Saturday, October 10, 2009

Eye on the Prize

The first rule behind every successful game-show is that no one leaves without a prize. So your LakeCountyEye is puzzled that people were shocked to learn that after losing the Olympic Gold Medal, President Barack Obama got to go home yesterday with a nice consolation Nobel Peace Prize.

Equally puzzling were all the heads that exploded over the fact that Obama has been on the job not quite 9 months. Your LakeCountyEye's operatives in Oslo report that after 8 years of George W Bush, the Nobel Committee was prepared to give the Peace Prize to, had he won, John McCain.

But your LakeCountyEye digresses. The purpose of packing the operatives off to Norway in October was not to gather intelligence, but to bribe lobby the Nobel Committee. Your LakeCountyEye has a stable of candidates worthy of their own Nobel Prizes, and is not shy about doing what needs to be done to make it happen. They are ten in number, and each more than deserves the world's recognition.

Here are your LakeCountyEye's nominees:
1) For her interpersonal skills, Buffalo Grove Trustee Lisa Stone gets the Nobel Prize in Chemistry.

2) After spreading that rumor that State Senator Terry Link is running for the 10th Congressional District, the Nobel Prize in Literature goes to Lt Governor Candidate Terry Link.

3) Going, within a span of a couple of weeks, from a projected balanced budget to a $6.3 million deficit, the Nobel Prize in Economics is awarded to newly minted Waukegan Mayor Bob Sabonjian.

4) For spending a week in his own jail -- so you don't have to? -- the Presidential Medal of Freedom goes to Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran.

5) Proving that one can simultaneously be on both sides of any given issue, and advancing our understanding of quantum superposition, Senate candidate Mark Kirk gets the Nobel Prize in Physics.

6) It took a lot of pork to resurface and widen Rte 45 & Rte 83 & Rte 137 and all those other County roads. So a Rhodes Scholarship goes to State Senator Michael Bond.

7) Having figured out one does not announce they will run for State Rep two months after being chosen to hold down a vacant County Board seat, County Board Commissioner Aaron Lawler deserves a MacArthur Genius Award.

8) The Nobel Prize in Medicine to Lake County Coroner Dr Richard Keller. 'Snuff said.

9) Lake County Board Chair Suzi Schmidt, who returned her annual pay raise, is in line for the $100,000 Pyramid.

10) And for best performance with a goldfish in a supporting role, the Oscar goes to Lake County Clerk Willard Helander.


Nicki said...

Love this!

Crazy4glf said...

Hmm, could it be that Reagan was not in contention due to Iran-Contra and Grenada.
Could it be that Bush, Sr. didn't get considered due to Iran-Contra, not finishing the Persian Gulf War, and his fondness for the Saudi's?
And could it be that the PEACE Prize Committee doesn't like the theory of a pre-emptive strike?

Any other card-carrying GOP'ers to be considered?

You can't sing Bomb Iran and wonder why members of your Party are not considered for a Peace Prize. Besides, Bushie said that we didn't need international consideration.

Anonymous said...

Yep, Obama isn't Bush-that is the main reason.
BTW: the Oscar should go to Ms. Christian-"What, Killdisk will erase the whole disk. I really didn't know."