A Sticker Shocker

Did you forget to vote? You're not alone, your LakeCountyEye forgot too.

Haha, j/k. Your LakeCountyEye always makes time to vote, even when there is no one on the ballot or there isn't even an election. Your LakeCountyEye votes to earn one of those colorful I VOTED stickers. And then fixes the sticker to the blueblazer like a merry boutonnière. And like a banty rooster struts it around town. And reminds everyone that their LakeCountyEye voted. And they didn't.

Haha, j/k once again. Everyone knows that the Lake County Clerk doesn't hand over those I VOTED stickers any more. The Daily Herald says so ...

While voters in most suburban counties will receive a sticker in exchange for their completed ballot Tuesday, Lake County voters haven't had the option to receive the coveted "I Voted" sticker in years.
Why Lake County voters don't receive 'I voted' stickers

What happened, were the popular stickers all given to Wisconsin voters by mistake? No, the stick-ons apparently were showing up on cars and in voting booths and all sundry places except where any elementary-schooler will say every sticker belongs: on the forehead. As a consequence, the Lake County Clerk dropped the ax -- and the beloved I VOTED sticker has now joined the choir invisible.

Note to Ops: mourn not their passage. For the Lake County I VOTED sticker still exists. No, not in spirit nor even in your hearts, but everywhere -- anywhere in Lake County where one of them might still be stuck. Well, there are 10 such spots, at least ...

Ten Places to Look for an I VOTED Sticker in Lake County

Princess Nudelman's Fishbowl Lens of a Grand Ave Red Light Camera Lake County Election Commission Chapter 11 Sale In the Lake County Casino, on the $1000 Chips Moving Targets at the McHenry County Shooting Range Two Words: Awesome Tattoo eBay Medical Marijuana Baggie Seals Under Waukegan Harbor Gumming Up the Toll Baskets on the Route 53 Extension

Look for your LakeCountyEye sporting (what else?) a merry boutonnière.

Sins of Commission

Your LakeCountyEye has learned that a general election was held this week. And while that election produced its share of winners and losers, in Lake County one big loser stands head and shoulders above all the rest:

The Lake County Election Commission

The Lake County Election Commission was originally convened as an accountable body to ensure that elections in Lake County would be conducted with competence and in a non-partisan fashion. But that was back in the day. If this week's election is any indication, the Lake County Election Commission has morphed into a horribly slipshod operation, accountable to no one and hellbent on pursuing it's own questionable agenda. The Daily Herald reports that ...

Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan has won a court order to let currently unregistered voters keep casting ballots after polls close at 7 p.m. because sites for same-day voter registration in Lake County didn't open until 10 a.m. Madigan says Lake County Clerk Willard Helander is "illegally interpreting" election laws. People who vote the same day they register cast provisional ballots that will be counted later if officials verify the voter is eligible. Earlier, Madigan said Helander was making people vote a provisional ballot if they'd previously requested one by mail but hadn't sent it in. Voters, Madigan said, should be allowed to vote a standard ballot if they bring in the one they got in the mail. Madigan said Helander was requiring them to have the envelope with their name on it in addition to the blank ballot in order to vote in person. A county judge ruled this afternoon that a voter only needs to bring the ballot. "These illegal practices risk disenfranchising voters throughout the county," Madigan said in a statement.
Lake County polls open until 9 for same-day registration

It is clear that the one thing the Lake County Election Commission brings to the table is unaccountability, malfeasance and partisan rancor.

When the Lake County Election Commission was first instituted, your LakeCountyEye knew this was a bureaucratic frankenstein that needed to be stopped -- by legal action if necessary. Well, the chickens have finally come home to roost.

Change is now in the air. Operatives are urged to join your LakeCountyEye in a simple chant. Say it proud and say it loud enough that they can hear it all the way to Waukegan:

Mr Lake County Board, tear down this Lake County Election Commission!

Vote Tardy and Seldom

Is there some election scheduled this week? Haha, if you are like your LakeCountyEye, you overlooked the deadline to request a vote-by-mail ballot. And you missed your opportunity to vote early. And with so many choices to be made on election day, now comes the hard part: what will be your excuse for not voting on Tuesday?

