I personally know Representative Sullivan, who is a fine & well-qualified upstanding pillar who would never utter such a ridiculous remark, not unless under duress, and certainly never for the benefit of the public ear!

Sirrah, I demand a swift and unequivocal apology for the good maligned Representative!

Dear Gaseous Vitals,
Ὥρος Hōros
Here's the video -- Sullivan begins at 6:19 -- see for yourself ...

Your LakeCountyEye speculates that Sullivan is stealing a page from out of the Joe Walsh playbook:
  1. Make some incendiary, outrageous remark for the benefit of the teevee cameras.
  2. Wait for the MSM to pay you some attention.
This may be just what the doctor ordered for jumpstarting a stalled political career!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Rated R:
for Things Blown Way Out of Proportion

Sword-and-SandalThis has been a week of disappointment. Promised graphic scenes of raping and pillaging and beating people up and murdering, your LakeCountyEye hastened to the nearest Plaza hoping to enjoy some action & adventure in 3D. Upon taking a seat, however, all your LakeCountyEye saw were some hippies milling around, either texting their iPhones or engaged in meaningful chitchat.

Was your LakeCountyEye at the movie theater to see the gladiator epic Immortals -- but somehow got ushered instead into the chickflick The Twilight Saga? Nope. Your LakeCountyEye was at the UIC Student Center for an Occupy Chicago event.

Your LakeCountyEye wasted an afternoon at some lame protest rally -- and not viewing Immortals -- all on the recommendation of Lake County State Representative Ed Sullivan Jr.

Sullivan, quoted by the AP and picked up by the Chicago Tribune, accused the Occupy Wall Street ...
protesters of "raping and pillaging." Rep. Ed Sullivan Jr. called the protesters "un-American." The Mundelein Republican says he has seen reports of them "raping and pillaging and beating people up and murdering."
Ill. House rejects 'Occupy' resolution
Who among you, operatives and journalists alike, could resist a hot tip like that? For the record, your LakeCounty Eye was not able to witness a single incident of rape or pillage or murder while at UIC. Not even a beating-up.

Were Ed Sullivan Jr ever tempted to become a full-time movie-reviewer, your LakeCountyEye would have to strongly advise him not to quit his day jobs.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Digressional Districts

If 14 was 8. I don't mind. I don't mind.The public sector pensioners at the McHenryCountyBlog can be counted on to call a spade a spade -- or in this case to call Joe Walsh the Tip of the Spear ...
"Tip of the Spear" Joe Walsh is Front Page Negative News in Chicago Tribune
But Walsh may have just been caught wetting the tip of his spear because it is indicating that the wind is blowing in the direction of the Eighth Congressional District. Walsh, a victim of redistricting, had been running for re-election in the Fourteenth Congressional District, against Republican incumbent Randy Hultgren. The Daily Herald is now reporting that Walsh may have decided to run in the district he represents, the Eighth:
Eighth District Congressman Joe Walsh is expected to announce as early as the next day or two whether he will run for re-election in a district different from the one where he has already been campaigning. Such a move would allow the McHenry Tea Partyer to avoid a bitter, costly primary fight against a fellow Republican freshman but at the same time would require him to launch a new campaign in a far more Democratic-leaning district.
Walsh might switch districts, announcement expected
It was widely believed that Walsh faced a better chance at beating Hultgren in Fourteen, than beating a generic Democrat in the Eighth. If Walsh does file to run in the Eighth instead, that would indicate he is polling poorly in Fourteen. So poorly, he is being forced to go for broke in Eight.

Randy Hultgren would be the obvious beneficiary of a defection by Walsh. Tammy Duckworth, the likely Democratic nominee in the Eighth District, would also benefit from the opportunity to run against Walsh. Walsh would be harder to beat than the token Republican opposition currently on tap in the Eighth. But Duckworth has already seized the opportunity to fundraise against Walsh, a nationally recognized leftwing bugbear. Ditto goes for Raja Krishnamoorthi -- a possible, but less likely, Democratic nominee in Eight.

