Sunday, December 3, 2023

Raze the Roofs

fixed overhead costs
The truck that crashed into the Long Grove bridge failed to hit the Long Grove bridge this time. The truck demolished a covered bridge in Princeton IL, instead:
despite multiple signs warning against doing so, the driver of an 18-wheeler tried to cross the bridge, causing extensive damage to the structure.
‘Devastated’: 160-year-old covered bridge, one of few left in Illinois, severely damaged by truck
For the record, Princeton is an exurb South of I-80, North of Peoria, and West of the Pecos.

A Lake County traffic safety officer told your LakeCountyEye: "Our decoy program is working better than expected. Every truck that hits a downstate covered bridge is one less truck crashing into the Long Grove bridge."

The McHenry County Man who shot himself in the foot who failed to shoot himself in the foot in McHenry County was unavailable for comment.

Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Wheels of Fire

arf arf
Late fall in Lake County is a time when the trees and the foliage and the people and their vehicles all converge for a wondrous display of color. Of course your LakeCountyEye refers to the combustible combination of yard waste and hot catalytic converters and the resulting street fires:
A suburban fire department has advised residents to keep their vehicles away from fallen leaves after a car parked on leaves ignited, causing the car to burst into flames. The Mundelein Fire Department said that firefighters responded to a fully involved vehicle fire late Sunday evening, with the car and surrounding leaves completely engulfed in flames upon arrival of firefighters. Officials said that the blaze was quickly extinguished and that no injuries were reported.
Mundelein Fire Department advises residents to keep leaves away from vehicles after parked car ignites
In related news, you're invited to a drive-thru holiday festival of lights. Please fire up your engines and take a cruise through the open field site of last summer's outdoor marijuana festival in Mundelein. For best results, drive slow and roll your windows down.

Thursday, November 23, 2023

Phase 2 of Halloween+Thanksgiving+Christmas

gobble gobble
Thanksgiving is that time of year to be thankful. To reflect on what matters most. To share in your good fortunes.

So could there be any better time for a pop quiz?

Q: Why did the giant Thanksgiving Turkey parade balloon cross the road?
A: Because it was under the Long Grove Bridge (clearance 8ft 6in).

Q: What did the McHenry Man who shot himself in the foot say at Thanksgiving dinner?
A: I want another leg.

Q: Why did the Waukegan Airport annex the turkey farm?
A: They wanted the planes full on thanksgiving.

Q: Why did the the thanksgiving turkey stay away from the Mundelein outdoor marijuana festival?
A: Everyone was getting baked.

Q: What did the thanksgiving turkey who got stopped driving the wrong way in a Lake County roundabout say?
A: Nothing. Turkeys do not talk.
First prize is a butterball turkey. You may pick up your prize at traffic court.

Saturday, November 18, 2023

It is Happening Again

steady, aim, fire
Did anyone really think the McHenry County Man who shot himself in the foot was just going to walk away from it all?

Last week the McHenry County Man shot himself in the foot in Des Plaines:
Police: Woman's gun goes off in car, hits boyfriend outside Rivers Casino
And now, less than a week later, he shot himself in the foot in Mount Prospect:
The victim was taken to a hospital for treatment of what police called a nonlife-threatening injury.
Man shot in leg Sunday night in Mount Prospect
McHenry County Man confirms the old adage: It doesn't matter where you go in life. All that matters is that your weapon is loaded.

Monday, November 13, 2023

Even If You Could Run, You Can't Hide

Dance, you varmint!
The McHenry County Man who shot himself in the foot is playing them close to the vest:
A shooting outside Rivers Casino in Des Plaines early Saturday turned out to be an accident where a woman's gun went off and hit her boyfriend, police said.
Police: Woman's gun goes off in car, hits boyfriend outside Rivers Casino
In an effort to evade scrutiny, the McHenry County Man had ...
  • Relocated to Des Plaines
  • Identified as female
  • The foot that was shot belongs to a boyfriend
Despite all that, the McHenry County Man was apprehended by the police. They said the McHenry County Man took a gun out of her purse, ...
"when the gun fired striking her boyfriend in the leg," police said. The man suffered non-life-threatening injuries, police said.
Police: Woman's gun goes off in car, hits boyfriend outside Rivers Casino
Note to Ops: There is no point in trying to cover your tracks when you shoot yourself in the foot.

