Monday, March 10, 2014

Left Waiting at the Altar

The Love Boat promises something for everyone.The Lake County Clerk's office announced last week that same-sex marriage licenses will not be issued before June 1. According to the Suburban Life ...
Same-sex couples wanting a marriage license in Lake County have been calling the county clerk's office since a U.S. District Court judge ruled Feb. 21 that Cook County must issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples before the state law goes into effect this summer. But couples in Lake County will have to wait until June 1, the effective date of the state law legalizing the practice
Lake County County Clerk will not issue same-sex marriage licenses early
To review the legal alternatives, your LakeCountyEye consulted Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Alternative Studies at the College of Lake County.

"Ya ..." sighed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Gay couples who have been living in sin just got some bad news. Those hoping to make an honest woman or man out of their same-sex partner will have to wait if they want to get married in Lake County."

Your LakeCountyEye wondered if it was too early to point any fingers.

"I blame the March 18 primary election." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "With early voting, mail voting, grace period registration, the Clerk's office frankly does not have the bandwidth to conduct an election and issue marriage licenses at the same time. If the courts had approved a Lake County Election Commission, the County Clerk would have no excuse now for sitting on those same-sex licenses. But Noooo."

Your LakeCountyEye wanted to know if any recourses were available.

"They are currently issuing same sex licenses down in Macon County." observed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Business leaders here were hoping to make over Lake County into Illinois's premiere gay vacation destination. Not any more -- we can kiss that billion dollars in tourist revenue goodbye. If your operatives want to get married right away, they should head south to Buttfarm Illinois."

Who are the winners coming out of the Clerk's decision? Your LakeCountyEye had to ask.

"This is a win for State Representative Ed Sullivan Jr." opined Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Sullivan faces a Primary challenge from an opponent who opposes gay marriage. Sullivan was one of three Republican legislators who voted to legalize same-sex marriage in Illinois. His re-election chances would have been hurt if the March 18 Primary election coincided with news headlines about gay marriage ceremonies in Lake County. Rumor has it that Sullivan's opponent is now going to charter a cruise ship for gay couples on Saint Marys Lake -- where, under maritime law, the ship's captain is authorized to perform marriages. Unbelievable!"

Unbelievable indeed. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any final advice? Speak now or forever hold your peace.

"Tell your operatives to take it from Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi: If they want to get married, go ahead and try it once. But don't make a habit out of it."

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