Duds

Answering the call of the wild, Lake County boreal Congressman Randy Hultgren migrated South this weekend. Hultgren traversed more than 300 miles of rugged terrain to Murphysboro Tennessee Illinois where he was sighted with legitimate businessman and US President, Donald J Trump:

Trump campaigns to eager crowd in southern Illinois, calling state 'such a special place'

Hultgren represents chunks of Northern and Western Lake County. Why would he travel far downstate to campaign, less than 10 days before an election?

Randy Hultgren was there to model the new Fall arrivals from the Trump Collection^TM ...

The Trump Collection

Note to Ops: Are you tired of being empty suit? The Trump Collection^TM is tailor made for you. Clothes make the man!

Q the Eye/08.15.18

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Are you better off now than you were four years ago?

Congressman Randall Hultgren

Dear Congressman Hultgren (if that's your real name),

Is the pope catachrestic?

Haha, campaigning for high office is a lot like catfishing with Instagram: Never ask a question you don't know the answer to.

So don't make a bonehead rookie error like the one made at a townhall meeting by Lake County's boreal Congressman, Randy Hultgren:

"Are you better off now than you were two to four years ago?" He asked.

"No," responded most of the crowd.
'Are you better off now?' Hultgren asks audience about tax cuts. 'No,' most say.

If this hadn't occurred in McHenry County your LakeCountyEye might be thinking that Hultgren was in danger of losing his Congressional seat.

Things are different in Lake County.  Here the Republican candidates leave nothing to chance when soliciting a voter's opinion.  For instance, they might ask the voters if they favor higher State property taxes.  In particular, if the voter favors a non-existent State property tax -- one fabricated out of thin air.  And worded for a ballot referendum that has no binding authority:

A divided Lake County Board voted Tuesday to put a question on the Nov. 6 ballot asking if the General Assembly should amend Illinois' Constitution and ban a statewide property tax increase. The usefulness of the referendum was questioned by county board members from both sides of the political aisle.
Lake County Board members spar over advisory property tax referendum

Ballot Referendum Question:	Do you favor a statewide property tax increase?
Voters:	"NOOO!" responded most of the voters.

That's how it's done, son.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just under investigation by the Special Counsel, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Open Position

Randy Hultgren, Lake County's boreal Congressman, severed his right-hand man:

Nick Provenzano, a former McHenry County Board member and an employee of U.S. Rep. Randy Hultgren, was fired Monday after he was caught by police in a sexual encounter with a 17-year-old boy, according to reports.
Reports: Hultgren fires aide Provenzano after sexual encounter with teen boy

This comes on the heels of the March 20 election this week -- which, like every Primary election, produced many more losers than winners.

Note to Ops: If you are looking for a job, and if you are good with your right hand, this is an outstanding opportunity. Do not hesitate to send a resume to Congressman Hultgren:

Jobs | Congressman Randy Hultgren

It is not known if a glossy photo is required.

Pro Associations

Note to Ops: When you think of odd jobs do you think of Nick Provenzano? A go-to guy within the McHenry County GOP, a Party buttress, even, Provenzano (some may recall) chaired Joe Walsh's campaign in 2010:

Walsh's campaign manager since April, Nick Provenzano is a former McHenry County Board member who served as secretary of the McHenry County Republican Party and has worked on more than 25 campaigns, including former 8th District Congressional Republican candidate David McSweeney's.
The resurrection of Joe Walsh's campaign

Most recently, Provenzano served as succedaneum for Congressman Randy Hultgren.  Until now, that is:

On Oct. 21, a pair of McHenry police officers rolled down a dead-end McHenry street and found an SUV with its headlights turned off, according to a police report. Inside, they found a shirtless man and a 17-year-old boy. The man in the driver's seat was Provenzano, according to the report. They had met on Grindr, a popular gay dating app, the 17-year-old told police.
Day after firing, Nick Provenzano elected precinct committeeman in Nunda Township

This week, Randy Hultgren sacked Nick Provenzano. One observer was fit to be tied, saying the discharge was premature: "This amounts to naked hypocrisy, to can someone for observing a core principle of the Republican Party -- trickle down economics!"

