Democracy 1, Comedy 0

If there is any silver lining to the Democrats's big win Tuesday night, it's that had your LakeCountyEye needed a morning after pill on Wednesday, they would've been still legal. It seemed like your LakeCountyEye had been legitimately raped by the election polls.

Your LakeCountyEye woke this morning to a political landscape bulldozed flatter than real estate specially re-zoned for the DiMucci family. Where there had once been plenty of fertile political comedy that practically wrote itself, your LakeCountyEye now looks ahead to a bleak prospect of having to dig up, cultivate and report on actual stories. There was nothing funny about the 2012 election results.

Here is the unfunny, in order of comedic relevance:

• Joe Walsh Defeated
  Say it ain't so, Joe. The one glimmer of hope is an upcoming 2014 Republican Primary, featuring at least one Senatorial or Gubernatorial candidate named Joe Walsh.
  
  
• Mitt Romney Defeated
  Perhaps nowhere other than Lake County would just mentioning President Willard "Mitt" Romney be enough to get a laugh.
  
  
• Sid Mathias Defeated
  Your LakeCountyEye only got one opportunity to use this photo:

  

  Now to be seen exclusively on the dustheap of history.
  
  
• Robert Dold Defeated
  They won't have EllenOfTheTenth to kick around any more.
  
  
• Sandy Cole Defeated
  This is actually a win for readers of this blog, who shall be spared the gratuitous (or two) "Hurricane" Sandy Cole joke.
  
  
• Suzi Schmidt Restraining Order Extended Six Months
  Nuff said.

In this grim, new political landscape that is Lake County, don't expect to see your LakeCountyEye much of anywhere. Except maybe barreling down the Route 53 Extension, looking for some laughs.

Red Alert!

The national polls all agree on one thing: while the race for President may be tighter than a Blarney Island speedo, back home in Illinois Barack Obama enjoys a insurmountable lead over Mitt Romney.

Anyways, that may be what the Chicago politicians down in Springfield want everyone to believe. But if your LakeCountyEye knows anything, there is only one poll that matters on election day. And that would be ...

Can ties predict the political landscape for 2012?
Solid Color Neckties intends to find out! We're tracking sales of Republican Red, Democrat Blue, and Compromise Striped (for all you swing voters out there) tie sales to try and predict the 2012 U.S. Presidential Election.
Solid Color Neckties' 2012 Presidential Election Predictions

As readers of this blog are smartly aware, there is one Mundelein clothing merchant with the inside scoop on this election's outcome ...

Q the Eye/11.03.12

The latest results of their 2012 Necktie Poll are startling. Not only is Illinois not blue but it is not purple or even pink. On the map below, Illinois is Republican red! Operatives are urged to click the map to see for themselves. Romney is on the cusp of an upset landslide win in Illinois.

Solid Color Neckties' 2012 Presidential Election Predictions

For those naturally skeptical, your LakeCountyEye notes that the Solid Color Neckties Poll has accurately predicted every Presidential election since 2011. Which national pollster can match a claim like that? Harris? Roper? Nielsen? Your LakeCountyEye thinks not.

The poll sends a mixed election day signal to operatives. The news is bad for Democrats: You're going to have to work your polls on Tuesday, else you'll see your candidate lose in his home state. But for Republicans the news couldn't be better: All your hard work paid off. Stay home on Tuesday, take the day off -- you deserve it.

Dunn Deal

Haha there is no truth to the rumor that your LakeCountyEye was married, back in the 70s, to Chicago actress Nora Dunn. Nonetheless your LakeCountyEye was pleasantly surprised to see the former SNL star in a campaign video that takes direct aim at Lake County Congressman, and ladies man, Peter Roskam:

Nora Dunn Endorsement Oct2012

Operatives of a certain age may recall that your LakeCountyEye was also something of the ladies man, back in the day.

Note to Peter Roskam: If you need the word on the very lovely Ms. Dunn, give your LakeCountyEye a call. And if you're still looking for that wingman, your LakeCountyEye has your back.

Q the Eye/11.03.12

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Who do I contact about a product placement? I understand that your blog is Lake County's premier destination for marketing my political goods or services from within a neutral, embedded context. Furthermore can you immediately send a rate card, and should I act now before it's too late?

Reeses Pieces

Dear Reeses Pieces (if that's your real name),

Right you are. According to Wikipedia ...

Product placement, or embedded marketing, is a form of advertisement, where branded goods or services are placed in a context usually devoid of ads, such as movies, music videos, the story line of television shows, or news programs. Traditionally the product placement is not disclosed at the time that the good or service is featured.
Product placement

The election is Tuesday and it couldn't be closer in Illinois. A razor-thin statistical dead-heat is all that separates Obama from Romney. This means you have only 3 days left to see your message discretely embedded alongside your LakeCountyEye's non-stop live-blogging of the 2012 Election.

To make things easy, just fill out this easy-to-fill-out form:

Dearest Beloved, Fellow Blogger, Hello Barney,

I am Mrs. Zaniab Al-Kharafi from Nigeria. A widow to late Nasser Al-Kharafi. I am decided to donate what I have to charity through you. You may be wondering why I chose you. But someone has to be chosen. I discovered your website a few months ago and have grown to be a big fan. I look forward to reading it every day. I've been enjoying reading your blog, Lake County Eye. It has a wealth of high quality (and often humorous) insight into local politics and national politics with a local angle.