Wednesday, November 8, 2023

You Can't Spell Long Grove Without Noel

don't eat the fake snow
Tis that special time of the year again, anticipated and beloved by everyone throughout Lake County. Of course, that joyous season your LakeCountyEye refers to is the Countdown to Christmas 2023 on the Hallmark Channel.

If you are lucky you may already have that special feeling that you are living in a Hallmark Christmas Movie. And if so, that means you are resident of Long Grove. They were filming another Hallmark Christmas Movie in Long Grove, last month:
'A town straight out of a Hallmark movie': Long Grove provides perfect setting for new Hulu rom-com
The IMDb says the movie is a remake of the 1957 epic WWII film The Bridge on the River Kwai.

"The plot tracks the labors of allied POWs, who build a covered bridge on the perilous "coffin" road. Only to witness the bridge's destruction in a thrilling climax. A supply train fails to heed a warning that the covered bridge has a razor-thin 8 ft. 6 in. clearance."

Spoiler alert, the Lake County exploding bomb train makes a cameo appearance.

Friday, November 3, 2023

Hit the Streets

Did you know that there once were flying cars that flew like airplanes? Those are all extinct now. The last flying car, sadly, had to stop for a red-light at 5,000 feet.

So it should come as no surprise that an airplane landed on a road in Cary last week:
A flight student got quite the lesson Monday morning when her instructor was forced to make an emergency landing on Cary-Algonquin Road in Cary.
Flight instructor makes emergency landing on two-lane road in Cary during lesson
In related news, Waukegan National Airport annexed Cary-Algonquin Road for an emergency runway.

Sunday, October 29, 2023

The Amen Corner

The tinfoil theocrats McHenry County Blog do not have a prayer. Not if that prayer was from the Illinois House of Representatives.

Muslim clerics recited (in Arabic) the opening prayer for the General Assembly in Springfield. But the idea did not inspire much Christian charity from the McHenry County Blog:

One spokesman for God said: "They should be reading prayers from the Bible, which was written in English."

Tuesday, October 24, 2023

Wham, Bam, Mammogram

Ladies, Lake County State Rep Martin McLaughlin has your back!

October is breast cancer awareness month. Be sure to schedule your mammogram:

Only be sure not to go to a conveniently located family planning clinic where a mammogram can be scheduled at a minimal cost. Martin McLaughlin wants to see those shut down: Note to Ops: Martin McLaughlin may have your back but that doesn't mean he has your uterus.

Thursday, October 19, 2023

The Ninth Circle

Stay on the straight and narrow.
Been experiencing dizziness lately? You're not alone. Lake County has a new roundabout:
Lake County's ninth roundabout near Wauconda opens early
With it being the 21st Century and everything, Lake County is all in on traffic circles. A roundabout will efficiently move vehicles through an intersection and at a fraction of the cost -- what's not to like? Nothing, not to mention all the things to like. Of which there are ten:
10 Off-Label Benefits of a Lake County Traffic Circle
  1. The Waukegan Airport can annex it for a circular runway.

  2. Trucks will crash in the roundabout before crashing into the Long Grove bridge.

  3. Call it the Route 53 Extension. Solve all of your traffic problems.*

  4. Host the next GOP Presidential debate there. It can be promoted as the Circular Firing Squad.

  5. Waukegan casino? No dice. Instead play roundabout roulette.

  6. Prototype the new Six Flags thrill ride.

  7. A totally tubular spot for an outdoor marijuana festival.

  8. Install some red-light cameras and the roundabout pays for itself.

  9. All-purpose Mexican Independence Day parade route.

  10. Make it a TIF district. Because you can.

* This joke circa 2007.
Look for your LakeCountyEye circling, near you.

Sunday, October 15, 2023

Bust Your Bridges

If you can dream it...
The truck that crashes into the Long Grove bridge failed to crash into the Long Grove bridge. The vehicle crashed into the Metra bridge on Route 45 instead:
Semi-truck strikes bridge, leads to three-vehicle crash near Libertyville
In related news, the Lake County exploding bomb train failed to explode on the Route 45 Metra bridge.

