Monday, November 29, 2010

Creepy Tribune Cartoonist:
I'm In Ur Internetz Stealin Ur Ideaz

It may be that he is out of ideas. Or tired of the fear-mongering. Or simply wishes to grow beyond his artistic limitations. What else explains the Chicago Tribune Creepy Cartoonist's out-of-character stab at political humor?

Chicago Tribune, 11/26/2010
Just between you and your LakeCountyEye, the joke was funnier when it was a lolcat ...

Cheezburger Network
Your LakeCountyEye, however, is still trying to figure out where Woody Allen fits in all this ...

Woody Allen

Creepy Cartoonist
Woody must be easy to draw or something?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Son of Countdown to Mark Kirk:
The Sequel

Details of Senator-Elect Mark Kirk's upcoming swearing-in ceremony were leaked here yesterday. And your LakeCountyEye took the opportunity to openly question the choice of venue -- Crystal Lake -- not to mention the scheduled time -- last Saturday, 5 days ago. Also the effects the cosmopolitan Mark Kirk would have on the gun-toting McHenry County rustics in attendance would be hard to gauge.

Well, message received loud and clear. Because no sooner were the aforementioned details posted ...
Son of Countdown to Mark Kirk
that your LakeCountyEye received notice from Kirk's operatives that there will be a make-up date for the swearing-in ceremony.

Your LakeCountyEye had observed that these ceremonies are typically held at venues like the US Capitol. And Kirk's swearing-in is now slated for the US Capitol. And your LakeCountyEye speculated that these ceremonies are typically officiated by some heavy-hitter like a US Vice President. And Kirk's swearing-in is now to be officiated by a sitting US Vice President, Joe Biden. And where your LakeCountyEye questioned the wisdom of scheduling the swearing-in 5 days in the past, Kirk's event may now be attended on Nov 29, a more reasonable 5 day in the future.

This fast turnaround by Kirk's handlers narrowly averted the sort of political misstep one only sees on Dancing with the Stars. All of which means one thing and one thing only. This blog is the must-see first-read in the boiler-room of every political operation on either side of the aisle and within spitting distance of a 4G-Network.

Anyways here are the details of the rescheduled swearing-in ceremony ...
Your LakeCountyEye will not bother posting another one of those tiresome Internet countdown clocks. As if anyone is about to risk their junk being touched just to fly to DC to watch Mark Kirk become Illinois' newest junior senator.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Son of Countdown to Mark Kirk

The soon-to-be ex-Senator-Elect Mark Kirk is being sworn-in and has invited your LakeCountyEye. Since these events by statute are open to the public, the invitation is reproduced here for operatives interested in attending:

Typically these ceremonial events are held at high-profile venues like the US Capitol; and officiated by a heavyweight, like a US Vice President or someone. Sharp-eyed operatives will observe however that Kirk's swearing-in will be held at the Crystal Lake City Hall, and officiated by Congressman-Elect Joe Walsh. A gutsy move, considering this should likely be well-attended by McHenry County Tea-Partiers and Minute-Men and other 2nd Amendment enthusiasts.

As a vital reminder, your LakeCountyEye is posting a brand-new special swearing-in countdown timer:
Countdown Clock to the Mark Kirk Swearing-In
Crystal Lake City Hall
Saturday, Nov 20 2010, 3 pm
The McHenryCountyBlog is invited to link to this post!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

(Septic) Tanks for the Memories

The big story of the week has to be that Bonnie Thomson Carter will not run for President of the Lake County Forest Preserve District Board. According to the Daily Herald ...
"There are other people who should have the opportunity like I have (had)," Carter said. She had no further comment.
Carter won't return as Lake Co. forest board president
Carter has been President and has presided over the FPD like a fiefdom since 2002. Why is she unexpectedly stepping down? Some think Carter's ineptly handled attempt in 2008 to unilaterally hand over the Lakewood Forest Preserve to the US Olympics Committee was her undoing. She made more enemies than friends as a result of that fiasco. (And probably contributed to Chicago's losing the 2016 Olympics bid.)

The NewsSun, in a seemingly unrelated story, gives a clue ...
A dispute that has simmered for years between a former County Board member and the Lake County Forest Preserve District over the location of a half-acre septic system has been resolved in a settlement. Allegations of political maneuvering still surround the case. The conflict involved the 1993 installation of a septic system — which serves former County Board member Randy Whitmore's service station at the northeast corner of Delany and York House roads in Waukegan — on Waukegan Savanna property.
Waukegan Savanna septic settlement OK’d
It may be her friends, and not her enemies, who are responsible for ending Carter's eight-year reign of error. That friend being Randy Whitmore, who sat on the Forest Preserve District Board during Carter's tenure as President.