This is not the first time your LakeCountyEye has wrestled with this existential question. Or for that matter, the eighth or even the ninth. Your friends and neighbors and relatives and co-workers may be voting on Tuesday -- but not you. That's because your LakeCountyEye has rolled up ten suitable rationales to explain why you did not vote:

Ten Reasons for Not Voting this Tuesday, November 4

Convicted felons aren't supposed to vote. Voting just encourages them to hold more elections. Forgot to set the clocks back. Stuck 13 hours at a CN Railroad crossing. Voting is how Ebola spreads. My voting location is on the 9th floor of the new Waukegan Court Tower. Got caught in a monster pile-up on the Route 53 Extension. The sign said: No Electioneering Beyond This Point. So I went home. The Sheriff's police have my three pieces of photo ID. It just doesn't pay to vote -- not nearly as much as it used to.

Look for your LakeCountyEye not in line at a poll near you.

The Off-Year Infections

The hazmat moon suits are flying off the shelves and they're not for Halloween. Lake County has Ebola fever. At least one prominent resident of Lake County has gotten rattled:

U.S. Sen. Mark Kirk has joined other Republicans in calling for a travel and visa ban on those attempting to travel to the U.S. from three Ebola-affected countries in Africa. Kirk contends the public isn't confident the Centers for Disease Control is ahead of the Ebola threat.
Kirk wants travel ban for 3 Ebola-affected nations

When widespread panic threatens to turn into total pandemonium your LakeCountyEye turns to the one person with the sobering facts, Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Viral Phenomena at the College of Lake County.

"Look at how I'm perspiring. Is it hot in here?" asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "I've been sealing the cracks in my fallout shelter. Cough -- pardon my dust. As to Ebola, you got nothing to worry about -- as long as you don't vote this year."

That last remark did not scan. As long as your LakeCountyEye did not vote?

"Ya." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Stay away from the voting booth and you will be fine. Diseases spread when strangers are in close contact. And where do more people get jammed closer together around this time of year?  Epidemiologists have determined that the voting booth has been ground zero for every pandemic since the Black Death."

Your LakeCountyEye was nonplussed. Really?

"Cross my heart and hope to die." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Our election judges and government employees are not happy at all. They want either hazardous duty pay or to see the election cancelled for the duration."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like: Shut Up!

"Neither alternative was judged practical." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "So officials forged a compromise. On election day they will monitor every voter and remove from the lines anyone not deemed safe, and put them into quarantine."

Quarantined -- for how long?

"For 21 days or until November 4th on 7:01PM. Whichever one comes first." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Stunning revelations. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your ops that if they plan to vote in this election, they will need to bring some proof they haven't been in Africa."

Imaginary Numbers

If money is the mother's milk of politics then the Illinois GOP must be the well-oiled breast pump. At least according to the Daily Herald:

With the election 20 days away and in-person early voting starting Monday, tallies of campaign spending reveal where the toughest legislative battles are being waged in the suburbs. Five Illinois House contests we looked at drew donations of more than $200,000 in the third quarter of the year.
GOP puts big money into 5 suburban races

The Herald examined five IL House races and concluded that Illinois Republicans were spending some big money. Just how much money is big money? Your LakeCountyEye loaded the Daily Herald numbers into a spreadsheet to find out:

Contest	Republican	Raised	Democrat	Raised	Advantage
IL 61st House	Sheri Jesiel	$228K	Loren Karner	$414K	$186K +D
IL 45th House	Christine Winger	$245K	Jenny Burke	$293K	$48K +D
IL 55th House	Mel Thillens	$124K	Marty Moylan	$370K	$246K +D
IL 62nd House	Rod Drobinski	$36K	Sam Yingling	$238K	$202K +D
IL 59th House	Leslie Munger	$61K	Carol Sente	$179K	$118K +D
TOTAL	Republicans	$694K	Democrats	$1,494K	$800K +D

Source: GOP puts big money into 5 suburban races

As operatives can plainly see, it doesn't look good for the Democrats, at least in the burbs. Out of 5 different State Rep contests -- hand-picked for analysis by the Daily Herald -- the Republicans are outfunded in only 5 of them. And overall they lag behind the Democrats by an insignificant $800,000. The Herald was right on the money!

When the Daily Herald sees the GOP pouring big money into suburban IL House races, your LakeCountyEye listens. Note to ops: if you work for one of those overfunded Democratic opponents, do yourself a favor and cut your losses. Quit now.

Upwardly Mobile

Labor Day falls 2 months before the November election, and traditionally marks the start of the campaign season. To political operatives, Labor Day traditionally marks the start of next-job-seeking season, for many of the same reasons.