Mortality Tables: The Final Round

Is it Opposite Day? Instead of taking money from the Gun Lobby, both Lake County Congressmen Peter Roskam and Randy Hultgren gave money:

Lake County Republican Central Committee A-1 List

To make some sense of those topsy turvy turn of events your LakeCountyEye contacted Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Paranormal Research at the College of Lake County.

"Holy simoleons." said Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Roskam and Hultgren donated $1000 to the Lake County Republican 2nd Amendment Dinner & Gun Raffle. Each! That can buy somebody a bundle of bumpstocks."

Your LakeCountyEye noticed that Hultgren's PAC is a PO Box maildrop. And the address of Roskam's PAC is Tampa, Florida.

"Where banking regulations are non-existent." offered Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

According to the Lake County GOP Gun Raffle brochure, anyone with a $2000 donation would take home a Smith & Wesson assault rifle.

"Then Roskam & Hultgren should've pooled their money." suggested Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "They could have fought for who got to keep the gun."

Fight for the gun -- how?

"It's a basic rule of hand-to-hand combat." replied Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The first one who gets to aim the gun owns the gun."

As things stand neither got a gun. Then why donate $1000 to a gun raffle at all?

"Roskam is a personal injury attorney and Hultgren owns funeral homes." noted Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Having more guns in circulation would have to be good for business."

Does that mean Roskam and Hultgren are in the pocket of the gun lobby?

"Why, nothing of the sort." scoffed Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The gun lobby says that firearms reduce crime and other acts of violence."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like: haha, good one.

"Cracked myself up with that one." chortled Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Your LakeCountyEye observed that neither Roskam or Hultgren attended. Both missed out on a free chicken dinner.

"Ya, and they also missed out on a photo-op with Joe Walsh. Former Congressman Joe Walsh gave the keynote address. That $1000 was earnest money toward not seeing a Joe Walsh challenge in the Primary."

Too crazy. Did Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives, to go ahead and run in the Primary, but neither Peter Roskam nor Randy Hultgren are afraid of 2nd Amendment remedies."

House of Misrepresentatives?

An actual unretouched screencap from the LakeCountyEye Inbox:

Informed sources tell your LakeCountyEye that Sheri Jesiel is not a member of the US Congress. For the record, Jesiel (R-Ill) is the Illinois State Representative in the 61st District.

Note to Congressman Randy Hultgren (R-Ill) campaign Ops: Watch your backs.

The Price is Right

Willie Sutton robbed banks. Nowadays just go to Congress instead.

Haha, the banking sector is giving away money to your US Representatives. For instance, Randy Hultgren has taken home more than $1,000,000 from financial interests:

Rep. Randy Hultgren: Campaign Finance/Money - Industries - Representative Career | OpenSecrets

Perhaps not coincidentally, Hultgren, Lake County's boreal Congressman, voted recently to repeal the Dodd-Frank Act:

A bill that repeals it has made its way through one level of Congress. The Financial Choice Act, passed by the House of Representatives last week, repeals many of the financial rules and regulations in what's called the Dodd-Frank Act that was passed in 2010.
Illinois Reps weigh in on House vote to repeal Dodd-Frank regulations

The new Republican Bill would ...

tie the hands of bank regulators and make it easier for banks to again take risks that endanger our economy. The bill would repeal the Volcker Rule, which prohibits banks from gambling with customer money;
What is the Financial CHOICE Act (HR 10)?

Perhaps not coincidentally, Randy Hultgren was seen this week at the Waukegan Casino:

Keep calm and Carey on. This is merely another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!

Note to Ops: Your odds are better at the craps table.

Dead to Health Care Rights

People are dying to get out of Lake County. They've been departing to Randy Hultgren's district office in Campton Hills, where a mass die-in has been reported.

