Coverup Uncovered

It seems like it was just yesterday that your LakeCountyEye broke the story in this blog ...

Telephone Swag

about Lake County Board Chair Suzi Schmidt's Nov 12 fundraiser. About how the RSVP number to Schmidt's funder -- 847-838-6200 -- is the contact number to State Rep JoAnn Osmond's legislative office. And about how the RSVP contact person at Osmond's office is County Board Member Linda Pedersen ...

Lake County Board Members (District 1)

For those just tuning in, Linda Pedersen is also JoAnn Osmond's legislative aide (a State employee) ...

Linda's Bio

It goes without saying Pederson sits on the same County Board Chaired by Suzi Schmidt. (Your LakeCountyEye takes a perverse fascination in these internecine political liaisons.)

Being no run-of-the-mill pajama-clad Internet blogger, your LakeCountyEye took pains to provide plenty of documented evidence of these assertions. Including a link and a screen-cap of the funder's details posted at the Lake County Republican Federation's website.

Well, within a few hours after the LakeCountyEye story got posted some Winston Smith at the Lake County Republican Federation scrubbed their website. See for yourself ...

Before LakeCountyEye Bare-Knuckle Exposé	After LakeCountyEye Bare-Knuckle Exposé

See the cleansed Lake County Republican Federation webpage

The images may be hard to read -- click them for full resolution -- but the one on the right has been divested of the phrase ...

Please RSVP to Linda Pedersen at 847-838-6200

Osmond denied any wrong-doing today, explaining to the NewsSun that she pays for the phone out of her own pocket ...

County Board chair accused of ethics violation

Osmond doesn't say however whether or not she pays out-of-pocket Pedersen's legislative salary as well. Nor does she explain then if she is guilty of no wrong-doing, howcome the Lake County Republican Federation's website was scrubbed last night?

All of which tells your LakeCountyEye one thing and one thing only: Your LakeCountyEye has the juice to send ripples of shock throughout Lake County political circles. Bwaa Ha Ha Ha!

But your LakeCountyEye digresses, the point of this post is not to flaunt one's considerable, nay monumental, clout. Rather the point is to announce a watch. You see, news of Schmidt's funder is still posted on other Internet sites, unexpurgated.

... like at the NewsSun


... and at the Illinois Republican Party


Your LakeCountyEye will be watching for if and when that phrase ...

Please RSVP to Linda Pedersen at 847-838-6200

disappears from these other websites as well. Readers are invited to send their wagers to the LakeCountyEye Office Pool C/O lakecountyeye@gmail.com. Be sure to include the URL of the webpage and the date/time you think either (A) the incriminating evidence will disappear from the page or (B) the webpage will be taken down entirely.

Fair warning, the Grand Prize goes to JoAnn Osmond if it is her legislative phone number that winds up being changed.

Illinois General Assembly

Finally, what if it is the ILGA website where the relevant ethics statues are posted that gets taken down or is scrubbed clean?

State Officials and Employees Ethics Act

In that unlikely event, your LakeCountyEye will be cashing in the LakeCountyEye chips, departing the county, and spending some down time in an undisclosed lamasery.

Telephone Swag

For those of you who like to keep track of the fundraising activities of our local officeholders -- licit and/or illicit -- file this story under Dialing for Dollars.

Everyone knows Lake County Board Chair Suzi Schmidt is running for IL Senate 31, so your LakeCountyEye was not surprised to receive an invitation to a Nov 12 fundraiser.

NewsSun

The IL GOP picked up the event on their website.

Illinois Republican Party

Not to be outdone, Republican Federation put the event on their website.

Lake County Republican Federation

Being in an uncharacteristic generous mood, your LakeCountyEye decided to dial Schmidt's fundraiser RSVP number and got ... JoAnn Osmond's Legislative Office. (Apparently they make these cell phones for 12-year-old teenagers, because those itty-bitty little keys make it way too easy to misdial.) Anyways, your LakeCountyEye tried again and got ... JoAnn Osmond's Legislative Office. Again.

