Don't Leave it to Clancy

Having subsisted for years on a blogger's diet of Cheetos and Mountain Dew, your LakeCountyEye took a close look at Chief Wiggum's Wiki ...

Clancy Wiggum -- Simpsons Wiki

Scared straight!

Walshed Up?

His rise was meteoric and brief. When he spoke people turned to listen. And he parlayed his 15 minutes of fame into a lucrative radio job.

Does your LakeCountyEye mean Joe Walsh?

Haha, nope -- it's Ted Williams, that homeless guy with the golden voice:

Haha, j/k. Your LakeCountyEye, of course, refers to Lake County's Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh:

The McHenryCountyBlog observed that Walsh is endorsing conservative Don McConchie over Republican party insider Ed Sullivan Jr in State Rep District 51:

Don McConchie spekes to Saturday afternoon crowd at Joe Walsh's barn.
McConchie Rally at Walsh Barn

Does this signal that Joe Walsh has taken the role of king-maker -- or would he rather be king? Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Éminence Grise Professor at the College of Lake County.

"Ya," said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "our Joe Walsh is the Donald Trump of Illinois politics. The man everyone loves to hate."

Mr Trump isn't doing too poorly this election cycle.

"Have you noticed?" chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "I'll bet Mr Walsh has noticed. He would be a shoo-in if he ran in the Primary alongside Trump. Who's next after President on the Primary ballot ... Senator?"

Joe Walsh will run for US Senate?

"Just imagine Trump and Walsh topping the ballot in 2016." smiled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "There's your exploding oil-train wreck. They can't do anything about Trump -- but the Illinois GOP can keep Walsh off the ballot if Mark Kirk runs for re-election."

But what if US Senator Mark Kirk has plans to retire?

"Not a problem." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Kirk gets re-nominated to the Senate, and then a month or two after the Primary he resigns. Says he wants to spend more time with his family. Or something to that effect."

If Kirk resigns from the ballot, does the GOP appoint a replacement?

"Exactly." grinned Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "And don't expect him to be Joe Walsh."

Who -- Robert Dold?

"Not likely." grimaced Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The word on Dold is he can't win in a Presidential year."

Then Randy Hultgren?

"Ha ha." laughed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Your LakeCountyEye couldn't resist that joke.

"Mark Kirk always wins because the women vote for him." confided Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The GOP needs someone good with the ladies, like Kirk."

Congressman Peter Roskam?

"Bingo!" shouted Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Despite being the face of the Party at war against women, women love to vote for Roskam. He hasn't had a close election since he ran against Tammy Duckworth."

Does that mean a Duckworth v Roskam rematch in 2016?  Too crazy!  Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives that the Illinois GOP is looking for someone to take-over for Peter Roskam in Congress. Be sure to send a photo!"

Q the Eye/09.04.15

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I've read your site lakecountyeye.com and saw you've written about art in the past. I thought you might be interested in writing about a really cool exhibit that's popping up in our office.

We've turned one of our a meeting rooms at the Soho-based Fueled Collective into a twisted, dystopian version of an Apple Store. On first blush, it looks like a place where you'd buy an iPhone: it has all the same furniture and style, but the strangest and most fascinating objects for sale. The exhibit is a stinging commentary on how we're all addicted to gadgets, tech, and startup culture.

If you're in New York, feel free to drop by our office to check it out. If you can't make it to the office, we'd still love for you to write about it! Below are some links with information about both the artist and Fueled Collective. We've recently had a photoshoot, so if you are interested I'd be happy to send some pictures your way.

Artist Creates A Fake Apple Store Filled With Crazy, Dystopian Tech
Artist Evan Desmond Yee's Website
Business Insider: "Take A Tour Of The Coolest NYC Office We've Ever Seen"
Forbes: "Fine Clothes, Killer Apps; An Office That's Cooler Than Yours: The Rise Of Fueled Collective"
Fueled Blog: A Twisted Apple Store Comes to the Collective

Best,
Dane Kragness
Content
Fueled
568 Broadway, 11th Fl | NYC
800.962.4587 | fueled.com

Dear Dane Kragness,

Thank you for your submission. After careful consideration, your proposal does not suit the current needs of this publication.

You may wish to note that Lake County currently has it's own twisted, dystopian version of an Apple Store:

iTunes : Lake County, IL: County Board Meeting Video Audio Podcast

You are encouraged to submit more story ideas for future consideration.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Comic Relief

Your LakeCountyEye was at the annual Lake County Comic Con. Judging from the number of sculpted superhero physiques in attendance, it could have been an afternoon in the Lake County Board weightlifting room.

Haha, the News-Sun says ...

