Footloose and Sanity Free

Someone once asked Abraham Lincoln: "How many legs does a McHenry County voter have if you call his firearm a leg?"

Lincoln answered: "Two. If that McHenry County voter has a firearm, then it is likely he has shot off one of his feet."

If it seems that everyone in McHenry County is a foot shorter, it's not because they are shrinking:

A 74-year-old man accidentally shot himself at a McHenry gun range Saturday afternoon, authorities said. The man was practicing using a 9 mm pistol at CY Armory, 2908 W. Route 120, when he shot himself in the right thigh
Man accidentally shoots himself in leg at McHenry gun range

In related news, Walk Like a Pirate Day has been declared a holiday in McHenry County.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

For an Election Lasting More Than 24 Hrs, Seek Medical Help

Your LakeCountyEye has some good news to report from Mini-Super-Tuesday: Election numbers are finally trickling in from McHenry County.

Haha, if you lost sleep Tuesday night waiting to see who won in Illinois, it's not because you totally forgot about daylight savings time. Thank McHenry County instead -- which totally bungled the election. According to the Northwest Herald, problems already ...

started with the opening of the polls at 6 a.m. with the failure in some precincts of the electronic poll books used to verify voters' registration, and continued into Wednesday. As of late Wednesday – a full 24 hours after the closing of county polls that were extended 90 minutes by emergency court order – County Clerk Mary McClellan's office had yet to post the provisional ballots cast during that hour and a half. A number of county and state races were too close to call. It's a given among veteran McHenry County candidates something always goes wrong in the county on Election Day.
McHenry County primary election: 'Worst-managed' in decades or isolated problems?

One contest impacted was the heavily mail-bombed Senate District 26:

Though he was leading a tight three-way race in the 26th Illinois Senate District Republican primary, Dan McConchie was not ready to declare victory on Wednesday afternoon.
Dan McConchie leads close 26th Illinois Senate race, not declaring victory yet

Dan McConchie was reluctant to declare victory because his opponent, Casey Urlacher, did unexpectedly well in McHenry County. Despite the fact that the McHenry County GOP prides itself on being solidly pro-life -- and that Dan McConchie lobbies for Americans United for Life (a pro-life organization) -- Urlacher (the Mayor of Mettawa) beat McConchie in McHenry County by 6 percentage points. The only plausible explanation for this sort of ballotbox behavior would have to be that Casey Urlacher is the brother of an Ex-Chicago Bear, Brian Urlacher. And that they share the same last name.

One political scientist summed up the situation on the ground in McHenry County: "I don't think anyone in McHenry County ever got tipped off that there was supposed to be an election on March 15."

McHenry County Pop.

Experts who track these things say voter turnout was down a whopping 110% during this municipal election. McHenry County gets a waiver, but only because their population is down as well. The McHenryCountyBlog says ...

Since finding out that the U.S. Census Bureau estimates that McHenry County's population has decreased 1,543 people since 2010, I've been keeping my eyes and ears open for other indicators.
Pessimism about McHenry County’s Future

For your LakeCountyEye's money, there is only one other indicator who matters: Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Dwindling Demographics at the College of Lake County.

"Ya, they're shrinking faster than Margaret Hamilton in the Wizard of Oz." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Here's your $64 question: Where is everyone in McHenry County going?"

Where indeed.

"Not Lake County." observed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Test scores haven't dropped here."

Did your LakeCountyEye hear correctly ... test scores?

"Absolutely." vouched Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "When a population from McHenry County enrolls in an education program of any sort, the standardized test scores go down. It's a well documented phenomenon."

Your LakeCountyEye did not know that.

"The one exception is Wisconsin." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Wisconsin test scores skyrocket when McHenry County numbers migrate northward."

Was McHenry County going to the morgue?  Your LakeCountyEye pulled up a headline on the smartphone:

Man accidentally shoots himself at McHenry gun range, fire official says

"For sure McHenry County is armed to the dentures." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "And their maternity hospitals doubtless are lagging way behind their gunslingers. But that doesn't explain their vanishing population. The smart money says McHenry County is disappearing because of climate-change deniers."

Did your LakeCountyEye hear correctly ... climate-change deniers?

"Absolutely." avowed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "McHenry County public servants will deny that climate change is real. As a consequence, nothing is done about climate change -- so when a monster tornado cuts through McHenry County, people disappear."

People disappear?

"Have you ever seen the Wizard of Oz?" asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The same dynamic is at work with fracking. McHenry County public servants deny that hydraulic fracking is harmful. As a consequence, when the next monster earthquake hits McHenry County, people disappear."

Like in the Wizard of Oz?

"No flies on you today." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "There is a rival hypothesis which alleges that people aren't leaving McHenry County at all. Instead, a fringe-group there has gone completely off the grid. A cohort of survivalists have dropped out to pursue a pre-industrial lifestyle somewhere in uncharted central McHenry County."

