Monday, December 31, 2012

Ring in the New Year with a Bang

If the Times Square Ball is any indication, the new year is arriving not a minute too soon. It's that time of the year again to make resolutions, and number one on the 2013 list is to stay away from the infected websites -- and your LakeCountyEye means it this time.

One infection-free website is the McHenryCountyBlog. The website had been infected with some icky erectile dysfunction malware. Back around Thanksgiving, operatives in search of erectile dysfunction drugs had to look no farther than the McHenryCountyBlog, which was loaded with hidden hyperlinks from foreign websites where these same erectile dysfunction drugs were available -- and without a prescription!

But as readers of this blog are cautiously aware ...
Spam Roast
Q the Eye/12.02.12
your LakeCountyEye schooled the disoriented libertarians at the MchenryCountyBlog on how to remove those unwanted -- heh heh -- trojans from their website. Their website is now safe to visit again -- lookin' good McHenryCountyBlog!

One end-of-year ritual at the McHenryCountyBlog is to post the salaries of public sector employees who work in McHenry County:
Every year state law requires the posting of salaries and fringe benefits exceeding $75,000 for those employees under the Illinois Municipal Retirement Fund.
McHenry County Salaries
They number in the hundreds but the McHenryCountyBlog has been posting a few employee names (with salaries) every day, in alphabetical order:
Apparently reading them all at once can induce drowsiness.

Induced drowsiness, however, may be a good thing after a night of induced happiness. For those operatives too hung-over to face the new year, your LakeCountyEye has reproduced -- directly from the McHenryCountyBlog and for your contemplation -- the slumber-inducing salaries of some public employees:

It is unknown whether the tireless tax fighters at the McHenryCountyBlog are old enough to have voted for Teddy Roosevelt. But even if they cast their ballots for Woodrow Wilson, the public sector pensioners at the McHenryCountyBlog can still boast that they speak softly and carry a big stick!

Friday, December 28, 2012

A Fifty-Two Pickup

crocodile tearsOperatives travelling to Springfield on January 9 to see David McSweeney sworn in will find themselves a day late and a dollar short. Plus two days. Not to mention eighty bucks worth of gas.

McSweeney, Lake County's newest District 52 State Rep is to be sworn in three days early. Anyone who thought the seat is still held by Kent Gaffney -- the outgoing District 52 Rep -- would be wrong. According to the Daily Herald ...
Gaffney, a Lake Barrington Republican who lost his primary bid this year, resigned this week, and McSweeney will be sworn in Jan. 6. That's when state lawmakers will be in their so-called lame-duck session, possibly voting on last-minute efforts to legalize gay marriage, ban certain guns and cut teacher and state worker retirements.
McSweeney to start serving in House early
Your LakeCountyEye will not speculate why Gaffney resigned in advance. However McSweeney needed to be caucused-in to be eligible to claim the seat before the end of the session. So it is a safe bet that some sort deal was brokered in advance and that Gaffney did not leave in a huff. Likely it was in a late model sedan, perhaps bound to Springfield where all the lobbying and legislative aide jobs are.

Lake County will now sleep well knowing that gays will not be able to get married and that guns will not be banned and that teachers will not get their pensions -- not with a true Republican like David McSweeney on the watch.

Your LakeCountyEye has been told that the news did not sit well with one Lake County Republican, County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor. It is rumored that Lawlor was promised Gaffney's seat and had been observed measuring the drapes at the District 52 State Rep office in Springfield.

In related news, it is widely believed that John Boehner may fail in January to be re-elected as Speaker of the House. And Aaron Lawlor has been recently observed measuring the drapes at the Speaker's office in Washington DC.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Q the Eye/12.26.12

Dear LakeCountyEye,

All you care about is readers and making money off of him. He's a human! What you don't realize is that Aaron is making you all this money and all you do is write a bunch of crap about him. He hasn't held a private sector job in years. His stump speech is called "give me more" for a reason -- because all you people want is more, more, more, more, more! Leave him alone! You're lucky he even represents you bastards! Leave Aaron alone!