They came from Lake and Cook counties as well as Michigan and other states to engage in board and video games, watch Cosmic Family Feud played by their favorite superheroes, compete in costume contests, pose for photographs with wild-looking creatures, browse through comic books, get their faces painted like vampires and purchase games, posters, buttons, jewelry — anything related to the print and video world of fictional characters, both the good and the evil ones. They were attending the second annual Lake Count-I-Con, a convention held Saturday and Sunday at the Lake County Fairgrounds in Grayslake.
Superheroes join forces for Lake Count-I-Con at Grayslake fairgrounds

Comic Con is an opportunity to dress up in public as your favorite fantasy character. Without getting arrested. The convention this year did not disappoint. Your LakeCountyEye has not seen this much repurposed vinyl since they dredged Waukegan Harbor.

Your LakeCountyEye naturally was in costume -- and was a fly on the wall. Ant-Man sends his regards.

Operatives are challenged to ID your LakeCountyEye from this photo of convention participants:

Hint: pictures often show more than meets the eye. Only Residents are eligible to participate.

Legally Employed

Lake County has a new official motto:

Come for the schools.
Stay for the Wisconsin jobs.

Haha, your LakeCountyEye jests. The News-Sun says the jobs are in Waukegan:

The unemployment rate in Waukegan dropped below the state average of 5.9 percent this summer, with Lake County Partners reporting that more than 1,000 jobs were added to the local rolls between May and June, the highest spike in summer hiring on record.
1,000 new jobs: Waukegan unemployment drops below state average

One source told your LakeCountyEye not to break out the champagne and caviar just yet: "999 of those jobs are candidates for Lake County State's Attorney."

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Get a job.

Sullivan's Travelling

Your LakeCountyEye won't have Ed Sullivan Jr to kick around any more. The Daily Herald says ...

State Rep. Ed Sullivan of Mundelein won't seek re-election in 2016, he announced today, making him the second suburban Republican incumbent to decide to end his Illinois House career with this term.
State Rep. Sullivan won't run; another Republican leaps in

Hours before Sullivan's surprise announcement, Dan McConchie announced that he would challenge Sullivan in the Republican Primary. According to the Chicago Tribune ...

The current officeholder is Ed Sullivan, Jr., a seven-term incumbent who also holds the position of Fremont Township assessor, a full-time job. "The incumbent has had both fists in the taxpayer's pocket for too long," McConchie said.
Dan McConchie to Seek Republican Nomination in Illinois House District 51

The two-fisted McConchie, according to the Illinois Review, is ...

currently a member of Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran's Human Trafficking Task Force.
MCCONCHIE TO CHALLENGE SULLIVAN IN 51ST STATE HOUSE GOP PRIMARY

It is unknown if Sullivan plans to run for Lake County State's Attorney instead. Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

The Road to Perfidy

It's a well known quirk of the English language: every sentence uttered by Aaron Lawlor contains a noun, a verb, and the Route 53 Extension. Haha, this may explain why Lawlor, the Lake County Board Chair, was uncharacteristically tight-lipped after a Hawthorn Woods town meeting -- one critical of the $3 billion highway project. Lawlor told the Chicago Tribune:

"There were a number of valid concerns, and a number of inaccuracies, that we're going to address," Lawlor said. "I'm going to leave it at that."
Hawthorn Woods mayor on Route 53: 'Basically, we have an issue with everything'

Note to Operatives: On this blog, valid concerns are numbered few and far between. But if it's inaccuracies that you are looking for, you've come to the right place. Your LakeCountyEye knows at least 10 widely believed misbeliefs about the Route 53 Extension:

Ten Common Misconceptions About the Route 53 Extension

Paved with Gold Will be the Only Man-Made Object Visible from the Moon Filed a Wrongful Conviction Suit Against the County Phase #1: Build It Over the Long Grove Sinkhole Phase #2: FEMA Pays for It For Twice as Many Lanes at Half the Cost, It's Shaped Like a Moebius Strip Plans to Run for Lake County State's Attorney STD Stands for Special Taxing District To be Constructed Out of Lumber Left Over from the Goliath Rollercoaster Will Pay for Itself, After the Oil Fields Along the Right-of-Way are Seized One Royal Clusterf*ck

Look for your LakeCountyEye busting myths near you.

Travel Incentives

One corporate gravy train has exploded in Lake County. Organizations looking for tax incentives from the County may want to think twice, because, according to the Daily Herald ...

The county board on Tuesday unanimously approved an incentive policy that outlines several conditions, including a measurable return on investment, that must be met before county officials would consider rebating sales or property taxes for a project.
Lake County puts conditions on tax incentives for businesses

Every law has unexpected consequences. This one has the Route 53 Extension Blue Ribbon Panel crying foul. To find out why, your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi -- Professor of Corporate Extortion at the College of Lake County.

"Ya," chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "that asphalt albatross will never get built if Lake County demands an ROI out of the Route 53 Extension. The Toll Authority will have to slap a $20 surcharge on their Oasis burritos, before they would offset those sweetheart tax-breaks that the County Board promised."