I have been touched to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to charity for the good work of humanity, rather than allow my in-laws who neglected me after my husbands death. At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls, due to the fact that my in-laws are around me, monitoring to know if I still have any of my husbands property. I am writing because I can help you attract the volume of traffic that your website deserves. No matter what you are selling, I know how to send targeted visitors to your website! Solid Color Neckties, a national tie retailer based in Mundelein is attempting to predict the election by tracking tie purchases on their website. They're offering Republican red ties, Democrat blue ties, and "Compromise" red and blue striped ties. Their website includes an interactive US map that shows a breakdown of tie purchases by state.

If you can sincerely use this fund for charity then I will wait for your reply. Only reply if you can receive this fund and use it for charity. This software is perfect for bringing real traffic to your site... even if... it's an affiliate link where you have no control over the website content! Contact me immediately for full details. As a blog specializing in national and local Lake County politics, I couldn't help but think this would be a light-hearted, entertaining and related link to include on your site. With its local angle, I think it's an interesting little project your readers will get kick out of: Solid Color Neckties' 2012 Presidential Election Predictions Have a great day and I look forward to hearing back from you!

Check the appropriate boxes, clip out the form, then send to:

LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

You will not be disappointed when you discover your product or service discretely embedded alongside the guaranteed 100% erudite content of this blog. Don't take your LakeCountyEye's word on it. You probably did not notice but a local product or service has been discretely embedded in this very post!

Haha, act now before it's too late.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

The Elimination Ballot

Early voting ends early this year in Illinois this Saturday, on November 3. Early indications indicate that early voting was an overnight success in Lake County. Your LakeCountyEye has learned that every registered voter in Lake County has already cast a ballot at an early voting site; the only voters now expected at the polls on election day -- November 6 -- are the crickets.

Early voting has become so popular with the voters that even Lake County Clerk Willard Helander seems to have been caught a day late and a dollar short. According to the Pioneer Press ...

"Some of the judges are saying they can't even get a drink of water or go to the bathroom," said Helander, who believes the heavy traffic is due to a shorter time frame this year.
Shorter early-voting period keeps judges hopping

Haha, some anonymous headline writer has an eye for spotting a nutgraf! Your LakeCountyEye contacted the Pioneer Press and learned that ten other headlines were considered but rejected, before settling on their gem:

Shorter early-voting period keeps judges hopping

Here they are, like they were ripped from today's headlines:

Ten Rejected Headlines for that News Story About Lake County Clerk Willard Helander's Election Judges Who Don't Get Enough Bathroom Time

Early Voting in Lake County Flush with Success Election Judges Bowled Over by Early Voters Voters Complain About Lack of Paper Ballots Overflow Crowds Expected at Early Voting Locations Voters Asked to Choose 5 North Shore Sanitary District Trustees County Clerk Complains: "Insult Added to Injury" County Government Serves as the Lavatory of Democracy Disoriented Voter Mistakes Voting Booth for Water Closet Ballots Spoiled Burial Services for Princess Nudelman to be Conducted at Early Voting Site Racine Wisconsin Voters Expect Harassment to Cease During Illinois Early Voting Period Tanks for Voting!

Look for your LakeCountyEye this weekend, dropping lit.

Lakemoor by Accident than by Design

As readers of this blog are dimly aware ...

Motto Industry
Motto Manufacturing

no one loves a contest ginned up to generate some free publicity for a Lake County municipality more than your LakeCountyEye. Not uncoincidentally, the Village of Lakemoor has announced a Village Logo & Motto Design Contest, along with a $500 prize:

The Village of Lakemoor is sponsoring a contest to create a new Town logo and motto. The selected designs will be used to promote a new community image, assist in the recruitment of new businesses and development, and used on the Town's letterhead, business cards, maps, etc.
Lakemoor New Logo Design/Motto Contest

If you are an operative who doesn't know what or where the Village of Lakemoor is, you are not alone. Forced to look it up, your LakeCountyEye has learned that Lakemoor is tucked away between Johnsburg, the ancestral home of Congressman Joe Walsh; and Island Lake, the village of friendly people. And according to their Wikipedia entry ...

Lakemoor is also home to a vast number of Mosquitos that proliferate in the wetland habitat.
Lakemoor, Illinois

Armed with these facts, your LakeCountyEye cracked open a fresh pack of Sharpies and drew up a new village logo for Lakemoor:

The logo has been thoroughly eyeballed by a double-blind focus group, where to a man the reaction has been: What the heck is that supposed to be?

Note to operatives: while amateurs may explain their work -- real artists don't. Your LakeCountyEye doesn't know heck that is supposed to be. Your LakeCountyEye does know the logo looks bitchin cool.

They better legalize video gaming there real quick, because your LakeCountyEye will be in Lakemoor soon to claim that $500!

Sign "O" the Times

Lake County Congressman, and banty rooster, Joe Walsh has a new yardsign:

Your LakeCountyEye -- always with the eye peeled for political yardsigns -- says there is much to like about Walsh's sign. Clean font, bold name in capital letters, primary colors, all make for the effective mass marketing tool.

What immediately catches the eye, however, is the occult-like symbol at the top of the sign:

Anyone stuck waiting at a red-light camera who happens to notice will have to be thinking: What the heck is up with that thing?

