Does Money Really Buy Elections?

Your LakeCountyEye is advising operatives to be extra vigilant, Lake County is in a local political uproar. According to the Daily Herald ...

Gov. Pat Quinn is planning to sign legislation Saturday that would take elections duties away from the Lake County Clerk, a new law that has created a local political uproar.
Quinn to OK controversial Lake County voting plan

And as readers of this blog are presciently aware ...

Split the Vote

The Governor has signed the election bill into law -- which goes a long way toward explaining the local political uproar currently rocking Lake County.

People will get into local political uproars over a lot of things but it usually ends up being over money:

Lake County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor said the new law could cost the county more than $700,000 in new staff costs, in addition to upfront expenses for printing and other office needs.
Quinn to OK controversial Lake County voting plan

Your LakeCountyEye doesn't know how Aaron Lawlor arrived at a figure of $700,000. Perhaps Lawlor keeps a finger on the pulse of politics downstate, where an election commission costs Peoria taxpayers about the same amount:

The election commission's 2011 budget is $624,318 and the county's is $373,363. A majority of those expenses are in personnel costs and election judges.
Is this the city election commission's last hurrah?

In any event, your LakeCountyEye doesn't see the Lake County taxpayer footing the bill, because that $700K should be taken out of the County Clerk's budget. Because the County Clerk won't be handling the elections in Lake County any more. And won't need the extra money. Unless they need the money for raises and other incentives. In which case the taxpayer will be footing the bill.

Your LakeCountyEye has been reminded that nearly every sentence spoken by Aaron Lawlor contains three things: a noun, a verb and the Route 53 Extension. To put things in some perspective, that $700,000 might be enough money to pay for one or two Toll Plaza signs:

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you posted as further developments warrant.

Split the Vote

Apparently acting on a tip that the US Justice Department ...

is expected to use Sections 2 and 3 of the Voting Rights Act to prevent states from implementing certain laws, including requirements to present particular types of identification to vote.
Justice Department to challenge states’ voting laws

The Illinois Legislature passed a voting rights bill that was hastily signed into law this weekend. One part of the new voting bill, according to the Chicago Tribune, will ...

strip election duties from the Lake County Clerk's office, instead transferring those powers to a five-member board appointed by a judge.
Quinn signs bill allowing online voter registration in Illinois

The bill is being hailed by voting rights advocates. One anonymous source, on condition of anonymity, told your LakeCountyEye "Illinois was in danger of running afoul of provisions of the Voting Rights Act, and was on the Justice Department's radar.  No one wants to see Federal Marshals conducting elections in Illinois.  This bill will ensure clean and fair elections in Lake County for years to come!"

Not everyone is quite so pleased. State Senator Dan Duffy told the Tribune ...

"It's typical Chicago politics, coming in and overriding the voice and concerns of the people of Lake County."
Quinn signs bill allowing online voter registration in Illinois

Your LakeCountyEye decided to find out what elections would be like in Lake County, if they were now going to be governed by the rules of typical Chicago politics:

The Voters' Bill of Rights
Chicago Board of Election Commissioners

Your LakeCountyEye has to admit, a new voting-day regimen like this will take some getting used to. If this is what Lake County voters should expect, then small wonder some would be upset over a change in rules like these.

A Chinese Junket

Operatives are urged to sharpen their pencils for another LakeCountyEye political pop quiz:

What is the name of the former New York Congressman who resigned because of a sexting scandal, and who is now running for Mayor of New York City, and who is now embroiled in another sexting scandal, and who is now being investigated by the US House of Representatives Ethics Committee?

If you answered Anthony Weiner, good guess but you are incorrect. The correct answer is Lake County Congressman Peter Roskam.

Sharpeyed operatives will notice that this was a trick question: your LakeCountyEye lied about the parts where Peter Roskam is a former New York Congressman, or a candidate for Mayor of New York City, or is in the middle of a sexting scandal -- none of which is true. Your LakeCountyEye, however, did not lie about the part where Peter Roskam is being investigated by the US House Ethics Committee -- which they are.  According to the Chicago Sun-Times ...

The House Ethics Committee announced Friday it was probing Rep. Peter Roskam (R-Ill.) without detailing what was at issue.
House ethics panel probing Rep. Peter Roskam over Taiwan trip

The Chicago Tribune had some details ...

A trip to Taiwan that Rep. Peter Roskam took with his wife in 2011 has been referred to the House ethics committee at the urging of an outside panel that found he may have violated House rules and federal law in accepting the $25,000-plus excursion, according to ethics officials and the congressman's office.
Rep. Roskam faces ethics probe

Taiwan is not the first junket that Roskam has taken as a Congressman:

Roskam travels abroad regularly. A Tribune review of congressional travel during the years 2009 and 2010 found he had made four trips abroad during that time to five countries: El Salvador, Guatemala, Panama, Israel and South Korea.
Rep. Roskam faces ethics probe

Roskam also should not be confused with former Congressman Phil Crane. Crane did represent that part of Lake County now represented by Peter Roskam. But Phil Crane, who back in the day had a reputation for spending more time overseas than in Washington -- and was known as the Junket King -- lost his seat in 2004.

Totally different.

Crackers

If the natural sciences had a #1 fanboy, that would be your LakeCountyEye -- who loves all the cable science shows, like MythBusters. So naturally this Chicago Tribune story caught your LakeCountyEye's eye:

A monster magnet is making its way from the East Coast to Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory, where scientists say it will be used to study subatomic particles. The Muon g-2 ring is scheduled to arrive in Batavia on Friday after more than a month on the road, traveling from its former home at Brookhaven National Laboratory on Long Island.
Mega-magnet draws close to Fermilab

In related news, huge traffic jams are crippling McHenry County, where it is being reported that some mysterious force is pulling the nails out of all of the horseshoes and covered wagons.