The biggest loser is Frank McClatchey, the declared Democratic candidate in the Fourteenth District. McClatchey had an outside chance against a Republican with high negatives like Walsh -- even in a Republican vote sink. But McClatchey, by your LakeCountyEye's reckoning, has no chance at beating a Randy Hultgren.

Other losers would be the McHenryCountyBlog. Walsh would be effectively moving his campaign operation to Schaumburg. Schaumburg is to McHenry County as The Office is to Dukes of Hazzard.

The other big loser is your LakeCountyEye. Without Joe Walsh to kick around any more your LakeCountyEye is on a collision course to losing some serious raison d'etre Mo-Joe.

Say it ain't so, Joe!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Signature Song

That's AmoreTis the season in Lake County -- when bands of merry emissaries wander door to door, sing the praises of their king of kings, asking only in return your sign of recognition. Ha ha, it's petition season for the 2012 election in Lake County. As readers of this blog are misfortunately aware ...
Christmas in Springfield?
the petition filing deadline for Congressional candidates has been extended to Christmas Eve and beyond. Candidates for Congress who are down for the count and ready to concede defeat, now have until Christmas to meet their petition requirement.

Operatives are advised to check their peepholes before answering their doors -- on the other side may be poorly-paid and surly campaign petition circulators. Or they just might be the LakeCountyEye carolers only wishing to spread some holiday cheer:
Christmas Notes

Will you take this petition?
It's for our politician.
We'd like you to sign,
Your name on this line.
Knockin' for a long-shot congressman.

Many thanks, you've been too kind.
Christmas day is our deadline.
You are number four.
We'll need many more.
Knockin' for a long-shot congressman.

In the WalMart is a cardboard snowman.
Let's all pretend he lives in Mundelein.
We'll say: Are you registered to vote, man?
He can say: Since nineteen and sixty nine!

Only need another million.
When its done we'll be chillin'.
Fabricate to play,
The Chicago way.
Knockin' for a long-shot congressman.

Christmas Notes
Look for your LakeCountyEye, walkin' in the you know what.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Christmas in Springfield?

Lake County has celebrated another Thanksgiving. Its observance traditionally marks the beginning of a month-long season of festive preparation where friends, family & neighbors all come together to engage in what is truly a once-in-a-year occasion. Yes, the War on Christmas, simmering all year, has again erupted into a shooting war. The opening salvo against this most sacred of holidays is typically fired from the war-room of some activist nanny-state federal court. This year is no exception. According to the Chicago Tribune ...
A federal judge today moved back the filing schedule for Illinois congressional candidates to late December while deliberations continue on a lawsuit challenging the state's new U.S. House district boundaries. The start date for filing candidate petitions was to begin next Monday. But U.S. District Judge Joan Lefkow, one of three federal judges overseeing a Republican challenge to the Democratic-drawn boundaries, set Friday, Dec. 23, through Tuesday, Dec. 27, as the new filing period.
Federal court pushes back congressional candidate filing while Illinois map in dispute
Operatives will not need to consult their pollsters to see that Christmas -- Dec. 25 -- falls smack dab in the middle of Dec.-23-through-Dec.-27, the new federally mandated Congressional filing period.

As readers of this blog are acutely aware ...
The Petition Edition
Not a holiday.the Congressional primary ballot in Lake County is looking to be packed tighter than the Millburn Strangler in a ComEd outage. Typically most congressional candidates are utter noobs, unable to meet even their minimum petition requirement. But every one of those Congressional campaigns, experiencing near-death right about now, just got mouth-to-mouth resuscitated with this federal ruling.