This being a muckraking investigative blog, and being a student of The Google, your LakeCountyEye has verified that 847-838-6200 is indeed the posted number for JoAnn Osmond's Legislative Office.

Illinois General Assembly

Try the number yourself if you're skeptical.

Your LakeCountyEye is no simple country lawyer but nonetheless is pretty sure something like that is not legal. Well, that is if 5 ILCS 430/5‑35 of the Illinois Compiled Statutes is to be believed ...

State Officials and Employees Ethics Act

Your LakeCountyEye seems to recall that it was State employees doing political fundraising while on the taxpayer's dime that got George Ryan tossed into the federal lockup. Just sayin!

Anyways if you're a constituent of JoAnn Osmond's but all you are hearing from her is a busy signal, your LakeCountyEye suggests to keep trying. The magic crystal ball predicts that the lines will open up sometime after Nov 12.

Q the Eye/11.09.09

Dear LakeCountyEye,

How do you get someone to notice you? I'm a good looking young guy, popular and sought-after. Divorce papers all signed & sealed. The most successful politician in the Illinois GOP should have the pick of anyone he wants. But for all she cares I might as well be some octogenarian who couldn't beat a domestic terrorist from Kenya to be President of the United States.

If you want to make me cry that won't be so hard to do.
And if you should say goodbye I'll go on loving you.
Each night I ask the stars up above,
Why must I be a Congressman in love?

How can life be so cruel? Help me before it's too late!

A Palin Imitation Of What I Used To Be

Dear Sarah Incognita,

Ah there is nothing sadder than unrequited love. Well, it is sadder if the soul being dusted happens to be their party's marquee candidate. But you've come to the right place. Your LakeCountyEye takes the loathing out of lothario when it comes to the ways of l'amour and has the bounced support payment checks to prove it.

Navigating the path to your true-love's heart can be as winding and fraught with pitfalls as doing the daily 294 commute. Your LakeCountyEye has been told you're not the only swain pining for this special lady's affections and if you pass someone on your way, stalled flat-footed on the off-ramp, his story is worth pondering. This ham-fisted politician thought all he needed to do was fire off a memo to Republican matchmaker/fixer-upper Fred Malek with hopes of arranging a tryst ...

Governor Palin is scheduled to appear on Oprah November 16th in Chicago. The Chicago media will focus on one key issue: does Gov. Palin oppose Congressman Mark Kirk’s bid to take the Obama Senate seat for the Republicans? We would hope Gov. Palin could say something quick and decisive
Chicago Tribune

Now what was this pol expecting, a romantic rendezvous in Oprah's green room? Quick, decisive and wrong!

OK, so much for the foreplay, time to get busy. Sure the Internet has plenty of advice on how to make it to first-base -- wikiHow -- but, well how shall your LakeCountyEye put this tactfully? Surely everyone recalls the Mamas and the Papas who sang ...

Words of love, so soft and tender
Won't win a girl's heart anymore.
If you love her then you must send her
Somewhere where she's never been before.

And everyone, even back then in the 60s, snickered when they heard that line you must send her because they knew it was code for something.

Well, in 2009, it is code for you must send her 25 large. That's right, $25,000. More precisely $25,000 is your opening bid for that candlelit night of sweet rapture. On eBay. Uh huh, your inamorata is selling her services her affections access on eBay. Read all about it at HuffPo if you don't believe your LakeCountyEye.

Who ever said pay-to-play was dead in Illinois politics? And why are you wasting time reading this, son? The sooner you get your campaign contributors to pony up the $25,000 the sooner she will be whispering something quick and decisive in your ear.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Representative Sample

The results are in from the latest LakeCountyEye poll. The blue-ribbon scientific poll, taken here last week ...