The McHenry County man who shot himself in the foot but failed to shoot himself in the foot was unavailable for comment.

Tuesday, October 10, 2023

School Colors

Actual unretouched screencaps from Lake County's #1 fakenews source, the Lake County Gazette:

Next from the Lake County Gazette: "The Supreme Court repealed Roe v Wade. Why not Brown v Board of the Education?"

Thursday, October 5, 2023

The Drinking Party

Approved by Vladimir Putin
It's time to play Truth or Dare!
Question: What would you do for free beer?

Answer: Join the Republicans.
HaHa, last week nearly 50 mostly uncommitted Republican voters gathered in Barrington for a debate-watch party.
Second Republican debate fails to impress uncommitted GOP voters
Is that the truth? There can't be 50 Republican voters in Lake County, let alone in Barrington. How does anyone scare up 50 GOP voters for a debate watch party?

Well, this is how it is done. You give away free booze:
As the wine and beer kept flowing, the watch party became more "party" than "watch."
Second Republican debate fails to impress uncommitted GOP voters
The technique of sweettalking your voters with free liquor is as old as the Republic itself:
George Washington Plied Voters with Booze
Note to Ops: Do not try this on election day.

Saturday, September 30, 2023

The Last Leg of the Trip

Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay!
The McHenry County man who shot himself in the foot stumbled into the spider-verse last week and he is now the Mexico man who shot himself in the foot:
An investigation is continuing in Mexico after a man was injured in a shots fired incident Sunday, September 24, 2023.
Mexico Man Reportedly Shoots Himself In The Foot In Shots Fired Incident
One tourism brochure said: "If you are going to shoot yourself in the foot, by all means do it in Mexico. Where lethal high-caliber AR-15 assault weapons are illegal."

Does the 2nd Amendment guarantee an American in Mexico the right to carry an assault weapon?

McHenry County States Attorney Patrick Kenneally
McHenry County state’s attorney files lawsuit against Illinois ‘assault weapon,’ high-capacity magazine ban
... was unavailable for comment.

Monday, September 25, 2023

Keep on Trumpin'

Question of the Day:
Who is Mark Shaw?
Former Chair of the Lake County Republicans.
Bonus Question:
Who is the Lake County Republicans?
HaHa, Mark Shaw has signed on to the Trump campaign:
Mark Shaw, a long-standing Illinois GOP leader, is joining Donald Trump's presidential campaign as a political adviser.
Here is a picture of Mark Shaw with an AR-15 assault weapon and Mr & Mrs Joe Walsh. The assault weapon is in the middle:
A spokesman for the campaign said "Mark Shaw will be on a mission to scare up some Lake County votes for Donald Trump in 2024".

Wednesday, September 20, 2023

Must Bust in Early May Orders from the DA

market forces
Honorary Lake County Republican Patrick Kenneally wants bigger, not fewer, nanny-state. Kenneally, the McHenry County States Attorney, has mandated that local shop owners post signs which warn that their products ...
may contribute to mental health problems, including psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia, increased thoughts of suicide and suicide attempts, anxiety, and depression. Risk is greatest for frequent users.
McHenry Co. Dispensaries To Warn Of Mental Health Risks
Did Kenneally intend these signs for gun shops? No, they are meant for marijuana dispensaries.

Despite the fact that gun violence is an ongoing public health crisis, Kenneally is not demanding to see warning signs in gun shops. In fact, Patrick Kenneally, opposes sensible gun control legislation and has taken measures to make it easier to purchase an AR 15 assault weapon in a gun shop:
McHenry County state’s attorney files lawsuit against Illinois ‘assault weapon,’ high-capacity magazine ban
What up with that?

One public watchdog told your LakeCountyEye: "Everyone in McHenry County was home-schooled. So logical consistency is not a high priority with the voters there."

Friday, September 15, 2023

Drugstore Cowboys

smoke'em if you got'em
Those who observed Patrick Kenneally at the Miracle in Mundelein have been asked to notify the concert organizers. You were having some awesome hallucinations and they want to know what kind of weed you were smoking.