Scores of congressional candidates will now be forsaking their holiday obligations in last-minute pursuit of petition signatures. And holiday shoppers will be staying home in droves rather than risk being overpowered by an army of campaign operatives desperately advancing to hit that magic-number of signatures before the new post-Christmas deadline. Thank you, unelected panel of federal judges, the Grinch himself couldn't have done a better job stealing Christmas in Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye shudders to think what those activist judges have next up the sleeves of their black robes, in pursuit of their total War On Christmas. Oh, the humanity, won't somebody think of the children?

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy X-Giving!

Your LakeCountyEye wishes each and every reader of this blog a Happy Thanksgiving!

Gobble gobble!
  • Bonne Action de grâce
  • Feliz Día de Acción de Gracias
  • Fröhliche Danksagung
  • Glædelig Helligdag
  • Vrolijke gedenkdagen
  • God Helgdag
  • Święto dziękczynienia
  • 感恩節快樂
  • 感謝祭おめでとう
  • سعيد عيد الشكر
  • Rojashukrépirozbe
  • Masaya pasasalamat
  • Keje
  • 즐거운 추수 감사절
  • С Днем благодарения
  • ŞükranGününüzkutluolsun
  • щастлив благодарност
  • sretan zahvalnosti
  • šťastný díkůvzdání
  • lykkelig taksigelse
  • Ευτυχής ημέρα των ευχαριστιών
  • שמחה והודיה
  • खुश धन्यवाद
  • felice ringraziamento
  • fericit mulţumire
  • Happy Thanksgiving

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Debatable Candidates

Capra CornYour LakeCountyEye has confirmed that because of decennial redistricting, the number of candidates on the 2012 ballot will exceed the number of registered voters in Lake County. With the petition deadline a short week away, an emergency plan is in the works to bus up migrant voters from Cook County.

Ha ha, as readers of this blog are abundantly aware ...
The Petition Edition
the 2012 election cycle has produced a bumper crop of new candidates, who all want support from the same limited pool of party operatives, like so many bumper cars crowded in a, erm, bumper shop.

In politics, as it is in the Bible, many are called but few are chosen. The typical sales pitch delivered in the proverbial smoke-filled room, your LakeCountyEye has learned, follows a predictable trajectory:
 Candidate:I'm running for Congress and I need your help.
 Operative:Awesome. What are your qualifications?
 Candidate:I have a lot of ideas.
 Operative:I meant what do you bring to the table?
 Candidate:My ideas! Washington is broken and I know how to fix it.
 Operative:Outstanding. Of course anyone who listens to Limbaugh and Hannity can repeat all the talking points. But what differentiates you? More to the point, how much money have you raised?
 Candidate:Money? I don't have any.
 Operative:Then what's your fundraising plan?
 Candidate:That's why I'm here, asking for your support. I need someone to raise the money for me.
 Operative:Have you thought about running for your county board instead?
 Candidate:County board? What's that?
For the record, the above transcription is taken from a candidate interview conducted in 2009. The candidate's name? Joe Walsh. The rest is history.

Monday, November 21, 2011

The Petition Edition

Sign on the dotted line.It's Thanksgiving week in Lake County -- traditionally a time to pause & reflect and make sure your petition packets are bound, correctly numbered and in sequential order. Ha ha, it's the last Monday before the first filing day and operatives are running around like turkeys with their heads chopped off hoping to secure enough signatures to meet their minimum ballot requirement.

Now that the county's been redistricted, virtually every office holder is up for re-election in 2012 -- from your congressman at the top of the ballot all the way down to the lowly precinct captain at the bottom, and with a bunch of state legislators & county board reps packed in between. That crowd of last minute shoppers at your grocery store are actually petition circulators -- so do like your LakeCountyEye and memorize this helpful phrase ...
Ich weiß nicht Englisch!
and purchase that sixpack of holiday cheer with no unwanted delay!

According to the LakeCountyEye rule of thumb, if you are reading this but still don't have your minimum required signatures then please go home, you're not a real candidate. (For the record, a real candidate in your situation would file a short petition stack and hope no one challenges.) Nothing screams political loser noob louder than the candidate who files X plus 2 signatures for an office requiring X signatures. Seriously, if you can't file a challenge-proof X times 2 signatures, then just file a sheet or two from that last Chamber and/or Union meeting. At least it will look like you got something or other up your sleeve.