This Way to the Congress

indicates that readers are either down-for-the-count with H1N1 or in a Halloween induced sugar-shock-coma. (Which, come to think of it, pretty much amounts to the same thing.) Zero percent of zero respondents correctly answered any of the poll questions. The take-home being, 10th District candidates might as well be in the witness protection program, because no one could identify any of them. Tsk!

Looking forward, your LakeCountyEye is to be found buried under an avalanche of requests from 8th and 10th District Congressional candidates who were not properly mentioned in previous posts. So with the filing period for the 2010 primary now over, among those scrutinizing the nominating petitions with their electron microscopes is your LakeCountyEye. Your LakeCountyEye has IDed an avalanche of candidates vying for their chance to represent the 8th and 10th districts in Washington.

These include Republicans and Democrats and Greens -- oh my! -- and are tabulated here for your reference. Well, just the Republican candidates. Your LakeCountyEye is still waiting to hear from those boring Democrats & Greens regarding their shout-out in the blog.

Anyways, your LakeCountyEye downloaded a cool new widget, and here's your chance to test your political acumen. All the 8th & 10th district GOP candidates are listed below. It's your job to match names and faces and parties and districts. There are 2,097,152 different combinations but only one is correct. Be the first one to correctly guess all 13 candidates! Winners will have their contact information forwarded to the fundraising committee of the candidate of their choice. Hurry before the your candidate is tossed off the ballot!

Contest not open to LakeCountyEye employees or family members.

Deck the Pols

With the last of the LakeCountyEye holiday candy distributed (from each according to their ability to each according to their need), this year's Halloween is officially over. The queue of trick-or-treaters was so long, people thought flu shots were being dispensed. Your LakeCountyEye was armed with the Polaroid and a new roll of film -- and bagged plenty of JPEGs to commemorate the occasion. The pix have been reviewed and vetted by the LakeCountyEye panel of impartial judges. With no further ado, the 2009 Halloween costume winners are ...

Honorable Mention goes to US Senator Dick Durbin	As No More Mr Niceguy ...
	Dr Smith

Honorable Mention goes to State Representative Sandy Cole	As Who's Afraid of ...
	Virginia Woolf

Honorable Mention goes to Lake County Board Commissioner Angelo Kyle	For Most Creative Idea ...
(this unaltered image of Kyle is best viewed on the NewsSun)	Full Moon

2009 Halloween Blue Ribbon goes to Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran	For an Arresting Impersonation of ...
	Run DMC

... must ... have ... brains ...

Today is Halloween but the scariest fear for many is called the H1N1 virus. Unexpected demand has led to long lines throughout the county and a shortage of vaccine doses. People in droves are being turned away, dejected -- well, in this case uninjected. Vaccine is now being rationed to high risk groups like children and pregnant women.

The Newssun reports that Lake County Board Chair Suzi Schmidt was in Round Lake Beach, Thursday, at a public vaccine clinic ...

The line starts here

Your LakeCountyEye heard that Schmidt was seen waiting in line until about 10am. Later she complained to Libby Collins on WKRS about being unable to obtain the vaccine.

Your LakeCountyEye is an old hand at rebuffing the various ghoulies and goblins that haunt the streets on Halloween night. But the thought that there are zombies out there who ... must ... have ... vaccine ... gives your LakeCountyEye pause. Your LakeCountyEye will not be answering the doorbell tonight.

Superannuated Firepower

Aiming to match the success that the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee had the past two elections, the National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) has a program in place called Young Guns which it describes as ...

a Member driven organization of House Republicans dedicated to electing open seat and challenger candidates nationwide.
National Republican Congressional Committee

The program recently recruited more than 30 new candidates, 5 from Illinois, and 3 from the 10 Congressional District. The 3 should be familiar to loyal readers:

Young Guns
Elizabeth Coulson	Richard Green	Robert Dold
Age: 56	Age: 55	Age: 40

No, your LakeCountyEye is not making any of this up, satirewise. The name of the NRCC program is Young Guns. And the newest members include Coulson age 56, Green age 50, Dold age 40.

