Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Mortality Tables: The Final Round

Is it Opposite Day? Instead of taking money from the Gun Lobby, both Lake County Congressmen Peter Roskam and Randy Hultgren gave money:

Lake County Republican Central Committee A-1 List
To make some sense of those topsy turvy turn of events your LakeCountyEye contacted Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Paranormal Research at the College of Lake County.

"Holy simoleons." said Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Roskam and Hultgren donated $1000 to the Lake County Republican 2nd Amendment Dinner & Gun Raffle. Each! That can buy somebody a bundle of bumpstocks."

Your LakeCountyEye noticed that Hultgren's PAC is a PO Box maildrop. And the address of Roskam's PAC is Tampa, Florida.

"Where banking regulations are non-existent." offered Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

According to the Lake County GOP Gun Raffle brochure, anyone with a $2000 donation would take home a Smith & Wesson assault rifle.

"Then Roskam & Hultgren should've pooled their money." suggested Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "They could have fought for who got to keep the gun."

Fight for the gun -- how?

"It's a basic rule of hand-to-hand combat." replied Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The first one who gets to aim the gun owns the gun."

As things stand neither got a gun. Then why donate $1000 to a gun raffle at all?

"Roskam is a personal injury attorney and Hultgren owns funeral homes." noted Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Having more guns in circulation would have to be good for business."

Does that mean Roskam and Hultgren are in the pocket of the gun lobby?

"Why, nothing of the sort." scoffed Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The gun lobby says that firearms reduce crime and other acts of violence."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like: haha, good one.

"Cracked myself up with that one." chortled Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Your LakeCountyEye observed that neither Roskam or Hultgren attended. Both missed out on a free chicken dinner.

"Ya, and they also missed out on a photo-op with Joe Walsh. Former Congressman Joe Walsh gave the keynote address. That $1000 was earnest money toward not seeing a Joe Walsh challenge in the Primary."

Too crazy. Did Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives, to go ahead and run in the Primary, but neither Peter Roskam nor Randy Hultgren are afraid of 2nd Amendment remedies."

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