Hultgren, Lake County's boreal congressman, voted to repeal Obamacare last week. According to the Northwest Herald:

The Campton Hills district office of U.S. Rep. Randy Hultgren, R-Plano, again was the center of protest Tuesday, but organizers called it a die-in, lying on the grass with cardboard tombstones and plastic skeletons to show their disdain for the American Health Care Act. Hultgren was among the seven Illinois House Republicans who voted May 4 to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act.
U.S. Rep. Randy Hultgren's office the scene of a die-in to protest American Health Care Act

In related news, people in Lake County are living longer:

People live longer in Lake County than in many of its counterparts across Illinois, and life expectancy in the county has increased since 1980 — but not as fast as the rate of improvement in other Chicago-area counties such as Cook and Kane, according to the results of a new national study.
Life expectancy increasing in Lake County, but health outcomes unequal

One spokesman spoke on conditions of anomalously: "If they repeal Obamacare, then people won't be living longer in Lake County. It will just seem that way."

Next Week: Where all the bodies are buried.

From Townhall to the Halls of Montezuma?

P.R. has a P.R. problem.

P.R. -- aka Peter Roskam -- aka Lake County's vestigial congressman -- is allergic to townhall meetings. Despite pressure from both the voters and the media, Roskam is afraid his constituents will be too uncouth to participate in a proper townhall. According to the Chicago Tribune ...

Republican U.S. Rep. Peter Roskam of Wheaton says he's no fan of "circus" town hall meetings and prefers a more controlled setting for town-hall-style meetings by telephone
Roskam says he prefers doing town hall meetings over the phone

On the other hand, Randy Hultgren, Lake County's boreal congressman, held a civil townhall meeting this week. According to the Daily Herald ...

"Participating in big circuses is not productive," Republican Peter Roskam of Wheaton said earlier this year. We disagree -- and give kudos to Hultgren and the League of Women Voters for proving it can be done.
Editorial: Hultgren, league prove town halls can be effective

Civility prevailed even though Hultgren represents Lake County's Wisconsin border towns, as well as the unexplored areas of McHenry County. A constituency where the standard of living is based on fishing, hunting and subsistence farming, these are not the voters you would expect to meet in the bedroom communities that Peter Roskam represents.

How did Randy Hultgren do it? An authoritative sounding spokesman divulged the secret to enforcing decorum at a townhall meeting: "Pack the room with Federal ICE agents. If some chumbolone crosses the line, send him back to where he belongs. Mexico, no questions asked."

Here is an actual unretouched Daily Herald photo of townhall participants holding up their green cards:

Hultgren draws jeers, cheers

The spokesman elaborated: "Not only do you guarantee yourself a neighborly townhall, but you make America great again!"

A win-win by your LakeCountyEye's reckoning.

From Townhall to Monty Hall?

There's an old saying in show business ...

Give the People What They Want

And there's another old saying ...

Politics is show business for ugly people.

So it should not come as a surprise that Randy Hultgren, this week, gave the people what they want. As readers of this blog are aware ...

Proxy Representative

Randy Hultgren, Lake County's boreal Congressman, was persuaded to hold a townhall meeting. According to the Daily Herald, Hultgren's district offices had been picketed and ...

The focus of many of those protests has been the call for a town-hall meeting with Hultgren. After working with multiple League of Women Voters chapters on the logistics, Hultgren, of Plano, provided that town hall at the Arcada Theatre in St. Charles.
Hultgren draws jeers, cheers

Of course just as an attorney should never ask a question unless he knows the answer, a politician should never hold a townhall unless he knows who will be in the seats. One credible spokesman explained how it's done: "Don't bother filling the room with friends and relatives. Pack that room with all your lobbyists instead!"

Here is an actual unretouched Daily Herald photo of K Street lobbyists holding up their bid cards:

Hultgren draws jeers, cheers

The spokesman elaborated: "When access to your Congressman is on the table, you not only guarantee a civil townhall meeting, but the event pays for itself!"

A win-win by your LakeCountyEye's reckoning.