That would not sit well with the Lake County motorists?

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi produced a calculator. "If you figure the average automobile toll at $5, and figure ten million cars every year -- at a cost of $3 billion, it will take 60 years to pay for the Route 53 Extension!"

That's a lot of rubber on the road.

"Not to mention leaky crankcases." grimaced Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The Toll Authority is studying how the airline industry makes its profit. Motorists on the Route 53 Extension will be hit with extra fees -- like a finder's fee. Anyone who breaks down and wants a tow-truck to find them, pays a fee."

Wouldn't public transportation be better?

"Lake County's public transportation system is called Uber." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Studies prove that a small fleet of Uber drivers could move more people through the Route 53 corridor -- and quicker -- than any 45mpg limited access parkway. And at a fraction of the cost."

How much of a fraction?

What fraction is $3000 of $3 billion?

That would add up to an enviable ROI, to be sure.  Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives my Uber ID is #LikeaBhatschidtkhrazziOuttaHell. Ping me any time 24/7/365."

Throwing Good Money After Bad?

A new bumpersticker observed today in Lake County:

HONK IF YOU ARE A CANDIDATE FOR STATE'S ATTORNEY

Haha, as readers of this blog already know ...

Wall of Silence

Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran surprised some people and said he will run against Lake County State's Attorney Michael Nerheim for the office of Lake County State's Attorney.

This surprised your LakeCountyEye -- who noted that Curran's political PAC ...

Friends of Mark Curran

has benefited from more than $1000 in donations from Michael Nerheim (or a family member):

Contributions List: Nerheim

In related news, Peoria Congressman Aaron Schock, who resigned in March, is being sued by a campaign donor:

A Chicago lawyer filed a federal racketeering lawsuit against former Illinois Rep. Aaron Schock on Wednesday, saying he was tricked into believing the young congressman was "a breath of fresh air" in a corruption-prone state but who instead intended to collect campaign money for personal use.
Donor sues ex-U.S. congressman Aaron Schock seeking reimbursement

It is unknown whether Nerheim plans to follow, erm, suit, and sue Curran to get his money back. If not, your LakeCountyEye does not think it would be from lack of legal resources.

Sources say the Curran election campaign remains unapologetic. "Sure they can get some guilty verdicts," one source told your LakeCountyEye. "But we'll get the money back when we file a counter-suit for wrongful conviction. Bring it on."

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Wall of Silence

Note to Ops: If you need to dig up some dirt, the place to go these days is Waukegan. An underground tunnel is being dug in Waukegan, and will connect the County Jail with the County Courthouse. And as readers of this blog should know, construction mishaps have already resulted in the Long Grove sinkhole ...

Notes from the Underground

... as well as a ruptured sewage pipe & flooded county building basements:

Sticky Notes from the Underground

Well, OK, the second story is true.

Perhaps flush with success, your LakeCountyEye has learned that the excavators have now accidentally punctured the wall of silence -- the same wall of silence that isolates Lake County's divisions of government.

The first person observed taking advantage of the breach in the wall was Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran -- who announced today that he will challenge Michael Nerheim in 2016 for Lake County State's Attorney. According to the Daily Herald, Curran said ...

"Mike Nerheim has done nothing to raise the caliber of the office," Curran said in a news release. "Today I made an opening statement, but I will be presenting evidence throughout the campaign that change is needed." Curran said the Lake County state's attorney's office has been responsible for six wrongful convictions since 2010. Those cases include overturned convictions involving Juan Rivera, Jerry Hobbs, James Edwards and Benny Starks, Curran said, and noted the Rivera case resulted in the single largest wrongful conviction settlement in U.S. history at $20 million.
Curran says he'll run for Lake County state's attorney

Informed sources say the State's Attorney office has no plans to press charges against the construction workers who ruptured the wall. Or against Mark Curran. "Sure we can get some guilty verdicts," one source told your LakeCountyEye. "But this is Lake County. In the long run they will be suing us for wrongful conviction. Why bother?"

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

A Boat Anchor

If Lake County's villages were engaged in an arms race for your tourist dollars, then the Village of Fox Lake just got a $15,000 shipment of guns. Haha, the Daily Herald said that ...

Fox Lake officials hope a new marketing campaign focusing on the future while remembering the past will bring tourists to the former resort town on the shores of the Chain O' Lakes. Using the tagline "Anchoring Traditions ... Linking the Future," the new initiative is designed not only to strengthen the community and connect with residents, but also to appeal to tourists with the goal of becoming a destination for Illinois and Wisconsin residents, Mayor Donnie Schmit said Wednesday.
Fox Lake unveils new marketing campaign, logo

Fox Lake retained a marketing firm at $2,200/mo to manage the campaign. The village also budgeted $15,000 for a new logo.