HaHa, the last person anyone would expect to see at an outdoor marijuana party would be McHenry County States Attorney Patrick Kenneally. He says marijuana has no medical benefits and users instead face risks to their mental health. As States Attorney, Kenneally
threatened to sue dispensaries if they do not remove references to the medical benefits of marijuana from their marketing and add signage "to warn customers of the mental health dangers associated with use, including psychosis, depression and suicidal ideation."
Medical marijuana users push back on McHenry County state's attorney's stance
Of course, an election is coming and being tough on drugs is a proven Republican vote-getter. But it should be noted that Patrick Kenneally is also tough on guns -- in the sense of being tough on anyone who supports reasonable gun control:
The McHenry County state's attorney on Thursday filed a lawsuit challenging the constitutionality of Illinois' ban on "assault weapons" and high-capacity magazines.
McHenry County state’s attorney files lawsuit against Illinois "assault weapon," high-capacity magazine ban
It's one thing if McHenry County voters are armed with AR-15 assault weapons. But another thing entirely if those McHenry County gun owners were also psychotic or depressed or given over to suicidal ideation.

Especially with an election year coming up.

Monday, September 11, 2023

Miracle Drugs

dead heads
That giant sucking sound you heard this weekend was a throng of pot smokers in Mundelein:
this weekend will mark a new experience in Illinois: a cannabis concert where smoking weed is legal. The Miracle in Mundelein, an outdoor music festival Saturday and Sunday headlining stoner rappers Cypress Hill, will not only allow but encourage cannabis consumption.
Miracle in Mundelein brings legal cannabis consumption to concerts in what could be part of an emerging trend
HaHa, perhaps with the assumption that Canadian wildfires would mask any incriminating odors, the Village of Mundelein gave their OK to a concert with open marijuana consumption.

Your LakeCountyEye has learned, in fact, that officials have submitted an application to the County for a new Mundelein Village motto:
The Mile High City
Not to be caught flatfooted, the Mundelein Backyard Chicken Association issued a statement saying they will no longer sell denver omelets. Instead they will be selling mile-high omelets.

Note to Ops: If you have a yard waste pickup this week expect a high volume of seeds and stems.

Wednesday, September 6, 2023

Pen and Lentil

It is quite possible that the Chicago Tribune Creepy Cartoonist™ observed Labor Day by paying a visit to his labor attorney. Why? Because the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist™ is not the only grand guignol creator on the Trib editorial page. The Chicago Tribune has been publishing submissions from the Creepy Cartoonist's Evil Twin™ as well:
And not only that but his Evil Twin™ is also stealing ideas from the Tribune Creepy Cartoonist™, like this picture:
Note to Ops: Is someone stealing your IP? Don't get mad get even. Submit your drawing of Audrey Jr eating your Evil Twin™:
Oh Snap!

Friday, September 1, 2023

Ask Me No Questions I’ll Tell You No Lies

If the #1 rule every attorney must follow is "never ask a question you don't know the answer to" then the Lake County Gazette may be Rudy Giuliani. An actual unretouched screencap of headlines from Lake County's #1 fakenews source, the Lake County Gazette:
Note to Ops: If you have to ask, you'll never know.

Sunday, August 27, 2023

Don't Have a Cow

Der Ring des Nibelungen
Has your B.S. detector been chirping lately? At random intervals? Those may be false alarms:
Barrington Hills police are urging caution and asking for the public's help in locating a stray bull that was last seen in the area of Route 62 and Old Sutton Road.
Barrington Hills police warn of stray bull near Route 62 and Old Sutton Road
Barefoot runners are being asked to exercise extreme caution.

A spokesman for Tyson the Bison said that "Mr Bison's lawyer has spoken to the Sheriff and at present Mr Bison is not a suspect in the case".

Note to Ops: No sacred cows were harmed in the production of this story.

Wednesday, August 23, 2023

White is the New Black

Pop Quiz! Put on your thinking caps:
Question: Are you a white guy?
Don't know? The McHenryCountyBlog posted some guidelines from the National Museum of African American History and Culture:

Which begs the question: Are the tinfoil theocrats at the McHenryCountyBlog white guys? Let's find out ...