Regardless what anyone says, operatives this week can be expected to -- erm -- forge ahead to meet their petition goals. Of course your LakeCountyEye doesn't need to convene a roundtable ring of experts to make it known that forgery is illegal. However your LakeCountyEye is reminded of one enterprising operative who, back in the day, produced a thick stack of petitions with names copied out of a Minneapolis phone book. A skeptical collaborator reminded him that they were filing in Lake County. "Right," said the operative. "These are all people from Minnesota. Who's going to suspect that any of these names were forged?"

Look for your LakeCountyEye outside a grocery store near you.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Monument to Cupidity?

Your LakeCountyEye, last observed careening about the uncharted northern steppes of Lake County ...
The Bob & Tom Show
after one too many right turns is blogging tonight from Crystal Lake. To make matters worse, the GPS tracking device attached to the LakeCountyEye low-speed vehicle indicated that Crystal Lake is in gasp! McHenry County.

Luckily, your LakeCountyEye was able to find an information kiosk. However hopes for getting directions back to the LakeCountyEye compound got the kibosh when that kiosk turned out to be a Sheriff's sub-station instead:
Rogue's Gallery
Just your LakeCountyEye's luck, there was nobody at home in the sub-station.

Can some operative contact the McHenryCountyBlog?
Could TIF Monument Ads Help City Collect More Sales Taxes?
Hopefully one of the public sector pensioners over there will know where your LakeCountyEye is stranded.

Friday, November 18, 2011

The Bob & Tom Show

The 99% have taken to the streets and your LakeCountyEye has joined their ranks to Occupy the Lake County Roundabouts. Frankly, after an hour of stone cold protest marching round and round and round a traffic circle, your LakeCountyEye needs to set for a spell and maybe check the e-mail.

Frequent commenter TK writes:
"Comparing Bob Dold to Tom Delay is dirty pool! You're a shill for the Chicago machine!"
While frequent commenter Louis G Althusser writes:
"Comparing Bob Dold to Tom Delay is hard cheese! You only print oppo from the DCCC!"
Well, when the great unwashed speaks, your LakeCountyEye listens. As readers of this blog are backwardly aware ...
Dold & Hammer
your LakeCountyEye dug up some startling parallels between 10th District Congressman Robert Dold and former Republican House Majority Leader Tom Delay. But after reviewing the new oppo, it has come to your LakeCountyEye's attention a disservice has been perpetrated on the representative and that Robert Dold is no Tom Delay. The two politicians are totally different. Different in 10 ways, to be exact:

Ten Differences Between Robert Dold and Tom Delay
  1. Tom Delay: Aries
    Robert Dold: Cancer

  2. Tom Delay: Convicted in Texas of Money Laundering
    Robert Dold: Never Convicted in Texas of Money Laundering

  3. Tom Delay: CEO of Albo Pest Control
    Robert Dold: CEO of Rose Pest Solutions

  4. Tom Delay: Resides in Sugar Land, Texas
    Robert Dold: Resides in Kenilworth, Illinois

  5. Robert Dold: Does not live in Illinois's Tenth Congressional District
    Tom Delay: Does not live in Illinois's Eighth Congressional District

  6. Tom Delay: Federal law prohibits a convicted felon from possessing a gun.
    Robert Dold: 2010 NRCC Young Gun

  7. Tom Delay: Awesome Nickname -- The Hammer
    Robert Dold: Awesome Nickname -- TBD

  8. Tom Delay: Competed on Dancing with the Stars, Season Nine
    Robert Dold: Not seen on Season Nine of Dancing with the Stars

  9. Robert Dold: Does a spot-on impression of Quick Draw McGraw
    Tom Delay: No spot-on impression of Quick Draw McGraw

  10. Tom Delay: Left-Wing Bugbear
    Robert Dold: Yeah, he wishes

Robert Dold

Quick Draw McGraw
Fool you once, shame on me. Fool you twice,
you're looking at another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!

