Not Exactly Gay About Marriage

Traditionally June is the month for marriage rulings from the Supreme Court. June also marks the end of the school year, and your LakeCountyEye has a pop quiz. Operatives are challenged to guess which of these actual headlines (for this week's Supreme Court gay marriage ruling) was seen in the Daily Herald:

	Supreme Court extends gay marriage nationwide
	Supreme Court ends bans nationwide on same-sex marriage, recognition
	McHenry County residents react to Supreme Court's gay marriage ruling
	Sharp language from justices on gay marriage decision

If you checked the last headline give yourself a pat on the behind. While most local newspapers chose to trumpet the historic Supreme Court decision, the old gray lady -- the Daily Herald -- seemed none too pleased.

While your LakeCountyEye has not actually read the story, the Herald's headline says all you need to know:

Sharp language from justices on gay marriage decision

Your LakeCountyEye assumes the dissenting Court justices issued a firm tongue lashing, or some junk.

One Daily Herald reporter told your LakeCountyEye: "There aren't any more eligible bachelors as it is. And now they can all marry each other? Give me a break!" On top of that, it is feared that the only marriageable men remaining soon will be the Illinois GOP caucus of confirmed bachelor legislators. The aforementioned bro's with no ho's were unavailable for comment.

A Confederacy of Dukes

In Lake County the word on the street is ... the South Will Rise Again. And they aren't talking about the sales tax in Cook County.

According to the News-Sun, the latest confirmed siting of a Confederate flag is in the Village of Volo:

The director of the Volo Auto Museum said he's committed to keeping one of the original General Lee cars from the television show "The Dukes of Hazzard" on display, despite the fact that it sports a hand-painted Confederate flag on its roof.
Volo museum to keep 'Hazzard' car with Confederate flag on display

Readers of this blog may recall ...

Takedowns

that David McSweeney sponsored a Bill in Springfield to remove the Confederate Flag from the South Carolina state Capitol. McSweeney probably did not risk offending his constituents, because his Representative district is about 850 miles from Columbia, South Carolina. For purposes of comparison, his district is about 3 miles from the Village of Volo.

Your LakeCountyEye was informed today that South Carolina passed a Bill to take down the Confederate Flag in the Volo Auto Museum. Boss Hogg was unavailable for comment.

Takedowns

With the Illinois legislative session nearly over, and with the people's work done, most legislators will be heading home to lower expectations. According to the Daily Herald, however, one suburban legislator wants to lower a flag as well ...

Illinois lawmakers entered the debate over the Confederate flag when a suburban Republican Monday formally called for South Carolina leaders to remove it from that state's Capitol grounds. State Rep. David McSweeney, a Barrington Hills Republican, filed a resolution in Springfield that wouldn't carry legal weight but was intended to convey lawmakers' opinion.
Suburban Republican: South Carolina should take down Confederate flag

What is Representative McSweeney's next challenge, if he is successful in getting the Confederate flag removed from the South Carolina state Capitol? Your LakeCountyEye has learned there is already a bill in committee to lower the Sky Trek Tower at Six Flags Great America:

Riders were stuck on the "Sky Trek Tower" ride for more than two hours Sunday at Six Flags Great America in north suburban Gurnee. Passengers told NBC Chicago they had made it to the top of the nearly 30-story ride when it got stuck.
Riders Stuck on Six Flags' "Sky Trek Tower" for More Than 2 Hours

No word yet on whether there will be a bill to turnaround recall Governor Rauner. Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Q the Eye/06.20.15

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I take umbrage against your recent diatribe against McHenry County gun owners and 2nd Amendment patriots. It was simply false to assert that McHenry County hospitals are reporting a pandemic of self-inflicted gunshot wounds to the leg.

When you wrote in A Leg Up that "McHenry County is populated by erstwhile bipedal unidexters with a knack for shooting off their feet", nothing could be further from the truth. Speaking as a McHenry County native and life-long gun owner, I can state with certainty that I do not lack any appendages below my belt-line. And I assure you, as an eyewitness, that this is true of every McHenry County gun owner in my acquaintance.