Proxy Representative

The two words most feared by the US Congress are town hall and town hall. So your LakeCountyEye was surprised to see this item in the Patch about Randy Hultgren:

After not meeting openly with constituents for far too long, Rep. Hultgren is having a question and answer session this Tuesday, the 18th of April, from 7p to 8:30p at the Arcada Theatre in St. Charles.
Congressman Hultgren, IL 14th District, Holding Open Q&A Tuesday, April 18th

Those wishing to attend may want to book a room at Airbnb. While Hultgren is Lake County's boreal Congressman, St. Charles is nowhere near northern Lake County. Your LakeCountyEye looked it up: St. Charles is located between Virginia Ave and States Ave  ...

Not to be outdone, Peter Roskam has scheduled a townhall event as well. The time and place of the meeting cannot be disclosed, however. Roskam, Lake County's vestigial Congressman, was forcibly dragged out of an IranAir Airbus, last week, by Iranian Revolutionary Guards. And as a consequence, Roskam has been voluntarily admitted into the Federal witness protection program.

A spokesman however, would reveal that Peter Roskam has a new identity -- henceforth his legal name will be Randall Mark Hultgren. And that Roskam is holding his townhall meeting on April 18, from 7 to 8:30pm, at the Arcada Theatre in St. Charles.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Dog Eat Dog

Lake County vestigial Congressman, Peter Roskam, is now the Ex House Majority Whip. As readers of this blog are dubiously aware ...

The Schock of the New

Roskam explained to the media that he got himself replaced by some crawdad Congressman from the antebellum south because Peter Roskam wasn't "southern" enough. Operatives are asked to make like Mars Incorporated and contain their snickers.

Someone who is southern enough for the job is Lake County antediluvian Congressman, Randy Hultgren. As proof, your LakeCountyEye can exclusively report that Randy Hultgren was also competing for the coveted US House leadership post. And while he did not win, Hultgren did submit video applications to the House Majority Whip qualifying committee. Your LakeCountyEye has obtained bootleg copies:

#flipadistrict : HenryOkie wants to Flip Illinois 14th District : Help Us Bill Maher

Sharpeyed ops will immediately recognize the voiceover work of HenryOkie, who frequently blogs for the McHenryCountyBlog.

Duly impressed, the House committee invited Hultgren to submit a followup video for the semi-final round.  Operatives are challenged to watch this one all the way to the end:

#FlipADistrict IL-14

A fabulous prize goes to the first op to correctly identify the voice of the talking dog. Hint: the talking dog is also voiced by a local political blogger.

In the meantime, look for your LakeCountyEye handing out helium balloons.

Will Work for Food

The Lake County food pantries and soup kitchens are operating at capacity, serving needy families of furloughed Federal employees. With no end in sight to the shutdown of the US government, everyone is pitching in to help, including Lake County Congressman Randy Hultgren.

As readers of this blog are hungrily aware ...

Hultgren Agonistes

Hultgren is one of the prime movers behind the current Federal impasse. A signer of the the Meadows Letter, Hultgren is among ...

the 80 conservative Republican congressmen who back in August sent a letter to Boehner, demanding that he refuse to pass a spending bill unless ObamaCare is defunded. By some accounts, that letter -- initiated by U.S. Rep. Mark Meadows of North Carolina, and backed by groups such as FreedomWorks and Heritage Action -- is the origin of this government shutdown. So who are the members of this "suicide caucus," as it was dubbed by Charles Krauthammer?
Who put the handcuffs on Boehner? These guys did

Perhaps he had second thoughts, but Hultgren is now offering free food to anyone affected by the Federal shutdown:

You just need to show up and be willing to donate a couple hours of work. Hungry volunteers will have their choice of either pizza topped with provenzano, or donuts with a cheesy provenzano filling.

