Sunday, April 11, 2021

Who Writes this Stuff?

Did you know there was an election last week? Your LakeCountyEye did not. In fact, no one knew. Which explains why all the write-in candidates won:
Mettawa Mayor Casey Urlacher, waging a write-in campaign to keep his job, claimed victory over challenger Jess Ray Friday with 151 votes to Ray’s 105 as write-in tallies were posted on the Lake County Clerk’s website.
Casey Urlacher, following Trump pardon, claims victory as write-in candidate in Mettawa mayor’s race
Casey Urlacher had been under indictment for sports-related gambling charges, until he got a Presidential pardon from Donald Trump.

Advance write-in ballots are now available on-line for the next election:
That's all your LakeCountyEye has. You can't win if you don't play.

Thursday, April 8, 2021

Party Identification

5. Spoiler Effect
Did you know there are more political parties in Lake County than registered voters? The News-Sun says:
In suburb after suburb, you'll find parties with monikers like People Before Politics, We're in This Together, You Are the Village's Heart, the Common Sense Again Party, the United Party for Progress or, most expansive of all, the Party of the Past, Present and Future.
What’s in a name? A look at the strategies and schemes behind the obscure political parties of Chicago’s suburbs.
So, is it a coincidence that there was a municipal election on Tuesday? Your LakeCountyEye does not think so.

The winners and losers will not be known until that last absentee ballot materializes. But one thing is certain. If you were the standard bearer for one of these independent parties, don't forget to pick up your yardsigns on the way out:
Ten Here-Today-Gone-Tomorrow Parties
that Failed to Win, Place or Show in Lake County
  1. Very Silly Party

  2. Friends of the the Enemies of Your Enemies

  3. Measles Party

  4. Every Man for Himself and God Against All

  5. Lake County Catawampus

  6. You Gotta Fight for Your Right to Party

  7. Some People

  8. They Got the Guns but We Got the Guns

  9. Illinois Unindicted

  10. The Republican Party
Look for your LakeCountyEye weeding a sign farm near you.

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Nothing is Sure but Death & Taxes

“If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe, then man would have only four years of life left." -- Einstein Plan for some extra time on your Tuesday commute. The roads will be jammed with people out to vote on their local referendums:
On the April 6 ballot, little Deer Park is asking voters to increase the village sales tax to 8% for three years beginning in July. Officials say the increase, which should mean more than $700,000 a year in new revenue, is needed because of revenue losses caused by the pandemic.
Voters being asked to increase their property and sales tax bills, in one case to avoid the ‘nuclear option’
Deer Park wants to raise your sales tax to pay Clarke Mosquito to spray the Village with insecticides:
The Village has entered into an agreement with Clarke Mosquito Control
Mosquito Abatement
If it passes, the Deer Park sales tax referendum will trigger a 4-stage action plan:
  1. People who stay indoors do not shop in Deer Park.

  2. Deer Park must raise the sales tax to pay Clarke Mosquito to spray the village.

  3. People flee indoors to avoid the insecticide spray.

  4. GOTO #1
Don't forget to cut this out and take to the polls on Tuesday, April 6!

Friday, April 2, 2021

The McLaughlin Goof

State Representative MAGA Martin McLagughlin may have hosted a fundraiser, last month, in a smoke-filled room. But since that smoke-filled room was in a Barrington pub, no one was allowed to smoke. And everyone could see what was going on:
That has not deterred Martin McLagughlin from denying that anything improper happened:
When contacted by the Daily Herald, McLaughlin said that was "completely inaccurate." There were two separate events, "then everybody consolidated into a single room," McLaughlin said. However, McLaughlin's own Facebook event page for the fundraiser said it would feature candidates running for local office, though it did not name them.
League of Women Voters decries party politics in Barrington local elections
That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Nothing to see here. Move along.

Wednesday, March 31, 2021

Four Heads No Mask

MAGA State Representative Martin McLaughlin was caught on camera in a Barrington pub, for a fundraiser he threw with some MAGA Barrington School Board candidates.

Can you spot the errors in the picture?