If anyone is a "one-legged human pogo-stick with an itchy trigger-finger" those would have to be the people of Lake County. And I can prove it.

The Illinois State Police have issued 3,142 concealed carry permits to McHenry County gun owners. With a population of 307,283, that works out to about 1 permit for every 100 McHenry County residents.

But Lake County on the other hand, with a population of 705,186, has received 5,179 concealed carry permits. Mathematically, it means that for every 100 Lake County residents, 0.7 of those have a concealed carry permit.

You read that correctly, each concealed carry permit in Lake County is held by zero-point-seven, or seven tenths of a person. Is that even possible? It absolutely is, if that means those people are all missing appendages.

I submit to you that it is gun owners of Lake County who are shooting off their feet, and not the crack marksmen of McHenry County.

And I demand an immediate retraction!

I Second That Amendment

Dear Second Banana,

Your LakeCountyEye stands corrected.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

High Volume Turnaround Agenda

Mark your calendars, Christmas in July arrived a month early this year. When then-candidate Bruce Rauner promised the voters a lump-sum cash distribution if they elected him Governor, frankly, your LakeCountyEye was skeptical. But now-Governor Bruce Rauner is apparently making good on that promise.

Your LakeCountyEye has learned that the Bruce Rauner Turnaround Agenda^® is doling out substantial gratuities to help give the stagnant Illinois economy a Reboot^® to the rear. Some lucky Lake County residents have already received their checks from Citizens for Rauner, Inc:

Committee to Elect Sheri Jesiel


Committee to Elect Dan Duffy


David McSweeney for State Representative

And it's not just Lake County residents who benefit from the Governor's largess:

Citizens for Pamela J Althoff


Citizens for Matt Murphy


Committee to Elect Michael W Tryon

If you have not received your dividend check yet, then visit your nearest Citizens for Rauner, Inc branch office. Tell the minimum-wage clerk there that you you are eager to help goose-start the Illinois economy, and would like your check deposited in your PAC right away.

Do not delay. This offer may be voided without notice, pending review of the RICO statutes.

A final note:  When the minimum-wage clerk asks for your preference, request the $8000 check and not the $4000 check.  If you are like your LakeCountyEye you will not regret it.

The Brohoho Over Mark Kirk

Q: Name three guests who were recently expunged from the Mark Kirk Christmas party list?

A: Ho, Ho, Ho

HaHaHa, congenital Lake County US Senator Mark Kirk was heard this week talking trash on one of his homeboys:

A spokeswoman says Illinois' U.S. Sen. Mark Kirk has apologized after being caught on a hot mic using a word considered disparaging to women. Kirk called Republican senator and presidential candidate Lindsey Graham a "bro with no ho."
Kirk apologizes for calling Lindsey Graham 'bro with no ho'

The object of Kirk's reflection, Lindsey Graham, is an announced candidate for the office of US President. Washington insiders say Graham, who is unmarried, will have to beard the lion if he hopes to get to the White House without the benefit of a First Lady.

Sources tell your LakeCountyEye that the National Republican Senatorial Committee is all-in, and actively seeking a suitable companion for the footloose & fancy-free senior Senator from South Carolina:

      prohibited^[?]      Posted: 1 day ago

Confirmed Bachelor Seeks Ho

Elderly male seeks wifey bitch. Honey dimes only! Deuces, stangs, tweakers, babymommas, need not apply.

Send photo and resume to Lindsey Graham for President
Be sure to include a photo.

Please observe the utmost discretion. No 3rd party inquiries. You must be 18 or older.

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

post id: heaterpoints      posted: 1 day ago      updated: an hour ago

craigslist

Senator Kirk, your LakeCountyEye learned, can stand-in as father of the bride.

Until then, look for your LakeCountyEye shooting fish in a barrel near you.

Hastert Highway Revisited

He's back and he's broke. Dennis "I'm Broke & Back" Hastert was in the news again, this time pleading not guilty to Federal banking charges -- charges (as incorrectly reported on this blog) totally unrelated to check kiting.