Don't delay, your efforts can help Congressman Hultgren end the debilitating cycle of poverty and hunger in Lake County:

• Ideologue Congressman votes to shut down the Federal government.
• Furloughed Federal workers go hungry.
• Furloughed Federal workers are given food to gather ballot signatures for Ideologue Congressman.
• Ideologue Congressman is re-elected.
• Repeat.

Hultgren Agonistes

If your LakeCountyEye took a free junket to Taiwan for every time asked how to get a Republican into Congress, you would now be reading this in Chinese. Haha, Congress's approval ratings may be in the low negative digits, but getting re-elected to the House of Representatives has never been easier in Lake County. The trick is to position yourself far enough on the extreme Right to scare away any Joe Walsh who wants to run against you in the Primary. But not so extreme that your voters blame you for shutting down the government and bouncing grandma's Social Security check.

Don't take it from your LakeCountyEye. This foolproof pathway to re-election has already been forged by Lake County's stealth Congressman, Randy Hultgren. In August Hultgren signed a letter, along with some 80 other like-minded House Republicans, urging their leadership to "de-fund" ObamaCare by removing it from any appropriation bills -- all at the risk (and now a reality) of shutting down the Federal government:

Since much of the implementation of ObamaCare is a function of the discretionary appropriations process, including the operation of the "mandatory spending" portions of the law, and since most of the citizens we represent believe that ObamaCare should never go into effect, we urge you to affirmatively de-fund the implementation and enforcement of ObamaCare in any relevant appropriations bill brought to the House floor in the 113th Congress, including any continuing appropriations bill.
The Meadows Letter

Once the Primary predators that were circling around got scared off, Hultgren then pivoted to the center by hurrying over to the Daily Herald ...

Congressman Randy Hultgren says he is deeply torn between two mandates from his constituents: Fighting Obamacare and keeping the federal government open for business.
Hultgren's dilemma: Derail Obamacare or keep government running

... to warn everyone about the dire consequences of a government shutdown:

"No one wins with a government shutdown," Hultgren said. "We realize that a government shutdown doesn't defund Obamacare. We need agreement on a continuing resolution."
Hultgren's dilemma: Derail Obamacare or keep government running

Your LakeCountyEye would not be surprised if the crafty Hultgren is currently pricing residential real estate in or near Washington D.C. for permanent occupancy.

Of course, the best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry. How many plans are truly foolproof? What if a fact-checker finds the letter that Randy Hultgren signed, and the Daily Herald then spills all the beans?

Did your LakeCountyEye just say fact-checker and Daily Herald in the same sentence? Haha -- foolproof!

Then They Came For ...

In western Lake County -- the land that time forgot -- news travels slow. Operatives would not be expected to know the Northwest Herald reported that ...

More than 105,000 residents in Lake and McHenry counties – including more than 50,000 children – are facing food insecurity, according to the Map the Meal Gap 2012 study by Feeding America.
A steady diet of need

While according to the News-Sun, the Northern Illinois Food Bank says ...

Nearly one in five Lake County children is hungry, according to Pete Schaefer, NIFB president and CEO.
New program feeds needy children during summer

Western Lake County is represented, appropriately, by Congressmen Randy Hultgren & Peter Roskam -- who, according to the Daily Herald, voted this week to cut the Federal Food Stamp program by $40 billion.

Suburban lawmakers split along party lines with Republican U.S. Reps. Peter Roskam of Wheaton and Randy Hultgren of Winfield supporting the proposal to cut food stamp funding.
House votes to cut $4B a year from food stamps

Also according to the Daily Herald, more than 11% of Lake County does not have health insurance:

In the metropolitan region, the portion of uninsured varies widely from 9 percent in McHenry and Will counties to 16.3 percent in Cook County including Chicago, according to the 2012 census numbers released today. DuPage County had 9.8 percent uninsured, Kane County had 14.3 percent, and Lake County had 11.3 percent.
How many have no health insurance in suburbs

Operatives should not be surprised that Roskam & Hultgren both voted this week to kill ObamaCare. Without that appropriation bill, according to the Sun-Times, the Federal government would shut down:

All Illinois House Republicans voted for the resolution: Peter Roskam, Rodney Davis, Randy Hultgren, John Shimkus, Adam Kinzinger and Aaron Schock.
Shutdown showdown over ObamaCare

In more upbeat news, your LakeCountyEye is sponsoring a poetry contest. Operatives are asked to fill in the blanks:

First they came for the food.
And I didn't speak out because I wasn't hungry.

