Sunday, July 21, 2024

The Rich are Different from You and Me

Do you have change for a 2024 dollar bill?
Dust off your slide rules, today's pop quiz will test your math skills.
Q: A billion here and a billion there and pretty soon you're talking what?

A: Two billion.
HaHa, honorary Lake County Republican and US Rep Darin LaHood said this somewhere, to someone:
"If Governor Pritzker didn't have a billion dollars, he wouldn't be in office right now."
Illinois GOP delegation confident of Trump win
He was then asked: If Donald Trump didn't have a billion dollars, would he be running for office right now? Then someone, somewhere else said: "You're pushing a false equivalency. That grifter Trump doesn't have even two nickels to call his own."

Tuesday, July 16, 2024

The Jabberwocky in Milwaukee

it's a witchhunt
That giant sucking sound you heard came from all of the Lake County Trump delegates going north over border. The GOP national convention this year is in Milwaukee, that horrible city®.

Lake County GOP favorite son Mark Shaw said:
"as (former President) Ronald Reagan asked, we'll say, 'Are you better off than you were four years ago?'"
Lake County delegates looking forward to again nominating Trump at GOP convention
Then Lake County GOP favorite son Craig Wilcox said:
"Most people know they were in a much better place 3½ years ago than they are today."
Lake County delegates looking forward to again nominating Trump at GOP convention
In related news: Are you experiencing brain-fog? That may be a symptom of Long COVID. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat old predictable slogans.

Saturday, July 13, 2024

More Guns

When is the next Lake County gun raffle? August 8, which is just around the corner:
"Do your part to help preserve your Second Amendment Rights."

Saturday, July 6, 2024

Trouble Tickets

The Lake County Gazette says to read the fine print on your concert tickets, they could be fakes:
The press release is from IL Attorney General Kwame Raoul, and ordinarily that's his photo beneath the headline. However, sharpeyed operatives may actually recognize backbench State Representative Martin McLaughlin.

What gives? Is Martin McLaughlin a ticket scalper? If so, he is not wearing his trenchcoat in the picture. With ticket stubs pinned to the lining. In fact there is no mention of McLaughlin in the article. Or anyone named Martin, for that matter.

No, it is quite likely that Martin McLaughlin has never scalped a ticket in his life. More likely the Lake County Gazette (Lake County's #1 gift to comedy) has sold you another bill of goods.

Monday, July 1, 2024

The Bombs Bursting in Air

artist's rendition
Question of the day:  In Canada, when is the Fourth of July?

Answer: The First of July.

Lake County will not be watching any fireworks on Canadian Independence Day. The Canadian National exploding bomb train derailed in Matteson:
A train derailed in at an Illinois village on Thursday, promoting an investigation and temporary evacuations in the area. According to local news, the incident happened in Matteson, about 30 miles from Chicago, and involved a train from the Canadian National Railway Company.
Train derails at Illinois village; resident evacuation lifted
One self-described industry watchdog said: "The bomb trains should be operating again by the Fourth. Bring the kiddos!"

Thursday, June 27, 2024

Joint Return

I ain't with the drama, you can meet my llama.
Note to bounty hunters: Now that marijuana is legal, you should have guessed that Chief Keef would be back in Illinois:
Thousands gathered this year for the Lyrical Lemonade Summer Smash Festival at SeatGeek Stadium in Bridgeview, just outside of Chicago. Every year this festival brings to town some of the hottest talent in hip-hop. But this year was special for the hometown crowd as the legendary, mythical Chicago artist Chief Keef was slated to headline the final night of the festival. Chief Keef has essentially been living in exile from his hometown for the past twelve years, due to a mixture of legal issues and a general fear that his presence may result in violence.
The Show Must Go On
Chief Keef performs in Chicagoland for the first time in twelve years despite severe weather.
For the record, Chief Keef is a supporter of Donald Trump:
13 Rappers Who Are Still Supporting Donald Trump
Mr Keef has not been the only Lake County GOP favorite son spotted this month. Lake County GOP favorite son Louis Atsaves was seen at the Illinois Republican Party Convention in Collinsville:
Bring Me the Head of ...
Coming up tomorrow: Who was spotted at Lake County GOP potluck picnic & gun raffle? Yet another Lake County GOP favorite son, Ted Nugent. Nugent shared the trophy for the three-legged race.

Friday, June 21, 2024

The Brink of Disaster

Good news!  Your LakeCountyEye has just been appointed to be a delegate at the Illinois Republican Party Convention. WooHoo, this means an all expenses paid free vacation in sunny Collinsville. Illinois. (Fun fact, Collinsville is a suburb of sunny St Louis. Missouri.)