If Hastert did have a wad of hush money salted away in a secret bank account, the $3,500,000 must have evaporated -- because the former Yorkville wrestling coach had to bum a ride to his arraignment in a borrowed Lincoln:

Hastert's long-awaited day in court began about 9:30 a.m. Tuesday, when he was spotted by reporters leaving his sprawling estate in far west suburban Plano in the hired black Lincoln.
Dennis Hastert pleads not guilty amid claims of hush money, lying to FBI

Rumors of Hastert's wealth, your LakeCountyEye has learned, are greatly exaggerated. Any doubts of Hastert's beggary will be immediately dispelled by the News-Sun, which revealed that Hastert, in fact, drives an old used car:

A classic car once owned by former House Speaker Dennis Hastert will be removed Friday from an I-90 tollway oasis display between Rockford and Marengo.
Auto museum to remove Dennis Hastert car from tollway display

The story goes on to say that Hastert's buggy is now in the hands of the repo man. You can help Hastert out of these hard times by donating to the Dennis Hastert Legal Defense Fund. Please limit donations to $10,000, in small denomination bills.

The Rauner Turnbuckle Agenda

The Governor Bruce Rauner Turnaround Agenda® is coming to the Lake County schools. Lake County will be participating in a pilot program aimed at eliminating the State budget deficit by reducing education costs. Beginning with the 2015-16 school year, Lake County schools will be required to include wrestling instruction in their common-core curricula, for all grades K thru 12.

It recently came to the attention of the Governor's office that former Yorkville wrestling coach Dennis Hastert had not only retired comfortably, but had enough discretionary income on hand to dole out $3,500,000 in hush money. Not a paltry sum, your LakeCountyEye has learned, even by Governor Rauner's standards.

According to the Governor's office, if that kind of money can be made on a wrestling coach's salary, then every public school teacher should be required to teach wrestling. And every public school teacher can expect to retire as comfortably well-off as Dennis Hastert.

One source told your LakeCountyEye: "This teacher pension system can be eliminated entirely. Teacher's unions will be eliminated as well -- because who with $3,500,000 in their secret bank account will ever want to go on strike?" No doubt about it, a win-win for everyone.

School-age children in Lake County have been asked to practice up on their noogies, wedgies & wet willies over the summer.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. No biting, hitting below the belt, or head butting is allowed.

The Hastert Highway

Governor Bruce Rauner, this week, killed the downstate Illiana Expressway. Opponents were able to scuttle the project, your LakeCountyEye has learned, by renaming the ill-fated tollway to the Dennis Hastert Memorial Highway.

Haha, in related news, the Governor appointed a bunch of suburban guys to the Toll Authority ...

Schillerstrom: Route 53 expansion could do great things for Lake County

It is not known whether or not the Governor appointed Individual A to the Toll Authority:

Who is 'Individual A'?
The person Hastert is said to have paid hasn't been identified, and is referred to in the indictment only as "Individual A."
Key questions about Dennis Hastert's scandalous indictment

One source did tell your LakeCountyEye: "Do the math. With weekly payments in $10,000 increments, we'll be able to pay off the Route 53 Extension in less than 6,000 years!"

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. And you can take that to the bank.

Propellerhead

A week is a long time in politics. Which means it's been about one political week since your LakeCountyEye last posted a Caption Contest!

The H/T for this week's Caption Contest! goes to the News-Sun for this headshot portrait of Robert Dold -- who was at the Great Lakes Naval Station last week for a photo op:

Caption Contest!

Dold touts military spending bills in visit to Naval Station Great Lakes

Contestants are challenged to put on their thinking caps and come up with an uproarious caption for this picture of Congressman Robert Dold. The winning entry will be the best caption that is likely to be over the head of Dold, Lake County's rotating Congressman.

The Caption Contest! is not restricted to black hats and l33ts -- anyone is welcome to participate, even n00bs and propellerheads. Note to Ops: this is your chance to claim the political props you deserve, on top of those you already have.

One lucky winner will receive an army-surplus oversize-propeller drone.

The secret to success, as always, is low overhead. The judge's decision is final.