Political ops, marginally employable in the best of circumstances, are advised not to despair. That's because municipal elections are scheduled for April 2015 -- just around the corner after the real election on November 4th. In anticipation of this municipal election, trustees from the Village of Park City voted to give themselves a raise -- $7,200 -- up from $6,000. It is not too late to be a candidate on the Park City ballot!

Park City's Mayor told the News-Sun ...

the raise will help ensure the city council attracts higher caliber candidates while also retaining experienced members.
Park City Council votes to give itself a raise in 2015

Illinois State law does impose residency restrictions on city council candidates. Ops are asked to make up their own jokes here. Move along.

The 2014 Primary Post-Mortem

When a pollster once asked Willie Sutton why he voted for Bruce Rauner, he said: "because that's where the money is."

Haha. All that's left of the 2014 Primary is what people read about in the history books. And the lesson is clear -- it pays to have money. And lots of it.

Was that candidate of yours a hopeless loser who couldn't get elected to lead a one-man-band? Operatives who listened to your LakeCountyEye knew what to do: Spend a couple million bucks -- and problem solved!

This same sure-fire campaign strategy paid off handsomely for the down-ballot contests as well. Virtually every contested race in Lake County came down to money. The more money a campaign had, the bigger their margin of victory. Who ever said money can't buy votes never read Illinois election law.

Of course it seldom hurts to be a prior County Board Chair & a sitting Lake County Forest Preserve Commissioner -- and to have passed a law making it illegal for the commoners to post their signs on Forest Preserve property:

Nudge nudge wink wink. Say no more!

A No-Win Situation

It's been brought to your LakeCountyEye's attention that there is a Primary election on Tuesday. Who knew?

The Daily Herald did, and they say ...

As people around the suburbs head to the polls Tuesday for a primary with big consequences for how Illinois is governed, here are a few things to know:
Primary Election Day: What to know

The Herald goes on to enumerate bunch of stupid stuff -- like where to vote -- but there is really only one thing you want to know: Who is going to win & lose?

Operatives who subscribe to your LakeCountyEye's For Eyes Only Newsletter Service™ -- a steal at $39.95 per month -- know who will win and who will lose, and have already placed their Intrade bets. Everyone else, your LakeCountyEye has the sad duty to report, will have to wait until after the polls close.

Your LakeCountyEye will share one secret. And that it is no secret who will win or lose, if you know how to read any of the signs. Of which there are 10:

Ten Sure Indicators that You are Going to Lose the Election

You are Going to Prove the Pundits & Pollsters Wrong They are Stealing Your Opponent's Signs They are Not Stealing Your Signs You Did Not Quit Your Day Job Your 4-Color Mailers are Delivered the Day After the Election Two Words: Eleventh-Hour Robo-Calls You Are the Write-In Candidate The Campaign Staff are All Suing Your Opponent Refuses to Debate Your Opponent Lives in Florida

Look for your LakeCountyEye at a victory party near you.

Low Voters Information

With the sudden and premature demise of the Lake County Voting Commission, it has devolved upon the Lake County Clerk to count up the March 18 Primary vote. The News-Sun observed that ...

Early voting in Lake County has been "very, very low" and points to a potentially "dismal" voter turnout for the March 18 Primary Election, according to County Clerk Willard Helander.
Low early-voting totals could mean 'dismal' primary

How dismal will voter turnout in the March 18 Primary be? Your LakeCountyEye contacted the Clerk's office to find out. One source there spoke on condition that they communicate over telepathic channels: "Dismal is a term of art used by County Clerks in Illinois. We measure voter turnout on the Dismal Scale. It's sort of like the Richter Scale."

Ten Metric Benchmarks to Gauge the Projected Dismal Voter Turnout in Lake County

Abysmal Miasmal Cataclysmal Paroxysmal XXX-Small Aneurysmal What's that Smell? Call Me Ismael Schlemiel Schlimazel Pass the Pepto-Bismol®

Note to ops: this cycle, GOTV will stand for Get Out Triple the Vote. The dismal turnout on March 18 may be as low as one third of ballots cast in an average Primary. That means every vote you deliver to the polls on Tuesday has the electoral clout of 3 votes cast during a typical Presidential election year. Be sure to adjust your hourly billing rates accordingly.