OK, this may not be as weird as it looks. The median age of FoxNews viewers is 63. Presumably this is the median age of the Republican Party these days. So within a demographic like that, someone aged 56 might pass as a Young Gun. It could happen. Dold, clocking in at a breezy 40 years, is the beardless youngster of the three and makes the most plausible Young Gun. Still, any way you look at it 40 years is middle age. Dold would've been born in 1969, five years after the tail end of the baby boom. The same baby boom now poised to bankrupt Social Security.

Just in case you may have forgotten, had John McCain won in 2008 he would've been the oldest US President. And you may have heard that there now is a war is being fought for the soul of the Republican Party. Well, you heard it here first, the civil war is officially over. The old fossils and geezers won the war. In the battle for its soul, the GOP has transformed itself into a Grand Old Party. Where the future is represented by fresh faced young guns like Elizabeth Coulson. Age 56.

Finally, a wink of the LakeCountyEye goes to TeamAmerica ...

NRCC Adds IL-10 Hopefuls Coulson, Dold and Green to its "Young Guns" Program

for breaking this story. Although upon first seeing it your LakeCountyEye admits thinking, c'mon someone's being punk'd here. But if The Hill ...

NRCC adds 32 to Young Guns program

(or for that matter the NRCC itself) can be believed, the story is legitimate. But be sure to check out TeamAmerica's version of the story, anyways, if only for the beefcake pix pinned up over there. Emilio, Kiefer, Lou Diamond, Charlie, Dermot -- as one hotshot young funnyman, Bob Hope, used to say: RRRROWL!

This Way to the Congress

Your LakeCountyEye trained the microscope at the Eighth Congressional District this week ...

The Eighth is Enough

There is a crowded primary in the offing, at least on the Republican side. The reader, ie you, was challenged to identify the candidates. Could you match-up some mug shots with some names? The results are in and not surprisingly you did quite well when it came to IDing Maria Rodriguez. However you seemed to have nary the clue when it came to identifying the other candidates Joe Walsh, Greg Jacobs or John Dawson. The results were not much better than random chance. This may be an indication of Rodriguez's superior name recognition. Or it may be an indication that Rodriguez was the only female in the survey. In any event, the raw numbers have been forwarded to Price-Waterhouse for additional analysis.

Candidate A	Candidate B	Candidate C	Candidate D

You were correct if you sent in these answers:

• Candidate A / Maria Rodriguez (R)
• Candidate B / Joe Walsh (R)
• Candidate C / Greg Jacobs (R)
• Candidate D / John Dawson (R)

Winning entrants, watch your inbox this week. A LakeCountyEye Nigerian representative will be e-mailing you detailed instructions on how to claim your prize.

The Eighth isn't the only Congressional District in Lake County. On the east coast, the Tenth Congressional District also will have a crowded Republican primary. To those east coasters who have felt slighted by your LakeCountyEye, here is your chance to shine. Your challenge is to test your skills against those in the Eighth District. There are no less than four candidates who want to succeed Mark Kirk. They are, in no particular order ...

• Elizabeth Coulson (R)
• Bob Dold (R)
• Dick Green (R)
• Bill Cadigan (R)

Do you have what it takes? Match the 10th District candidate with the photo.
Candidate A	Candidate B	Candidate C	Candidate D
Do not delay, correct answers to be posted soon.

Petition Competition

Candidates, in case you've forgotten, the first day to submit your nominating petitions is Oct 26 -- this upcoming Monday. The last day to submit your petitions is the subsequent Monday, Nov 2. But take it from your LakeCountyEye, no candidate wants to wait until the last day to submit their petitions. Of course you lose an opportunity to be first on the ballot. But more importantly, nothing says election-day-flounder to the big-money donors like a candidate who schleps into the filing office at five minutes to closing with a paper sack of unnotarized petitions. If you don't yet have your 5000 or 500 or 50 or 5 -- as the case may be -- signatures of registered voters, the clock is ticking!