Submit your guesses to the League of Women Voters:
A partisan political group in Barrington has expressed support for candidates in school and library board races, a move criticized by the League of Women Voters, which says party politics has no place in local elections.
League of Women Voters decries party politics in Barrington local elections

Sunday, March 28, 2021

Oranges and Oranges

With an election approaching fast, April 6, everyone is asking: Who would Trump vote for?

HaHa, trick question. Donald Trump never voted a day in his life.

Now, you may not know who the MAGA voters want. But it is no secret who the BTRO voters want -- which is all you need to know and more of the same:
A partisan political group in Barrington has expressed support for candidates in school and library board races, a move criticized by the League of Women Voters, which says party politics has no place in local elections. In an email and on Facebook this month, the Barrington Township Republican Organization backed candidates running for the Barrington Area Library, Barrington Area Unit School District 220 and Harper College boards.
League of Women Voters decries party politics in Barrington local elections
Note to MAGA voters: You should remember these names ...
Donald Trump may be gone but his legacy lives on. If your school, library or community college is out of whack, there is nothing this legacy can't whack.

Thursday, March 25, 2021

Taylor Made Tracks

Lake County Board Commissioner Craig Taylor is going the way of the Lake Bluff Mosquito Abatement District:
Candidates are being sought to fill the vacant District 19 Lake County Board seat, which covers Lake Zurich, Barrington, Deer Park, Kildeer and portions of Long Grove. The vacancy was created with the recent resignation of Craig Taylor, who is moving out of state to be closer to family.
Candidates sought to fill 19th District Lake County Board seat
Note to Ops: If you are interested in the gig, free yardsigns are available: Contact the Lake County Forest Preserves.
ATTN: Lost and Found Dept.

Sunday, March 21, 2021

The Elect Few

I LIKE NIKE
Despite the fact that the next election is more than 18 months away -- in November 2022 -- early voting starts this Monday ...
Early voting to expand Monday: Here's where you can cast your ballot
WTF? To find out, your LakeCountyEye Zoomed with Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Electoral Engineering at the College of Lake County.

"Ya," said Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "Don't let all the twos and zeros fool you. 2021 is an odd-year election -- election day is April six."

Your LakeCountyEye texted back: OIC

"Be sure to vote." continued Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Odd-year elections are the only elections where your vote counts."

Your LakeCountyEye's vote does not count?

"Who did you vote for in 2020?" asked Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Donald Trump, of course.

"Then you wasted your vote." smiled Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Your LakeCountyEye begged Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi's pardon.

"70,000,000 other losers just like you also voted for Donald Trump." explained Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "How much did your one vote count? Your vote contributed toward one seventy millionth of Trump's landslide victory. Statistically speaking, one part out of seventy million is indistinguishable from zero. You would have gotten more mileage staying at home and spreading alternate-facts on social media."

Well, that was unexpected.

"Now, in an odd-year election like 2021" continued Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Your vote actually does count, and by lots more. By orders of magnitude!"

How so?

"Do the math." smiled Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Let's say 70 people come out to vote for your Mayor. Then one vote for Mayor packs a million times more wallop than one vote for President."

Wow.

"And not only that." said Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Let's say your Mayor wins by 7 votes. If you voted for him, then your single vote was one seventh of his total margin of victory."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives the next time they see their Mayor, remind him that he owes them some favors. Kerching!"

Thursday, March 18, 2021

A Poor Third Lake

At long last, should there not be a light at the end of the tunnel? For more than a year now, Lake County has patiently endured hardships and uncertainty. And the Illinois legislature is still only at the start of the redistricting process!
Illinois lawmakers are set to formally begin the once-a-decade task of redrawing the state’s legislative and congressional districts
Illinois legislators begin redistricting process amid census delays that complicate an already raucously partisan event
Residents of Third Lake, however, need not despair.  Your Village is not waiting on Springfield -- Third Lake has been redistricted already. Despite the fact that your lake is not under the Village's jurisdiction, a new ordinance puts Third Lake off-limits to non-residents.  That is, unless they spring for a $55 fee:
F. Non-Resident Fees.
Non-resident guest passes may be purchased for a consecutive three (3) calendar day period for $55.00.



Village of Third Lake Ordinance No. 21-01-01
Note to non-resident Ops: Supplies may be limited.

Saturday, March 13, 2021

Q the Eye/03.13.21

Ὥρος Hōros
Dear LakeCountyEye,

You can't fight city hall -- especially not after the bank forecloses on city hall.