Not mentioned in the NewsSun, Whitmore's service station also offers automatic car-wash services. Carter, who knew where the car-wash was discharging its runoff waste, must've also known that it is illegal to maintain a septic field for private/commercial use on Forest Preserve property. Also, this septic field is located within the Des Plaines River Watershed. One would have expected Carter to have intervened in some way, especially when Whitmore was a colleague sitting next to her on the Board from 2002 to 2008. It's not like Whitmore could have been ducking subpoenas, or even sharply-worded notes.

Carter announced her decision not to run for President following the Nov 16 Forest Preserve District Board of Commissioners meeting where the settlement with Whitmore was finalized. We surmise a deal had been brokered. Whitmore was retroactively assessed $1000 per year for use of FPD property. And Bonnie Thomson Carter agreed not to run for FPD President in 2010. In exchange, civil/criminal investigations would not be pursued.

The big winner in this deal is Whitmore, who gets 18 years of what amounts to nearly free commercial-waste disposal. The big losers are the environment and the Lake County taxpayer. And in Waukegan there is a septic field that's gotten stopped up. Could it be from Bonnie Thomson Carter's scalp?

Friday, November 19, 2010

Q the Eye/11.19.10

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I just got elected to the statehouse. Now what?

Mr Right Goes to Springfield
Dear Ich Bin Ein Springfielder,

Turn right when you see Interstate 72.

Ha ha, seriously, don't make the mistake made this week by one fresh-off-the-tea-trolly Rep. The Daily Herald has all the truth-is-stranger-than-fiction facts ...
Newly elected state Rep. Tom Morrison raised some eyebrows Tuesday during freshmen legislators' orientation in Springfield when presented with paperwork to join the General Assembly's lucrative pension system. That's because he opted out, a move officials can recall happening just once before. "Are you sure you want to do that?" one administrator asked him.
Newly elected Palatine Republican to forgo pension
Morrison says he is opting out of the pension system to lead by example. Hardnosed skeptics will speculate he is grandstanding. Or, rather than deduct from his paycheck a $7800 pension contribution, he may simply need the money; how true it is, the bill collector never sleeps.

But your LakeCountyEye knows better -- this is classic behavior symptomatic of innumeracy.

Innumeracy, a cognitive deficiency, strikes without warning afflicting billions. Particularly susceptible to this debilitating disorder are politicians and other public officials.

According to Wikipedia, innumeracy often manifests itself as ...
financial mismanagement and accumulation of consumer debt, specifically related to misunderstanding of compound interest
One example would be not quite comprehending how $7800 invested today can grow 10-fold or even 100-fold over time.

Other symptoms of innumeracy are enumerated by the Wiki:
  • Inaccurate reporting of news stories and insufficient skepticism in assessing these stories.
    For instance, that a $13 billion budget deficit can be eliminated simply by cutting some questionable expenditures that were cherry-picked to foment outage among gullible readers.

  • Belief in pseudoscience.
    Like creationism and denial of climate change.

  • Poor assessment of risk.
    For example, the use of industrial chemicals may bring short term benefits. An innumerate, however, might not understand that long term exposure to hazardous substances can result in environmental damage, and lead to cognitive and health problems. Like more innumeracy.

  • Limited job prospects.
    This goes a long way toward explaining why innumerates seem to be disproportionally attracted to electoral politics.
But fret not. Your LakeCountyEye is quite sure that when you get to Springfield there will be many nice people waiting to tell you what to do.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Tongue & Cheek

From the Tribune yesterday...
WASHINGTON — — Here for a crash course on serving in Congress, Joe Walsh stood before the Capitol on Monday and stuck out his tongue. Call it comedy — or a case of the nerves — but his targets, a lawyer representing Walsh and a news reporter, weren't in a position to complain. Chalk it up as an unscripted moment during a highly choreographed week.
Walsh, Bean both in D.C. with hopes for seat
Well, there is no point in continuing. Your LakeCountyEye calls it comedy. Note to Internet Powerhouse™, Andy Martin: the State of Illinois has a new #1 ambassador to cyber-satire. His name is Joe Walsh.

Walsh, who no doubt is used to getting some tongue on a first date, has reciprocated by giving some tongue on his first trip to the US Capitol. It used to be you could tell a politician was lying when you saw his lips moving. Nowadays, if you all you see moving are his lips, that's your signal to quit while you're ahead.