Since this is the final week of the petition period, and as a service to the reader, these are your LakeCountyEye's 10 most important FAQs about petitions:

1) You must be a registered voter to sign. Registered beer lover? Sorry.

2) Signing a candidate's petition does not obligate you to vote for the candidate. However said candidate now does have your name and address.

3) Technically you are not permitted to sign a candidate's petitions more than once. Oh as if.

4) For those who prefer not to sign someone's petition, learn this phrase: Parlez-vous français?

5) Texting your signature is not allowed.

6) Do not sign a Petition to Undress for Grievance without reading the fine print.

7) Carpal-tunnel sufferers: petition signers can now file an OSHA claim.

8) You are not expected to tip the petition holder.

9) If the petition holder offers to tip you, take the money and run.

10) You are permitted to sign as Hugh Jass only if your name is Hugh Jass.

As for your LakeCountyEye, plans are in place to spend the weekend ensconced at the LakeCountyEye compound, safe from the entreaties of the horde of desperate candidates vying for your LakeCountyEye's JohnHancock. Signing out!

The Eighth is Enough

It was reported here a while back that Joe Walsh is testing the waters.

A Fresh Face in the 8th Congressional District

Your LakeCountyEye has received e-mail confirmation that Walsh is no longer testing the waters, and will be a candidate for 8th Congressional District Congressman ...

"I am running because I've had enough!" said Mr. Walsh. "Like people all over the 8th Congressional District, I am ticked off at how much money our government is spending and how quickly government is growing."

Walsh's website can be visited at ...

http://walshforcongress.com/

His new campaign theme may be: Had Enough?

Coincidentally, the petition filing period for the Feb primary begins next Monday, Oct 26, and ends Nov 2. A Republican needs 654 signatures to be an 8th District candidate. Campaign staff will no doubt be looking closely at their opponent's petitions while asking the same question: "Had enough?"

Finally, your LakeCountyEye reckons there are now no less than four Republican candidates who want Melissa Bean's job. In no particular order, they are ...

• Maria Rodriguez (R)
• Joe Walsh (R)
• Greg Jacobs (R)
• John Dawson (R)

Test your political skills! Match the 8th District candidate with the photo.
Candidate A	Candidate B	Candidate C	Candidate D
Correct answers to be posted next week.

Dirty Tricks Or Treats?

Can it be, Halloween is just two weeks off? Your LakeCountyEye hasn't even begun to think about this year's trick-or-treat get-up. Hard knocks have taught that a good Halloween costume is all the difference when it comes to bringing home the Halloween goodies. Your LakeCountyEye learned this valuable lesson trick-or-treating one year as an overnight anonymous-lit dropper.

Your LakeCountyEye is a firm believer in gathering all the oppo possible. And every projection indicates there will be a crowded field of competitors out there October 31, jostling for that never sufficient cache of Snickers & Butter Nut Crunch Bars. Your LakeCountyEye has reliable advance intel on what some trick-or-treaters will be wearing this Halloween. Here's your exclusive sneak peak:

Maria Rodriguez Eighth Congressional District Candidate	will be trick-or-treating as ...
	Eighth District Congresswoman Melissa Bean?

Terry Link Lieutenant Governor Candidate	will be trick-or-treating as ...
	Former Lieutenant Governor Pat Quinn?

Mark Kirk US Senate Candidate	will be trick-or-treating as ...
	Movie Star Macaulay Culkin?

Lisa Stone Buffalo Grove Trustee	will be trick-or-treating as ...
	Mistress of the Dark Elvira?

Q the Eye/10.13.09

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I'm so into my bitchin night-job, bein queen of the city-council is totally awesome! Except for all the dweebs who won't ever STFU, I'm all like hello I'm talking over here, but whatever.

So what's up with this thingy they got, what's a recall proposal? Everyone's just cold sayin it's totally not about me. I'm so sure! I was all like, earth-to-spazzes: who was elected in the frickin landslide? I'm so totally like: deal with it.