Haha, your LakeCountyEye loves to kid.

McHenry County is a lot like Lake County, except their Community College is not called the College of Lake County -- theirs is called the McHenry County College instead. Another difference is that Lake County tends not to regard higher education with suspicion and mistrust.

So it should come as no surprise that McHenry County residents cannot figure out how to open documents obtained from McHenry County College. And are whining about it.  According to the technophobes at the McHenryCountyBlog, there are too many security restrictions on the PDF documents downloaded from the McHenry County College website:

Document Viewing Restrictions: McHenry County vs. McHenry County College

Now your LakeCountyEye may just be a simple country boy from the suburbs simple country blogger, but even a script kiddie can be a password cracker these days:

How I became a password cracker

Note to ops (in McHenry County): there are lots of opensource PDF crackers out there ...

A PDF password remover (also called a PDF password cracker, password reset, or password recovery tool, depending on its ability) is a program that can be used to either find, remove, or bypass the security on a PDF file that prevents you from opening, printing, or changing the PDF file.
7 Free PDF Password Remover Tools

And some of those password crackers even look legitimate, and may not be trojans that can infect a blog with Viagra ads:

Spam Roast

Just sayin!

Fair Game

The Sun, like a heat lamp gone ape, beat down upon the streets and fields of Lake County all week. And whenever it's hot enough to fry on the sidewalk a deep-fried Cheeto, expect to see your LakeCountyEye cozy with the ice-chest, in the beer tent, at the Lake County Fair.

Luckily for all parties involved, the Lake County Fair is scheduled for this week:

Wednesday 7/24: 10am - 10pm
Thursday 7/25: 10am - 10pm
Friday 7/26: 10am - 11pm
Saturday 7/27: 10am - 11pm
Sunday 7/28: 10am - 9pm
Lake County Fair

For those ops who think there is nothing nearly as boring as reading a blog about Lake County politics, just try hanging out at a County Fair some afternoon.  Luckily there is an exciting scavenger hunt coming-up at this County Fair ...

The Lake County Fair is giving residents the opportunity to submit ideas of items to be sealed into a time capsule and buried in the Lake County Fairgrounds. The time capsule will be dug up in 15 years on the fair's 100th anniversary.
LC Fair looking for items to bury in time capsule

The organizers told the Lake County Journal they are are on the lookout for some creative submissions ...

"We're really hoping for out-of-the-box ideas"
LC Fair looking for items to bury in time capsule

Well, if that isn't a segue for another moth-eaten LakeCountyEye Top Ten List, then what is? Your LakeCountyEye has already scrounged together 10 objet d'arts to donate to the Lake County Fair:

Ten Out-of-the-Box Items Seen in the Lake County Fair Time Capsule

AR-15 Assault Rifle Hubcap Found in the Breakdown Lane of the Route 53 Extension The Fake Stevenson Letter Girls Gone Wild on Blarney Island Now on HD VHS! Lake County Election Commission Absentee Ballot Cacklefruit (Courtesy the Mundelein Free-Range Chickens) The Island Lake Village Robo-Dialer A Pair of Waukegan Casino Loaded Dice Mark Curran for Attorney General Yardsign Another Moth-Eaten LakeCountyEye Internet Top 10 List

Look for your LakeCountyEye eyeing that corndog near you.

For Better or For Worse Til Death Do Us Part

One doesn't have to be a chatroom marriage counselor to see that Lake County is suffering through some marital difficulties. In one corner sits Congressman Randy Hultgren, who has co-sponsored a Constitutional Amendment that will Federally prohibit gay marriage. And in the other corner sits State Representative Ed Sullivan, who supports legislation that will legalize gay marriage in Illinois.

If you see political infighting happening within your Party, your LakeCountyEye advises never ever delay. Act immediately and pass that buck as quickly as possible over to someone that everyone can blame later -- ideally a pricey political consultant -- for instance, Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Party Led Mediation at the College of Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye caught up with Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi at a nearby house of worship, where he immediately broke into a jeremiad: "The Democrats think gay marriage is this fantastic wedge issue that is going to divide the Republican Party. Well, I'll tell you what the people of Lake County really care about, and that is their guns. And Randy Hultgren and Ed Sullivan are both on the same page when it comes to firearms."

Your LakeCountyEye must've been caught in a blank stare, because Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi continued without missing a beat: "Have you noticed that Ed Sullivan has been in all the papers lately, talking about concealed carry and assault weapons? Soon everyone in Illinois will be walking around with a concealed weapon or assault rifle, and a direct beneficiary of this state-wide change-in-culture will be Randy Hultgren.

"Randy Hultgren?", asked your LakeCountyEye. "How so?"

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, seeming to have anticipated the question, scarcely paused: "The mortality rate among gun owners, from an accidental or self-inflicted gun-shot wound, is off the charts when compared to the general population. You don't need to be Warren Buffet to see the direct beneficiary of concealed carry and assault weapons in Illinois will be the funeral business. If I were an undertaker somewhere in Illinois, I'd be looking forward to boom times ahead."

Your LakeCountyEye, no Warren Buffet, did not know that. As always, your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi if he had any parting advice for the ops.

He replied in a deadpan tone, "Tell all your operatives that before they apply for their concealed carry permit, to pre-order in advance for themselves a casket and gravesite. They'll save a barrel of cash."

The Wedding Party?

Now that the US Constitution has been amended to mandate concealed carry for all able-bodied US citizens over the age of 12, Randy Hultgren -- nodoubt feeling emboldened -- has co-sponsored a "Marriage Protection Amendment".