Video Shoot

It may not cover the cost of a wedding photographer, but $60,000 is still a lot to spend for some shaky video footage. The Daily Herald says the Village of Round Lake Park ...

authorized Police Chief George Filenko to spend up to $60,000 for a video system for seven front-line squad cars and body cameras for 13 officers. "This wasn't knee jerk and there is no rush to this," Filenko said.
Round Lake Park authorizes body cams for police

With that cue to cut to the chase, your LakeCountyEye contacted Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Dual Professor of Criminology and Cinematography at the College of Lake County.

"Ya, 60-grand is a lot of cheddar." snorted Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The Village of Zion only needed $55,000 to break their contract with the Lake County Fielders."

Your LakeCountyEye was surprised too see any Lake County village with money to spend on police cameras. These small municipalities are expecting to see their budgets slashed -- especially if Governor Rauner makes good on a promise to raid the Local Government Distributive Fund.

"A major metropolitan area can easily absorb that sort of expenditure." observed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

But doesn't the population of Round Lake Park hover around 7500?

"It's not the population but the median income that matters to a municipal taxing body." observed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

But aren't most of the homes in Round Lake Park on 4 wheels and exempt from property taxes?

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi furrowed his brows. "Hmmm. Is that why they call themselves Round Lake Park?"

You're not really a Professor at the College of Lake County are you?

"Ever since they transferred me from the College of DuPage." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Maybe the village of Round Lake Park hopes to monetize the expense by streaming their police video to a YouTube Channel. FailBlog, I understand, makes a ton of money."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives in Round Lake Park to watch their speedometers. Also don't believe anyone who says the paint on older model cars do not reflect radar beams."

Round Lake Park Appointee Arrested

In March, I reported that law enforcement seized the computer of a Round Lake Park Village appointee, and was under investigation.

Computer Taken for Evidence in Round Lake Area

Since then, the Round Lake Area News has reported that Randall Wagner was arrested for possession of child pornography.

After a lengthy investigation, Randall L. Wagner was taken into custody on April 13. 2015, and charged with three counts of child pornography and possession (CHILD PORN/POSSESS FILM/PHOTOS). Wagner is the spouse of Round Lake Park Trustee Donna Wagner and is listed on the Round Lake Park village website as a Mayoral Appointment to the Plan Commission & Zoning Board of Appeals.
RLP Trustee’s Spouse Arrested on Child Porn Charges

Randall Wagner is no longer listed on the Round Lake Park website of Mayoral Appointments. I do not know if Wagner has resigned from his appointment.

As far as I can tell, this arrest has not been reported anywhere else in the local media.

Every Jack Has His Cal

Cal Skinner, the tireless tax-fighter who writes the McHenry County Blog, is undoubtedly a Frankophobe. One can tell by the mind-set of his posts. This week he skewered the Capitol Fax Blog for saying nice things about State Rep. Jack Franks:

Rich Miller, the man who writes Capitol Fax is undoubtedly a Democrat. One can tell by the slant on his posts. Today, he pats State Rep. Jack Franks on the back for his anti-tax voting record.
Jack Franks Gets Another Pat on the Back from Capitol Fax

Not to be outdone, your LakeCountyEye has banished the frankfurter from this blog. This staple of the backyard barbecue shall, henceforth, be known here as the Freedomfurter.

Enjoy the holiday & toss one on the grill for your LakeCountyEye.

A Leg Up

May is World Foot Health Awareness Month. Perhaps not uncoincidentally, two people recently shot themselves in the foot while at McHenry County gun ranges:

My Foot!

As reported on this blog, it is uncommon (to say the least) when the men and women of McHenry County take up the burden to shoot themselves in the foot -- simply to exercise their freedoms guaranteed by the 2nd Amendment.

Now, it goes without saying that the self-inflicted gunshot wound, even in pursuit of the noblest of goals, is not all guns and roses. Especially so, if one refused to sign up for ObamaCare in protest against big government bureaucratic programs. Be that as it may, every cloud has a silver bullet. Ten to be exact, when that cloud happens to issue from the barrel of a smoking gun:

Shot Yourself in the Foot? Ten Benefits

It's evident you put your pants on one leg at a time. Reduce by 50% your sock bill. Never alone at the three legged races. You da Man on Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day. There's no one at the ass-kicking contest busier than you. People only need a 9-foot pole to touch you. Half the worries while strolling through a LCFPD Dog Park. No one will ever accuse you of being a knee-jerk liberal. An effective remedy for restless leg syndrome. Costs an arm and a leg? Not a problem.