Then they came for health care.
And I didn't speak out because I wasn't sick.

Then they came for

And I didn't speak out because I wasn't

Then they came for me.
It was November 4 2014, Election Day, and they were counting on my vote.

Haha, the winning entry will receive a free ticket back in time to the Dickensian workhouse. Act now, everyone will be a winner!

The Fickle Finger of the FEC

With Lake County favorite son Rod Blagojevich now into the second year of a 14 year prison sentence, the question eating at every mind is: "Howcome Lake County favorite son Jesse Jackson Jr only got 30 months?" The former Congressman, according to NBC Chicago ...

pleaded guilty to charges he used $750,000 in campaign funds on spa treatments, vacations, household supplies and celebrity memorabilia.
Blago Brother Rips Jackson Sentence

The workings of the criminal justice system difficult to decipher, your LakeCountyEye went to an expert for some answers -- Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Criminality at the College of Lake County.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, who agreed to meet with your LakeCountyEye on condition that the time spent could be used against a community service obligation, said "if you think Jesse Jackson Jr got a sweetheart deal, then Randy Hultgren just won the lottery."

"Randy Hultgren?" asked your LakeCountyEye.

"Fourteenth District Congressman." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "He lives in Winfield.  But he represents 15% of Lake County."

Your LakeCountyEye knew that.

"I'll grant you it's the 15% that no one has ever seen." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "But did you know Hultgren was caught under-reporting $83,000 in campaign contributions? And all he gets is a slap on the wrist."

The Dr. produced a Northwest Herald news-clipping:

The Federal Elections Commission slapped U.S. Rep. Randy Hultgren's campaign with a $2,500 fine for failing to report more than $83,000 from his first election in 2010. Under a negotiated agreement hashed out with the FEC, Hultgren for Congress must also strengthen its internal controls to prevent a repeat occurrence, and send a staffer to an FEC seminar.
Hultgren campaign fined by FEC for underreporting 2010 income

"Hultgren is fined $2,500, while some staffer who falls on his sword is sent to a FEC seminar." marveled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "I'll bet the FEC bills campaign operatives at least $2,500 to attend the same seminar!"

The penalty did seem like small potatoes to your LakeCountyEye.

"$83,000 goes into $750,000 about 9 times." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "If Jesse Jackson Jr had gotten an equivalent sentence, he would have been fined 9 times $2,500 -- which is $22,500."

For the average Congressman, about a week's worth of call-time, observed your LakeCountyEye.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi was not through, though. "Look at it this way. If Hultgren received a sentence proportional to Jackson's, Hultgren would be facing 100 days in a federal lockup."

Enough to harsh anyone's buzz, your LakeCountyEye thought out loud. "Do you have any parting advice?"

"Absolutely." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Tell your operatives, never run for Governor. Run for Congress instead. In the western burbs."

For Better or For Worse Til Death Do Us Part

One doesn't have to be a chatroom marriage counselor to see that Lake County is suffering through some marital difficulties. In one corner sits Congressman Randy Hultgren, who has co-sponsored a Constitutional Amendment that will Federally prohibit gay marriage. And in the other corner sits State Representative Ed Sullivan, who supports legislation that will legalize gay marriage in Illinois.

If you see political infighting happening within your Party, your LakeCountyEye advises never ever delay. Act immediately and pass that buck as quickly as possible over to someone that everyone can blame later -- ideally a pricey political consultant -- for instance, Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Party Led Mediation at the College of Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye caught up with Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi at a nearby house of worship, where he immediately broke into a jeremiad: "The Democrats think gay marriage is this fantastic wedge issue that is going to divide the Republican Party. Well, I'll tell you what the people of Lake County really care about, and that is their guns. And Randy Hultgren and Ed Sullivan are both on the same page when it comes to firearms."

