Sunday, July 29, 2012

Motorola Goes AWOLa

What do they do on a cloudless night?While Internet blogging sets the new goldstandard for veracity in reportage, mistakes are known to occur, and your LakeCountyEye is not exempt. One of Lake County's largest employers is moving 3,000 jobs to Chicago. But as readers of this blog are erroneously aware ...
Let Me Tell You About the Birds and the Bees
the company is not Chick-fil-A; nor are they moving to protest a chicken ordinance recently passed in Mundelein. The company is Motorola and the move is a consequence of their merger with Google. Your LakeCountyEye regrets the error.

The move was, depending on who you listen to, either top-secret or an open secret.

According to the Daily Herald ...
Mayor Terry Weppler said he was disappointed, but not surprised by Motorola Mobility's decision to move its headquarters from Libertyville to Chicago. Weppler said he heard rumors about a potential move have been flying since the merger between Google and Motorola Mobility was announced earlier this year. "It's probably been the worst-kept secret in the world," he said.
Libertyville mayor 'disappointed' by Motorola move
While according to the News-Sun ...
"Nobody had the guts to tell us," said Lake County Board Chairman David Stolman.
Quinn bows to another Emanuel raid on the suburbs
Along with those 3,000 jobs, Motorola is also taking $110 million in Illinois tax credits with them. The credits were given to Motorola last year as an incentive to stay in Lake County. According to the Daily Herald ...
Twenty people voted against the tax breaks. At least 16 are lawmakers from Cook County.
Sullivan: The irony in Motorola's move
Note to operatives: suburban or Republican lawmakers can vote for all the corporate welfare bills they please. But when some big-city mayor dangles his shiny object in front of that corporation, How Ya Gonna Keep'em Down on the Farm?

Your LakeCountyEye observes that turnabout is fair play. Although Chick-fil-A wants to expand into the Chicago market, they haven't exactly been welcomed there with open arms. If some Mayor or County Board Chairman would persuade Chick-fil-A to build their franchise in Lake County instead, that would even the score!

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Let Me Tell You About the Birds and the Bees

lol cowHaha, the Village of Mundelein voted this week to slap a ban on the birds and the bees. Operatives who live in Mundelein, however, need not pull down their window-shades just yet -- because that would be birds as in chickens; and bees as in bees. According to the Daily Herald ...
Beehives and chicken coops will not be making their way into backyards in Mundelein just yet. A proposed zoning ordinance that would have allowed the animals was tabled at the village's regular meeting Monday in a 4-2 vote.
Mundelein: No chickens, bees in backyards
This backyard livestock ordinance is regarded as another burdensome government regulation imposed on the American way of life throughout the world. One local business directly affected by the ban has already responded with plans to move its operation out of Lake County and into Chicago. Nationwide chicken merchant and freedom-loving, privately owned Chick-fil-A wants to expand their operation into Logan Square -- but has already run into some stiff headwinds from nanny-state Chicago pols. According to the Sun-Times ...
The anti-gay views openly espoused by the president of a fast food chain specializing in chicken sandwiches have run afoul of Mayor Rahm Emanuel and a local alderman, who are determined to block Chick-fil-A from expanding in Chicago.
Emanuel goes after Chick-fil-A for boss' anti-gay views
It is rumored that Mundelein's beekeepers have sided with Chick-fil-A and are threatening to move their hives to Chicago as well. If so, your LakeCountyEye will not hazard to guess what that would entail or how exactly many queen bees would need to be ferried across county lines.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Fair Enough!

Haha it's a good thing they decided to build that Route 45 bypass through a residential neighborhood -- and not through that Old Mill Creek cornfield. That's because the Lake County Fair is shrinking faster than Lake County farmland. The fair schedule, this year, has been abbreviated down to a scant five days.

Perhaps one more sign they can't compete with the Internet, organizers are trying to jazz up the fair this year, perhaps to attract a younger crowd. Or simply paying customers. According to the Daily Herald ...
Although it's just one wacky attraction amid five days of livestock showings, craft and food competitions, truck and tractor pulls, motocross, live music, food on sticks and carnival rides, sasquatch calling in a sense represents a new way of doing business for fair officials.
Lake County Fair adds a dose of wackiness
Your LakeCountyEye cautions that calling sasquatch is different than calling pigs or geese. If a sasquatch shows up you are obligated to entertain and feed him, at least through the evening. Anyhow, the Lake County Fair is Wednesday July 25 through Sunday July 29. Here's ten of what you're missing if you don't attend:

Ten New Wacky Attractions at the 2012 Lake County Fair
  1. Guess that Confection
  2. Guess that Tribute Band
  3. Noon-Hour Outdoor Ice Sculpture Speed Trials
  4. Groin Pulls
  5. Animal Mineral or Vegetable?™ Genetically Altered Livestock Competition
  6. Olympic Portapotty Queue
  7. Deep Fried Asian Carp Eating Contest
  8. All-You-Can-Ride Lake County Roundabout
  9. 4-H FarmVille
  10. Limited Parking Demolition Derby

Look for your LakeCountyEye -- where else? ...
... at the Lake County Fair.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

AKA the News-Sun-ion?