Well your LakeCountyEye has learned what the heck is up.

Operatives of a certain age may recall 1980s American Idol Prince. Hoping to kick-start his fading career, the long-in-the-tooth rock'n'roll musician changed his stage name to

The Artist Formerly Known As Prince

and adopted a recherché symbol to serve as his logo:

Close enough to pass for another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!

Well, your LakeCountyEye has it on the highest authority that Team Walsh Inc. is looking forward to their post-election prospects, with an eye toward retooling their brand. The blood-red recherché symbol is Walsh's new logo. Walsh himself is henceforward to be referred to as The Former Congressman Known As Joe Walsh.

Taylor Park?

The election is a scant 10 days away. The one thing foremost on every operative's mind is how to prevent their yardsigns from being stolen. Not being the expert on the matter, your LakeCountyEye is not sure whether or not to be flattered when asked this question. One thing is certain, never plant a yardsign on Lake County Forest Preserve land. The Forest Preserve District will unceremoniously remove that sign of yours faster than the yellow on a red light camera.

Your LakeCountyEye can cite from memory the applicable Forest Preserve ordinance:

SECTION V
USES PROHIBITED

D. Regulation of Personal Conduct.
No person shall commit any of the following acts on District Property:

(xviii) display, distribute, post or fix any placard or sign, except that a group of people who are picnicking or who have a Permit that allows camping or the use of certain District Property to the exclusion of others may display signs to identify their location, or direct others to it, providing such signs are temporary and are removed by the permittee at the termination of the activity and provided that such signs are no larger than 18" x 24" and are not attached to any tree or shrub or any District Structure;
Lake County Forest Preserve District
Ordinance Governing the General Use of District Property

Someone perhaps ignorant of this ordinance may be County Board candidate Craig Taylor. Taylor yardsigns have been recently spotted on Forest District property, at the gate of Cuba Marsh in Barrington:

It should be noted that Craig Taylor is not only a candidate for the County Board but is also the sitting District 19 County Board Commissioner. This means that Taylor is also a Lake County Forest Preserve Commissioner.

If Taylor is unaware of the Forest Preserve District sign ordinance, he may have a short memory. That's because as a Lake County Forest Preserve Commissioner, Taylor approved the ordinance when he voted to approve the Forest Preserve's Revised General Use Ordinance in 2011.

Your LakeCountyEye is fairly certain there are no provisions written into the Forest Preserve statute that make exceptions for a sitting County Board member. Of course there may be an unwritten code of primogeniture, some sort of Lake County Napoleonic Code that bestows upon sitting County Board Commissioners special rights and privileges. Nothing is for granted in Lake County. In any event, your LakeCountyEye said it before and will say it again: It is good to sit on the Lake County Board.

Early Voting: Now Better Late than Never

Early voting in Illinois began late this year, last Monday, on October 22. The pandemic of voter fraud, your LakeCountyEye has been told, is what forced the Illinois Legislature to curtail the early voting period down to an abrupt two-week window. In fact the Legislature is now studying a proposal to reduce the early voting period down to zero days, on the theory that the only 100% reliable way to eliminate voter fraud is to abolish elections in Illinois.

In expanding the number of days that the polls are open to Lake County voters, early voting has had the unintended consequence of disrupting efforts to suppress the vote here. Not surprisingly, Lake County Clerk, Willard Helander is a vocal critic of early voting. Helander is best known for crossing state lines to help the GOP suppress the vote in a Wisconsin election last June.

Laws like early voting legislation intend to make it easier for voters to cast an election ballot, and Helander aired her concerns about these laws in a letter to the News-Sun:

In 2008, just 18,366 voted by mail. To date, nearly 17,000 ballots have been requested. We expect to approach 30,000 over the next three weeks. Each request involves computer entries, signature verification, more computer entries, ballot mailing, signature verification again and another computer entry — thanks to the Legislature requiring a four-part process. With early voting compressed into two weeks, demand for our office support to 20 sites around the county will intensify. We are effectively conducting three different elections at the same time with hardworking 23 staff to handle all the duties and we do that well.
Clerk responds

As your LakeCountyEye reads her letter, Helander is sending an unambiguous signal to the Legislators down in Springfield. They can go ahead and liberalize the voting laws as much as they desire. That doesn't mean that their County Clerks are going to be competent to carry them out. So operatives take note: there is more than one way to suppress a vote.

Here is a complete list of early voting sites in Lake County, and their hours of operation:

HOURS FOR ALL LAKE COUNTY
EARLY VOTING SITES
Monday through Friday 9:00am – 4:30pm
Saturday 9:00am – 2:00pm

Antioch Township Office
1625 Deep Lake Rd.
Lake Villa
847-395-3378
NOTE: Serves Antioch Township voters.

Avon Township Office
433 E. Washington St.
Round Lake Park
847-546-1446
NOTE: Serves Avon Township voters.

Benton Township Office
40020 N. Green Bay Rd.
Beach Park
847-746-2100
NOTE: Serves Benton Township voters.

Cuba Township Office
28000 W. Cuba Rd.
Barrington
847-381-1924
NOTE: Serves Cuba Township voters.

Ela Township Office
1155 E. Route 22
Lake Zurich
847-438-7823
NOTE: Serves Ela Township voters.

Fremont Public Library
1170 N. Midlothian Rd.
Mundelein
847-566-8702
NOTE: Serves Fremont Township voters.