Ballot Mix-Ups

The Lake County Election Commission Lake County Clerk's Office has been burning the midnight oil at both ends, printing up extra paper ballots in anticipation of the upcoming March 18 Primary. With a mother lode of uncontested races this election cycle, Republicans are expected to jam the polls in record numbers to cast their ballots for Democratic candidates.

Haha, j/k. Point in fact, the county's Democrats are expected to stampede the polls and vote for Republican candidates.

Haha, j/k, yet again. Point in fact, Democrats are going to make like Election Day is Groundhog Day: when they wake up on March 18 and see that there are almost no contested Democratic races on the ballot, they will return to their burrows and stay away from the polls for six weeks.

The Daily Herald is not so sure, however, and asks ...

The compelling Republican primary race for governor continues to dwarf anything happening on the Democratic ballot on March 18, so the question naturally arises whether Democrats might take a break from their own party, pull a Republican ballot and get in on the GOP action. Will that really happen?
Will Democrats take Republican ballots March 18?

Nobody knows what will really happen because crossover voting is the electoral equivalent of Schrödinger's Cat: until the votes are actually opened and tabulated, these Democrats will have simultaneously cast ballots for both Parties!

Democrats sometimes try to justify crossover voting by pointing out that that every candidate on a Lake County Republican ballot is more than likely a RINO, anyways. The phenomenon is more widespread than one would expect. An anonymous election judge told your LakeCountyEye (on condition that he would not be identified as an anonymous election judge): "There's this one guy who comes in every year and he says 'Can I get a ballot for the Cocktail Party?' And I always say, 'Sure, do you want to show me a birth certificate?' And we both have a laugh. Anyhow, what is it that you call those people who vote for the opposite party?"

A good question. The experts are divided -- ten ways by your LakeCountyEye's count:

Ten Nicknames for Crossover Voting

Double Dippers Ballot Buffeteers Poll Jumpers Three Ballot Monte (R,D,I) Absent Minded Voters Heter-oters Trans Body Politics The Double Crossover Indecisional Ballots Low Information Voters

Look for your LakeCountyEye counting voters near you.

Q the Eye/08.04.13

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I've been a faithful Lake County government employee for nearly 20 years, and now we've gotten word that our office is being downsized. Is there anyone hiring in Lake County?

Not Working Stiff

Dear Stiffed,

You're in luck. A new multi-million-dollar-budget government bureaucracy is opening for business on August 26; send your resume to the Lake County Election Commission -- and feel free to use your LakeCountyEye as a reference.

Just don't make the mistake of one local wage earner in a situation remarkably similar to yours, who decided to make a big stink over it instead. As readers of this blog are flagrantly aware ...

Sore Losers

A new law, passed this year, transfers election authority from the Lake County Clerk's office to an independent election commission. Lake County Clerk Willard Helander was adamantly opposed to the law; and the Lake County State's Attorney filed a lawsuit last week asking for an injunction to stop the new election commission, and to have the law declared unconstitutional.

Well, guess what? If the courts do grant a temporary injunction, then oversight of elections in Lake County will be in legal limbo until the constitutionality of the law is decided. Quite possibly the court may not make a decision until a week or two before the next Primary Election. And if the law is unconstitutional, then, haha, the Lake County Clerk will have one or two weeks to put together an election.

So now, according to the News-Sun, an attorney representing County Clerk Willard Helander is telling the court that they now want to ...

oppose the request for the temporary injunction, although he refused to elaborate afterward on why he is seeking to fight an injunction against a law Helander has adamantly opposed.
Hearing for elections lawsuit set for Aug. 16

The moral of the story: The next time someone makes a stink, do not be surprised if they get served a steaming plate full of something odious they did not order.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Sore Losers

Lake County Board Chair Aaron Lawlor is girding his loins in an effort to legally terminate the still in-utero Lake County Election Commission. As readers of this blog are briefly aware ...

Does Money Really Buy Elections?

Lake County had been on a fast-track to get its own independent Election Commission. But now, according to the Daily Herald ...

Calling the measure illegal and unconstitutional, Lake County officials are seeking an injunction to stop a new state law that strips away the county clerk's election oversight. Lake County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor filed a lawsuit Tuesday in Waukegan to halt the change, which Gov. Pat Quinn signed into law as part of a wide-reaching piece of election-related legislation. The law orders Lake County's chief judge to create a five-member commission that will manage future elections, starting with the spring primary.
Lake County seeking injunction to stop election law changes

Operatives are clamoring to know what to expect -- as if your LakeCountyEye is supposed to be Kreskin or somebody.  Luckily one expert who is disposed to sort it all out has stepped forward, Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Free Legal Advice at the College of Lake County.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi told your LakeCountyEye today, "Cover up all the shrubs, this has all the markings of an epic pissing match over whose hands pull the levers of power on Lake County."