Whatever. Should I be freakin now or what?

Totally Recalled

Dear Malibu-Blarney,

Relax, get your freak on another day. No body of elected representatives has ever voluntarily enacted a recall ordinance. When you see the word recall on the agenda, take it as a sign that backs are against the wall, sabers are rattling. That recall proposal is meant as a shot across the bow. Trust your LakeCountyEye, no elected rep of any stripe is looking to be held accountable -- particularly by a recall mechanism.

All you need to do is chill out, play nice and avoid the obvious pitfalls your LakeCountyEye found the time to compile below. Before you know it that totally non-tubular recall proposal will be a distant memory.

• The filibuster is a time honored parliamentary maneuver. However no one likes 6 hour meetings. Or driving after 3am.
  Daily Herald


• You may not agree with how other trustees vote, but never FOIA their e-mail.
  Daily Herald


• If you're nudged by another trustee at a little league game, don't file a police report.
  Daily Herald


• And don't request police protection from the trustee who nudged you.
  Daily Herald


• While it may be technically OK to hire the local professional atheist as your consultant, it is not OK to consult the atheist during public meetings.
  Daily Herald


• BONUS Pitfall/A
  Even if the Springfield Democrats are desperate enough to return your calls, you don't help your cause by leaking it.
  Daily Herald


• BONUS Pitfall/B
  Don't get a court order to force the, erm, Daily Herald to reveal sources.
  Daily Herald

Observe these simple rules and you'll find yourself cutting major-league legislative deals quicker than you can say Michael J. Madigan.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Eye on the Prize

The first rule behind every successful game-show is that no one leaves without a prize. So your LakeCountyEye is puzzled that people were shocked to learn that after losing the Olympic Gold Medal, President Barack Obama got to go home yesterday with a nice consolation Nobel Peace Prize.

Equally puzzling were all the heads that exploded over the fact that Obama has been on the job not quite 9 months. Your LakeCountyEye's operatives in Oslo report that after 8 years of George W Bush, the Nobel Committee was prepared to give the Peace Prize to, had he won, John McCain.

But your LakeCountyEye digresses. The purpose of packing the operatives off to Norway in October was not to gather intelligence, but to bribe lobby the Nobel Committee. Your LakeCountyEye has a stable of candidates worthy of their own Nobel Prizes, and is not shy about doing what needs to be done to make it happen. They are ten in number, and each more than deserves the world's recognition.

Here are your LakeCountyEye's nominees:

1) For her interpersonal skills, Buffalo Grove Trustee Lisa Stone gets the Nobel Prize in Chemistry.

2) After spreading that rumor that State Senator Terry Link is running for the 10th Congressional District, the Nobel Prize in Literature goes to Lt Governor Candidate Terry Link.

3) Going, within a span of a couple of weeks, from a projected balanced budget to a $6.3 million deficit, the Nobel Prize in Economics is awarded to newly minted Waukegan Mayor Bob Sabonjian.

4) For spending a week in his own jail -- so you don't have to? -- the Presidential Medal of Freedom goes to Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran.

5) Proving that one can simultaneously be on both sides of any given issue, and advancing our understanding of quantum superposition, Senate candidate Mark Kirk gets the Nobel Prize in Physics.

6) It took a lot of pork to resurface and widen Rte 45 & Rte 83 & Rte 137 and all those other County roads. So a Rhodes Scholarship goes to State Senator Michael Bond.

7) Having figured out one does not announce they will run for State Rep two months after being chosen to hold down a vacant County Board seat, County Board Commissioner Aaron Lawler deserves a MacArthur Genius Award.

8) The Nobel Prize in Medicine to Lake County Coroner Dr Richard Keller. 'Snuff said.

9) Lake County Board Chair Suzi Schmidt, who returned her annual pay raise, is in line for the $100,000 Pyramid.

10) And for best performance with a goldfish in a supporting role, the Oscar goes to Lake County Clerk Willard Helander.