Operatives who do not recognize the name Randy Hultgren are by no means in a minority. Hultgren, a Republican Congressman, has been described to your LakeCountyEye as a clone of ex-Representative "Joe Walsh, but with all the bad-boy charm surgically removed."

Hultgren certainly shares Walsh's conservative bona fides, as his Amendment to the US Constitution would outlaw gay marriage:

Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution, nor the constitution of any State, shall be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any union other than the union of a man and a woman.
H.J.RES.51 -- Marriage Protection Amendment (Introduced in House - IH)

Something else your LakeCountyEye did not know, is that Hultgren represents significant portions of Lake County. In fact, if you look at a map of Hultgren's district, it divides Lake County with a pincer movement that locks-in between Wauconda and Mundelein, at the heart of Ed Sullivan's Representative District 51.

Ed Sullivan, as readers of this blog should be automatically aware, is a Republican State Representative who champions legislation that would enact marriage equality in Illinois:

Silky Sullivan

After it passes through Congress, Hultgren's anti-gay marriage Amendment will be sent to the States for ratification. In Illinois's case, the Amendment will go to Springfield where Ed Sullivan will have an opportunity to vote for or against it.

Sullivan, a member of House GOP leadership, would be obligated to support any US Constitutional Amendment sponsored by a Republican Congressmen -- particularly one that represents Sullivan's district. At the same time however, Sullivan may be called to vote in favor of an Illinois gay marriage bill brought to the floor in Springfield. While this sort of situation would have have the nerviest pol feeling like the groom who got cold feet when walking down the aisle -- it is by no means unmanageable.

When the newspapers ask why you voted for a Constitutional Amendment to ban gay marriage, tell them that traditional marriage is the bedrock of every faith and society will perish without it.

And when the newspapers ask why you voted to legalize gay marriage in Illinois, tell them that State's Rights are absolute and this is none of the Federal Government's damn business.

Smooth as silk.

Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition

There is only one thing Lake County likes better than carrying a hidden firearm. Or going to church. And that would be going to church, while carrying a hidden firearm.

Well, Lake County must be thinking it has died from an accidental gunshot wound and gone to heaven.  That's because now that Illinois is the 50th state to ratify concealed carry, Lake County can now worship not only at the church or synagogue of their choice but with their caliber of choice.  As one suburban Chicago Senator Tweeted (and far better than your LakeCountyEye could) ...

You may not know ... but now in IL people can carry loaded concealed handguns in churches. "Peace be with you" is now "Piece be with you?"
Twitter

Well the joke's on you, because that same State Senator is now threatening to chip away at Lake County's God-given 2nd Amendment Right to pack heat while being preached hellfire. According to the Daily Herald:

Even before Illinois' concealed carry law has been fully implemented, state Sen. Dan Kotowski, a Park Ridge Democrat, said he'll be trying to ban loaded guns from churches, temples, mosques and other places of worship. Legislation approved by lawmakers last week restricts carrying a concealed weapon in parks, schools, casinos and amusement parks, among other places, but churches aren't exempt.
Kotowski wants to ban guns in places of worship

Luckily Lake County has its own point man on concealed carry, State Rep Ed Sullivan -- who was quick on the draw to talk to the Daily Herald ...

State Rep. Ed Sullivan, a Mundelein Republican and concealed carry supporter, said it was predictable that opponents would start working to "chip away" at the new law. Sullivan said churches weren't a part of the negotiations that led to the existing exemptions. He argued the new law should stay in place for a while before lawmakers start trying to change it again.
Kotowski wants to ban guns in places of worship

If your LakeCountyEye had 21 guns, your LakeCountyEye would propose a 21 gun salute. Be that as it may, if anyone asks "who has your back?", tell then Rep Ed Sullivan.

For the record, Ed Sullivan is also an open supporter of gay marriage in Illinois. Sullivan, no doubt, would want to extend any marriage equality legislation to include shotgun weddings.

Haha, your LakeCountyEye loves that joke.

A General Occasion

That giant sucking sound you heard were the Republican candidates for Illinois Attorney General all heading for the nearest exit. Lisa Madigan announced today that she will seek re-election as Attorney General. According to the Daily Herald ...

Attorney General Lisa Madigan says she'll seek another term instead of running for Illinois governor next year. In a Monday statement, the Chicago Democrat says she's been considering the decision for months but that she enjoys her current job.
Lisa Madigan won’t run for governor

Lisa Madigan last appeared in this blog when Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran announced he would not run for Sheriff but would run for Attorney General instead -- and then changed his mind, yet again, announcing he would not run for Attorney General, after all:

Flippertigibbets

As it seemed then -- back in the day -- GOP Party bosses did not want to see Curran's name on the ballot for Attorney General, if it was an open seat and winnable by a strong candidate.  Your LakeCountyEye took this as an unambiguous signal that Lisa Madigan would run for Governor.

Haha -- hindsight is 20/20.

Your LakeCountyEye takes these new developments as an unambiguous signal that Mark Curran will change his mind yet again and announce that he will run for Attorney General, after all.

