Sunday, March 16, 2014

Low Voters Information

The soft bigotry of low expectations. With the sudden and premature demise of the Lake County Voting Commission, it has devolved upon the Lake County Clerk to count up the March 18 Primary vote. The News-Sun observed that ...
Early voting in Lake County has been "very, very low" and points to a potentially "dismal" voter turnout for the March 18 Primary Election, according to County Clerk Willard Helander.
Low early-voting totals could mean 'dismal' primary
How dismal will voter turnout in the March 18 Primary be? Your LakeCountyEye contacted the Clerk's office to find out. One source there spoke on condition that they communicate over telepathic channels: "Dismal is a term of art used by County Clerks in Illinois. We measure voter turnout on the Dismal Scale. It's sort of like the Richter Scale."
Ten Metric Benchmarks to Gauge the Projected
Dismal Voter Turnout in Lake County
  1. Abysmal
  2. Miasmal
  3. Cataclysmal
  4. Paroxysmal
  5. XXX-Small
  6. Aneurysmal
  7. What's that Smell?
  8. Call Me Ismael
  9. Schlemiel Schlimazel
  10. Pass the Pepto-Bismol®
Note to ops: this cycle, GOTV will stand for Get Out Triple the Vote. The dismal turnout on March 18 may be as low as one third of ballots cast in an average Primary. That means every vote you deliver to the polls on Tuesday has the electoral clout of 3 votes cast during a typical Presidential election year. Be sure to adjust your hourly billing rates accordingly.

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