Saturday, July 31, 2010

Special Election Special Edition

The US Senate special election is only 94 days away which, due to a rare quirk of the lunar calendar, is the same number of days before the general election. All your special election need-to-know facts & figures were covered here in ...
Election Night Special
The political parties are scheduled to nominate their special election Senatorial candidates, the identities of whom were reported here and no longer are a closely held secret. Spoiler alert for those who care not to know who they will see on their ballot prior to showing up at the polls: Alexi Giannoulias has the Democratic nomination in the bank; while the Republicans will give their carte blanche blessing to Jim Oberweis. Remember you heard it here first on your LakeCountyEye. The joker in the deck remains the identity of the Green Party nominee.

To be eligible for the ballot, independent candidates are required to gather signatures from a percentage of registered voters. That percentage currently stands at 650%, which is calculated by Illinois legislators to keep many independent candidates off the ballot. On the other hand, the Green Party is a recognized political party in the State of Illinois. The looser petition requirements governing political parties mean the magic signature number for a Green Party candidate averages at about 5. No, not 5% of registered voters -- a typical Green Party candidate needs to gather 5 petition signatures to get on the ballot. Maybe 6 or 7 for a state-wide office.

So it should be no surprise that the Green Party is the 900 lb black hole of Illinois electoral politics. It attracts to its ranks the type of office seeker who normally would be passing out handwritten fliers on election day, rather than actually running for election. For instance, white supremacists and black panthers and nutjobs of various color and stripe -- in other words your typical LakeCountyEye operative.

Is there any wonder predicting the name of the Green Party special election candidate is a fool's errand? This is precisely why they needed to invent WikiLeaks. Direct from the whistleblowers at Green Party Headquarters -- aka your nearest Starbucks -- your LakeCountyEye has their 10 likeliest Senate hopefuls:

Ten Most Likely Green Party Special Election Senatorial Nominees
NomineeReason for Candidacy
1Rod BlagojevichNeeds a Job in Nov
2Scott Lee CohenNeeds a Job in Nov
3Lisa StoneNeeds a Job in Nov
4Joe WalshNeeds a Job in Nov
5Bill ScheurerNeeds a Job in Nov
6Rahm EmanuelNeeds a Job in Nov
7Alan KeyesNeeds a Job in Nov
8Princess NudelmanNeeds a Job in Nov
9Roland BurrisNeeds a Job in Nov
10Mark KirkNeeds a Job in Nov

Your LakeCountyEye plans to vote for a Venti Caramel Macchiato.

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