Wednesday, June 12, 2024

Water Pipes

This is not a tooltip.
Note to Ops: Satire is like clean drinking water. Not everybody gets it.

Everyone in Lake County will be getting it, with some help from the Environmental Protection Agency:
Waukegan and North Chicago both plan to take advantage of more than $240 million the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) gave to the Illinois EPA (IEPA) in May for lead pipe replacement as part of President Joe Biden's Investing in America agenda.
Lake Co. cities seeking funds for pipe replacement
A spokesman for the Mundelein cannabis festival said: "The federal government wants to give us new pipes? Most excellent!"

When it was pointed out that the money was for lead pipes, the spokesman said: "So, what's your point?"

Saturday, June 8, 2024

Where's a Farmer When You Need One?

That feeling of deja vu that you have may not be some recurring condition. That's because, once again, backbench State Rep Martin McLaughlin showed up on the Lake County Gazette:
The article with McLaughlin's picture relays a USDA report about farming conditions in Illinois. If McLaughlin is a farmer, he is not wearing his bib overalls. Or his John Deere hat. Or a piece of straw dangling between his teeth. In fact there is no mention of McLaughlin in the article. Or anyone named Martin, for that matter.

But if you GOOGLE the Lake County Gazette for positive USDA forecast, you will get a picture of backbench State Rep Martin McLaughlin.

HaHa. Psych!

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Urban Bestrewal

building boom
Question of the day: What did the satirist say to the Village of Fox River Grove?

Answer: "It's easier to tear down than build up."

There is a towering hole along historic Rte 14, now, where there once had been a city block:
As a block of buildings in downtown Fox River Grove are demolished into a grassy lot, village officials are in talks with multiple developers to create a new downtown.
Demolition of downtown Fox River Grove block nears completion
Village has several developers interested in the vacant land, officials say
So, what's on tap to sprout up from the smoldering ashes? Nobody knows:
The village is currently in talks with "several developers," but no agreements have been made, yet
Demolition of downtown Fox River Grove block nears completion
Village has several developers interested in the vacant land, officials say
One spokesman for somebody in particular said: "We can always turn the property into a golf course. With a hole that big on the first tee, every golfer is guaranteed to break par."

Thursday, May 30, 2024

Where's a Cop When You Need One?

Backbench State Rep Martin McLaughlin showed up on the Lake County Gazette:
The article with McLaughlin's picture is about some police officers who were given the Law Enforcement Medal of Honor. If McLaughlin is a police officer, he is not wearing his uniform in the picture.

In fact there is no mention of McLaughlin in the article. Or anyone named Martin, for that matter.

But if you GOOGLE the Lake County Gazette for Law Enforcement Medal of Honor, you will get a picture of backbench State Rep Martin McLaughlin.

HaHa Bazinga!

Sunday, May 26, 2024

All Politics is Loco

One Man, One Oat
Like many other college towns, Lake Forest is the site of a college: Lake Forest College.

Along with its own college, Lake Forest has its own unique form of government, the Lake Forest Caucus:

2023 ...
Selection of Lake Forest's next mayor thrown into turmoil after caucus nomination rejected

Editorial: Lake Forest caucus runs up against messy democracy. Now a fascinating mayoral election ensues.

Lake Bluff, Lake Forest, Winnetka and Glencoe defend their caucus systems

Proposed Lake Forest Caucus bylaw change seen as protection against 'manipulation,' or return to 'smoke-filled rooms of the past'

Lake Forest Caucus general membership rejects controversial bylaw change; 'I think it (would) make the process more secret'

Lake Forest Caucus elects new officers amid criticisms of the process; 'They are just ramming this down our throats'
2024 ...
Future of Lake Forest Caucus unclear after officer-slate rejection; 'We are looking for some changes … that reflect all the voices in Lake Forest'

Lake Forest Caucus leaders stick with rejected officer slate; 'These were the cards we were dealt'

Lake Forest Caucus plans another vote for officers; 'We do not want divisive litigation in the community'

Lake Forest Caucus sets second election for controversial proposed officer slate

A recent poll of leading political scientists in Illinois is unanimous: No one knows what the Lake Forest Caucus is for. Or for that matter, what it is.

Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Up in Arms

There is a proven theorem in combinatorics that says your odds are better for winning the lottery if you do not play the lottery than if you do. Your luck may be better yet instead, if you drop your gamblin'money at the Waukegan Casino:
American Place casino owner Full House Resorts produced record earnings in the first quarter of the year led by the performance of The Temporary at American Place in Waukegan.
Waukegan casino's owner reports record earnings: 'We look forward to continued growth at American Place'
And when you go, send regards to one Waukegan Alderman who will be working the one-armed bandits:
Waukegan's mayor is criticizing an alderman for posting online a photo of a severed arm found this month on the city's lakefront
Waukegan mayor calls alderman’s posting of severed-arm photo 'morally disgusting'
That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Get rolling.

Thursday, May 16, 2024

Dox Redux

Postpone your plans for the technological singularity. The AI Revolution is on the fritz.

The web-bots employed by the Lake County Gazette to reveal Lake County voter information, have been omitting the voter's street numbers and birth months and days:

In other news, a judge gave the Lake County Gazette (Lake County's #1 fakenews source) until Monday May 13 to remove the voter information.
Judge orders 'pink slime' publications to remove voters' personal information
Note to Ops: The Internet is Forever.

Sunday, May 12, 2024

If it Looks Like a Dox ...

I Didn't Do It!
Note to Ops: If you want to look up the address, birth year and voting record of Lake County Associate Circuit Judge Daniel Jasica, you better hurry up. The Judge ordered the Lake County Gazette to remove all Lake County voter information that has been posted on its website:
A Lake County judge has given the company that publishes far-right websites and flyers designed to look like newspapers until 5 p.m. Monday to remove some personally identifiable voter information it publicly posted earlier this year in apparent violation of state law.
Judge orders 'pink slime' publications to remove voters' personal information
It is believed that this is the first time the Lake County Gazette (Lake County's #1 fakenews source) has been ordered to remove factual content from its website. That is because this is the first time the Lake County Gazette has ever posted factual content there.

Wednesday, May 8, 2024

The Church Invisible

this meme built by the lowest bidder
Even a simple country political blog will have to acknowledge a religious confrontation over land ownership that has been dominating the news lately. Your LakeCountyEye, of course, refers to efforts by the Plymouth Brethren Christian Church to buy land from the South Barrington Park District.

Local interests had united to stop the sale of park district land to the religious organization:
The pending sale of land by the South Barrington Park District to a small, relatively unknown church group grew into a resident upheaval that included a lawsuit, but ended Wednesday with cancellation of the purchase, uncertainty about what's next and the resignation of a park board commissioner.
South Barrington park board votes to halt land sale to Plymouth Brethren Christian Church after clash with residents and being sued. A park commissioner quit amid the vitriol, citing 'nonsense.'
The tract of land is called AREA N. And while the "N" stands for NIMBY, the religious organization was recently able to obtain the land by operating under the guise of a shell company:
South Barrington Park District officials didn't learn a religious group was behind the winning bid for 34 acres of public parkland until two weeks after the $2.3 million sale was finalized, they revealed Tuesday. A limited liability company called Area N Development was the winning bidder for the land at Bartlett Road and Route 59, a wooded spot known to many as Area N, during a Feb. 28 auction. The park district closed the deal on March 7. Area N Development was created in Delaware about a week before the auction, public records show. It wasn't until March 22 that Schaumburg-based Fourth Avenue Gospel, which is owned and operated by members of the Plymouth Brethren Christian Church and was behind a failed effort to acquire the property in 2023, publicly admitted it invented Area N Development to buy the land.
Officials say they didn't know religious group was behind land buy until after it was completed
In other news, a spokesman for the Waukegan Airport said: "So, you can obtain public parkland without disclosing your true identity? Tell me more!"