Your LakeCountyEye concurred: voting is the foundation of democracy and this latest kerfuffle is not likely bode well with Lake County's voters.

But Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi was having none of that. "The voters? Haw haw, the voters don't even know when elections are held, let alone who is in charge of running those elections. The voters aren't going to notice anything before they see their tax bill."

Your LakeCountyEye then wanted to know how much a new election commission will cost.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi replied, "The County Chairman is quoting a figure of $600,000 -- but that money won't increase your tax bill because it will be coming out of the County Clerk's existing budget.  What they aren't telling anyone is that $600,000 will be chicken-food compared to legal expenses incurred from their lawsuit. The Lake County State's Attorney filed the suit on constitutional grounds.  One constitutional suit that went against the State of Illinois in 2005 cost taxpayers more than a million dollars."

Your LakeCountyEye concurred: a million dollars was by no means chicken-food.

"Or chimp change, for that matter.", Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, continued. "And that's just the cost of a trial in some local Circuit Court. Add in the cost of appeals, all the way up to the Illinois Supreme Court, and then the US Supreme Court, and then the World Court at the Hague, and before you know it, Lake County will find itself in Bankruptcy Court!"

Before parting, your LakeCountyEye needed to know the most likely outcome of the lawsuit.

"Tell your operatives", said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "that the smart money is betting on the Lake County State's Attorney to win this one. But subsequent DNA evidence will turn up and the suit will be thrown out on appeal."

Does Money Really Buy Elections?

Your LakeCountyEye is advising operatives to be extra vigilant, Lake County is in a local political uproar. According to the Daily Herald ...

Gov. Pat Quinn is planning to sign legislation Saturday that would take elections duties away from the Lake County Clerk, a new law that has created a local political uproar.
Quinn to OK controversial Lake County voting plan

And as readers of this blog are presciently aware ...

Split the Vote

The Governor has signed the election bill into law -- which goes a long way toward explaining the local political uproar currently rocking Lake County.

People will get into local political uproars over a lot of things but it usually ends up being over money:

Lake County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor said the new law could cost the county more than $700,000 in new staff costs, in addition to upfront expenses for printing and other office needs.
Quinn to OK controversial Lake County voting plan

Your LakeCountyEye doesn't know how Aaron Lawlor arrived at a figure of $700,000. Perhaps Lawlor keeps a finger on the pulse of politics downstate, where an election commission costs Peoria taxpayers about the same amount:

The election commission's 2011 budget is $624,318 and the county's is $373,363. A majority of those expenses are in personnel costs and election judges.
Is this the city election commission's last hurrah?

In any event, your LakeCountyEye doesn't see the Lake County taxpayer footing the bill, because that $700K should be taken out of the County Clerk's budget. Because the County Clerk won't be handling the elections in Lake County any more. And won't need the extra money. Unless they need the money for raises and other incentives. In which case the taxpayer will be footing the bill.

Your LakeCountyEye has been reminded that nearly every sentence spoken by Aaron Lawlor contains three things: a noun, a verb and the Route 53 Extension. To put things in some perspective, that $700,000 might be enough money to pay for one or two Toll Plaza signs:

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you posted as further developments warrant.

Split the Vote

Apparently acting on a tip that the US Justice Department ...

is expected to use Sections 2 and 3 of the Voting Rights Act to prevent states from implementing certain laws, including requirements to present particular types of identification to vote.
Justice Department to challenge states’ voting laws

The Illinois Legislature passed a voting rights bill that was hastily signed into law this weekend. One part of the new voting bill, according to the Chicago Tribune, will ...

strip election duties from the Lake County Clerk's office, instead transferring those powers to a five-member board appointed by a judge.
Quinn signs bill allowing online voter registration in Illinois

The bill is being hailed by voting rights advocates. One anonymous source, on condition of anonymity, told your LakeCountyEye "Illinois was in danger of running afoul of provisions of the Voting Rights Act, and was on the Justice Department's radar.  No one wants to see Federal Marshals conducting elections in Illinois.  This bill will ensure clean and fair elections in Lake County for years to come!"

