Wednesday, October 29, 2014

The Off-Year Infections

Win Friends and Influenza People The hazmat moon suits are flying off the shelves and they're not for Halloween. Lake County has Ebola fever. At least one prominent resident of Lake County has gotten rattled:
U.S. Sen. Mark Kirk has joined other Republicans in calling for a travel and visa ban on those attempting to travel to the U.S. from three Ebola-affected countries in Africa. Kirk contends the public isn't confident the Centers for Disease Control is ahead of the Ebola threat.
Kirk wants travel ban for 3 Ebola-affected nations
When widespread panic threatens to turn into total pandemonium your LakeCountyEye turns to the one person with the sobering facts, Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Viral Phenomena at the College of Lake County.

"Look at how I'm perspiring. Is it hot in here?" asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "I've been sealing the cracks in my fallout shelter. Cough -- pardon my dust. As to Ebola, you got nothing to worry about -- as long as you don't vote this year."

That last remark did not scan. As long as your LakeCountyEye did not vote?

"Ya." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Stay away from the voting booth and you will be fine. Diseases spread when strangers are in close contact. And where do more people get jammed closer together around this time of year?  Epidemiologists have determined that the voting booth has been ground zero for every pandemic since the Black Death."

Your LakeCountyEye was nonplussed. Really?

"Cross my heart and hope to die." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Our election judges and government employees are not happy at all. They want either hazardous duty pay or to see the election cancelled for the duration."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like: Shut Up!

"Neither alternative was judged practical." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "So officials forged a compromise. On election day they will monitor every voter and remove from the lines anyone not deemed safe, and put them into quarantine."

Quarantined -- for how long?

"For 21 days or until November 4th on 7:01PM. Whichever one comes first." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Stunning revelations. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your ops that if they plan to vote in this election, they will need to bring some proof they haven't been in Africa."

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