All kidding aside, your LakeCountyEye has been exclusively leaked Joe Walsh's new campaign logo:
Joe Walsh US Congress
Your LakeCountyEye would advise Team Walsh to keep an eye on the mail for a cease and desist letter from attorneys representing the Eagles:
Walsh v Walsh
Walsh found himself in some legal trouble last spring after posting on his website a video parody of (musician) Joe Walsh's Walk Away. Nonetheless, in the wake of his unexpected electoral success, Walsh is sorting through offers and may be contemplating a video cover of The Silver Tongued Devil and I. Keep an eye on the mail for a cease and desist letter from attorneys representing Kris Kristofferson.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Countdown to Mark Kirk
Day 2: Is the Seat Down?

Last week, the CapitolFaxBlog noted that the Interwebs are all in the hizzy ...
Another phony "controversy" has the Interwebtubes in a tizzy
There is a socialist-left running-dog conspiracy afoot -- it is rumored -- to delay and deny Senator-Elect Senator Mark Kirk his Senate seat in the US Senate. A rumor which of course every operative knows is bunkum. Nonetheless it seems as if your LakeCountyEye kicked over a hornet's nest full of bumblebees, by posting an item entitled ...
Countdown to Mark Kirk
Every hyper-partisan conservative attack monkey within spitting distance thought your LakeCountyEye was chronicling the rumored conspiracy.

Your LakeCountyEye would direct these hyper-partisan conservative attack monkeys to the socialist-left running-dogs at the IllinoisReason. This rumor ...
apparently stems from a faulty Associated Press article which not only got some basic facts wrong but also misquoted Sec. of State Jesse White's office. Far be it from these hyper-partisan conservative attack monkeys to go fetch the truth when a convenient mistake by a major news organization is so much juicier.
IL-Sen: When will Senator-elect Kirk put a stop to the right-wing malarkey about his swearing in?
Not surprisingly the McHenryCountyBlog wannabees at the NewsSun reported the AP rumor as fact:
Now we learn Republican Kirk won’t be seated at the start of the lame-duck congressional session, which begins Monday. Illinois election officials say Kirk won't officially be declared the Senate winner until Nov. 29.
Darts & Laurels
But as Rich Miller had already observed, a couple days earlier ...
the Senate is recessing its lame duck session during the entire week of the 23rd because of Thanksgiving. The Senate won't restart the session until November 29th.
Another phony "controversy" has the Interwebtubes in a tizzy
A friendly reminder to operatives & news outlets far and wide: if your LakeCountyEye is any indication, just because you see it on the Internet doesn't automatically make it true. Now let's everyone all get out the vote and make sure Alexi is the next Mayor of Chicago!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Countdown to Mark Kirk

Your LakeCountyEye'e e-mail inbox is the endpoint terminus, it seems, for every press release from the office of every Lake County elected official with a connection to the Internet. So it's your LakeCountyEye's job to read all these press releases. So you don't have to. Your LakeCountyEye is nothing if not civic minded.

Not coincidentally, your LakeCountyEye received a press release, this very Saturday morning, from Lake County's newest US Senator, Senator Mark Kirk. The Senator-Elect has scheduled a Town Hall Meeting in Arlington Heights. The details, as well as time & location, are reproduced below:
Operatives are urged to add the 10am, Saturday, November 13 Arlington Heights meeting to their day-planners immediately, and highlight it in bold. And make sure to schedule for yourself plenty of time -- this, without a doubt, is an event not to be missed.

An as a vital reminder, your LakeCountyEye is posting a countdown timer:
Countdown Clock to the Mark Kirk Town Hall Meeting
Arlington Heights Village Hall
Saturday, Nov 13 2010, 10 am
Hurry now, don't be late!

Friday, November 5, 2010

LiveBlogging the 2010 Election Night Eve

Before any given election, keep a lookout for operatives applying their trade well on through the wee hours of the night. Your LakeCountyEye is no exception, and this year did not fail to stow the laptop in with the Halloween candy, to liveblog this year's Midnight-to-6am pre-election preparations.

12:05 am / 11.02.10
Illinois Novembers are unpredictable, and the first order of business on the night before an election is to dress properly. A good disguise should both conceal your identity but not attract unnecessary attention. Luckily Halloween was Sunday and the Lady Gaga get-up is not due back at the costume shop for a few days.
Daily Herald

01:12 am / 11.02.10
On the road for about an hour now and the backseat is already crammed with stolen recycled yardsigns. Next stop Buffalo Grove. Lisa Stone for Mayor? What are they smoking -- landfill compost? Your LakeCountyEye should be given a citation for stealing recycling these non-starters.
Pioneer Press

02:29 am / 11.02.10
Sadly your LakeCountyEye is currently lost in what has to be Northern Wisconsin. The GPS goes on the fritz whenever near the magnetic North Pole. Which is why your LakeCountyEye never embarks upon a road-trip without the backup singers. Here, a Vandella asks a nice frontiersman for directions to civilization.