Not Aaron Schock
Dear Not Aaron Schock (if that's your real name),

Ὥρος HōrosOh boo hoo -- stiffen up and show some spine. Has the mean LakeCountyEye been poking fun at your expense? Well, no harm, no foul -- nobody reads these boutique political blogs. Alexa gives your LakeCountyEye a phone-number sized rank of 4,790,547. Even in dogyears that works out to a rank of 684,364 -- which puts your LakeCountyEye still behind even the malware-prone McHenryCountyBlog:

(For the record, this does explain why your LakeCountyEye is mean.)

If it's any consolation, at least you didn't make the mistake of one Lake County Republican -- who will go unnamed but is a namesake of yours as well as Aaron Spelling. This career politician was the butt of some LakeCountyEye humor after he was caught measuring the drapes in the office of previous County Board Chairman David Stolman. He responded immediately to the Daily Herald:
"It feels like my office," said Lawlor, 30, a Vernon Hills Republican. "I've always felt comfortable on the 10th floor, and I feel very comfortable in the office."
Chairman: Lake County Board 'best place to serve'
Being made fun of by the LakeCountyEye is one thing. But, haha, now even the Daily Herald recognizes a brazen careerist.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

Monday, December 24, 2012

Christmas Count

old white male voterThat familiar December deadline has snuck-up again and, as always, sooner than anticipated. Operatives are sweeping through all the Lake County shops and malls, in desperate search of that one last perfect petition signature.

Haha, the quadrennial off-year election for townships and municipalities will be held in April of 2013. Those who hope to be on the ballot must submit nominating petitions by December 26. If you haven't yet, your petition must be in the hands of your township or village clerk before the December 26 deadline. Which means there better be someone working at your township or village hall who can accept your petition -- all on the day after Christmas. Good luck with that!

If you happen to be an operative short a sheet or two, your LakeCountyEye recommends renting Santa's naughty/nice list -- which will be adequate to pad any deficient petition packet. And as a bonus, Santa's list doubles as a goldmine of oppo research.

Do not delay, informed sources expect Kris Kringle will be visiting Lake County, and quite soon. And, as always, the Lake County County Clerk's Office will be expected to respond by mailing voter registration applications to:
  • Dasher
  • Dancer
  • Prancer
  • Vixen
  • Comet
  • Cupid
  • Donner
  • Blitzen
With the addition of Santa and Rudolph, these alone are enough names to fill up a entire petition sheet. Just sayin!

Where else but in Illinois would an operative be caught stuffing stockings one night -- and ballot boxes the next? Enjoy! In the meantime, look for your LakeCountyEye. Making a list. Checking it twice.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Schock of the Walk

Operatives in Springfield this week might have spied Aaron Schock measuring the drapes in the Governor's mansion. According to the latest rumor ground out of the rumor mill ...
U.S. Rep. AARON SCHOCK, R-Peoria, according to the website, is telling "leading Illinois GOP honchos" that he's in the governor's race
Illinois GOP chairman Brady says party needs to broaden appeal
It is an open secret that the downstater Schock is an honorary Lake County Republican. The photographic evidence speaks for itself:
While Schock craves the office of Governor, Lake County Republicans are placing their early markers on other high offices. Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran has dibs on Illinois Attorney General:
Lake County Sheriff Curran planning attorney general run
Eighth District Congressman Joe Walsh has staked a claim on the US Senate:
Asked who was urging him on, Walsh responded: "The best kind of people in the world — real people, activists, conservatives and everyday Republicans all over the state."
Joe Walsh, tea party firebrand, weighs Senate campaign
These developments have not escaped the notice of actual Lake County Republican, Aaron Lawlor, the brand-spanking-new Lake County Chairman. Your LakeCountyEye has been told that Lawlor burns to obtain a higher office as well, before his term on the County Board expires in 2016.

Time, however, is already running out for anyone who wants to be a marquee candidate on the 2014 ballot. Your LakeCountyEye advises Lawlor to act soon or he will find himself a Republican candidate for Comptroller or Superintendent of Schools or some other unsexy down-ballot position.