Your LakeCountyEye must've been caught in a blank stare, because Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi continued without missing a beat: "Have you noticed that Ed Sullivan has been in all the papers lately, talking about concealed carry and assault weapons? Soon everyone in Illinois will be walking around with a concealed weapon or assault rifle, and a direct beneficiary of this state-wide change-in-culture will be Randy Hultgren.

"Randy Hultgren?", asked your LakeCountyEye. "How so?"

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, seeming to have anticipated the question, scarcely paused: "The mortality rate among gun owners, from an accidental or self-inflicted gun-shot wound, is off the charts when compared to the general population. You don't need to be Warren Buffet to see the direct beneficiary of concealed carry and assault weapons in Illinois will be the funeral business. If I were an undertaker somewhere in Illinois, I'd be looking forward to boom times ahead."

Your LakeCountyEye, no Warren Buffet, did not know that. As always, your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi if he had any parting advice for the ops.

He replied in a deadpan tone, "Tell all your operatives that before they apply for their concealed carry permit, to pre-order in advance for themselves a casket and gravesite. They'll save a barrel of cash."

The Wedding Party?

Now that the US Constitution has been amended to mandate concealed carry for all able-bodied US citizens over the age of 12, Randy Hultgren -- nodoubt feeling emboldened -- has co-sponsored a "Marriage Protection Amendment".

Operatives who do not recognize the name Randy Hultgren are by no means in a minority. Hultgren, a Republican Congressman, has been described to your LakeCountyEye as a clone of ex-Representative "Joe Walsh, but with all the bad-boy charm surgically removed."

Hultgren certainly shares Walsh's conservative bona fides, as his Amendment to the US Constitution would outlaw gay marriage:

Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution, nor the constitution of any State, shall be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any union other than the union of a man and a woman.
H.J.RES.51 -- Marriage Protection Amendment (Introduced in House - IH)

Something else your LakeCountyEye did not know, is that Hultgren represents significant portions of Lake County. In fact, if you look at a map of Hultgren's district, it divides Lake County with a pincer movement that locks-in between Wauconda and Mundelein, at the heart of Ed Sullivan's Representative District 51.

Ed Sullivan, as readers of this blog should be automatically aware, is a Republican State Representative who champions legislation that would enact marriage equality in Illinois:

Silky Sullivan

After it passes through Congress, Hultgren's anti-gay marriage Amendment will be sent to the States for ratification. In Illinois's case, the Amendment will go to Springfield where Ed Sullivan will have an opportunity to vote for or against it.

Sullivan, a member of House GOP leadership, would be obligated to support any US Constitutional Amendment sponsored by a Republican Congressmen -- particularly one that represents Sullivan's district. At the same time however, Sullivan may be called to vote in favor of an Illinois gay marriage bill brought to the floor in Springfield. While this sort of situation would have have the nerviest pol feeling like the groom who got cold feet when walking down the aisle -- it is by no means unmanageable.

When the newspapers ask why you voted for a Constitutional Amendment to ban gay marriage, tell them that traditional marriage is the bedrock of every faith and society will perish without it.

And when the newspapers ask why you voted to legalize gay marriage in Illinois, tell them that State's Rights are absolute and this is none of the Federal Government's damn business.

Smooth as silk.

Cliff Dwellers

That giant metal-on-metal crunch sound that nobody heard was the sound of the ship of state not being driven into the fiscal cliff. Right on the heels of narrowly averting Mayan Armageddon, Lake County's congressmen, to a man, all voted last week to narrowly avert Tax Armageddon. That is if one defines to a man as former congressman Robert Dold. Lake County's remaining congressmen -- Peter Roskam, Randy Hultgren, Joe Walsh -- all voted, to a man, to usher in the Taxageddon.