03:33 am / 11.02.10
Mecca and spiritual home to your LakeCountyEye, Chicago is a must stop prior to every election. (In Chicago the polling places have expanded hours to receive the graveyard shift.) Here your LakeCountyEye makes a quick pass through Ward 40, to pick up some absentee ballots in Precinct 45.
City of Chicago 40th Ward

04:01 am / 11.02.10
A bridge too far -- busted in Bridgeport! It is unknown when your LakeCountyEye will be able to make bail or retrieve the laptop from the County Sheriff Impound. Hopefully this will all transpire some time before the polls close on Tuesday to post the 2010 Election liveblog!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Crime Wave Election

LakeCountyEye Operatives on loan to the Joe Walsh campaign were advised to set up a command post in the abandoned parking-lots of Hainesville. Their 24/7 vigil paid off as they nabbed LakeCountyEye Operatives on loan to the Melissa Bean campaign in the act of loitering too close to their yardsigns.

The CapitolFaxBlog published the shocking evidence:
First of all, the Walsh video doesn't show the alleged operative actually touching the sign. At the very beginning she appears to be standing next to a Bean sign. And lastly, the Walsh sign appears to be posted in a public right of way, which is illegal. Is not stealing or even touching an illegally posted sign illegal? No. Watch it for yourself ...


Lamest. Allegation. Ever.
Fun election day stuff and more reader precinct reports
Not to be outdone, the vigilantes at the McHenryCountyBlog are demanding a pound of frontier justice:
A Police report was immediately filed with the Grayslake Police Department by the Walsh volunteers, and the three Melissa Bean campaign signs that were placed along Illinois Route 120 by the passenger in the automobile were retained as physical evidence by the Grayslake Police Department. The video is also being reviewed. Criminal charges are pending. So, this Walsh volunteer is a man after my own heart.
Walsh Volunteer Steve Tucker Catches Maryland Car Stealing His Signs
Your LakeCountyEye would certainly hope criminal charges are pending. Littering the public highways, even with political yardsigns, is indeed a crime. And it seems to your LakeCountyEye that the Joe Walsh campaign is the epicenter of a three-county coordinated criminal conspiracy to litter (with intent to gawk) these same highways.

Furthermore, to embolden a criminal litterer -- as the McHenryCountyBlog seems to be doing -- could be construed (especially by some ambitious assistant DA) as aiding and abetting. Which is also a crime. If charges have not been filed against the McHenryCountyBlog yet, operatives are urged to hasten over to Hainseville and do so immediately. What are you waiting for, the statute of limitations? Go on, git!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Previsional Ballots

There will be no need for Operatives to schlep themselves to the voting booth tomorrow. They can learn the names of tomorrow's winners and losers -- today -- and right here on this blog. Internal polls conducted in-house, and out-sourced to We Mask America, have surveyed with scientific rigor each and every registered voter in the county; and your LakeCountyEye can predict with mathematical precision the outcome of tomorrow's the November 2 election.

The margin of error on your LakeCountyEye polls have been certified to fall within a fault-tolerance margin trivial to the point of ridiculosity. All of which enables your LakeCountyEye to pledge a double-your-money-back guarantee on election predictions. You heard right. If any prediction posted here proves to be wrong on election day, your LakeCountyEye will double back the investment dollars lost on your campaign bet donation.

It is a proven record of over-confidence, hubris and chutzpah that enables your LakeCountyEye to pass the savings back to you!

State Representative: 52nd Dist
Mark H. Beaubien, Jr.Republican
No CandidateDemocratic

State Representative: 60th Dist
No CandidateRepublican
Rita MayfieldDemocratic

North Shore Sanitary District: Ward 4
James E. SwarthoutRepublican
No CandidateDemocratic

Lake County Treasurer
Robert SkidmoreRepublican
No CandidateDemocratic

Lake County Board Member: Dist 13
Susan Loving GravenhorstRepublican
No CandidateDemocratic

Lake County Board Member: Dist 21
Ann B. MaineRepublican
No CandidateDemocratic

Judge Appellate Court: 2nd Dist
Ann B. JorgensenRepublican
No CandidateDemocratic

Judge Appellate Court: 2nd Dist
Mary S. SchostokRepublican
No CandidateDemocratic

Accept no substitute, satisfaction guaranteed or double your money back. Your LakeCountyEye challenges operatives to find a comparable ROI from some Gallup poll!