How can I raise enough revenue to keep my village afloat and get re-elected all at the same time?

Paint My Town in the Red
Dear Mayor McSqueeze,

The trick to raising taxes is to do it without raising taxes.  Like with red-light cameras or slot machines.  Just don't make the mistake made over in one Lake County burg. During a pandemic when everyone is broke, stuck indoors and binge-spending all their money on the Internet, this municipality wants to raise their brick-n-mortar sales tax:
Learn why Deer Park officials want to increase the town's sales tax rate
So sad.

Now, here's what you need to do:  Go drive around town. And if it looks like everyone owns a boat, you don't tax the golf courses.  No, you do what this Lake County village did:

Village of Third Lake Registration of Boats & Other Watercraft
ORDINANCE NO. 20-02-02
AN ORDINANCE PROVIDING FOR THE REGISTRATION OF BOATS AND OTHER WATERCRAFT AND ESTABLISHING RULES AND REGULATIONS FOR VILLAGE BOAT LAUNCHES, LAKE USAGE AND WATER-LANDING PLACES
And even if Illinois State Law clearly says that you do not have jurisdiction over these watercraft, haha, go ahead and collect your sticker fees anyways.

Who's gonna know?

Send your questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Monday, March 8, 2021

The Lone Nut Theory

If a college is an institution of learning at the highest level, then why is Robert Joseph Tomei Jr a candidate for College of Lake County Trustee?

More to the point, who is Robert Joseph Tomei Jr? Nobody knows. Except possibly his Facebook friend(s). This screencap from Tomei Jr's private Facebook page was obtained by your LakeCountyEye:
Tomei Jr weighs in on the President Kennedy assassination:
"the official narrative remains the lone-nut theory"
Note to Ops: It seldom hurts to belabor the obvious.

Thursday, March 4, 2021

That's News Tomei

Can just anybody run for College of Lake County Trustee? Apparently so, judging from one candidate's Facebook page.

The screencap to the right was leaked to your LakeCountyEye.

In a Facebook post privy to a select few, Robert Joseph Tomei Jr seems to need to get something off his chest regarding the topic of golden showers.

If elected CLC Trustee, will Tomei Jr propose mandatory urine tests for all students? A burning question, to be sure.

So, who is Robert Joseph Tomei Jr?

By any indication a Trump supporter, it is unknown if Tomei Jr is a graduate of Trump University. If he is, one could say that Robert Joseph Tomei Jr matriculated from a Donald Trump property.

At any rate, you wizz-kid graduates of Trump U may be eligible to transfer course credits to CLC.

Will Robert Joseph Tomei Jr become a College of Lake County Trustee? Stay tuned until election night, April 6, when the numbers come dribbling in.

Monday, March 1, 2021

You Can't Spell Gazette Without E.T.

An actual unretouched screencap from Lake County's #1 fakenews source, the Lake County Gazette:
Editor's Note: This blog has reported that the Lake County Gazette obtains its content from Russian Troll Farms. The assertion is incorrect. The Lake County Gazette actually obtains its content from Space Aliens:
There is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to experience the awe and mystery of another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision®!
Your LakeCountyEye regrets the error.

Wednesday, February 24, 2021

Fog Over

sauron gas
The exploding insecticide truck will not be exploding in Lake Bluff any more.

The Lake Bluff Mosquito Abatement District is destined to go the way of those Earth's species that have gone extinct because of pesticides:
Lake County is preparing to get rid of one of its two mosquito abatement districts, which officials say could save hundreds of thousands of dollars over time.
Lake County officials move to dissolve mosquito district in Lake Bluff
Operatives keen on inhaling chemical laden air are advised to go to the Southlake Mosquito Abatement District or to where Clarke Mosquito Control has been contracted to spray insecticides.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Monday, February 22, 2021

Princess Cruz

Note to Ops: Are you looking for a job at Ted Cruz for President 2024? Well, who isn't? The good news is you don't need to fly to some cliché Mexican resort to see the next President of the United States.

That's because failed candidate Jeanne Ives has built an online shrine to Ted Cruz on her website:
In related news, Jim Oberweis declared victory for Jeanne Ives in the 6th Congresional District.