Not everyone is quite so pleased. State Senator Dan Duffy told the Tribune ...

"It's typical Chicago politics, coming in and overriding the voice and concerns of the people of Lake County."
Quinn signs bill allowing online voter registration in Illinois

Your LakeCountyEye decided to find out what elections would be like in Lake County, if they were now going to be governed by the rules of typical Chicago politics:

The Voters' Bill of Rights
Chicago Board of Election Commissioners

Your LakeCountyEye has to admit, a new voting-day regimen like this will take some getting used to. If this is what Lake County voters should expect, then small wonder some would be upset over a change in rules like these.

Q the Eye/06.06.13

Dear LakeCountyEye,

If you're supposed to be psychic, then who sponsored that Lake County Election Board Bill?

Laws Are Like Link Sausages

Dear It Wasn't Your LakeCountyEye,

Being an all-seeing psychic these days ain't what it used to be. Who would've foreseen the News-Sun -- Lake County's newspaper of record -- declaring that the time has come for a bi-partisan Election Commission?

It was time for non-partisanship in elections

Not your LakeCountyEye.

As readers of this blog are eerily aware, your LakeCountyEye did predict, way back in November, that Lake County would be getting an independent election commission:

Reverse Nips

(A tip'o the green eyeshade goes to the spin-averse bloggers at CountyLeaks, for alerting your LakeCountyEye to this spookily accurate coincidence forecast. Who knew?)

Of course 20 gets you 20 for anything, in hindsight. Your LakeCountyEye does foresee that the aforementioned Election Commission is a done deal -- and the reason why is hidden in the Lake County briar patch.

Absolutely, the Lake County Republican establishment has been protesting mightily -- but they betrayed their hand by protesting too much. The spirits have informed your LakeCountyEye that the GOP secretly welcomes a new Election Commission because they have a problem: there is an election in November, 2014 and they they don't have a platform to run on. But a new election board in Lake County quite neatly solves their problem.

A Primary election will be held in March, 2014.  Just suppose the Primary happens to be botched by an inexperienced and partisan-mandated election board.  The Lake County Republican Party then would have the platform they need to drive their voters to the polls: an incompetent election commission that was imposed upon the county by partisan interests.

By your LakeCountyEye's reckoning there are at least 50 ways to botch any election. And for certain parties, it would be in their interest to use everything at their disposal to help that along -- although in all likelihood it's going to be botched even if they sit back and do nothing.

The next time someone pounds the table to protest a Lake County Election Commission -- think of Br'er Rabbit:

Please don't throw me in the briar patch!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

All Politics is Loco

Your LakeCountyEye has been told that Lake County's Republicans are howling mad. They are frothing at the mouth -- figuratively speaking -- over an on-line voter registration bill that will also create an independent election board in Lake County. As proof of their displeasure, the County's top Republican, Aaron Lawlor, told the Chicago Tribune ...

the county was unfairly singled out — even though it is not actually named in the bill. The amendment refers to "any county with a population of more than 700,000 persons ... that borders another state and borders no more than 2 other Illinois counties."
Lake County opposes state-mandated election board

It is noteworthy that not a single Democratic operative has approached your LakeCountyEye pleading for advice on how to circumvent this election bill before it becomes law.

Of course whenever faced with a vexing political problem, your LakeCountyEye usually advises ops to hire an inexpensive (but competent) political consultant. In this case the consultant is Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Political Dirty Tricks at the College of Lake County.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi was familiar with the bill and said, "You have three viable options. The bill is restricted to counties that border other states. In this case, that is Wisconsin. If Wisconsin were to secede to from the union, then Lake County would instead share a border with a foreign country. Don't laugh, there are legislators in Madison who are favorably disposed to the idea."

Your LakeCountyEye expressed strong skepticism that this would ever happen.

"I suppose not." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi said with a frown. "That would mean that Wisconsin would also have to secede from the NFL. But, wait, the bill also specifies counties that border no more than 2 other counties.  You may recall that Palatine and Wheeling Townships were threatening, a few years ago, to secede from Cook County.  If I recall correctly, they wanted to establish something like an off-shore tax haven.  Anyhow, that would mean Lake County would abut up against 3 Illinois counties!"

Your LakeCountyEye pointed out that Todd Stroger was defeated in 2010.