Grant Township Office
26725 W. Molidor Rd.
Ingleside
847-740-2233
NOTE: Serves Grant Township voters.

Gurnee Village Hall
325 N. O’Plaine Rd.
Gurnee
847-599-7500
NOTE: Serves Warren Township voters.

Lake County Courthouse and Administrative Complex
18 N. County St.
Waukegan
847-377-2406
NOTE: Serves Waukegan Township voters
with the exception of township voters
in the City of North Chicago.

Lake County Central Permit Facility
500 W. Winchester Rd.
Libertyville
847-377-2600
NOTE: Serves Libertyville Township voters
with the exception of township voters
in the City of Lake Forest.

Lake County North Shore Health Center
1840 Green Bay Rd.
Highland Park
847-984-5323
NOTE: Serves voters in the City of Highland Park
and Moraine Township
with the exception of Moraine Township voters
in The City of Lake Forest.

Lake Forest City Hall
220 E. Deerpath Rd.
Lake Forest
847-810-3674
NOTE: Serves voters in The City of Lake Forest,
the Village of Lake Bluff,
and unincorporated Shields Township.

Lake Villa Township Office
37908 N. Fairfield Rd.
Lake Villa
847-356-2116
NOTE: Serves Lake Villa Township voters.

North Chicago City Hall
1850 Lewis Ave.
North Chicago
847-596-8680
NOTE: Serves City of North Chicago voters
with the exception of voters in Libertyville Township.

Vernon Township Office
3050 N. Main St.
Buffalo Grove
847-634-4600
NOTE: Serves Vernon Township voters
with the exception of township voters
in The City of Lake Forest.

Wadsworth Village Hall
14155 W. Wadsworth Rd.
Wadsworth
847-336-7771
NOTE: Serves Newport Township voters.

Wauconda Township Office
Community Hall
505 W. Bonner Rd.
Wauconda
847-526-2631
NOTE: Serves Wauconda Township voters.

Waukegan Park District Field House
800 N. Baldwin Ave.
Waukegan
847-782-3300
NOTE: Serves Waukegan Township voters
with the exception of township voters
in the City of North Chicago.

West Deerfield Township Office
601 Deerfield Rd.
Deerfield
847-945-0614
NOTE: Serves West Deerfield Township voters
with the exception of township voters
in the Cities of Lake Forest or Highland Park.

Zion City Hall
2828 Sheridan Rd.
Zion
847-746-4014
NOTE: Serves Zion Township voters.

If you haven't already, you have only until November 3 to perpetrate your voter frauds.

Caption Contest!

Some readers may recognize in the photo, Lake County State's Attorney candidate, Mike Nerheim, on the left.

But faithful readers of this blog ...

Q the Eye/10.25.12

will recognize Clyde McLemore in the picture, on the right, w/arm draped around Nerheim.

For operatives unfamiliar, McLemore is a local entrepreneur and a precinct committeeman. The Sun-Times published a story about McLemore back in 2009:

A Zion man was robbed at gunpoint late Saturday at a motel. Clyde J. McLemore, 49, of Zion was not injured during the robbery at the RV Motel, 98901 Sheridan Road, said Pleasant Prairie Police Sgt. Scott Durkee. McLemore told police he sells "bootleg" shoes and picked up a woman in Zion. She was trying to work out a deal with him for two pairs of shoes, and they ended up at the RV Motel, Durkee said. Once inside the motel room, two men entered the room with pistols and ordered McLemore to undress. They bound his hands with a belt and took his wallet, necklace, $410 and three pairs of the shoes
Zion man robbed at Pleasant Prairie motel

Since Democratic precinct committeeman Clyde McLemore supports Republican candidate Mike Nerheim, your LakeCountyEye would be a sorry excuse of a smartalecky blogger to pass up a chance like this one for a Caption Contest!

Keep it clean. Remember your manners. If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. Keep a civil tongue in your head. Banned for life is seven lifetimes in dog years. Your LakeCountyEye means it.

One lucky Caption Contest! winner will take home a genuine pair of high quality imitation LeBron 8 shoes. Get busy!

Q the Eye/10.25.12

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Who leaks all the stories on this blog?

Sent via BlackBerry
Property of Sheriff's Cyber-Crime Special Undercover Unit

Dear Jay Edgar,

Hate to disappoint, but the answer is nobody. Like every political blog in the tri-county area, every story posted here by your LakeCountyEye is made up -- as in totally made up.

Haha, here's how the pros do it: Look for the Mad Libs App on your iPhone and download a story template. You're now ready to build a no-holds-barred exemplar of journalistic awesome:

A Zion man was robbed at gunpoint late Saturday at a motel. _________________, 49, of Zion NAME was not injured during the robbery at the _____________________________, PLACE said Pleasant Prairie Police Sgt. Scott Durkee. ________ told police he sells "bootleg" _____ NAME OBJECT and picked up a woman in Zion.

A good story rides on how you fill in the blanks. Your LakeCountyEye prefers the names of precinct committeemen. Along with working a precinct, expect few if any Lake County committeemen ever to be seen reading a Lake County political blog. For this story your LakeCountyEye chose at random one committeeman: Clyde J. McLemore

The story template calls for a place; your LakeCountyEye will insert: RV Motel, 98901 Sheridan Road

(For the record, this blog accepts product placements. If you want to see your product or business appearing discretely on this blog, contact your LakeCountyEye for a rate card.)