Friday, May 3, 2024

Padded Envelope

Attention, shoppers: An envelope containing $20,000,000 has been found. The owner may claim it now. Please bring a photo ID:
The day after Darren Bailey won the 2022 Republican governor primary, he and his campaign manager made an urgent, unscheduled helicopter trip from downstate to meet political operative and right-wing radio show host Dan Proft for a closed-door meeting to talk about "serious" campaign funding. At a Chicago-area country club, Proft met both men at the front door and led them to a secluded room where he placed a white envelope on a table and said it contained $20 million from ultraconservative billionaire mega-donor Richard Uihlein.
At secret meeting, right-wing radio host Dan Proft dangled $20 million to Darren Bailey's governor run
All told, Lake County moneybags Richard Uhilein gave away more than $64,000,000 to alter the 2022 eletion.

In related news, ULINE has reported that orders for white envelopes have soared:
Note to Ops: Discounts are available on bulk purchases.

Monday, April 29, 2024

Must Disgust by Early May Orders from the DA

How many times has this happened to you? One of your good old boys, in a high elected office, says he is retiring. So you recruit a strong, sensible candidate for the office. Only to watch him lose in the Primary to a gung ho trumpster.
Whereupon, no surprise, the trumpster loses in the general election.
Well next time, don't work harder, work smarter. Get that office holder to run in the Primary, regardless, where he will be unopposed. It's only after he wins the Primary, that the office holder should announce his retirement. And then you caucus in a strong, sensible candidate for the office. SIKE!

In other news ...
Randi Freese announces run for McHenry County state’s attorney after Kenneally announces sudden withdrawal from race
McHenry County state’s attorney Patrick Kenneally announced his abrupt withdrawal from the ballot after winning the 2024 Republican Primary. Not long after that, assistant state’s attorney Randi Freese announced that with Kenneally's encouragement, she will be a candidate for his office.

The End.

Thursday, April 25, 2024

No Cannabis Do

You just slip out the back Jack, Make a new plan Stan, You don't need to be coy Roy
Your LakeCountyEye won't have Patrick Kenneally to kick around any more:
McHenry County State's Attorney Patrick Kenneally said Tuesday that, "after nonstop agonizing," he has chosen not to seek re-election in November. It would have been his third term as state's attorney, and he was running unopposed, having just won his Republican primary last month.
McHenry County State's Attorney Patrick Kenneally drops re-election bid, will step down as top prosecutor
Patrick Kenneally is currently the 2024 GOP candidate for McHenry County State's Attorney. He made his surprise announcement a few days after 4/20, International Cannabis Day. Party officials are expected to meet in a smoke filled room to nominate a replacement.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Saturday, April 20, 2024

Stand-in Somebody Else's Shoe

When you gamble with safety you bet your life.
No doubt about it, the writing was on the wall. The McHenry County man who shot himself in the foot now has established a farm team:
A Mundelein-area teen who initially claimed to be the victim of a drive-by shooting actually shot himself in the leg by accident, authorities said Sunday.
Sheriff: Reported drive-by shooting victim accidentally shot himself
A spokesman said: "Do you have the right stuff to be a McHenry County man who shot himself in the foot™? All you need are a firearm and an itchy trigger finger."

Farm team applicants are asked to attend the Mundelein outdoor cannabis festival. Where they will obtain valuable experience at misfiring their weapons.

Monday, April 15, 2024

Evaporated Milk

Make It Go Away
HL Mencken, the Sage of Baltimore, once said "nobody ever went bankrupt selling ice cream to the American people":
Oberweis Dairy filed for bankruptcy protection on Friday. The North Aurora-based company, known for its ice cream and milk packaged in glass bottles, filed a voluntary petition for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protections in the Northern District of Illinois, court records show.
Oberweis Dairy files for bankruptcy protection with more than $4M owed: court filings
The dairy belongs to the family of perennial Republican candidate Jim Oberweis. Oberweis, who inherited the family business, was on the ballot in Lake County for Governor, US Senate, US Congress, on numerous occasions. Oberweis campaigned on anti-immigration, anti-abortion, and other far-right issues. Oberweis is now the owner of a bankrupt business and is not to be confused with perennial candidate and business-owner Donald J Trump.

Note to Ops: April 15 is tax day. Declaring bankruptcy does not get you out of having to file your Federal taxes.