Friday, July 30, 2021

Duck and Cover

dummy bridge
National Highway Traffic Safety Administration officials announced that a truck crashes into the Long Grove bridge once every 90 minutes:
A truck became wedged under the roof of Long Grove's iconic covered bridge late Thursday afternoon, marking at least the 15th time the bridge has been damaged since it reopened last August after major repairs from a previous crash.
Yet another truck strikes roof of Long Grove bridge
One observer said: "They should find that truck, and get it off the road before it hits the bridge again."

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Get over it.

Monday, July 26, 2021

Steal the Bacon

Now that the Lake County Fair has been bumped back into August, why not fill that hole in your social calendar with another LakeCountyEye Master Class™? This week learn how to make a Chicago Tribune Creepy Political Cartoon.

Drawing cartoons like the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist™ is much easier than it looks. All you need to do is find a few gruesome Francis Bacon paintings:

Just pick one you like -- and don't skimp on the grisly. Then lay your tracing paper on top of the image and presto-corono you have an instant Tribune Creepy Political Cartoon™:
Anti-vaccine stance
Note to Ops: The Chicago Tribune has new owners. Be sure your copyright attorneys know!

Wednesday, July 21, 2021

The Critical Masses

As Tennessee Goes, So Goes the Nation
Note to Ops: Due to the recent surge of new cases, government experts have declared a public health emergency. You are asked to shelter in place to help mitigate the transmission of the deadly variant. Your LakeCountyEye, of course, refers to Critical Race Theory.

Critical Race Theory, which public health experts had believed was isolated to the College of Lake County ...
Never Let a Good Critical Go to Waste
has now spread to schools in Dowers Grove:
approximately 150 protestors—many clad in red shirts—insisted that the district is advancing critical race theory, but using other code words and terminology to advance the concept.
Critical race theory opponents make their case at District 99 meeting
Anyone (yes even you) can become affected with Critical Race Theory, regardless of creed, color or national origin. Know your facts. Forewarned is forearmed:
Critical Race Theory FAQs

What is Critical Race Theory?
Nobody Knows

Where Did Critical Race Theory Come From?
Leaked from a Military Lab in Kenya

What are the Symptoms of Critical Race Theory?

What Treatments are Available?
  • Bleach
  • Ultraviolet Light
There is one proven way to stop Critical Race Theory -- an intensive regimen of Jim Crow. Contact your legislators today!

Saturday, July 17, 2021

The Emeny Within

Note to Ops: Cover your heads. A stool pigeon is on the loose at the College of Lake County.

In reaction to plans by the College of Lake County to hire a diversity administrator, a battery of protesters showed up to express their opposition to ... critical race theory:
Editorial: Pressure on CLC is troubling for more than just slowing the college's diversity effort
What does hiring a diversity administrator have to do with critical race theory? Nothing.

For that matter, what is critical race theory? Nobody knows.

The important question is: Who dropped a dime on the College? Compelling the CLC Board of Trustees to table the action.

Agitated and misinformed crowds do not just materialize out of nowhere. Particularly to stop an obscure administrative procedure routinely performed by many colleges.
To your LakeCountyEye this looks like an inside job.

Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Never Let a Good Critical Go to Waste

What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.
Lock the doors and hide your daughters. Critical Race Theory is descending upon Lake County:
The College of Lake County board has delayed the hiring of an administrator to oversee diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives on campus in an effort to ease some community members' concerns about critical race theory.
Critical race theory opponents prompt CLC to delay administrator's hiring
What is Critical Race Theory?  To find out, your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Omnibus Professor of the Plenum at the College of Lake County.

"Ya." said Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "Critical Race Theory?  You got me there.  What's that?"

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives to watch their backs. George Soros wants their blood!"

Friday, July 9, 2021

Polysemy in McHenry County

An actual unretouched screencap from the turgid theocrats at the McHenryCountyBlog:
Whether FOX News, elected officials, candidates or the public, there is a lot of misinformation about what exactly was filibustered yesterday. While the grid of senators voting on cloture is useless, given it was a 50-50 outcome and in spite of Vice President Kamala Harris, in her role as president of the Senate presided, no tiebreaking vote on a cloture vote where 60 votes needed, please note the title. "S. 2093".
Discernment on What EXACTLY Filibustered in U.S. Senate on June 22
What does that mean? It's anybody's guess.

Your LakeCountyEye contacted the very best Internet cryptologists. One said: "Someone with a college education might be able to decipher what they are getting at. But of course if all your readers are from McHenry County, you defeat that purpose."

Monday, July 5, 2021

It's a Plant

Lake County has another 4th of July in the bank, and anyone without 2nd degree burns is invited to enroll in a brand new LakeCountyEye Master Class™. This week learn how to make a Chicago Tribune Creepy Political Cartoon.

Drawing cartoons in the style of the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist™ is much easier than it looks. All you need to do is take some screenshots from your copy of the 1986 horror film, Little Shop of Horrors®™©:
Pick a pic that you like and prest-o change-o you have an instant Tribune Creepy Political Cartoon™:
Feeding the green beast
Note to Ops: The Chicago Tribune has new owners. Be sure your copyright attorneys know!

Thursday, July 1, 2021

Son of Meet the New Walsh

If you know who said ...
There Are No Second Acts in American Politics
then you are not Joe Walsh.