Hard to imagine.  What could be a possible motive?

"To prepare for a zombie apocalypse, would be my guess." shrugged Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Did your LakeCountyEye hear correctly ... zombie apocalypse?

"Absolutely." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, nearly shouting. "When the zombie apocalypse happens it will begin in McHenry County."

In McHenry County? Your LakeCountyEye was all like Why?

"Brains of course." grimaced Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Zombies would want McHenry County brains."

Your LakeCountyEye was at a temporary loss for words.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi got close and whispered: "A zombie prefers McHenry County brains over all others -- very few of those have been used."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives that I can get them a deal on virgin vacation real-estate in central McHenry County."

Whatever Floats Your Boat

Unlike Brigadoon, McHenry County lies due west of Lake County, 365 days a year. And unlike Brigadoon, McHenry County can boast more than its share of frontyard recreational vehicles. According to the Northwest Herald ...

A standing-room-only audience came out in force at Tuesday evening's McHenry County Board meeting to object to language in the proposed Unified Development Ordinance that restricts how recreational vehicles are parked and stored in front of homes. Present county ordinances, which the UDO is intended to replace, have no such restrictions.
Opposition to McHenry County RV restrictions come out in force

In related news, the Lake County Emergency Management Agency is not about to pass up an opportunity for a free resource. According to the Daily Herald ...

A flash flood warning was issued for portions of Cook, Lake and DuPage counties this morning due to heavy overnight rains, meteorologists say.
Heavy overnight rains close roads across suburbs

As a consequence, the Lake County Emergency Management Agency has posted revised guidelines for a flood emergency:

How to Respond to a Flood in Lake County ... Immediately Drive West to McHenry County Locate a Boat or Recreational Vehicle Parked in Someone's Front Yard Get In

Look for your LakeCountyEye, commandeering a schooner near you.

Crackers

If the natural sciences had a #1 fanboy, that would be your LakeCountyEye -- who loves all the cable science shows, like MythBusters. So naturally this Chicago Tribune story caught your LakeCountyEye's eye:

A monster magnet is making its way from the East Coast to Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory, where scientists say it will be used to study subatomic particles. The Muon g-2 ring is scheduled to arrive in Batavia on Friday after more than a month on the road, traveling from its former home at Brookhaven National Laboratory on Long Island.
Mega-magnet draws close to Fermilab

In related news, huge traffic jams are crippling McHenry County, where it is being reported that some mysterious force is pulling the nails out of all of the horseshoes and covered wagons.

Haha, your LakeCountyEye loves to kid.

McHenry County is a lot like Lake County, except their Community College is not called the College of Lake County -- theirs is called the McHenry County College instead. Another difference is that Lake County tends not to regard higher education with suspicion and mistrust.

So it should come as no surprise that McHenry County residents cannot figure out how to open documents obtained from McHenry County College. And are whining about it.  According to the technophobes at the McHenryCountyBlog, there are too many security restrictions on the PDF documents downloaded from the McHenry County College website:

Document Viewing Restrictions: McHenry County vs. McHenry County College

Now your LakeCountyEye may just be a simple country boy from the suburbs simple country blogger, but even a script kiddie can be a password cracker these days:

How I became a password cracker

Note to ops (in McHenry County): there are lots of opensource PDF crackers out there ...

A PDF password remover (also called a PDF password cracker, password reset, or password recovery tool, depending on its ability) is a program that can be used to either find, remove, or bypass the security on a PDF file that prevents you from opening, printing, or changing the PDF file.
7 Free PDF Password Remover Tools

And some of those password crackers even look legitimate, and may not be trojans that can infect a blog with Viagra ads:

Spam Roast

Just sayin!

Democracy 1, Comedy 0 The Recount

The Lake County GOP was handed their lunch, this election cycle, and it didn't come in a Chick-Fil-A sack. As readers of this blog are woefully aware ...

Democracy 1, Comedy 0

The Juggernaut known as Barack Obama steamrolled not only the nation but Lake and every other suburban County as well.

Well, almost. As reported by the Daily Herald, not only did Pres. Obama lose in McHenry County he lost big:

McHenry County voters were the only ones in the suburbs to rebuff the president, voting for Republican challenger Mitt Romney overwhelmingly. In 2008, Obama swept all of the suburban counties. "In McHenry County, people were angry when George Bush was president, and they were looking for change in 2008, but this time they were scared," said state Rep. Mike Tryon of Crystal Lake, who is also chairman of the county's Republican Party.
GOP tries to regroup after suburbs go for Obama again

This should not be surprising. McHenry County is home to more than its share of conservative lions -- Cal Skinner, Nick Provenzano, Jack Franks, to name a few. An even more eye-opening statistic: every GOP candidate that won in Lake County won in a district that overlaps into McHenry County:

• Randy Hultgren Elected
  Hultgren, an undertaker, passed over to an easy victory largely aided by a sizable turnout from the cemetery vote.
  