Pay to Display

Live-blogging from the waiting room of the Lake County General Hospital, your LakeCountyEye is recuperating from injuries sustained on the shooting range 4th of July. There is not much in the way of reading material here, save some old editions of the Daily Herald. For operatives not acquainted with Lake County's Newspaper of Record, its masthead is reproduced below:

Daily Herald

One Daily Herald news item caught your LakeCountyEye's attention:

If you'd like to brush up on your technology skills, how about signing up for a free class on navigating the Internet? The Daily Herald is partnering with the Microsoft store at Woodfield Mall to offer seven-day subscribers instruction on Skype, Facebook, Outlook and other topics.
Don't get left behind

Every Monday for the remainder of the summer, the Daily Herald is offering some free Internet workshops. The course schedule is reproduced here:

Untangle the Web

All About Apps Outlook Email Saving and sharing files and photos Facebook Online security, privacy and safety Skyping made simple

Your LakeCountyEye is always eager to brush up on the technology skills, particularly when it comes to navigating the Internet. The Daily Herald workshops, however, do not seem to include a course on how to beat an Internet paywall.

Bing

Maybe that one is sold-out already.

For I was Sick and You Did Not Vista Me

Your LakeCountyEye is under the weather.  As readers of this blog are uneasily aware ...

Boom Goes the Dynamite

while fireworks are -- technically speaking -- illegal in Illinois, legal technicalities have never gotten between your LakeCountyEye and a good ol' fashioned 4th of July.  Note, however, to operatives: third degree burns, internal injuries and multiple fractures will get between your LakeCountyEye and a good ol' fashioned 4th of July. So don't be like your LakeCountyEye and sustain your Fourth of July injuries while on Blarney Island or some other place that is not immediately accessible to a convenient treatment center.

The region of Lake County around Lindenhurst would be an example of an area where a convenient treatment center seems to be needed.  And while one major health-care provider wants to build a hospital there, their proposal was recently axed.  According to Crain's Chicago Business ...

A state board has dealt a final blow to Vista Health System's latest plan to build a new hospital in north suburban Lindenhurst. The Illinois Health Facilities and Services Review Board voted 5-2 against the $131 million project
State board quashes Vista Lindenhurst plan

Why was this Lindenhurst hospital killed? Was it because it would be built too-close-for-comfort to a rival health-care provider? According to the Daily Herald:

Opponents included Advocate Health Care, which argued a new Lindenhurst hospital was unnecessary. "We commend the board for sticking up for Lake County patients and recognizing that a new, for-profit hospital would do more harm than good," Dr. Bruce Hyman, medical staff president at Advocate Condell Medical Center in Libertyville, said in a statement.
Good Shepherd expansion OK'd
But Lindenhurst proposal nixed again

The informed sources explained to your LakeCountyEye that, while "you can never be too rich or too thin, you can be served by too many hospitals!"

Note to ops: If anyone knows of a health-care provider that is equipped to treat uninsured bloggers, please contact this blog immediately. Until then, look for your LakeCountyEye, on the puny list.

Boom Goes the Dynamite

As sure as your LakeCountyEye is a two-finger typist, fireworks are illegal in Lake County. In fact they are verboten in the entire State, as Illinoisans have to cross porous borders to remote locales -- like Hammond, Indiana -- if they want to celebrate the Fourth of July the way the Founders intended.

Independence Day is your LakeCountyEye's favorite federal holiday.  Everyone gets to wave a flag and declare love-of-country and proclaim their patriotism, just like the real politicians do. And, of course, it is a once-in-a-year opportunity to risk life or limb for the sake of 5 or 10 minutes of pyrotechnic tomfoolery.

With the Fourth of July nigh, your LakeCountyEye has surveyed the theater of operations and compiled a list of the best fireworks available on Lake County's black-powder market. They can be counted on the fingers of at least two hands:

Lake County's Ten Most Awesomest 2013 Fourth of July Fireworks
	1. The Route 53 Explosion
	2. The Rockets Red Light Camera Glare
	3. The Zion Nuclear Bomb
	4. The Traditional Marriage Underminer Available in Rep District 51
	5. The Route 83 M-80
	6. Six Conflagrations Over Great America
	7. The Navy Seal of Disapproval Available in Waukegan
	8. Bangs Lake
	9. Lake County Emergency Management Agency Dirty Bomb
	10. The AR-15 Assault Rifle Not Available in Highland Park, Deerfield, North Chicago

Look for your LakeCountyEye, throwing bombs.

Silky Sullivan

Back in the day, there once was a racehorse whose ability to come from behind and win at long odds was the stuff of legend.  And were it not for this horse's ability to pay handsomely at the betting window, your LakeCountyEye would not be enjoying the leisure life of the gentleman blogger today.  The horse was Silky Sullivan:

Silky Sullivan (February 28, 1955 – November 18, 1977) was an American thoroughbred race horse best known for his come-from-behind racing style. His name is now a term used in sports and politics for someone who seems so far behind the competition that they cannot win, yet they do.
Silky Sullivan

If there was any one person in Lake County that Silky Sullivan personifies, he would not be Ed Sullivan Jr. A State Representative in a district gerrymandered to encompass a Republican super-majority, Sullivan has never been the darkhorse in an election. That however may change.

Sullivan, who favors marriage equality, has angered his Republican base -- who have promised to challenge him in the 2014 primary. Against a strong conservative challenger, Sullivan may finally find himself the underdog in an election, next March. Or will he?

Sullivan told the Daily Herald ...

he expects that his support for same-sex marriage this year means he'll face his first primary race in 2014 since he first ran in 2002. He was not shy about how he thinks that'll go. "You'd better be prepared for a battle," Sullivan said.
Sullivan expects primary, eyes leadership

A week later, the specter of a Sullivan primary challenge had the News-Sun all in a lather:

If Sullivan's support for marriage equality is the only blemish on his conservative credentials and provokes a conservative primary challenger, the party will send a signal. It punishes moderation. If a conservative were to defeat Sullivan, it will signal to every other candidate that moderation gets you the GOP political death sentence.
Can Illinois GOP give moderation a chance?