The News-Sun -- Lake County's newspaper of record -- announced it will be scaling back on its popular Voices segment:
A Sun-Times Media photographer has been fired after admitting she used fake names and quotes in Lake County News-Sun "Voices" questions published this year, the company said.
Photographer fired for using fake names, quotes
It is believed the News-Sun's action is part of an effort to cut costs. Their Voices segment is very similar to the American Voices segment published by the Onion:

American Voices
Perhaps one more sign that old media's days are numbered, your LakeCountyEye has learned that the News-Sun's Voices segment was simply unable to compete with the Onion -- America's Finest News Source.

Your LakeCountyEye, in an effort to measure the opinion of the County, took to the streets and talked to some Average Joes and Plain Janes:

Some of those Average Joes and Plain Janes featured in the News-Sun's Voices segment were, like, totally faked.

What do you think?

"The News-Sun ought to be made to revoke their Pulitzers."

"Ditto what that other guy just said."

"Sorry, I get all my news from the Patch."
Parsons Rennagut
Unemployed Skin Diver
Ben Dover
Unemployed Cut Purse
John Hancock
Unemployed County Commissioner

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Some Political Heater

drink the koolaidIn Lake County the dog days of summer arrive, nowadays, like a cat on a hot tin roof. It's been so hot that your LakeCountyEye has taken to stashing the Red Bull in the freezer. Look behind the Cheetos.

Days when the thermometer outscores your operative's median IQ -- are those days that will make or break a campaign. Your LakeCountyEye is convinced that climate change denial is a vast conspiracy by political incumbents:
  • Boobs in the media repeatedly insist that global warming is junk science.
  • As a result nothing is done to stop global warming.
  • Your campaign volunteers won't knock on doors because it's too hot.
  • The entrenched incumbent you are challenging sails to an easy re-election.
  • Genius!
So don't let this happen to you. If your campaign is on the one-way street to a political meltdown then your LakeCountyEye has 10 cool-headed tips for surviving the Summer of 2012:

Ten Ways to Beat the Heat
Now that Global Warming has Kicked-In, Some Bloody Awful
  1. Promise your call-bankers that they will be making cold calls.

  2. Canvass in Lake Chilla Township.

  3. Treat your volunteers to a double-header from the air-conditioned comfort of a Fielder's Stadium skybox.

  4. Convert to metric -- 100° is a cool 38° Celsius.

  5. Drive across the Wisconsin border. Before frostbite sets in, drive back. Repeat as needed.

  6. Contact the Lake County State's Attorney. They will be happy to put you on ice.

  7. Schlep yourself and a lawnchair over to a Libertyville windfarm.

  8. Order a pizza and give the driver directions through a Lake County roundabout. By the time the driver arrives the pizza will be cold ... and free!

  9. Volunteer to judge the ice sculpture contestants at the Lake County Fair.
    This year: July 25 thru July 29

  10. See to it that the Route 53 Extension gets built. Then enjoy the ancillary-benefit of hell freezing over.

Look for your LakeCountyEye in the freezer section of a store near you.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Q the Eye/07.12.12

Dear LakeCountyEye,

You think you're so smart? I want to privatize Medicare. But I also want to get re-elected in November. What do you say to that?

Chief Deputy Whip
Dear Snidely Whiplash,

Ὥρος HōrosMedicare is a life-saving Federal entitlement program that provides free medical care to millions of senior citizens. So one would think that any Rep in Washington who wanted to eliminate Medicare would be on a path to political suicide. Well one Lake County congressman -- who you should emulate -- wants to do just that. Peter Roskam supports the so-called 2013 Ryan Budget which would privatize Medicare by replacing the promise of free medical services with a $6000 voucher against the purchase of insurance. And Roskam is cruising toward easy re-election.

Here's how it was done, son. In politics, if you have a problem then change the subject. In this case Roskam managed to change the subject from Medicare to ... Medicare! As readers of this blog are deceptively aware ...

You Gotta Know Where to Fold'em
Team Roskam has been bombing voter mailboxes with campaign lit about Medicare Fraud. This Congressman wants to stop Medicare fraud and is telling his voters all about his new Medicare Fraud Bill.

Roskam's message works on a number of levels. It frames him as a defender of the popular Medicare program. At the same time it changes the subject away from the fact that Roskam actually advocates the elimination of Medicare. And as a bonus, the message implies that Medicare is a bad Government entitlement riddled with fraud.