  
• Dan Duffy Elected
  The secret gameplan, your LakeCountyEye has been told, is to shrink the Illinois Republican Senate delegation down to a size where even a State Senator of Dan Duffy's caliber can get elected minority leader. As of this election cycle, Duffy's odds stand at a very respectable nineteen to one.
  
  
• Village of Island Lake Proposition
  to Determine Whether to
  Appoint or Elect the Village Clerk
  • YES
  • NO
  (Vote For 1)
  
  Only 1?
  Lake County Clerk
  
  
• Peter Roskam Elected
  An early advocate of the Republican anti-women legislative agenda, Roskam quickly rose to Deputy Whip in the US House. And by convincing voters that he is an advocate of women's rights, Roskam easy wins re-election. Having no equal among peers, Peter Roskam is the Lake County ladies man.
  
  
• David McSweeney Elected
  Joe Walsh will be departing, leaving behind some big shoes to fill. And not just any pair of big shoes, but laughably big shoes. Your LakeCountyEye suspects that McSweeney may be the big man to fill them.

Without any doubt, McHenry County is the Lake County GOP's firewall. For your LakeCountyEye's money, the Route 53 Extension ought to be built right along the McHenry & Lake County border -- the same historic border, by the way, that centuries ago was the original Mason-Dixon Line. The barbarians may be at the gate, but your LakeCountyEye has seen the future of GOP politics in Lake County and its name is McHenry County.

We Never See a Headline About a Breadline Today

The LakeCountyEye Bed-and-Breakfast -- fka the LakeCountyEye compound -- is now open for business. As readers of this blog are peripatetically aware, Lake County tourism revenues are breaking records ...

What Happens in Lake County Stays in Lake County

and your LakeCountyEye is looking to cash-in on the action.

One blighted area that will not be cashing-in on the Lake County action is McHenry County to the west. The agrarian McHenry County's predominant agricultural interests have long dismissed concerns about climate change as junk science. And haha now that global warming has kicked in full-throttle, according to the Northwest Herald ...

McHenry County has joined the 50 percent of all counties in the U.S. designated as drought disaster zones.
McHenry County declared a disaster area

Unsurprisingly, breadlines are already forming in McHenry County. Tent cities have sprouted overnight at Chick-a-Fil fast food restaurants where free food will be distributed. Read all about it in the Northwest Herald ...

Chick-fil-A opening could draw crowds

And in the Patch ...

'First 100' Camping Out, Awaiting Chick-Fil-A Grand Opening

The global warming deniers at the McHenryCountyBlog have chronicled, firsthand, the effects of their handiwork with pictures of the too many devastated lives waiting for their handouts:

Chick-fil-A "Occupied" by Tent City of Free Food Seekers

It is unclear to public health officials which presents the greater threat to McHenry County: Starvation and famine? Or obesity and heart disease? Oh the humanity!

Frontier Justice

Your LakeCountyEye makes it a point not to stray too far west of US 12, rather than tempt fate and end up in McHenry County. And whenever on McHenry County soil, your LakeCountyEye makes it a point to maintain as much distance as possible from Grafton Township.

Your LakeCountyEye will not attempt to fill-in the back story on the shenanigans transpiring in Grafton Township. This is McHenry county politics and best left to the experts, like those at the McHenryCountyEye. Suffice it to say, the latest in a series of Grafton antics was recently chronicled in the NorthWest Herald ...

Judge orders restoration of Grafton Township offices

And underscored with a political cartoon, lampooning the Township:

NorthWest Herald

Now, the political badmouthing, backbiting, doubledealing, underhandedness & skullduggery is not what has your LakeCountyEye shying away from Grafton Township. (These are all your LakeCountyEye's stock-in-trade.) But if you look at the paddle in the cartoon, the cobwebs are probably an indication the NorthWest Herald waxes nostalgic for something that was outlawed in Illinois schools back in 1994. Your LakeCountyEye isn't saying the NorthWest Herald favors the reintroduction of corporal punishment. Only that folks seem to be, over in McHenry County, well, trigger-happy. Is it an epidemic of sexual assaults, carjackings and other crimes, that has made McHenry County the Wild Wild West?

McHenry County Sheriff Keith Nygren said other states had seen a reduction in crime after passing "concealed carry" laws. If passed, the law would allow educated gun owners to protect themselves or their loved ones in the face of a potential sexual assault, carjacking or other crime likely to happen before police could respond, Nygren said. "Law-abiding people are not the problem," Nygren said. "And this law puts law-abiding people in a position where they are able to protect themselves until law enforcement gets there."
'Concealed carry' law unlikely

So, a note to LakeCountyEye Operatives: If you do find yourself in McHenry County (for whatever reason), do not panic. Just remember the advice of Woodstock native and McHenry County favorite-son Dick Tracy:

Driving in strange territory? Avoid back streets and lock your doors. Dick Tracy

You have to protect yourself until Dick Tracy gets there.