At the same time, the Daily Herald spread a rumor that Sullivan was in a position to be the next House Republican leader:

Suburban Republicans still appear to be the front-runners for the job, with state Reps. Jim Durkin of Western Springs, Tim Schmitz of Batavia, Dennis Reboletti of Elmhurst and Ed Sullivan of Mundelein all expressing various levels of interest.
New rules to pick a new ruler

Of course editorials do not win elections. What do the voters think about the rebranded Ed Sullivan Jr? Some of them have sent letters to the editor.

This letter appeared in the Daily Herald:

It is important that those of us who stand united with Rep. Sullivan show our support and let him know we appreciate his stance on this important issue. Thank you, Rep. Sullivan.
Praise for lawmaker’s support of gay marriage

This one appeared in the News-Sun:

I wish to thank Rep. Ed Sullivan for his support of the Marriage Equality Act. I know he went against many members of his party to do so, but apparently he felt it to be as important as I do.
Marriage equality

Another, more recent, letter appeared in, again, the Daily Herald:

Kudos to state Rep. Ed Sullivan for announcing his support of marriage equality in the face of protests from his party and opposition from his church.
Praise for support of marriage rights

Do media talking points like these ever appear all by chance?

Haha.

Will there be touted, in the next election, a come-from-behind longshot -- a candidate who wins in spite of impossible odds? Your LakeCountyEye thinks not. Silky Sullivan will not be running in Lake County.

The Lulz Before the Storm

Lake County is busy squeegeeing-off its collective self after riding out a second 100-year flood in as many months. As readers of this blog are waterloggedly aware:

Sinking in the Rain

They weren't whistling Dixie when they decided to call it Lake County. According to the Daily Herald ...

One day after heavy rain from an early-morning storm caused flooding in southern Lake County, officials said those areas are slowly returning to normal.
Flooded areas returning to normal in Lake County

But before the waters receded, the backyard bass were bitin' to beat the band, and operatives are invited to the LakeCountyEye Compound for an old fashioned fish fry. (Bring your own bottle.)

Climatologists are all predicting that these Lake County freak floods will be the new normal. Not to be outdone, your LakeCountyEye consulted a number of board certified futurologists, and they all agreed about what Lake County can look forward to in the future. Ten times, by your LakeCountyEye's count:

Ten Things to Expect After Lake County's Next 100-Year Flood

The Stupid Route 53 Extension will be rebranded the Awesome Route 53 Water Slide. Highland Park will ban Super Soakers. Video poker machines will pay double for drawing a flush. The Antioch Rescue Squad will d/b/a the Antioch Coast Guard. A no-wake order will be in effect for most of I-294. The free-range chicken farms will be repurposed into free-range duck farms. Every home will have an unobstructed view of Lake Michigan. All daytime sprinkler bans will be lifted. It will be even harder to tell where Barrington ends and Lake Barrington begins. Lake County will no longer share a border with any other Illinois county. So say goodbye to the Lake County Election Commission.

Look for your LakeCountyEye in a water closet near you.

The Rights of Man

Do the ladies of Lake County occupy the thoughts of anyone in Washington more than Congressman Peter Roskam? Your LakeCountyEye thinks not. As readers of this blog are pensively aware:

Shark-Bait and Switch

The ladies of Lake County have given Peter Roskam so much to think about that he voted for a House Bill to ban abortions after 20 weeks.

It is not for nothing that Roskam benefits from a reputation of being Lake County's ladiesman in Congress. And as if any additional proof was needed, Roskam sent out this new campaign mailer to those very same ladies of Lake County:

Peter Roskam -- Protecting the Rights of Women Here at Home

The mailer is fecund with photo reproductions of Roskam talking with the ladies, all presumably of Lake County. Although the pictures do not have captions, they no doubt portray Roskam advising these ladies on their rights under the law. Your LakeCountyEye has deduced some likely captions from the body language and other contextual cues:

"Your Fourth Amendment Right prohibits Federal Marshals from searching your home or your body, unless they have a warrant."

"Under your Miranda Rights you do not have to answer questions advanced by the arresting Marshals, prior to obtaining legal counsel."

"Young ladies, if any of your mommies need a late-term abortion and then must go to a Federal penitentiary, you still will have some limited rights after you are placed in the DCFS System."

Next: Peter Roskam on the in and outs of winning a Presidential pardon.

Shark-Bait and Switch

The ladies of Lake County want one man to represent them in Washington, and that is their ladiesman Peter Roskam. And when the ladies of Lake County don't get the attention they feel they deserve, Peter Roskam knows exactly what to do.

Congressman Peter Roskam recently sent them all a candygram of sorts, in the form of a video press release. In the video, Roskam offers them some guidance on the problem of sexual assault in the military:

We've also set up a process by which victims of sexual assault in the military have access to counsel. That is, legal advisors to help them move through the process; and also to seek and receive permanent transfer out of a hostile environment into a different assignment.
Ask Peter: Protecting Our Soldiers

The message is clear: ladies throughout Lake County should be happy to know that Peter Roskam has not forgotten them at all, particularly those in the military. If you are on active duty and you are a lady, Roskam has your back. He wants to give you access to legal counsel and provide a pathway out of a hostile environment.

In related news, Peter Roskam voted this week in favor of HR-1797 -- a House bill that would ban abortion after 20 weeks. For those ladies who need to have an abortion after the 20 week deadline, it is unclear whether or not Roskam wants to provide you with access to legal counsel. And if you happen to find yourself in prison, it is unclear whether or not Roskam wants to provide you with a pathway out of your hostile environment.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you posted as further events warrant.