Look for your LakeCountyEye galloping off into the sunset.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Dold & Hammer

Who knew, but with redistricting Lake County is to be officially rebranded Lake County 2.0 -- and with it is getting some new congressional reps. Joe Walsh's Eighth Congressional District is leaving Lake County for good, relocating to a nice retirement condo down south; Peter Roskam's Sixth District and Robert Dold's Tenth District are moving in and plan to be around for a long time. If you count 10 years a long time. Following an act like Joe Walsh & his Figurative Fists of Fury is no mean feat, so Roskam and Dold are naturally all like: "What am I supposed to be over here, the Route 53 Extension?"

Lake County has its share of narrow political niches, and plenty of boutique blogs narrowly focused on their niches. Your LakeCountyEye however is committed to covering all of Lake County 24/7/365, and with that pledge is committed to profiling all of the County's newest congresscritters -- the newest of which being the aforementioned Robert Dold.

Robert Dold represents Lake County's newest drawn Congressional District, the 10th, which in 2012 will make a sort of Y incision starting at Deerfield, going all the way up to Zion and over to Round Lake. Not much is known about Dold. His name is comically similar to former Kansas Senator Robert Dole's. Both are Republicans but the similarity seems to end there, as Dole is both a war hero and a moderate Republican.

A more striking similarity exists between Dold and another GOP congressman, ousted Republican Party boss Tom Delay:
  • Prior to entering politics, both Dold and Delay were exterminators.
  • Neither Dold or Delay served in the armed forces.
  • Grover Norquist helped Tom Delay start the K Street Project.
    Grover Norquist campaigned for Robert Dold.
  • Tom Delay does not live in Illinois's new Tenth Congressional District.
    Neither does Robert Dold.

Robert Dold

Tom Delay
You're not seeing double,
you're seeing another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!
JFK famously said the torch has passed to a new generation. Tom Delay has gone to sit on the bench at another federal institution. The citronella torch has passed to Robert Dold!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Assessing the Damages

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.There is no truth to the rumor that some Avon Township homeowners expecting assessment blue cards were instead mailed pink slips. Ha ha, j/k. As readers of this blog are cannedidly aware,
Q the Eye/11.10.11
Avon Township this week resolved a wrongful termination suit, resulting in a $450,000 court ordered fine judgement settlement ... whatevs.

Chicago perfected the spoils system: "I got you elected, now if you don't give me a job you're spoiling for a fight." So to the victor goes the spoils but, as operatives sometimes ask, what do you do when the losers won't leave? There is an art and etiquette to firing those unwanted employees, and if not done correctly expect to be like the sadsacks in Avon Township, spending a lot of quality time in a deposition room.

Appearances to the contrary, there are ways to sack that unloyal government hire without risking serious blowback. No stranger to the unforewarned heave-ho, here are 10 of the best strategies for finessing a termination your LakeCountyEye has witnessed over the years.

Ten Failsafe Ways to Fire that Recalcitrant Government Employee
  1. Hire Trump to do your dirty work.
  2. Bus in some union busting goons from Wisconsin.
  3. Relocate the office to a location off the Millburn Strangler; then fire everyone for being late to work every morning.
  4. 2 words every government official should remember:
    Extraordinary Rendition
  5. Sack that employee the Herman Cain way. Nuff said?
  6. Ouryay Iredfay!
    Fire them in Pig Latin.
  7. Don't fire those over-paid employees, shrink their paychecks instead. Install a slot machine in the lunchroom.
  8. Outsourcing is your friend. Transfer everyone to Kuala Lumpur.
  9. Organize an angry mob of small-government Tea Partiers.
  10. Cut out the middleman: just abolish township government.

Look for your LakeCountyEye -- where else -- in the unemployment line.