Roskam's congressional district includes southwest Lake County and portions of McHenry County, and is teeming with boobs low-information-voters who love this sort of keep-your-government-hands-off-my-medicare style of mixed political signal. Your LakeCountyEye predicts Peter Roskam will remain a Lake County Congressman for a thousand years. The end.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

You Gotta Know Where to Fold'em

Your LakeCountyEye observed another Independence Day with most fingers and toes intact. The period between the Fourth of July and Labor Day is when most political campaigns that are on their way to losing all their wheels founder. No one is ever quite sure what to do in July and August; and besides it's too hot to do anything anyways.

Operatives like your LakeCountyEye who can't afford golf are advised to take up an inexpensive hobby during the summer doldrums, like origami. All that is required is some paper and a little imagination.

For instance, your LakeCountyEye has learned that non-comical congressman Peter Roskam has dropped a fair amount of lit already into the Lake County mailboxes:
It is no secret that the trick to origami is in making just a minimum number of folds:
A few strategic crisp and clean folds are the difference between a wolf in sheep's clothing ...
... and a perfect Phil Crane.
(The LakeCountyEye green eyeshade tips for Al Jaffee.)

Friday, July 6, 2012

Destined for the Ashleigh of History

Oh Ashley, Ashley, I love you.If Lake County's comical Congressman Joe Walsh gets punkt by the MSM, how long before the local media notices?

Walsh recently was on CNN to complain that his opponent Tammy Duckworth talks to much. Politico jumped quickly and didn't resist the opportunity to have some fun:
Rep. Joe Walsh's clash with CNN's Ashleigh Banfield on Thursday afternoon almost certainly featured the most times the name "Ashleigh" has ever been uttered on TV in a 12-minute span.
Rep. Joe Walsh, CNN's Ashleigh Banfield battle
Haha, soon after, Lake County's newspaper of record the Daily Herald dutifully reproduced Politico's meme:
Walsh and Banfield talked over each other for more than 10 minutes, with Walsh often repeating "Ashleigh, Ashleigh, Ashleigh" as the McHenry Republican sought to make the point that Duckworth should talk more about issues instead of her military service.
Walsh spars with CNN personality over Duckworth
In a nutshell, the Daily Herald took Politico's joke and made that their story. All the while managing not to be funny about it. For the record, here's how it's supposed to be done, son:
Bystanders may have thought they wandered into a Scarlett O'Hara audition, given the number of times Walsh invoked the name "Ashley".
By now it's obvious that Walsh has dropped any pretense of even trying to be re-elected. Your LakeCountyEye advises Walsh, the next time he's in front of the cameras, to try reading some of Rhett Butler's lines. Just sayin!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

When is the 4th of July
in Canada?

For the duration of this protracted humpday 4th of July holiday, your LakeCountyEye will be moonlighting as an unpaid climate-control superintendent -- at the 24-hour White Hen. Until the weather breaks, your LakeCountyEye wishes every reader of this blog and operative a safe and happy Fourth:
  • Joyeux le quatre Juillet!
  • जुलाई के चौथे खुश!
  • Feliz Cuatro de Julio!
  • הרביעי של יולי שמח!
  • Buon quarto di luglio!
  • 七月第四快乐!
  • Lycklig fjärde juli!
  • Feliz quarto de julho!
  • 7月の幸せな第四!
  • Ευτυχισμένο το τέταρτο του Ιουλίου!
  • Ceathrú Shona de Iúil!
  • الرابع من تموز سعيد!
  • Feliĉa Kvara de Julio!
  • Днем четвертого июля!
  • Glad Fjerde af juli!
  • جولائی کی خوش چوتھا!
  • Happy Fourth of July!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Happy 4th of July Eve

In anticipation of the Fourth of July festivities, it's home improvement time at the LakeCountyEye compound. Look for your LakeCountyEye this week hanging asbestos shingles. According to the News-Sun ...
Drought-like conditions in Lake County are beginning to take their toll for upcoming Fourth of July fireworks shows. Officials in Round Lake Beach and Wauconda on Friday announced they are canceling their towns' fireworks displays, citing the risk of fire from the hot and dry conditions over the past month.
Dry conditions force fireworks cancellations in Round Lake Beach, Wauconda
Operatives may add this to the unexpected consequences of global warming: a rain of fireworks and brimstone every Fourth of July.

While on the subject of fire crackers, McHenry County, which had been redistricted to north of the Canadian border, still dismisses global warming as a lamestreammedia hoax ...
Archive for the 'Global Warming'
But for those still situated in the lower 48, your LakeCountyEye recommends observing some sensible precautions. Every town and TIF district has a parade scheduled, so don't overdo it. Operatives are advised to march in no more than 10 parades on the Fourth -- 12 max. Always bully your way to the head of the parade line-up, especially on those 100+ degree days. In between parades, don't forget to hydrate. And your LakeCountyEye recommends the Route 53 extension for shaving some precious minutes off that dash between municipalities. Finally, nothing makes a mess like a trunk full of Tootsie Rolls and Hershey Kisses -- make sure to fling hardcandy at the kiddies whenever the mercury tops 110.

Follow these simple commonsense precautions and your LakeCountyEye guarantees you many more future Fourth of July parades to come!