Look for your LakeCountyEye on foot near you.

My Foot!

For those who believe in the rule of threes, you are advised to discharge your weapons in Lake County. The Northwest Herald reports that two people have shot themselves in the foot while at McHenry County gun ranges:

A 56-year-old man was flown to a nearby hospital after he accidentally shot himself at a McHenry gun range, a fire official said.
Man accidentally shoots himself at McHenry gun range, fire official says

A 55-year-old McHenry woman was taken to an area hospital Monday after accidentally shooting her own leg, police said.
McHenry woman accidentally shoots herself at Crystal Lake gun range

With 2555 applications for concealed carry permits, and counting, epidemiologists are closely monitoring this sudden outbreak of unipedality in McHenry County.

The McHenryCountyBlog reports that emergency medical teams are currently on-site and working to contain the epidemic:

McHenry County Right to Carry Presents Course

Anyone who wishes to help can contact the McHenry County Right to Carry Association:

McHenry County Right to Carry Association is sponsoring a training event with our friends at Spartan Tactical Training Group. This course is not just for firearms instructors but for anyone that wishes to add real emergency medical skills to your mental tool kit. This class course is taught to law enforcement agency personnel around the country. Class space is limited so sign up early at the link below. Also military grade IFAK (individual first aid kits) will be available for purchase and information for this is on the link.
Emergency Medical Response for Firearms Instructors

One spokesperson issued a statement: "Under the Second Amendment, my right to shoot myself in the foot -- and at the time and place of my choosing -- shall not be infringed. Anyone who says otherwise doesn't have a leg to stand on!"

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Hop along, now.

Take a Break!

"Bulldozer"Aaron Lawlor, the Chair of the Lake County Board, will be in Grant Township later this month. Lawlor, the Daily Herald says, will talk about the Route 53 Extension ...

Lake County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor will be the featured speaker when the Grant Township Republican Club meets Thursday, May 28, to discuss the Route 53 extension.
Lawlor to address Grant Township Republicans

The topic of Lawlor's address will be:

Unregulated Engine Breaking on the Route 53 Extension:
Environmental Catastrophe or Economic Necessity?

It should be noted that the topic of Chairman Lawlor's address will NOT be:

No-Wake Restrictions on the Route 53 Extension:
Gentleman's Agreement or IDNR Mandate?

Your LakeCountyEye regrets the mistake.

The Plot Thickens in Grant Twp, Part 2

We received another open letter to the Grant Township Assessor. It is reproduced, unedited, below. The attachment referred to by the doc is the PDF that was posted here yesterday.

May 13 2015 letter to EOLC and GTA Office and States Attorney

Until new information is brought to the attention of this blog, I've said about all I can say, here.

The Plot Thickens in Grant Township

Yesterday I reported what I interpreted to be a claim made by the Grant Township Assessor: That the Assessor does not take into consideration lake restrictions when valuing lake-front properties.

It now appears that my judgement was wrong. I have received a document, signed by the Assessor, regarding four lakes in Grant Township:

Grant Township Assessor Chart of Lakes

This document appears to evaluate the lakes based on a number of criteria, including "Leads to Chain" and "Restrictions on Lake". By all appearances, this document is used for the purposes of evaluating comparable properties on or near these lakes.

If I was wrong in my conclusion that lake restrictions are not factored in how homes get assessed in Lake County, then my original questions remain: What authority governs and controls how our inland lakes are restricted? What guidelines must our Assessors follow when evaluating our homes -- in particular lake-front properties?

I am getting the feeling that these are things that just get made up as we go along.