The McHenryCountyBlog would prefer to have a two-tiered justice system:
White guys, however, think no man is above the law:
The McHenryCountyBlog are COVID anti-vaxxers:
The McHenryCountyBlog are also global-warming deniers:
White guys, however, believe in science:
The evidence is irrefutable: There may not be any white guys at the McHenryCountyBlog!

Friday, August 18, 2023

Illiberal Education

Note to Ops: Is your organization losing elections year-in and year-out? And you get stuck with the blame every time? Then why not hand the reins over to outside political consultants? And they can start taking the blame.

HaHa, a PAC from Washington DC will be parachuting into Lake County. Their mission is to "teach conservatives of all ages how to succeed in politics, government, and the media". Specifically, they want to teach you how to get elected:
Candidates are encouraged to attend the unit on how to fundraise:
... because that is a skill you will need:

Sunday, August 13, 2023

Bucks to Buckeyes

Gotta be in it to win it.
Fun fact: Pennsylvania is Philadelphia and Pittsburgh separated by Alabama. But did you know that the Midwest is Illinois and Ohio separated by Indiana?

HaHa, Lake County moneybags Richard Uihlein is at it again. Uihlein had been observed donating more than $1 million to the political campaign of Florida Man Ron DeSantis. And now $4 million has been pumped into Ohio, to oppose abortion rights:
New campaign finance records show Illinois Republican megadonor Richard Uihlein is funding the bulk of the campaign aimed at thwarting a constitutional amendment on abortion in Ohio.
GOP megadonor pours millions into effort to hinder Ohio abortion amendment
Note to Ops: Are there any Republicans left in Illinois? If you happen to come across one, be sure to let Richard Uihlein know. That way he won't need to funnel his money out of state any longer.

Tuesday, August 8, 2023

Trojan Mouse

Lake County favorite son Ron DeSantis ...
Ron DeSantis in Illinois!!
is a candidate for President.

Sources tell your LakeCountyEye that the campaign committee -- Ron DeSantis for President -- is being run like a mickey mouse operation. A fair assessment? Lake County moneybags Richard Uihlein is betting not:
A billionaire couple from Lake Forest who backed Donald Trump's previous presidential campaigns is supporting Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis' bid for the White House in 2024. Richard and Elizabeth Uihlein each gave the pro-DeSantis Never Back Down super PAC $1 million this spring
Once Trump supporters, billionaire Uihleins now spending millions to help DeSantis
Lake County Republicans are asked to show their support for Ron DeSantis by stocking up on Disney merch, direct from ULINE:
Note to Ops: Sooner or later everyone works for The Mouse.

Sunday, August 6, 2023

Hit the High Notes

That haze that is everywhere in the air may not be smoke from the Canadian wildfires:
Mundelein is preparing to host a music festival purported to be the first in the state to allow on-site cannabis consumption. The Miracle at Mundelein will be hosted across the street from Rise, the village's lone dispensary, at 1325 Armour Blvd., Sept. 9-10. Attendees will be allowed to bring cannabis they purchased at an Illinois dispensary
Legal weed at outdoor concert? Mundelein prepares for purportedly state's first to allow it
A significant portion of attendees aren't expected to show up until 4/20 -- so there should be plenty of parking available on festival days.

It is not known if Chief Keef has agreed yet to headline the festival.

If you have volunteered to help clean up after the festival, you are asked to bring your own leaf blower. This request does not apply to Lake Bluff residents.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. There's nothing more to see here. Keep rolling.

Wednesday, August 2, 2023

Foreign Legion

well that stinks
There is an old saying in Lake County: "I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Republican."