Ant Simonian Bugs Out of Republican Federation

There is no truth to the rumor that with the addition of an exterminator, Bob Dold, to the list of Republican candidates for the 10th Congressional District, Ant Simonian was compelled to resign from her Republican Federation post.

Antonietta "Ant" Simonian resigned this week from her post as Lake County Republican Federation Executive Director. The Republican Federation is the fundraising arm of the Lake County Republican Party. Simonian is known for booking South Carolina Governor Mark "don't cry for me Argentina" Sanford last April to keynote the Lake County Republican's annual fundraising dinner.

According to the Daily Herald, Simonian resigned to spend more time with her family. LakeCountyEye readers will know that when someone resigns for family reasons, they were either (1) thrown under the political bus or (2) they told someone to take this job and shove it. The abrupt and unexpected circumstances of Simonian's departure does nothing to quell these suspicions.

Simonian will be succeeded by Chelsey Stanley. Stanley is 23 and is from Kenosha.

If politics is show business, then fundraising is the job of standing behind the elephants with a broom. Given the undesirability of doing political fundraising, and given the fact that Simonian's replacement is an intern who lives in Wisconsin, your LakeCountyEye strongly suspects that (2) someone was instructed to take this job and shove it.

Your LakeCountyEye wishes Stanley the best in her new endeavor.

Q the Eye/10.01.09

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I won a tough election in 2008 and get to sit out the next one but, you know, 2012 is just around the corner. I'm low man on a totem pole in a Party that is out of power and 2012 is, you know, a redistricting year. With a stacked deck like this, how does an incumbent get himself re-elected?

Head & Shoulders Above the Pack

Dear Dandruffy,

As your LakeCountyEye is sure everyone knows, politics is a cyclical business that operates on a boom & bust cycle. Come election night you're looking at either boom-goes-the-dynamite or at spontaneous human com-bustion. Add to the mix random uncertainties like redistricting, and your LakeCountyEye recommends a political career only to those stoutest of heart.

Fret not, however, your dire straits have a lining of silver called incumbency. Because once you got elected you statutorily became the incumbent. And according to the latest polling at FiveThirtyEight, a whopping 218% ± 3 of all incumbents are re-elected. You don't need a veteran handicapper like your LakeCountyEye to tell you those are excellent odds indeed.

Of course no incumbent should take their re-election for granted, the way to November it salted with the roadkill remains of Phil Crane, Dick Hyde, Gary Del Re, and many others. Nonetheless, it's no accident that incumbents keep getting re-elected over and over and over again. The secret to their serial success is name recognition. Voters tend to vote for ballot names they recognize. Which are usually the names of the incumbents (certainly not the challengers). As a corollary, voter apathy -- low voter turnout -- works to your benefit as the incumbent. Be sure to pack the polls with your people on election day and you'll be returning to elected office for life.

It's a given that voter turnout is proportional to voter education. The more educated your voters are, the more likely they will vote. Less educated voters stay home more often. So your LakeCountyEye has to admire one precocious incumbent who's taken this idea to the next level.

One perk of being an elected representative in Springfield is the General Assembly Legislative Scholarship Program. Every member of the General Assembly gets eight annual college scholarships to hand out to their constituents. You're no doubt asking yourself at this point, if an incumbent gives away eight college scholarships every year, won't that have the effect of raising the education level of his constituents? And doesn't that jeopardize his re-election chances?

The precocious incumbent in question must think this would be exactly the case, because he took the radical step of dropping out of the scholarship program altogether. According to the Daily Herald there won't be any college scholarships forthcoming from this particular pol's office. If you're some freeloading constituent yearning to better yourself through higher education, tough luck, get a job.

It was written in the Tao te Ching thousands of years ago ...

The superior man leads
by emptying people's minds,
by filling their bellies,
by weakening their ambition,
and by toughening their hides.

This seems to be one lesson not lost upon one of our forward-looking incumbents!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com