"And that was the end of Freedonia County, or whatever they were going to call themselves." sighed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "Well, in that case there is really only one feasible option.  The bill also singles out counties with more than 700,000 people.  According to the 2010 Census, Lake County has 703,462 people.  Get rid of just 3,463 people and you're back in the driver's seat."

Your LakeCountyEye was goggle-eyed.  "You mean something like offering generous tax incentives to get people to move out?"

"Don't be ridiculous." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "That costs money.  I mean start deporting people.  It shouldn't be difficult for any County Sheriff to locate that many people without proper documentation -- even a nanny-state liberal Sheriff like Lake County has.  This is doable."

This interview was over. Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi if he had any advice for the ops.

He replied in a deadpan tone, "Tell all your operatives to make sure their H-1B and F-1 visas are up-to-date. I just renewed mine for another 12 months."

Kabuki Theater

Lake County Clerk Willard Helander's job may become a lot easier. As readers of this blog are dubiously aware ...

A No Confidence Vote

a bill passed this week in Springfield that allows voters to register online -- and, among other things, would create an independent election board in Lake County.  And as the commodiously unread blog Common Sense in Illinois' 10th has reported, the bill passed mostly along party lines:

How Our Lake County Senators Voted on HB2418
How our Illinois House Voted on HB 2418

Whereas every Republican legislator in Lake County voted to kill the bill, an overall majority of Democratic legislators did not. (Some nice scut work compiling those stats, Louis!)

One legislator even told the Daily Herald ...

"This is political," said state Rep. Ed Sullivan, a Mundelein Republican.
Lake County election change sent to Quinn

It goes without saying that politics is show business for ugly people -- and in Lake County that emphasis is on show business. Lake County politicians will swell up and be all righteously indignant over some perceived slight, but of course it's all for the benefit of the paying audience -- or as the case may be, the voters.

So, your LakeCountyEye would not be surprised to learn that a deal of sorts had been struck between Lake County's Democrats and the County Clerk's Office -- who for years are rumored to have maintained close ties.  According to the terms of the deal, the Lake County Clerk gets a much needed respite in day-to-day duties, and in return earns the opportunity to pursue other objectives.  These objectives presumably would include meeting with Republican and other grass-roots organizations to speak on a topic that Helander calls  ...

Why Illinois is a Blue State

Your LakeCountyEye has not heard Helander's outstanding presentation but has been told on the highest authority it is a must-see for anyone wishing to understand why Illinois is a "blue" state & why Lake County should be considered "blue", and what can be done to make them "red" again.

To book Helander for your township or grass-roots meeting, your LakeCountyEye recommends contacting those commodious bloggers at Common Sense in Illinois' 10th, who ...

would highly recommend that Republican organizations seek out Ms. Helander in the near future to listen to her presentation. This would include the Republican Illinois State Central Committee, Lake County Republican Central Committee and the Township Committees.
Grass Roots Republican Wake Up Call

A No Confidence Vote

Lake County has not been this outraged since Lyndon Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act of 1965. That was back in the day when Washington did not like the way that some States went about conducting their elections.  Entire swaths of the electorate had been disenfranchised, and the Federal Government deemed it necessary to send in the Feds to school their local election boards on the right way to hold an election.

Well, in Lake County it's back to the future as another voting rights bill, now working its way through Springfield, will create an independent election board here.  Lake County's Republicans are deservedly outraged -- just like their Southern Democrat counterparts were some 50 years ago.

County Clerk Willard Helander, who currently oversees elections in Lake County, told the Daily Herald ...

"It's a power grab to take over election authority in Lake County"
State moves to take election oversight from Lake County clerk

State Representative JoAnn Osmond, who currently oversees nothing even tangentially connected with elections in Lake County, nevertheless told the Daily Herald that the legislation was ...

"insulting"
Elections legislation spawns Lake County political battle

Even State Senator Dan Duffy, whose dependable margin of electoral victory is the McHenry County portion of his district, told the Daily Herald ...

"Lake County and the leaders are adamantly opposed to this"
Elections legislation spawns Lake County political battle

Preparations are already underway in anticipation of this new voting rights bill becoming Illinois law. According to anonymous misinformed sources, county officials are engaged in high-level negotiations with representatives from Wisconsin, as outraged voters brace themselves for Lake County's inevitable secession from the State of Illinois. One source, giddy with excitement, told your LakeCountyEye that when it comes to voter suppression "they take no prisoners up there in Wisconsin."