Details are here ...
Note to Ops: When you receive your copy of the letter, you must absolutely make sure to forward a copy immediately to the name on the top of the list. If you break the chain, then no one will be named a delegate to Illinois Republican Party Convention.

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Bring Me the Head of ...

Question of the Day: Who is the Chairman of the Lake County Republican Party?

Answer: Nobody knows.

But everybody knows Mark Shaw, the the former Lake County GOP Chairman. Along with being on the Trump campaign payroll, Shaw is the Vice Chairman of the Illinois State Republican Party. Shaw is no longer the Vice Chairman of the Illinois State Republican Party:
Illinois Republican Leaders Oust Vice Chair Mark Shaw Over 'Trans Delegate' Scandal
Seizing the inevitable, Mark Shaw published a 10-page airing of grievances in his defense:

MARK L. SHAW RESPONDS
Spoiler alert, LakeCountyEye favorite son Louis Atsaves makes a cameo appearance on page 3.

Monday, June 17, 2024

Playing All the Anglers

There is an old saying in Lake County: Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he's going to want to buy a new boat.

The Lake County Gazette (Lake County's #1 fakenews source) says there is free fishing in Lake County over the holiday weekend:
Sharpeyed operatives will recognize the photo of backbench State Rep Martin McLaughlin. If McLaughlin is an angler, he is not wearing his hip waders in the picture. Or for that matter, his fishing hat with lures attached to the brim. In fact there is no mention of McLaughlin in the article. Or anyone named Martin, for that matter.

But if you GOOGLE the Lake County Gazette for Free Fishing, you will get a picture of backbench State Rep Martin McLaughlin anyways.

HaHa. You been catfished!

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

Water Pipes

This is not a tooltip.
Note to Ops: Satire is like clean drinking water. Not everybody gets it.

Everyone in Lake County will be getting it, with some help from the Environmental Protection Agency:
Waukegan and North Chicago both plan to take advantage of more than $240 million the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) gave to the Illinois EPA (IEPA) in May for lead pipe replacement as part of President Joe Biden's Investing in America agenda.
Lake Co. cities seeking funds for pipe replacement
A spokesman for the Mundelein cannabis festival said: "The federal government wants to give us new pipes? Most excellent!"

When it was pointed out that the money was for lead pipes, the spokesman said: "So, what's your point?"

Saturday, June 8, 2024

Where's a Farmer When You Need One?

That feeling of deja vu that you have may not be some recurring condition. That's because, once again, backbench State Rep Martin McLaughlin showed up on the Lake County Gazette:
The article with McLaughlin's picture relays a USDA report about farming conditions in Illinois. If McLaughlin is a farmer, he is not wearing his bib overalls. Or his John Deere hat. Or a piece of straw dangling between his teeth. In fact there is no mention of McLaughlin in the article. Or anyone named Martin, for that matter.

But if you GOOGLE the Lake County Gazette for positive USDA forecast, you will get a picture of backbench State Rep Martin McLaughlin.

HaHa. Psych!

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Urban Bestrewal

building boom
Question of the day: What did the satirist say to the Village of Fox River Grove?

Answer: "It's easier to tear down than build up."

There is a towering hole along historic Rte 14, now, where there once had been a city block:
As a block of buildings in downtown Fox River Grove are demolished into a grassy lot, village officials are in talks with multiple developers to create a new downtown.
Demolition of downtown Fox River Grove block nears completion
Village has several developers interested in the vacant land, officials say
So, what's on tap to sprout up from the smoldering ashes? Nobody knows:
The village is currently in talks with "several developers," but no agreements have been made, yet
Demolition of downtown Fox River Grove block nears completion
Village has several developers interested in the vacant land, officials say
One spokesman for somebody in particular said: "We can always turn the property into a golf course. With a hole that big on the first tee, every golfer is guaranteed to break par."

Thursday, May 30, 2024

Where's a Cop When You Need One?

Backbench State Rep Martin McLaughlin showed up on the Lake County Gazette:
The article with McLaughlin's picture is about some police officers who were given the Law Enforcement Medal of Honor. If McLaughlin is a police officer, he is not wearing his uniform in the picture.

In fact there is no mention of McLaughlin in the article. Or anyone named Martin, for that matter.

But if you GOOGLE the Lake County Gazette for Law Enforcement Medal of Honor, you will get a picture of backbench State Rep Martin McLaughlin.

HaHa Bazinga!