HaHa, GOP Presidential frontrunner Ron DeSantis is mad enough to eat nails over one recently passed Illinois law:
A new bill allowing eligible non-U.S. citizens in Illinois to become police officers was signed into law by Governor J. B. Pritzker on Friday, amid criticism from some Republican lawmakers.
Fact Check: Can Illegal Immigrants Now Become Police Officers in Illinois?
What's the hoo-ha all about? DeSantis says ...
"Illinois is now letting illegal aliens become police officers."
Pritzker: DeSantis 'isn't smart enough to be president'
Illinois GOP Congressmen Lauren Boebert and Mary Miller are both mad enough to kick a cat, as well:
Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.) and Rep. Mary Miller (R-Ill.) are among the conservative lawmakers criticizing the new law.
Pritzker: DeSantis 'isn't smart enough to be president'
And then there is Lake County backbench Representative, Martin McLaughlin.  How mad is McLaughlin? Mad enough to have voted for the bill:
Rep. McLaughlin votes to allow noncitizens to become Illinois police officers
What up with that?

One spokesman insisted the GOP is still a unified party in Illinois: "We're only looking out for your interests. Let's say you're on Route 14 and the police nab you for speeding. All you have to do is make a citizen's arrest, and hand that cop over to the INS. And, waa-laa, no more speeding ticket."

Friday, July 28, 2023

Blast Shields

Question of the day:
When in Lake Bluff, what do you say to a pickleball player?
See you in court.
HaHa, the legal guns are out in Lake Bluff and the target is pickleball:
The use of pickleball courts in Lake Bluff's Blair Park has ignited a contentious battle between the village and the Park District, with both sides appearing to dig in for a protracted fight. In a dispute stemming from a noise complaint coming from play on pickleball courts, the two government entities are at odds whether the Park District acted within its authority to operate the courts, and whether village approval was required for the conversion from tennis to pickleball courts.
Lake Bluff, Park District at odds over pickleball courts; 'We have to enforce the zoning code'
Along with noisy pickleball, the Village of Lake Bluff has also banned noisy leaf blowers:
Following a regional examination of the issue with participation from many North Shore communities, the Lake Bluff board instituted the seasonal ban earlier this year as the use of gas-powered leaf blowers have generated environmental concerns and the noise they make is considered an irritant by some.
Lake Bluff denies leaf-blower exemption for prominent local couple; 'We take great pride in the appearance of this property'
All that peace and quiet in Lake Bluff no doubt made it easier to hear all of the gunfire coming from neighboring Lake Forest. Where the Shields Township GOP held a social, with open-range target shooting:
Note to Ops: Are there little ones running around? Then make sure all of your firearms are equipped with child safety locks!

Sunday, July 23, 2023

What the Dickens was That?

Has the Chicago Tribune Creepy Cartoonist been inhaling too much Canadian wildfire smoke? The Chicago Tribune (a family publication) syndicated this drawing from the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist™:
Readers were left with the grim task of putting a name to the picture:
A spokesman for Cthulhu says the picture looks nothing like him.

Wednesday, July 19, 2023

Leaves for Greener Pastures

Is that a leaf blower in your pocket?
Much to the chagrin of Lake County moneybags Dick Uihlein, nothing in the Village of Lake Bluff blows:
The Lake Bluff Village Board has denied a request by a prominent local couple, known for making large financial donations to conservative political candidates, for a two-year exemption from the village's new seasonal ban on gas-powered leaf blowers. At their June 27 meeting, village board trustees unanimously supported the recommendation to deny a request from Liz and Dick Uihlein for a two-year exemption on the village's newly instituted seasonal prohibition of gas-powered leaf blowers — which runs from May 15 to Sept. 30 — at their home in Lake Bluff.
Lake Bluff denies leaf-blower exemption for prominent local couple; ‘We take great pride in the appearance of this property’
Note to Ops: Does City Hall fail to pay you your proper respect? Well, don't get mad, get even. Your village trustees aren't being paid anything to pass those onerous ordinances, and there is a reason for it. That's because the system is set up to encourage rich and powerful guys, as well as local business interests, to get stooges elected to their city councils. And then those stooges can pass onerous ordinances more to your liking.

It's as simple as selling shipping supplies in an age of on-line marketing. Just sayin!

Saturday, July 15, 2023

McHenry County Titters

An actual unretouched screencap from the tinfoil theocrats at the McHenry County Blog:
One roaming ethical watchdog told your LakeCountyEye: "Go ahead and say what you want about McHenry County. But they sure know how to throw a party."