Monday, June 3, 2013

All Politics is Loco

joltin' joeYour LakeCountyEye has been told that Lake County's Republicans are howling mad. They are frothing at the mouth -- figuratively speaking -- over an on-line voter registration bill that will also create an independent election board in Lake County. As proof of their displeasure, the County's top Republican, Aaron Lawlor, told the Chicago Tribune ...
the county was unfairly singled out — even though it is not actually named in the bill. The amendment refers to "any county with a population of more than 700,000 persons ... that borders another state and borders no more than 2 other Illinois counties."
Lake County opposes state-mandated election board
It is noteworthy that not a single Democratic operative has approached your LakeCountyEye pleading for advice on how to circumvent this election bill before it becomes law.

Of course whenever faced with a vexing political problem, your LakeCountyEye usually advises ops to hire an inexpensive (but competent) political consultant. In this case the consultant is Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Political Dirty Tricks at the College of Lake County.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi was familiar with the bill and said, "You have three viable options. The bill is restricted to counties that border other states. In this case, that is Wisconsin. If Wisconsin were to secede to from the union, then Lake County would instead share a border with a foreign country. Don't laugh, there are legislators in Madison who are favorably disposed to the idea."

Your LakeCountyEye expressed strong skepticism that this would ever happen.

"I suppose not." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi said with a frown. "That would mean that Wisconsin would also have to secede from the NFL. But, wait, the bill also specifies counties that border no more than 2 other counties.  You may recall that Palatine and Wheeling Townships were threatening, a few years ago, to secede from Cook County.  If I recall correctly, they wanted to establish something like an off-shore tax haven.  Anyhow, that would mean Lake County would abut up against 3 Illinois counties!"

Your LakeCountyEye pointed out that Todd Stroger was defeated in 2010.

"And that was the end of Freedonia County, or whatever they were going to call themselves." sighed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "Well, in that case there is really only one feasible option.  The bill also singles out counties with more than 700,000 people.  According to the 2010 Census, Lake County has 703,462 people.  Get rid of just 3,463 people and you're back in the driver's seat."

Your LakeCountyEye was goggle-eyed.  "You mean something like offering generous tax incentives to get people to move out?"

"Don't be ridiculous." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "That costs money.  I mean start deporting people.  It shouldn't be difficult for any County Sheriff to locate that many people without proper documentation -- even a nanny-state liberal Sheriff like Lake County has.  This is doable."

This interview was over. Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi if he had any advice for the ops.

He replied in a deadpan tone, "Tell all your operatives to make sure their H-1B and F-1 visas are up-to-date. I just renewed mine for another 12 months."


CountyLeaks said...

I'm stunned that Lake County doesn't want its very own electoral board. Stunned.

Someone in Springfield may have got the inspiration from this blog. I quote LakeCountyEye 11/14/12: "No doubt a source of constant envy up here in Lake County, DuPage County has its own election commission, the DuPage County Election Commission."

Check out all the neat stuff Lake County citizens can look forward to with an independent electoral board!

CountyLeaks said...

DuPage County Election Commissioners are paid $27,500 annually with the option of full benefits. Not bad for an average of two meetings monthly.

There are only three commissioners on the electoral board in DuPage. Lake County is about to have FIVE.

CountyLeaks said...

Call Gov. Quinn's office NOW. Demand an amendatory veto requiring a referendum.



Barney Baxter said...

hi CountyLeaks,

I'm stunned that someone is citing me verbatim. Does this mean LakeCountyEye has jumped the shark?