As a public service your LakeCountyEye has posted an online poll. Operatives are asked to select the best fit for Lawlor from among the high offices still open:
The 2014 Election is Only Two Years Away!
Aaron Lawlor has the Right Stuff to be Illinois's Next ...
Lieutenant Governor
Attorney General
Secretary of State
U.S. Senator
10th District Congressman
Results will be forwarded to Chairman Aaron Lawlor, c/o the Lake County Board.

This is scientific data -- please, no freeping the poll!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Common Sense in Illinois' 10th

TeamAmerica10th has a new spin-off blog called CommonSense10th:
The 10th district may have its own unique standards of common sense, and readers who wish to be filled-in can review the stories on CommonSense10th. Here is a screen-cap of Friday's post at CommonSense10th:

Yes Virginia, There Is a Constitution!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Son of Yet Still Even More Curran Events

ripple markIf readers of this blog have been erstwhile aware of anything ...
Curran Events
More Curran Events
Even More Curran Events
Still Even More Curran Events
Yet Still Even More Curran Events
... it is that after 2014 Mark Curran will be the Lake County Sheriff no more. If everything goes to plan for Curran, by this time two years from now he will be the Illinois Attorney General-elect. According to the News-Sun, Curran ...
is seriously considering a run for Illinois Attorney General in 2014, he confirmed Wednesday. The Libertyville Republican has been meeting with citizens around the state and says he intends to run in the GOP primary in about 15 months.
Curran mulls run for Ill. attorney general
The big unanswered question burning in everybody's mind is howcome the lamestream media is reporting this just now -- when your LakeCountyEye broke the story, back in the day, like around Thanksgiving 2012? News may travel slowly out of Lake County. But how slow should it travel when the Lake County news has to go no farther than Lake County?

When it comes to unanswerable questions, your LakeCountyEye has been told by the usual pseudo-sources to look toward the heavens. It is no secret that Mark Curran, unlike most ordinary people, takes his guidance from Divine authority -- particularly when making political decisions. The Daily Herald reports that ...
Curran says his faith influences his position on various issues. "I spend time daily in prayer and in Mass and seek spiritual counsel, and I feel that I'm prompted with clarity that I need to embrace."
Lake County Sheriff Curran planning attorney general run
So to reconstruct a timeline, Curran never had any intention to run for Attorney General -- that is, until sometime this week. Earlier this week someone must have called his attention to the rumors being spread by this blog. Whereupon Curran became convinced that he was missing a golden opportunity if he did not pull up political stakes and announce a run for Attorney General in 2014.

For the record, it is also no secret that God is an RSS subscriber to this blog.

It could happen.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Gun Accessory

the 2nd amendment prohibits child safety locksNo one loves their guns more than the homesteaders of Fremont Township. Arguably Lake County's wild wild west, Fremont Township is where they say the free-range chickens there would prefer to be at the gun-range, instead. And now that a Federal Court has thrown out all restrictions against concealed-carry in Illinois, every Fremont Township local, to a man, eagerly anticipates the day when he can look his neighbor in the eye and say: "Is that a concealed gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

And who wouldn't know better than Fremont Township Assessor, Ed Sullivan Jr, who told the Daily Herald ...
Sullivan, a Mundelein Republican, called the ruling "historic" and said now the sides have to negotiate what kinds of fees, training and restrictions a concealed carry law in Illinois should include. "Those of us that support the Second Amendment are glad this came down, finally," Sullivan said.
Suburban supporters cheer concealed carry ruling; opponents want appeal
Sullivan recently sat down with your LakeCountyEye for an in-depth interview to explain why his right to conceal a lethal weapon on his person cannot be infringed, even in the slightest.

Haha, psych! -- as if Ed Sullivan sat down for a one-on-one with your LakeCountyEye. (Particularly for this story.) Instead, your LakeCountyEye downloaded Sullivan's iTune playlist from his Facebook page. Here are ten hits to load & play during that important backyard beer-can target practice time. Be sure to pump up the volume!