As readers of this blog are aware ...
Meet the New Walsh
Ex Lake County Congressman Joe Walsh now favors gun control legislation.

And if that don't beat all, Walsh is recalibrating his position on abortion: No ifs ands or buts about it, the Joe Walsh brand is undergoing an overhaul. Where it is being hauled to is not known.

Next Week: Critical Race Theory! Joe Walsh says he wrote the book.

Monday, June 28, 2021

The McHenry County Epilog

Repeal Obamacare Now!
Like a game of virtual whack-a-mole, the McHenryCountyBlog was down. But not for long. As readers of this blog are aware ...
McHenry County Blockage
the McHenryCountyBlog had gone dark for most of the weekend, by all indications rendered inoperable by a Russian cyber-attack.

It is unknown if the tiredout theocrats at the McHenryCountyBlog paid any of the ransom demanded by the Russian criminals. Because, even with the $4 RetailMeNot coupon, a $45.95 ransom payment is still equivalent to a month's wage in right-to-work McHenry County.

Your LakeCountyEye does know that calls were made, and by Sunday night the Russian cyber-crooks had their business license terminated.  With extreme prejudice.

What your LakeCountyEye does not know is who made the calls and who they were made to.

Note to Ops: Ask your LakeCountyEye no secrets, you'll be told no lies.

Sunday, June 27, 2021

McHenry County Blockage

An actual unretouched screencap of the homepage of the McHenryCountyBlog all weekend:
The tiredout theocrats at the McHenryCountyBlog are nodoubt the victims of a Russian ransomeware attack. And are in a dither.

Note to Ops: Just pay the ransom. How much could they be demanding -- 30 bucks?

Thursday, June 24, 2021

Meet the New Walsh

It's no secret that Joe Walsh tends to get a little trigger happy. But this is ridiculous:

"Screw the NRA."

Parkland Father Launches New 'Dad's For Gun Safety' Campaign | MSNBC
Conservative Ex Lake County Congressman Joe Walsh was seen on MSNBC last week, favoring gun control legislation.

Has Walsh gone off the reservation? Does he want your guns?

More likely, firebrand Joe Walsh is rebranding.  While rightwing-MAGA-Trump schtick may play well south of I-80, Illinois is still a blue state.  Particularly when your base of operations is the Chicago area. If Walsh, who used to be a radio deejay, is looking to run for higher office, or is simply looking for a job, dialing down the krayzee may be a necessary step.

You heard it here first!

Saturday, June 19, 2021

Gentlemen, You Can’t Fight in Here, This is an Amusement Park

Let's have a clean fight, touch gloves, go back to your corners and wait for the bell.
Your LakeCountyEye went to a fight the other night, and an amusement park broke out:
Lake County authorities say they responded to a large fight that broke out Sunday night at Six Flags Great America in Gurnee. Gurnee police said they were alerted around 7 p.m. that multiple disturbances and fights had been reported throughout the park.
Authorities call large group of people fighting Sunday at Six Flags Great America an isolated incident
People may say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth, but it goes without saying that one Lake County theme park is the scrappiest place on earth.

Your LakeCountyEye was assured that every theme park has a bouncer and this one is no exception:
The authorities responsible for cleaning up these incidents issued a sternly worded statement: "If you kids don't stop fighting back there we'll turn around and go back into lockdown."

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Where's the Fire?

Is a house plant equipped to put out a house fire?
On Monday, the Lake County ethylene oxide plant failed to explode in Lake County:
A chemical plant north of Rockford has been referred to the Illinois attorney general's office for environmental violations one day after a fire broke out at the facility, forcing an evacuation order for nearby homes and businesses and closing roads.
Rockton chemical fire could take 7 days to burn out, fire chief says, as state officials refer company for environmental violations
Some Lake County residents are concerned about the chemical fallout and the quality of their air:
Smoke from the massive fire that engulfed the Chemtool plant in Rockton, Illinois, on Monday was so extensive it was picked up on radar systems operated from satellites in space
Thick Smoke From Rockton Chemical Plant Fire Spotted on Weather Radars
One industry hotshot, however, told your LakeCountyEye: "Oh give me a break. You can still see McHenry County, can't you?"

Sunday, June 13, 2021

Taxation Without Riparianation

Q: How many Lake County residents do not live in the Village of Third Lake?
A: Lots!
This US Census fact is not lost on the Village of Third Lake which wants to levy a $30 fee on all of these non-residents:

Village of Third Lake Lakes Commission
April 26, 2021 Minutes
5E. an addition to fee schedule for nonresidents which would charge them a $30 fee annually for access to adjacent lake and $60 for both lakes
Note to Ops: Those hoping to avoid fees are advised to move into the Village of Third Lake.

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Go South

famous blast words
Experts now warn the Lake County exploding oil train could explode downstate:
A proposed merger between Canadian National and Kansas City Southern has one Southland mayor concerned about increased train traffic, delays, noise and environmental concerns
More rail traffic in Chicago's south suburbs? Views differ on impact of Canadian National-Kansas City Southern merger
One big wheel at one railroad told your LakeCountyEye: "Oh gimme a break. Anyone who moved from Lake County down to the southside to get out of the blast zone gets what they deserve."