Guns or Butternut Squash

With the possible exception of assault weapons, there is nothing Lake County craves more than fresh, locally grown fruits and vegetables. Not uncoincidentally NBC Chicago is reporting that the State of Illinois wants to help Lake County obtain what it really really wants, and not a minute too soon:

Gov. Pat Quinn wants Illinois residents to buy fruits and vegetables that are produced in-state. The Chicago Democrat on Saturday announced a new "Where Fresh Is" campaign. The campaign is aimed at promoting the purchase of Illinois-grown food.
Quinn Wants Residents to Buy Illinois Produce

Not to brag, but your LakeCountyEye knows a thing or two about locally grown produce -- as there are some chronic illnesses can only be successfully treated with prescription medicinal marijuana. Nonetheless, the best way to identify the fruits & vegetables likely to appear on the typical Lake County dinner plate, would be to ask some typical Lake County residents.

Unfortunately, however, as readers of this blog are unfortunately aware ...

Disarm with a Smile

because of a tight deadline imposed by Springfield, a number of Lake County municipalities are concurrently seeking to ban assault weapons. And your LakeCountyEye was not able to talk to any -- technically speaking -- Lake County residents. On the other hand there were plenty of representatives from the gun manufacturer's lobby on scene and eager to talk, all of which was good enough for your LakeCountyEye!

One might assume the typical gun aficionado would be more likely to stop for a beer and a brat than for some locally grown fruits and vegetables. But your LakeCountyEye was pleasantly surprised to learn that gun-rights advocates not only regularly seek out fresh produce, they do so in significant numbers. Virtually every down-state gun lobbyist that talked to your LakeCountyEye wanted to know where to find the best local-grown farmer's market.

Your LakeCountyEye was more than happy to oblige, particularly after being told that gun owners need to practice every day, especially when out of town. And in the words of one lobbyist, "target practice on fruits and vegetables is just classier than target practice on beer bottles and highway signs".

"Gun owners have in their hands implements of deadly force", this garrulous lobbyist told your LakeCountyEye. "So it is essential we maintain our skill levels. That is why I practice every day. A difference of one or two millimeters can be the difference between life and death."

This particular gun owner travelled with an AR-15 Assault Rifle, the weapon of choice among gun industry lobbyists.

Your LakeCountyEye wanted to know which fruits & vegetables they like to shoot, during practice. "Of course, some fruit and vegetables make better targets than others", the lobbyist said. "But we all prefer watermelons."

Disarm with a Smile

Of the 102 counties in the State of Illinois, not one loves their guns more than Lake County. And by gun your LakeCountyEye means the semi-automatic military-style assault rifle.

So when nanny-state municipal government bureaucrats start talking about banning these guns, Lake County takes notice. According to the Chicago Tribune:

About 50 suburban firearms enthusiasts recently gathered in Buffalo Grove to strategize on how to oppose assault weapons bans currently under consideration in Highland Park, Deerfield, Buffalo Grove, Lake Forest, Waukegan and elsewhere.
Gun enthusiasts ready to fight assault weapons bans

A firefly on the wall, there, tells your LakeCountyEye that attendees were advised to make their concerns directly known their municipal representatives. And one Illinois State Rifle Association leader reminded everyone to remain civil:

"Of course, always be polite"
Gun enthusiasts ready to fight assault weapons bans

Good advice for anyone mustering an army of gun rights advocates eager to launch a full-frontal assault against a big-brother government that wants to infringe everyone's government-protected freedoms. Never assume you can win a political battle solely by virtue of the fact that you possess the assault rifle -- even if said battle is over your right to possess said rifle.

When it comes to winning over hearts and minds, there are better ways than shooting from the hip. Your LakeCountyEye can recommend, instead, some focus-group-tested talking points that are 100% guaranteed to bring around even the most pointie-headed government functionary bent on confiscating your guns:

• Greet your pointie-headed government functionary with an ice-breaker that reassures nobody will get hurt ...

  No, that is not a gun in my pocket. I'm just glad to see you.

• Make your sales-pitch in a calm, even, and emotionless manner ...

  Did you know guns do not kill people? People kill people.

• If your pointie-headed government functionary is not persuaded, assure him there are no hard feelings ...

  Go ahead, make my day.

And remember, always be polite!

Spinning in Reverse

You can stop now, we have a winner. As readers of this blog are competitively aware ...

The Ex-Cubs Factor

operatives were challenged to guess the new name the Chicago Cubs will take after the franchise moves to DuPage County, location TBD. The winning entry -- DuPage Reverse-Spin Doctors -- comes from the Illinois Second District Appellate Court, courtesy a court messenger. The lucky winner will receive a pair of Chicago Cub DuPage Reverse-Spin Doctor tickets, for opening day at the club's brand-new stadium in DuPage County. TBD.

Sharp-eyed operatives may recall that Reverse Spin is also the name of the DuPage County political consultants that Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran had hired, for purposes TBD. As reported on this blog last January ...

A Reverse Spin of Fortune

Curran's campaign committee -- Friends of Mark Curran -- posted expenditures of $5000 made out to Reverse Spin.

But that was back in the day. Since then even more money flowed out of Curran's PAC and into Reverse Spin's bank account -- another $5000 to be exact:

SBE Expenditure List

Hawk-eyed operatives will recall that Curran at one time was telling the press that he planned to run for Illinois Attorney General in 2014. Currans's last $2500 payment to Reverse Spin is dated on February 11 of this year. Perhaps not uncoincidentally Curran then told the press on February 13 that he would not run for Attorney General, and as reported in this blog ...

Flippertigibbets

he would be seeking re-election as Lake County Sheriff instead.