Ten Frequently Played Songs on Ed Sullivan Jr's iPod
  1. Happiness is a Warm Gun / Beatles
  2. Shotgun / Junior Walker & the All Stars
  3. I Shot the Sheriff / Eric Clapton
  4. Bang Bang / Sonny and Cher
  5. Annie Get Your Gun / Original Cast Album
  6. Who Shot Ya? / the Notorious B.I.G.
  7. Saturday Night Special / Conway Twitty
  8. The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence / Gene Pitney
  9. Pistol Packin' Mama / Bing Crosby & the Andrews Sisters
  10. Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner / Warren Zevon

Look for your LakeCountyEye shooting up to number one with a bullet.

Monday, December 10, 2012

A Farewell Waltz?

Old teabags can be composted.If the scrapheap of history did not exist it would be necessary for Joe Walsh to invent it. Why? Because that's where Walsh has last been seen -- on the scrapheap of history. For those operatives wishing to canvass the scrapheap of history, it can be visited at the American Legion Hall in Wauconda, the site of Walsh's final townhall meeting.

The Eighth District Congressman, and scrappy rooster, Joe Walsh held his last townhall ever this weekend ... or so he says. Your LakeCountyEye suspects different. There are lots of high quality electoral pickup opportunities sitting, like the elephant in the room, on the horizon -- including Governor, Senator and 10th District Congressman. Your LakeCountyEye has learned that ambitious Lake County politicians like Mark Curran and Aaron Lawlor are already eyeing these offices; with Walsh on board they would be three amigos.

Someone running for high office in 2014 could do worse than heed your LakeCountyEye's advice: quit your day-job and start running today. This, at least, seems to be what Walsh is signaling the Daily Herald ...
Not only did Walsh lambaste President Barack Obama and Democrats, he said his fellow Republicans in Congress don't "have the courage" needed to stand up for conservative principles. He said he wouldn't let his Republican label stop him from speaking his mind. "You are looking at an odd duck," Walsh said. And, for the four weeks until the new Congress is sworn in, a very feisty lame duck.
Crowd cheers as Walsh hints at continuing political career
Note to ops: the Herald made a joke. Haha, too funny.

In related news, the Lake County Clerk's office mailed voter registration applications to Odd Duck Walsh & Lame Duck Walsh.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Snake Attack by the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist

Biologists warn that an invasive species, once introduced to a new habitat, will prey upon and even eliminate the established, native species from an ecosystem. A cautionary tale to anyone who wants to serve on the Lake County Board? Haha, nope -- there will be no tortured Aaron Lawlor metaphors today. Your LakeCountyEye is specifically referring the 15-foot Burmese python that, according to the News-Sun, was captured in Waukegan:
Burmese python captured at Waukegan lakefront
And no, this particular Burmese python was not mailed a voter registration application from the Lake County Clerk's office. The animal -- affectionately named McSqueezy the Python -- has caught the attention of the Chicago Tribune's Creepy Cartoonist.

The Creepy Tribune Cartoonist has launched a contest to give a name to McSqueezy the Python. It does remain unclear why the Trib is sponsoring a contest to find a name for, erm, McSqueezy. For that matter, it is unclear why the Trib is sponsoring a contest to find a name for a beloved Waukegan python that was captured and euthanized some three months ago, back in September. This all may be an indicator of how slowly news travels out of Lake County -- and down into the concrete jungle.

In any event -- and for anyone who thinks they can win the contest -- here is a screen-cap of the Trib's entry form:

Squeezy Replacement
Spoiler alert! You nevertheless would be wasting your time because your LakeCountyEye has already mailed in the winning entry:

Anyone caught stealing your LakeCountyEye's contest idea will be banned for life. Your LakeCountyEye means it this time.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Stolman Kisses
Goodbye Sinecure

After enduring the likes of Bob Grever, Jim LaBelle, Suzi Schmidt, David Stolman, it's about time the Lake County Board picked a chairman who is easy on the eyes:
Can You Spot the Ringer?
Whose Photo Does Not Belong in this Lineup?

