If you want to live to 100, then follow this rule. The rule is simple and -- now that the Trump budget will cancel the health insurance on 17 million Americans -- truer now than ever before:
You can never be too rich or too thin.
Of course, barring either, you can always opt for being too high. Particularly, when in Mundelein:
The tinfoil theocrats at the McHenry County Blog are freakin' out, and not because it is gay pride month. No, it's because Illinois Democrats have been heard dropping the F-Bomb like they were in Iranian airspace:
Being situated in urbane McHenry County, the McHenry County Blog is no-doubt unaccustomed to the barnyard epithets sometimes uttered in other precincts of the Prairie-State. They are advised to limit their coverage to national politics, where the discourse is more refined and measured:
So a guy is lost and ends up on the Amstutz Expressway. He stops at a gas station to get directions. He says "How do I get to Chicago?" The cashier says "I couldn't tell you." The guy says "OK, how do I get to Milwaukee?" The cashier says "I couldn't tell you." The guy says a couple other cities and each time the cashier says "I couldn't tell you." By now the guy is annoyed. "Do you even know where we are?" the guy says. The cashier looks at the guy and says "Son, you're on the Amstutz. You can't get anywhere from here."
HaHa, true story.
The rest of the world may know it as the Road to Nowhere, but you call it the Amstutz. And now, throwing redundancy to the wind, the City of Waukegan will be shutting down the Amstutz Expressway next week for a movie shoot:
In related news, the Long Grove Bridge is on the move and will be relocated to the Amstutz Expressway. A spokesman said: "If anyone can find the bridge there, they are welcome to crash into it."
In related news, the village is working to sanction a NASCAR track -- one that would go under the Long Grove bridge. One spokesman said: "Most people go to these stock-car races to see the crashes anyways. It's a win-win."
This is someone you know, a friend or relative, even. He wants to pass for normal and presents an identity well within the bounds of convention, but secretly knows it is a deception. Until one day he cannot go on living the lie -- and he comes out, proclaiming his true nature.
Your LakeCountyEye refers to former Republican Congressman Joe Walsh. Lake County GOP favorite son Joe Walsh says he is now a Democrat:
Of course, one does not simply switch parties -- from Republican to Democratic -- just like that. Mr Walsh is currently being held at an undisclosed location in El Salvador, while Immigration and Customs Enforcement processes the paperwork.
The McHenry County Man who shot himself in the foot is lucky to be alive. That's because the McHenry County Man who discharged his weapon in the direction of River Road (in McHenry) discharged his weapon in the direction of River Road (a busy thoroughfare):
For the record, Palatine is a township of Cook County; Palatine also is a village that straddles both Cook and Lake counties.
Downstate GOP separatists warn that Palatine residents would not be permitted to secede along with them: "Trump administration directives are clear. All Palatinians will have their visas revoked and will be deported."
The latest statistics are in: On average, someone crashes into the Long Grove bridge once every week. A spokesman for some non-fictitious agency said, "And the sooner that guy is apprehended the better!"
HaHa, perhaps that guy's been deported, given recent news:
Experts blame GPS. Distracted drivers are simply not being routed under the bridge.
The Village of Buffalo Grove may have a solution:
Buffalo Grove is moving forward with plans to update its gateway signage as part of rebranding efforts.
The village also is working to install signs on the Route 83 pedestrian overpass bridge west of Buffalo Grove Road. Buffalo Grove pushing ahead with new gateway, overpass signs
So a guy was going to the Mundelein outdoor cannabis festival but, atypical for a stoner, got lost. He ended up instead at the Mundelein Parks Meat Raffle. A vendor asked the guy if he would like to buy a raffle ticket for a smoked ham. The guy said he'd try anything once, but he would need 100 packs of rolling papers to smoke it.
HaHa, that joke has the added benefit of being true:
Of course, not everybody who attends a meat raffle is going to bring home some meat. But losers, it has been suggested, can always participate in the Lake County GOP gun raffle.
In other news, a missing persons alert has been filed for Tyson the Bison.
We are an independent blog covering the issues in and around Lake County IL. If there is something newsworthy or even noteworthy to report, contact us at lakecountyeye@gmail.com