Thursday, July 19, 2012

Some Political Heater

drink the koolaidIn Lake County the dog days of summer arrive, nowadays, like a cat on a hot tin roof. It's been so hot that your LakeCountyEye has taken to stashing the Red Bull in the freezer. Look behind the Cheetos.

Days when the thermometer outscores your operative's median IQ -- are those days that will make or break a campaign. Your LakeCountyEye is convinced that climate change denial is a vast conspiracy by political incumbents:
  • Boobs in the media repeatedly insist that global warming is junk science.
  • As a result nothing is done to stop global warming.
  • Your campaign volunteers won't knock on doors because it's too hot.
  • The entrenched incumbent you are challenging sails to an easy re-election.
  • Genius!
So don't let this happen to you. If your campaign is on the one-way street to a political meltdown then your LakeCountyEye has 10 cool-headed tips for surviving the Summer of 2012:

Ten Ways to Beat the Heat
Now that Global Warming has Kicked-In, Some Bloody Awful
  1. Promise your call-bankers that they will be making cold calls.

  2. Canvass in Lake Chilla Township.

  3. Treat your volunteers to a double-header from the air-conditioned comfort of a Fielder's Stadium skybox.

  4. Convert to metric -- 100° is a cool 38° Celsius.

  5. Drive across the Wisconsin border. Before frostbite sets in, drive back. Repeat as needed.

  6. Contact the Lake County State's Attorney. They will be happy to put you on ice.

  7. Schlep yourself and a lawnchair over to a Libertyville windfarm.

  8. Order a pizza and give the driver directions through a Lake County roundabout. By the time the driver arrives the pizza will be cold ... and free!

  9. Volunteer to judge the ice sculpture contestants at the Lake County Fair.
    This year: July 25 thru July 29

  10. See to it that the Route 53 Extension gets built. Then enjoy the ancillary-benefit of hell freezing over.

Look for your LakeCountyEye in the freezer section of a store near you.


The Victims said...

You would think that today, of all days, Team America would remove the gun from the home page of it's blog. Sorry, I know this is off topic. But we're going to have to change the way we think in order to get ahead of the madness. Perhaps not glorifying them, perhaps viewing them as an evil which we all need to work to render unnecessary, is just one way to slow the gun madness that seems to have overtaken our great nation. Again, sorry for the divergence. My heart is just broken for both the victims and the families in Colorado as well as those in Chicago. I pray for their peace, I pray for their families' strength, and I pray for the day when just one innocent gun victim shocks us into action.

Barney Baxter said...

This is a sad day for everyone.

Anonymous said...

I have to wonder if Team America has gone the way of Penn State. Nothing in three weeks.