Q the Eye/04.07.13

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Thanks for reminding us that there is an election in Illinois on April 9, this Tuesday. I urgently need to know who will win.

Without your help, I don't know what I would've done last November. I need your help again -- please hurry, I have a deadline!

Not Nate Silver

Dear You Bet You're Not,

Your LakeCountyEye doesn't have the time to analyze every race, but will share a foolproof secret. In these off-year elections, the campaign with the heavy odor of desperation is the one likely to lose. And the #1 sure sign of campaign desperation is the 11th hour Robocall. You don't need to take it from your LakeCountyEye, it's been empirically demonstrated that your improvised, last-minute Robocall is guaranteed to lose you votes on election day.

It's not surprising that the strongest odor of desperation comes from the direction of Island Lake -- a community of friendly people^® -- where the office of Mayor is up for grabs. Apparently an anonymous Robocall there got one Mayoral candidate hopping mad and he notified authorities. According to the Daily Herald, this Robocall ...

got the attention of Lake County State's Attorney Mike Nerheim. "We are looking into this," Nerheim told the Daily Herald in an email.
State’s attorney investigating robocall targeting Island Lake candidate

Note to ops: If you are the one behind that Robocall, make sure you wipe any DNA evidence off of the Robocall machine. Haha, j/k. You don't have anything to worry about -- this State's Attorney's Office has a track record of finding some undocumented resident or disadvantaged minority to charge. From a purely legal perspective however, it is not illegal to make Robocalls -- so your LakeCountyEye cannot rightly say what they will be charged with. Something or other that could be made to stick, no doubt, but your LakeCountyEye digresses.

It is unknown who or which side is behind those Island Lake Robocalls. The campaign that can't do any better than phone it in, as far as your LakeCountyEye sees it, is not likely to win.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Electile Dysfunction?

There's an old joke in Illinois -- you know it's in Lake County, probably in Illinois -- that goes ...

Q:

When will the voters become oblivious of the 2013 Consolidated Election?

A:

Six weeks after they were oblivious of the 2013 Consolidated Primary.

Haha, Illinois's best-kept secret is scheduled for next Tuesday, April 9. If any fewer people knew about the upcoming top-secret 2013 election, that would be about the 2013 primary election, from six weeks ago.

Elections are not free and the 2013 Primary was no exception. Predictably, the Daily Herald was not amused. The taxpayer ...

paid about $30,000 in Lake County to have 4,166 Democratic voters determine which of the party's three Waukegan mayoral candidates would face two independent candidates in the actual election.
Primaries: Low voter turnout, big cost to taxpayers

That works out to more than $7 per vote, which is about the going rate in Waukegan. Those turnout numbers actually seem a lot higher than would be expected. Your LakeCountyEye has been told that County officials are closely monitoring local elections in Wisconsin, with an eye toward improving existing programs for suppressing the vote in Waukegan.

In these hard economic times, it seems, everyone will have to tighten their belts. Lake County Clerk Willard Helander told the Herald ...

"The big costs are staffing, printing ballots, renting facilities and hiring people to move equipment." In Lake County, more than $37,000 was spent on salaries for "election judge and site manager payroll," Helander said.
Primaries: Low voter turnout, big cost to taxpayers

Your LakeCountyEye observes that some serious money will be saved if they can reduce those voter turnout numbers down to zero. Just sayin!

So few people are expected to vote in the April 9 election that a proportional number of candidates decided to sit this one out as well. The Daily Herald, predictably, is not amused:

A lack of ballot competition in Tuesday's election means many homeowners aren't likely to see much in the way of policy change when it comes to property taxes. While voters will make key choices in some local races, more than 60 percent of the 2,100-plus races that will be decided in suburban Cook, DuPage, Kane, Lake and McHenry counties are uncontested, have fewer candidates than seats available or have no candidates at all.
Uncontested races likely mean status quo on local taxes

Note to ops: Yes, the Daily Herald that disapproves of wasting money on off-year primary elections is the same Daily Herald that laments the dearth of candidates on this off-year election ballot. And just where are all these general election candidates supposed come from -- without a nominating primary?  Your LakeCountyEye is not amused.

With no one on the ballot this Tuesday, and with no one voting, any single vote cast is quite likely to be the difference between the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. The going rate for your LakeCountyEye's vote is as low as $7 -- and be sure to ask about the volume discount.

Look for your LakeCountyEye next Tuesday at a voting booth near you. Where permitted by law.