Finally, no story is ever complete without a leitmotif or macguffin, if you will. Every story has to be about something. This story will be about, oh what the heck: shoes

Now get busy and voilà ...

A Zion man was robbed at gunpoint late Saturday at a motel. Clyde J. McLemore, 49, of Zion was not injured during the robbery at the RV Motel, 98901 Sheridan Road, said Pleasant Prairie Police Sgt. Scott Durkee. McLemore told police he sells "bootleg" shoes and picked up a woman in Zion.

You are now the author of a Pulitzer quality story, ready-made for any Internet blog that will publish it.

Operatives harboring questions of ethics and journalistic integrity may rest assured. It's a open secret that Google's servers jumped the shark a few years ago, and now store every possible English sentence made up of every permutation of every word in the English language. So anything posted on the Internet using your LakeCountyEye's Mad-Lib story method is guaranteed to also come up independently in a Google search.

Don't take your LakeCountyEye's word on it. See for yourself -- search for the story just built here:

Google

According to Google this particular story actually occurred in 2009 and was reported in the News-Sun:

NEWS-SUN STAFF REPORT
PLEASANT PRAIRIE, Wis. - A Zion man was robbed at gunpoint late Saturday at a motel. Clyde J. McLemore, 49, of Zion was not injured during the robbery at the RV Motel, 98901 Sheridan Road, said Pleasant Prairie Police Sgt. Scott Durkee. McLemore told police he sells "bootleg" shoes and picked up a woman in Zion. She was trying to work out a deal with him for two pairs of shoes, and they ended up at the RV Motel, Durkee said. Once inside the motel room, two men entered the room with pistols and ordered McLemore to undress. They bound his hands with a belt and took his wallet, necklace, $410 and three pairs of the shoes
Zion man robbed at Pleasant Prairie motel

Of the many benefits of your LakeCountyEye's Mad-Lib story method, this one is clear: it is mathematically impossible to get the story wrong!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Creepy Tribune Cartoonist Stands by His Ladies Man

The annual cost of a home-delivered Chicago Tribune now exceeds a car payment, but your LakeCountyEye still keeps an eye peeled for the Tribune's Creepy Cartoonist. If his latest cartoon is any indication, spring must be in the air for the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist or something:

GOP: For The Ladies

The two creepy guys in the drawing, Akin and Mour-dock, presumably represent GOP candidates who hope to ride the current tsunami of anti-women sentiment straight into the US Senate. But who is the third, dorky, guy in the picture, bearing a box of chocolates FOR the LADIES? Your LakeCountyEye suspects one high-profile Congressman who represents an affluent portion of Lake County.

Just about every Illinois GOP Congressman has been riding this same anti-woman wave, voting for Bills that negatively impact upon a women's health, reproductive freedom, retirement. But only one of these Congressmen has been ardently courting these same ladies for their vote with campaign mailers and robo-calls full of election day promises and other sweet nothings:

The Ladies Man Cometh

The third guy, without any doubt, is a spot-on dead ringer for 6th District Congressman -- and ladies man -- Peter Roskam:

Not Again!? Not another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!

Note to operatives: If anyone tells you Peter Roskam is in need of a good wingman, think again. The Creepy Tribune Cartoonist has Roskam's back!

A Blink of the Eye:03.25.12

The big election is a scant two weeks away. While your LakeCountyEye is preoccupied with stealing collocating yardsigns, please enjoy this encore presentation of a post from earlier this year:

Sunday, March 25, 2012 We're Number #67! Most blogs are content to publish an occasional Internet Top Ten List. These skimpy unidecimal lists, however, pale by comparison against THE iLLINOIS OBSERVER's annual Top 67 Top Ten List: THE iLLINOIS OBSERVER today released its second Illinois blog survey since 2009 in which it ranks 67 independent or "mom and pop" Illinois-based blogs that cover Illinois politics and local government news, and we found once again that the Chicagoist headed up the top 10 list. New Survey: The Top 10 Independent Political and News Blogs in Illinois Operatives are directed to scroll to the bottom of the list, reproduced here. Pay no attention to Team America's 10th or McHenery County Blog [sic] or any of those other blogs. Keep scrolling all the way until you get to the bottom of THE iLLINOIS OBSERVER political blog list. Chicagoist: 9,554 Gapers Block: 31,074 Windy Citizen: 52,817 Chicago Progressive Talk: 82,267 Illinois Review: 99,9387 The Illinois Observer: 117,789 Capitol Fax: 118,745 Progress Illinois: 128,165 Beachwood Reporter: 142,124 Marathon Pundit: 149,827 The Chicago Phoenix, 157,519 The Expired Meter, 174,686 McHenery County Blog, 195,789 Center Square Journal, 209,732 Illinois StateHouse News, 226,701 Publius Forum, 238,467 Evanston Now, 249,304 Peoria Pundit, 265,288 Roscoe View Journal, 297,945 Bean Soup Times, 298,465 Chicago Daily Observer, 325,252 Illinois Policy Institute Blog, 369,186 Welles Park Bulldog, 465,635 Catalyst Chicago, 466,491 Better Government Association Blog, 466,491 Civic Federation Blog, 565,004 Sloopin Chicago's South Loop, 587,175 Chicago Talks, 598,501 Community Media Workshop Blog, 631,349 OpenlineBlog, 645,726 Fred Klonsky, 727,246 First Electronic Newspaper, 740,259 Southwest Observer, 1,141,010* Chicago News Bench, 2,065,730* Metropolitan Planning Council, 2,671,137* Illinois Issues, 3,195,513* Edgeville Buzz, 3,16,315* Live Here Oak Park, 3,724,700* The Sixth Ward Chicago, 4,598,735* Respublica.typepad.com, 4,681,096* Grand Old Partisan, 5,047,428* Area Chicago, 5,054,293* Illinois Campaign for Political Reform, 5,501,779* Tenth Congressional District Democrats, 5,693,695* Chicago Argus, 5,817,926* IADDA Blog, 5,906,493* TASC Blog, 5,977,847* Backyard Conservative, 6,148,868* A-Ville Daily, 6,415,169* Team America's 10th, 7,313,059* Bill Baar’s West Side, 7,979,023* Hyde Park Progress, 8,208,673* Archpundit, 8,935,012* 600 Words Esther Cepeda, 9,340,765* Prairie State Blue, 9,874,483* Sierra Club Illinois, 10,163,002* SallyDuros.com, 10,269,091* Rogers Park in 1000 Words, 10,467,406* Chicago Radio and Media, 13,191,324* The Daily Whale Chicago, 13,430,229* Latino Policy Forum, 16,138,227* Progressive Advocacy, 20,206,745* The Decatur Navigator, 20,958,663* Quincy Pundit, 22,612,489* Russ Stewart, 23,072,761* Laura Washington, 23,549,183* Lake County Eye, 24,132,409* Hawkeyed operatives will spy with their eagle eyes, your LakeCountyEye! Coming in dead last and at number 67, your LakeCountyEye sends many thanks to THE iLLINOIS OBSERVER. If they hadn't expanded their annual Top Ten List into a Top 67 List, your LakeCountyEye would never have come in dead last. Or at number 67. And no, those other, big numbers by the blogs don't represent unique pageviews or even that blog's annual monetization return. Sadly no. Those numbers represent each blog's Alexa score. This is how the list is ranked and goes a long way to explaining why your LakeCountyEye is number 67. And dead last. Well it's a well known fact that those other blogs -- like McHenery County Blog [sic] and Team America's 10th -- juice up their Alexa scores by driving traffic to their sites with promises of pictures of Internet Kittehs and wardrobe malfunctions, made to confused AOL subscribers. Absolutely those other blogs are going to surpass your LakeCountyEye in quantity. But your LakeCountyEye promises to make it up in quality. Expect nothing less than all the important local political news as soon as it breaks, and sometimes even before, here. That would be a tall order for a blog like the McHenery County Blog [sic] -- which couldn't be expected to post a story like THE iLLINOIS OBSERVER Top Ten Political Blogs until a good 6 months from now -- look for it maybe sometime next October: McHenry County Listed 13th in Illinois Political Blog Ranking And as for Team America's 10th, expect it to be gone by next October and replaced by a largely unreadable blog, penned by one of the trainees: Common Sense in Illinois' 10th All of which goes to show that sustaining a quality political blog in Illinois is a damn sight harder than it looks! Posted by Barney Baxter at 11:00 PM 121 comments Labels: 24,132,409

Your LakeCountyEye: keeping an eye on the past since 2011.

The Doctor Is In

Lake County's beleaguered Congressman, Joe Walsh, may not be a doctor but he plays one on YouTube:

Joe Walsh on the "life of the mother"

Here Walsh is caught on camera claiming that abortion is never medically necessary to save a life. While the claim may stand on rock solid GOP science, it may not be a glide-path to re-election. Walsh no doubt belatedly realized this and hastily called a do-over press conference:

The day after his comment that abortion is never necessary to save the life of a mother because of "modern technology and science" set off a firestorm of criticism, Rep. Joe Walsh took it back. Sort of.
Walsh walks back abortion comments – a bit

For any candidate that has to hastily call a press conference to clarify their stand on abortion, 18 days before an election, your LakeCountyEye recommends polishing up the resume and preparing to find a new line of work.

Walsh, your LakeCountyEye has learned, has that base covered and is already peddling a demo video to the cable channels called ...

Ask Doctor Joe!

The show features Walsh in a townhall format, taking Q&A from an audience. Each episode is structured to present ten timely medical tips and suggestions for better health and well being. Your LakeCountyEye has obtained a bootleg clip of the first installment of Ask Doctor Joe!:

Ten Health and Medical Facts from Congressman Joe Walsh

Aspirin is an effective contraceptive, when held between the knees. For purposes of medicinal bloodletting, a leech is still preferred over a scalpel. If you make a face ... ... it can freeze that way. Nothing says healthy eating like a fresh sackful of mcnuggets from a Mundelein free range chicken ranch. Hiccups can be cured ... ... by startling the hiccupper. Poison Ivy come creeping around? Your gonna need an ocean of calamine lotion. If you neglect to mail your child support payment, but insist that you sent it, this is one sign that you may have Romnesia. Three words: Trepanning. Trepanning. Trepanning. There is no cure for the Seven Year Itch, but it can be controlled with medication for people who have frequent outbreaks. Obamacare does not cover Megalomania.

Look for your LakeCountyEye at a free clinic near you.