While your LakeCountyEye suspects the three unruly congressmen believed they were voting to trigger the biblical end-times and their heavenly rapture, the Daily Herald was not amused ...

the vote makes us question the endorsements we recently gave Roskam and Hultgren and reinforces our decision to withhold an endorsement from Walsh.
Editorial: Our congressmen and the fiscal cliff test

Not for nothing Lake County's oldest non-partisan political blog, your LakeCountyEye, advises Mother Herald to take some deep breaths. Dold's was the lone, courageous & sensible vote because Robert Dold was a lame-duck with nothing to lose. Roskam, Hultgren & Walsh, are all incumbents and remain beholden to their prime mover: Grover Norquist promised to bankroll a candidate against anyone who voted for the fiscal cliff compromise. 'Twas the divine fear of a primary challenge that explains the collective, craven & reckless vote of reps Roskam, Hultgren & Walsh. Your LakeCountyEye predicts that within the passage of two years the Herald will once again be enthusiastically endorsing all three Congressmen.

Sharpeyed operatives who observe that Walsh was defeated in 2012 and technically speaking is not an incumbent, would be correct. However, according to Crain's, Joe Walsh is the rumored primary challenge to be thrown against Randy Hultgren:

Probably more credible, though, is persistent buzz that Mr. Walsh will focus on regaining his congressional seat — not against Ms. Duckworth, whose district now is reliably Democratic, but by running in a primary against Republican Randy Hultgren in the adjoining 14th District.
Joe Walsh set to announce comeback plans?

... which makes Walsh, technically speaking, the incumbent-in-waiting.

In related news, it is also rumored that Lake County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor will be challenging Randy Hultgren in 2014.

Capitol Stupes?

With school out in Lake County, it's that time when educators assign final grades. In this case, the non-profit watchdog group Sunlight Foundation has assigned some grades to members of Congress:

Congress now speaks at almost a full grade level lower than it did just seven years ago, with the most conservative members of Congress speaking on average at the lowest grade level, according to a new Sunlight Foundation analysis of the Congressional Record using Capitol Words.
Is Congress getting dumber, or just more plainspoken?

(Because of poorly understood provisions in the redistricting laws, Lake County now has four sitting Congressmen.) The grades, based on their public statements, stack up like this ...

• Joe Walsh
  8.907015863
  
  
• Robert Dold
  10.43953638
  
  
• Peter Roskam
  11.03473829
  
  
• Randy Hultgren
  11.4451789

Members And Grade Level

The numbers represent the spoken grade level of each Congressman.

Arriving in at a solid 11th grade level, Randy Hultgren is the brainiac of the group. Joe Walsh nearly achieves a 9th grade level. Lucky for Walsh these are not actual school transcript numbers; otherwise he would be in summer school. (Your LakeCountyEye is not sure why the numbers are accurate to the ninth decimal, but that must no doubt be significant of something or whatever.)

A few blog posts were submitted, and Capitol Words assigned your LakeCountyEye a healthy 20.46577636 -- which is roughly equivalent to a PhD or two Masters degrees. Operatives are challenged to test their own verbal competence, if they dare!

The takehome of all this, of course, is that your particular Lake County representative in Congress may not be the quickest invertebrate on the House floor. For those not sure, your LakeCountyEye has compiled 10 indications that your Congressman spent more time than most dodging the truant officer.

Ten Signs a Lake County Congressman is Not Very Bright

Cannot smile for the cameras and chew gum at the same time. Thinks tuition for the Electoral College has become much too expensive. Nickname given by the press corps: Lake Forest Gump Can't get any of the Congressional Records to play on his iTunes. Believes Roe Versus Wade is a decision Washington had to make before crossing the Delaware. Fascinated by shiny objects. Fond of saying that Socialism is a system of government where one man exploits another man. Whereas Free Market Capitalism is just the opposite. Almost as dumb as a McHenry County Congressman. Signed the Grover Norquist Pledge. He, or members of his staff, read the LakeCountyEye!