The Grant Township Assessor Replies

The Grant Township Assessor e-mailed a reply to the property owner's letter that I posted here yesterday:

Mr. Rowden,

Land values have not changed on Wooster Lake and your overall value was reduced in 2014. I noticed on your tax bill mailed last week that your property taxes went DOWN approximately $1,000. By law, properties are valued based on sales in the previous 3 years of similar properties in the same neighborhood and we will continue to value your property in this manner. I hope you and your neighbors on Wooster Lake are able to reach an agreement on how Wooster Lake should be used but my understanding of the current use is that some owners treat the lake as non-motorized while others jet-ski and boat as they please. My office does not determine how lakes are used, only what the property on the lakes are worth.

I've already addressed the Tanneron Bay accusations. You can not compare your 3500 sq.ft. home on over 2 acres built in 2006 to a condo or townhouse.

Jeri Barr, Grant Township Assessor

If not directly, the Grant Assessor seems to have answered some of the questions I asked yesterday. I may understand this incorrectly, but the law requires our homes to be assessed based on how they compare with similar homes in the same area. Of course, the word "similar" is vague and open to interpretation. This I am sure is the basis for most appeals filed against our home assessments.

In the case of Wooster Lake, the question of how the lake is restricted seems to be irrelevant to this Assessor's purposes. What matters is that homes are assessed against similar homes. Of course, "similar" is in the eye of the beholder. There still seems to be a lot of arbitrariness baked into the whole system.

Another Open Letter to the Grant Township Assessor

We received another open letter to the Grant Township Assessor:

Assessor Barr,
Almost 12 years ago in July 2003 I bought 3 Wooster Lake properties in the Village of Fox Lake.
05-23-100-026
05-23-100-027
05-23-100-034

When I bought, I bought into lake restrictions which were since January 2003 recorded in recording 5094179. As you know and can plainly see, the 5094179 recording is an official recording at the Lake County Recorder of Deeds Office, a Declaration that Cambridge at Holiday Park HOA not only says I am legally bound to but one which the HOA relied on in recent law suits they filed against me. The judge unfortunately did not provide a Declaratory Judgment towards 5094179 or its restrictions in either of these cases. To this day the HOA contends I am legally bound to this Declaration, sending me a bill as recently as February 2015.

**** See pages 33-34, 46 of 5094179 recorded at Lake County Recorder of Deeds Office listing and claiming my above PINs are part of the Cambridge development and also as part of the Wooster Lake Conservation & Control Association. See pages 5, 7-9, 35-47 about the lake properties' restrictions.****

After buying my lake properties I had growing concerns about this recording that are still not fixed today and that is the problem. When States Attorney Nerheim was elected, I met with him in Waukegan in 2013. Nerheim said his Office and every other Office were by law not capable of nullifying anything in 5094179 because it is an official recording active with the Lake County Recorder of Deeds Office. Nerheim said "only a judge with a Declaratory Judgment" could nullify the recording. Now 2 years later I see your Office is off acting as if it is nullifying these recorded restrictions and is supposedly changing the lake to not restricted after all these years being restricted, per the recordings and per the Assessor's Office.

I want you to immediately provide me with a copy of the Declaratory Judgment that issues a judge's opinion of the recording 5094179, a Declaratory Judgment that supposedly gives you the power to have changed my lake properties.

Eye On Lake County,
Can you post my response to Assessor Barr?

Don Rowden

As far as I can tell, this owner has properties on Wooster Lake. At issue is whether or not Wooster Lake is bound to boating restrictions. The homeowner is charging the Grant Township Assessor with valuing his properties against comparable homes on unrestricted lakes. Apparently these homes are assessed at higher values, when compared to homes on restricted lakes.

Wooster Lake had for many years been used as a restricted lake. Furthermore, there is a quasi-legal document filed by a Wooster Lake home-owner's-association with the Recorder of Deeds that purports to establish this.

Since, from a legal perspective, Wooster seems to be a restricted lake, the homeowner objects to the Grant Township Assessor valuing his property against other (higher valued) properties on unrestricted lakes. And he wants the Grant Township Assessor to produce a legal authority as a justification.

I'm going to admit that I understand very little about the guidelines that control how our homes get assessed. And I understand even less about how and under whose authority our inland lakes become restricted. But Wooster Lake just seems to demonstrate to me that there is a lot of arbitrariness baked into both processes.