Upward Trends

Early voting begins late this year in Illinois, on October 22. So if you haven't yet, you can start your voting this Monday, bright and early. In Illinois, Pres. Obama and Gov. Romney are running neck and neck, the polls say the presidential contest here is tighter than a Lake County slot machine video gaming workstation.

Ordinarily your LakeCountyEye can estimate who is really up and who is down by counting yardsigns. But as readers of this blog are erroneously aware ...

Q the Eye/10.17.12

every Obama and Romney sign has been stolen and are being u-hauled out of Lake County to places like Iowa and Ohio -- where the polls are tighter than the Lake County slot machines.

Of course it takes more than a stolen yardsign to pull the rug out from under your LakeCountyEye -- who can report unequivocally that Lake County may be trending in a direction favorable to one presidential candidate. The trend is based on leading indicators observed this year by your LakeCountyEye.

One indicator is the ethics complaint filed this month against, among others, a sitting Lake County Board Commissioner ...

"WoosterWater Scam, Inc."

This is part of a more than decades-long dispute over what sorts of access restriction a real estate developer can impose on the residents of Wooster Lake.

Other trending indicators include a rerouting of Route 45 that was instigated by a former (and presently unconvicted) Lake County Board Chairwoman ...

Millburn Bypass News

In its current trajectory, Route 45 is to be rerouted through a heavily populated Lindenhurst residential neighborhood. The route is designed to bypass nearby farmland that is expected someday to be developed into valuable real estate parcels.

Finally, earlier this year, one retiring County Board Commissioner was instrumental in turning the vacant DiMucci property along Route 12 in Lake Zurich ...

2012 09 06 Dimucci ZBA Part01

... into a mega-shopping-plaza that no-one asked for and nobody wants.

The trendline is obvious because the trends all trend in one direction:

1. It is good to be rich
2. It is good to own land.
3. And failing either (a) or (b), it is good sit on the Lake County Board.

Based on this trendline, your LakeCountyEye predicts a big Lake County win for Mitt Romney.

Q the Eye/10.17.12

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Where do I go to pick up my Romney yardsign?

I Need to Get My Mitts on a Romney Sign

Dear Declared Mittless,

Those Romney for President signs are scarcer than hen's teeth at a Mundelein free-range chicken ranch. Since Romney will lose by a landslide in Illinois, neither his nor Obama's campaign can be expected to budget limited resources for free yardsigns in Lake County.

The situation is totally different in a battleground state. Romney's plastic, slip-on signs are so thick on the ground in nearby Ohio, that environmentally conscious voters there have taken to dual-purposing them as trash can liners. One Buckeye State operative told your LakeCountyEye it is a good thing that yardsigns don't vote -- otherwise they would be in dire need of some good voter suppression laws in Ohio.

Here, back at home, a black-market Romney sign will cost you anywhere from $15 to $50, depending on size and condition. You may want to consider a trip to Iowa -- another battleground state -- followed by a return trip with a sign transplanted from an unprotected yard.

As readers of this blog are feloniously aware ...

Minus Signs

some Republican operatives are augmenting their already generous campaign salaries by dealing in stolen yardsigns. One GOP op in McHenry County was even seen ...

Romney Sign Thief Doesn’t Smile for the Camera

stealing a sign from the yard of the very same person he sold it to. Apparently the transaction repeated itself six times before he was finally caught red-handed!

If you are lucky enough to have in your possession a Romney for President sign, guard it with your life. Your LakeCountyEye certainly hopes you have that valuable campaign/2012 collector's item out of reach from temptation and under lock and key -- inside your bank's vault or safely hidden at some other secure location. At least until after the election.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Minus Signs

The election is in three weeks, which means the silly season is in full swing. If you value your yardsign, your LakeCountyEye cautions, now is the time to hide it in a safe place where no one can find it. Because they are disappearing fast.

Particularly Romney yardsigns. Mitt Romney may have no chance of winning in Illinois, but that doesn't mean operatives aren't on the prowl and looking to steal your Romney-for-President yardsign. At least that's what the tireless tax fighters over at the McHenryCountyBlog seem to believe:

A fellow in McHenry is the one from whose front yard a Romney sign has been stolen six times. He got disturbed enough to wait with a camera. As the thief was pulling the sign out of the grass, he got the photo you see below:

Romney Sign Thief Doesn’t Smile for the Camera

So, what are the chances that an unnamed homeowner would get a blurry daytime photo of some unidentified ne'er-do-well, filching their Romney sign right out of their frontyard? And -- for a bonus -- perfectly framed through the picture window and looking straight at the camera?

Well, by your LakeCountyEye's reckoning, you'd be surprised how often it happens. The Romney-for-President yardsign that had been on prominent display at the LakeCountyEye compound was stolen just this afternoon. As proof, a photo of the culprit was snapped through your LakeCountyEye's picture window:

Haha you've just been fooled twice by another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!

If that's not the same unidentified ne'er-do-well fingered by the McHenryCountyBlog, it could be his brother. In fact it may even be the same Romney sign.

Grace Period Registration Under Fire

Your LakeCountyEye doesn't know what Grace Period Registration is, but it must be something. That's because a lot of effort went into suppressing it in Lake County. And then unsuppressing it. According to the News-Sun ...