Note to operatives: Your LakeCountyEye does political consulting as well. And if you know of anyone who wants to become Illinois Attorney General, or hold some other high office, your LakeCountyEye will be glad to take their money. And give them advice. And until it becomes obvious it's something that ain't gonna happen in a million years.

The Ex-Cubs Factor

The last time your LakeCountyEye attended a Chicago Cubs game was back in the day when horse-drawn trolleys had the right-of-way and a trip the ballpark was a good four or five hours. Of course nowadays you'd need a presidential motorcade to make it from Lake County to Wrigley Field in under five hours.

So it should be no surprise that your LakeCountyEye welcomes the news that the Cubs may be moving the franchise to the suburbs. More specifically, the Cubs could very well be playing someday soon in DuPage County, at least according to the Daily Herald:

DuPage County is working quickly to develop a plan to bring the Chicago Cubs to the Western suburbs after being approached by an unnamed intermediary of the Ricketts family, county board Chairman Dan Cronin said. Cronin said Wednesday the county will "have something to propose within 10 days."
DuPage County trying to land Chicago Cubs

Provided one pretends that Cook County does not exist, both Lake and DuPage Counties share a long, common border. Which means a commute to the Friendly Confines is promising to be no worse than a quick run up the Route 53 Extension for a new tattoo.

Chloroformed sources have told your LakeCountyEye that not only has the deal been sealed, but the Cubs are ready to pack up and move as soon as all parties can agree on a name to call the new ballclub. Rumor has it ten names are under consideration:

Ten New Team Names for the Chicago Cubs After They Move to Suburban DuPage County

Chicago Thugs DuPage Dupes Chicago Rickets Fermilab Isotopes DuPage Election Commissioners Bolingbrook Bowlers The Cronin Cronies DuPage Reverse-Spin Doctors Bensenville Sluggers Lake County Fielders

Look for your LakeCountyEye, failing to beat fun a the old ballpark.

Tow the Mark

Your LakeCountyEye is fuming. Halfway to the Route 53 Extension (for some dirt-cheap tollway oasis gas) it became apparent that there is no Route 53 Extension Tollway Oasis. Because there is no Route 53 Extension. So here your LakeCountyEye sits waiting for the tow truck. And some gasoline. And fuming.

Luckily a nearby Exxon/Mobil, with an unsecured WiFi, has allowed your LakeCountyEye to pass the time surfin the Web for campaign contributions.  As in campaign contributions given to some notable Lake County politicians.

One notable politician is Lake County Sheriff, Mark Curran -- who, coincidentally and not long ago posted contributions his campaign received from some towing companies and ambulance services.  There are at least seven, by your LakeCountyEye's count ...

Friends of Mark Curran :: Individual Contributions :: Illinois State Board of Elections

Altogether, the seven companies gave more than $9,000 to Friends of Mark Curran.  If your LakeCountyEye didn't know any better it would've looked like they were engaged in some sort of bidding war.  But if anything is certain to your LakeCountyEye, it is that Curran must be experiencing all sorts of trouble driving to and from work.  Enough trouble that he has required the assistance of seven emergency road services -- who no doubt are all grateful for his business.

Now, even your LakeCountyEye's pre-owned vehicle doesn't break down that frequently.  Just sayin!

Anyhow, a Lake County courtesy patrol just stopped and the officer wants your LakeCountyEye to roll down the window.  Hopefully this helpful Sheriff's Deputy will know the contact info to an inexpensive emergency road service.

Lost in Space

In this age of Photoshop, Internet Mashups & CGI Graphics it's refreshing to see that there is at least one political cartoonist left in Lake County who plies his trade in pen & ink. Your LakeCountyEye, of course, refers to the Northwest Herald's DIY cartoonist:

Editorial Cartoons

When it comes to political satire, the Northwest Herald's DIY cartoonist is at the top of his game, and he can teach the the noobs a thing or two -- and with, haha, one hand tied behind his back.

This week's lesson covers the do's and don'ts of how to properly set up a joke. Suppose you are assigned to caricature the legislative gridlock in Springfield. Don't make the mistake of one inexperienced (and unnamed) cartoonist:

You're Doing It Wrong Danger ... Warning ... Will Robinson! Don't laugh, you are enjoying another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!

This cartoonist wants to poke some fun at the fellows on the left, but who are the two caricatures supposed to be? Beats the heck out of your LakeCountyEye.

It's important to embed those must-need subtle clues in a drawing that leave no doubt who the targets of your ridicule are.  Pay attention here, the Northwest Herald's DIY cartoonist shows how it is done:

Epic Win! Targets of Ridicule

With one or two smartly rendered hints your joke is now properly set up, and the rest is a piece of cake ...

Drop that boffo punchline, for a KO!

Q the Eye/06.06.13

Dear LakeCountyEye,

If you're supposed to be psychic, then who sponsored that Lake County Election Board Bill?

Laws Are Like Link Sausages

Dear It Wasn't Your LakeCountyEye,

Being an all-seeing psychic these days ain't what it used to be. Who would've foreseen the News-Sun -- Lake County's newspaper of record -- declaring that the time has come for a bi-partisan Election Commission?

It was time for non-partisanship in elections

Not your LakeCountyEye.

As readers of this blog are eerily aware, your LakeCountyEye did predict, way back in November, that Lake County would be getting an independent election commission:

Reverse Nips

(A tip'o the green eyeshade goes to the spin-averse bloggers at CountyLeaks, for alerting your LakeCountyEye to this spookily accurate coincidence forecast. Who knew?)

Of course 20 gets you 20 for anything, in hindsight. Your LakeCountyEye does foresee that the aforementioned Election Commission is a done deal -- and the reason why is hidden in the Lake County briar patch.