James LaBelle

Suzi Schmidt

David Stolman

Aaron Lawlor
Haha, as readers of this blog are prematurely aware ...
Stolman Exit
the good-looking Aaron Lawlor spanked an incumbent David Stolman in a mano-a-mano winner-take-all duel-to-the-death as to who would preside over the Lake County Board. Lawlor, who is barely 30 years old, is now the youngest Lake County Board Chair ever. However putting that in perspective, 30 is 210 in dog-years. And at 210 years, Lawlor would rank among of some the eldermost of his fellow County Commissioners.

The Republican Lawlor could not have pulled it off without support from enough Democratic Board Commissioners to ensure a victory over the other Republican, Stolman. One misinformed source informed your LakeCountyEye that not since Cardinal Richelieu installed the Dauphin Louis XIII to the Bourbon throne has an evil cabal that brazenly maneuvered someone that inexperienced that abruptly into high office.

As things turned out, Lawlor was elected with a unanimous vote. Stolman, persuaded by necessity, rolled over in the end and withdrew -- the Republican Board Commissioners did not want to wake up the next day to headlines the likes of ...
Haha Democrats Maneuver Lawlor into Chairmanship
"Cardinal Richelieu would have been proud"
Lawlor's victory speech touched on many topics but he mentioned only one policy issue:
We will pursue the extension of Route 53 vigorously, utilizing all of our leaders and build on the foundation that has been laid over the last several years.
His victory is regarded as a win for Route 53 proponents. It is also a win for your LakeCountyEye, who looks forward to at least 2 more years of Synthetic Hair Extension Route 53 Extension jokes.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Stolman Exit

Lake County Board Chairman David Stolman may easily have mistaken the young man measuring the drapes in his office for the interior decorator. It was, however, fellow County Commissioner, Aaron Lawlor. Haha, Stolman's abbreviated tenure as Lake County Board Chairman abruptly ended, as Lawlor orchestrated a coup d'état Napoleonic in ambition and speed. As things stand today, look for Aaron Lawlor's nameplate on the Lake County Board Chairman's desk. While David Stolman's nameplate is now to be found under the dustbin of history.

As it is with any palace coup, the first order of business is to eliminate every trace of the vanquished predecessor, and the precocious Lawlor did not disappoint. Stolman's picture and salutation have already been scrubbed from the Lake County Chairman's webpage, and replaced with Lawlor's:

Message from County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor
So who is Aaron Lawlor? Ladies take note: He is young, good looking and unmarried. His photo on the County website does not do Lawlor justice.

Here, courtesy the Daily Herald, is Lawlor sharing the sweet moment of victory with his handpicked Vice Chair, Carol Calabresa:

Route 53 extension a top priority for new Lake County Board chairman
Lawlor is the one in the photo with the frosted blond tips.

Sixth District Congressman, and Ladies Man, Peter Roskam was unavailable for comment.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Q the Eye/12.02.12

Dear LakeCountyEye,

With Christmas just around the corner I need to get shopping, and right away. Where do I go to get a payday loan? Preferably a loan that is fast and one that is in cash.

And now that I'm on the topic, New Year's Eve is not far behind. Where do I go to stock up on my Viagra -- and Cialis?

Dear Silent Cal,

Ὥρος HōrosThat's easy, go to the McHenryCountyBlog.

As readers of this blog are suspiciously aware ...
Spam Roast
It looks like the McHenryCountyBlog may have been hijacked by a hidden link injection attack.

Unscrupulous spammers have been known to take advantage of Internet security holes to hide hyperlinks on high-traffic blogs, in order to profit from favorable Google rankings for their noisome products. They target bloggers who are least equipped to defend themselves -- the disoriented, the confused, the tireless taxfighters. For operatives who suspect their Wordpress blog is the target of a hidden link injection attack, this link may help:
I was hacked with hidden link injection - please help
... but your LakeCountyEye digresses.

To answer your question, all you need to do is turn off your browser's scripting and visit the McHenryCountyBlog. You will immediately be greeted with a cornucopia of Viagra & Cialis & Payday Loan hyperlinks.


If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...