A decision by Lake County Clerk Willard Helander to move grace period voter registration for the Nov. 6 presidential election from Waukegan to Libertyville was apparently modified Wednesday after a call from the Lake County News-Sun. The NAACP Lake County Branch and local Democratic leaders accused Helander, a Republican, of attempting to suppress the vote by forcing later registrants who live along the county's shoreline to travel to the Lake County Central Permit Facility, 500 W. Winchester Road, in Libertyville.
Clerk changes vote registration travel edict

Given that no one knows where or even what it is, the Lake County Central Permit Facility would seem to be the perfect boneyard for squelching the vote. (Your LakeCountyEye speaks from experience, after a number of unsuccessful expeditions to the vehicle impound there.)

As the case may be, the showdown at the Lake County Central Permit Facility was perhaps a bridge too far. Willard Helander blinked, and Grace Period Registration will continue at the County Clerk's office -- where between now and the election, the County Clerk is bound by statute to register any and all qualified citizens who may happen to wander in from off the street:

Lake County Building
18 N County St
Waukegan
Monday -- Friday
8:30am -- 5:00pm

But every story deserves a happy ending. Your LakeCountyEye has compiled ten much better locations for offloading the County Clerk's Grace Period Registration duties:

Ten Acceptable Places in Lake County for Conducting Grace Period Registrations

At Racine Wisconsin Polling Locations On the Route 53 Extension Tollway Oasis Blarney Island At the Fort Sheridan 19th Hole Bar & Grill In Port Barrington: Come for the Grace Period Registration Stay for the Video Gambling! On the DiMucci Property In the Cuneo Mansion: The Official Residence of the Lake County Clerk At the Land & Lakes Landfill Graceland Cemetery: Where Grace Period Registration is Done Chicago Style In the Lake County Jail

Look for your LakeCountyEye gracing you with your LakeCountyEye's presence.

The Endorse Case Scenario

Fightin' Joe Walsh, is fightin' mad. As readers of this blog are unpleasantly aware ...

A Nill of Endorsement

The big newspapers all declined to endorse Walsh. The Eighth District Congressman is so fightin' mad over the snub that he fired off a press release to let them know that they can dis-endorse him all they want, he don't care:

I'm not at all surprised by the decisions of the Chicago Tribune and the Daily Herald to endorse Tammy Duckworth. Ms. Duckworth has always been the preferred candidate of the elite Chicago liberal media. The day I care what the Chicago media thinks about me or this race will be the same day that I leave the political arena.
Walsh calls Tribune, Daily Herald "irrelevant"

Your LakeCountyEye has found that when in a state similar to this one, it is often helpful to double down on the meds. Just sayin!

Now if your LakeCountyEye had a dollar for every candidate who failed to pick up some expected newspaper endorsement, your LakeCountyEye would have at least another couple thousand dollars. Newspapers are all in the business to make a profit. And it's no secret that every newspaper keeps their bottom-line interests foremost in mind, when deciding who and who not to endorse. So the next time that newspaper fails to come through with that crucial endorsement, remember -- it's nothing personal, just business.

To prove your LakeCountyEye isn't just making this stuff up, here is the actual, closely held secret decision tree that most newspapers follow when doling out their political endorsements:

Is the candidate very likely to win?

Does the candidate (or their dad's/spouse's business) buy ads on your newspaper?

Do you have the cell # of the candidate?

Is the candidate the incumbent?

Is the candidate a Republican?

Is the candidate a Tea Party Loyalist?

Does the candidate clean up well in a $90 suit?

Thanks for Playing! Decry the sorry state of the commonweal and instruct your readers to move along, there is nothing else to see.

We have a winner! Gin up two or three plausible rationalizations for your decision and endorse that candidate!

A Nill of Endorsement

October will always be that time of the year to be wary of the all the little ghosts and ghoulies and goblins and newspaper candidate endorsements. Lake County's newspaper of record, the News-Sun, famously stopped doing election endorsements:

What we will not do is endorse candidates. We have come to doubt the value of candidate endorsements by this newspaper or any newspaper, especially in a day when a multitude of information sources allow even a casual voter to be better informed than ever before.
Editorial: Why we will no longer endorse in elections

But just when you thought it was safe again to go out and get a newspaper, the Daily Herald -- Lake County's newspaper of record -- has drawn a line in the sand:

There are a number of media critics who question the value and the seeming audacity of newspaper endorsements. We understand the argument. But we respectfully disagree with it. We believe that endorsements are part of our obligation to the community and to the role of the press in the democratic process.
Editorial: A word about our political endorsements

And to show they mean business, the Herald led off by dis-endorsing Eighth District Congressman Joe Walsh:

Endorsement: Duckworth over Walsh in 8th Congressional District

Walsh is Lake County's only marquee candidate. Your LakeCountyEye would be surprised if anyone at all showed up at the polls just to cast a ballot for a Congressman with a name like Hultgren or Dold or Roskam. But Lake County voters are expected to jam the polls on election day, just for the opportunity to cast a ballot against Walsh -- or for him as the case may be. All of this is despite the fact that Walsh's district, geographically, is nowhere near Lake County.

So your LakeCountyEye thinks the old gray Herald has done Lake County a disservice by dropping the dime on Walsh. It is no secret that your LakeCountyEye secretly wishes that Joe Walsh makes like Freddie Kreuger and never goes away.

Your LakeCountyEye heartily endorses Joe Walsh. For something.