Absolutely, the Lake County Republican establishment has been protesting mightily -- but they betrayed their hand by protesting too much. The spirits have informed your LakeCountyEye that the GOP secretly welcomes a new Election Commission because they have a problem: there is an election in November, 2014 and they they don't have a platform to run on. But a new election board in Lake County quite neatly solves their problem.

A Primary election will be held in March, 2014.  Just suppose the Primary happens to be botched by an inexperienced and partisan-mandated election board.  The Lake County Republican Party then would have the platform they need to drive their voters to the polls: an incompetent election commission that was imposed upon the county by partisan interests.

By your LakeCountyEye's reckoning there are at least 50 ways to botch any election. And for certain parties, it would be in their interest to use everything at their disposal to help that along -- although in all likelihood it's going to be botched even if they sit back and do nothing.

The next time someone pounds the table to protest a Lake County Election Commission -- think of Br'er Rabbit:

Please don't throw me in the briar patch!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

All Politics is Loco

Your LakeCountyEye has been told that Lake County's Republicans are howling mad. They are frothing at the mouth -- figuratively speaking -- over an on-line voter registration bill that will also create an independent election board in Lake County. As proof of their displeasure, the County's top Republican, Aaron Lawlor, told the Chicago Tribune ...

the county was unfairly singled out — even though it is not actually named in the bill. The amendment refers to "any county with a population of more than 700,000 persons ... that borders another state and borders no more than 2 other Illinois counties."
Lake County opposes state-mandated election board

It is noteworthy that not a single Democratic operative has approached your LakeCountyEye pleading for advice on how to circumvent this election bill before it becomes law.

Of course whenever faced with a vexing political problem, your LakeCountyEye usually advises ops to hire an inexpensive (but competent) political consultant. In this case the consultant is Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Political Dirty Tricks at the College of Lake County.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi was familiar with the bill and said, "You have three viable options. The bill is restricted to counties that border other states. In this case, that is Wisconsin. If Wisconsin were to secede to from the union, then Lake County would instead share a border with a foreign country. Don't laugh, there are legislators in Madison who are favorably disposed to the idea."

Your LakeCountyEye expressed strong skepticism that this would ever happen.

"I suppose not." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi said with a frown. "That would mean that Wisconsin would also have to secede from the NFL. But, wait, the bill also specifies counties that border no more than 2 other counties.  You may recall that Palatine and Wheeling Townships were threatening, a few years ago, to secede from Cook County.  If I recall correctly, they wanted to establish something like an off-shore tax haven.  Anyhow, that would mean Lake County would abut up against 3 Illinois counties!"

Your LakeCountyEye pointed out that Todd Stroger was defeated in 2010.

"And that was the end of Freedonia County, or whatever they were going to call themselves." sighed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "Well, in that case there is really only one feasible option.  The bill also singles out counties with more than 700,000 people.  According to the 2010 Census, Lake County has 703,462 people.  Get rid of just 3,463 people and you're back in the driver's seat."

Your LakeCountyEye was goggle-eyed.  "You mean something like offering generous tax incentives to get people to move out?"

"Don't be ridiculous." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "That costs money.  I mean start deporting people.  It shouldn't be difficult for any County Sheriff to locate that many people without proper documentation -- even a nanny-state liberal Sheriff like Lake County has.  This is doable."

This interview was over. Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi if he had any advice for the ops.

He replied in a deadpan tone, "Tell all your operatives to make sure their H-1B and F-1 visas are up-to-date. I just renewed mine for another 12 months."

Kabuki Theater

Lake County Clerk Willard Helander's job may become a lot easier. As readers of this blog are dubiously aware ...

A No Confidence Vote

a bill passed this week in Springfield that allows voters to register online -- and, among other things, would create an independent election board in Lake County.  And as the commodiously unread blog Common Sense in Illinois' 10th has reported, the bill passed mostly along party lines:

How Our Lake County Senators Voted on HB2418
How our Illinois House Voted on HB 2418

Whereas every Republican legislator in Lake County voted to kill the bill, an overall majority of Democratic legislators did not. (Some nice scut work compiling those stats, Louis!)

One legislator even told the Daily Herald ...

"This is political," said state Rep. Ed Sullivan, a Mundelein Republican.
Lake County election change sent to Quinn

It goes without saying that politics is show business for ugly people -- and in Lake County that emphasis is on show business. Lake County politicians will swell up and be all righteously indignant over some perceived slight, but of course it's all for the benefit of the paying audience -- or as the case may be, the voters.

So, your LakeCountyEye would not be surprised to learn that a deal of sorts had been struck between Lake County's Democrats and the County Clerk's Office -- who for years are rumored to have maintained close ties.  According to the terms of the deal, the Lake County Clerk gets a much needed respite in day-to-day duties, and in return earns the opportunity to pursue other objectives.  These objectives presumably would include meeting with Republican and other grass-roots organizations to speak on a topic that Helander calls  ...

Why Illinois is a Blue State

Your LakeCountyEye has not heard Helander's outstanding presentation but has been told on the highest authority it is a must-see for anyone wishing to understand why Illinois is a "blue" state & why Lake County should be considered "blue", and what can be done to make them "red" again.

To book Helander for your township or grass-roots meeting, your LakeCountyEye recommends contacting those commodious bloggers at Common Sense in Illinois' 10th, who ...

would highly recommend that Republican organizations seek out Ms. Helander in the near future to listen to her presentation. This would include the Republican Illinois State Central Committee, Lake County Republican Central Committee and the Township Committees.
Grass Roots Republican Wake Up Call