This was the old Fox Lake logo:

In case you ever wondered what happened to Chief Illiniwek, he retired to a waterfront cottage on Fox Lake.

This is the new Fox Lake logo:

One goal of the rebranding campaign is to call attention to Fox Lake's festivals: Venetian Night, Cardboard Boat Race, Mayor's Challenge Pasta Dinner and 5K Race, Holiday Parade & Tree Lighting Ceremony, Annual Polar Plunge.

It is unknown if Talk Like a Pirate Day will be included.

Operatives who crave a cool personal logo of their own, are directed to any of these clipart websites:

Bing Images

Yarrr, we be pirates.

Sticky Notes from the Underground

Trees may be down and buildings may be damaged, but at least the culprit this time was an EF-1 tornado (that touched down Sunday in Grayslake). And not from excavation work under the Lake County Courthouse.

Haha, as readers of this blog no doubt recall ...

Notes from the Underground

An underground tunnel is being dug in Waukegan to transfer prisoners from the County Jail to the County Courthouse. Worries that a large-scale underground excavation like this can lead to widespread damage may not be totally groundless.

Your LakeCountyEye has learned the below-ground excavators broke a sewage pipe that flooded basements under the County Sheriff and Court Buildings. Informed sources say stored paper files were submerged and that County employees were ordered to retrieve the records. And without the safety of protective scuba gear!

It is unknown whether Lake County Chairman Aaron Lawlor, who was seen earlier this year cleaning sludge at a County water reclamation plant ...

Lake County's Dirty Jobs - Vernon Hills Water Reclamation Facility

rolled up his pant-legs and pitched in to help.

Note to Ops: If the County has not been responding to your requests for vital paper documents, you now know why. On second thought, you may want to reassess your need for those documents.

EPA investigators with hazmat gear were seen. Do not be surprised if you see yellow EPA-Superfund-Site tape around County buildings.

OSHA however is not expected to file suit against County officials. One OSHA source told your LakeCountyEye, "Sure we can get some guilty verdicts, the law is cut and dry. But this is Lake County. In the long run they will be suing us for wrongful conviction. Why bother?"

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

We Don't Need No Stinkin Amstutz

If the Amstutz Expressway were a 36 inch pizza then the long knives would be out for it. A News-Sun op-ed published last week was really a thinly veiled call for the Amstutz's demise:

There's nothing about the 2.9-mile abomination and its social, financial, aesthetic or cultural contribution to Waukegan that could not be improved by unleashing jackhammers to destroy it.
Rutter: Waukegan's Amstutz Expressway is a 'massive purple wart'

Is the Amstutz on the road to oblivion? Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi -- the Travelling Professor at the College of Lake County.

"Ya," sighed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "they want to bulldoze the Amstutz into Lake Michigan like it was some empty beach and turn it into high-value lakefront property."

Too sad. Who exactly would feel the burden?

"No one ever uses the road, so exactly no one." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "And that's exactly why the Amstutz is America's highway. Every movie chase scene since Ben-Hur has been filmed on the Amstutz."

Ben-Hur?

"Bullitt, The French Connection, Smokey and the Bandit, Thelma & Louise, Mad Max, Death Race 2000, Driving Miss Daisy ... these were all filmed on the Amstutz. It's the most recognizable 2.9 mile stretch of highway in the lower 48!"

Too cool. Are there plans to save the Amstutz?

"Bet on it." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Do you remember the Route 53 Extension?"

Who can forget?

"The Route 53 Extension," continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "is a $3 billion, unbuilt highway that everybody wants but nobody wants to pay for. Compare it with the Amstutz -- a highway that is built and paid-for, but nobody wants. Now combine the two and what do you get?"

One of those venn diagram jokes?

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi pulled up close: "The Route 53 Blue Ribbon Advisory Council has a top-secret fail-safe doomsday-scenario contingency plan prepared, in case the taxpayers don't give them those 3 billion smackers. Just suppose one moonless night the Lake County Division of Transportation shuts down the Amstutz -- and removes all of the highway signs. And replaces them with Route 53 Extension highway signs. What will everyone think the next morning?"

Your LakeCountyEye, being no Carnac the Magnificent, did not know.

"The commuters," chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "will think the Amstutz had been demolished. And that the Route 53 Extension had finally been built! The County gets rid of the Amstutz, and produces a Route 53 Extension -- all for the price of a couple dozen traffic signs. It's a win-win for everyone."

Too crazy. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Don't be surprised if the Amstutz turns, one day, into a $5 toll-road. Tell your Operatives to hold on to their pennies."

Location Location Location

Question of the day: Name the one thing in Lake County seen by more people on the planet than anything else. If you said a settlement check for a wrongful conviction, give yourself a judge's citation. The correct answer is the Amstutz Expressway.

The Amstutz Expressway in Waukegan has been an outdoor location for hit movies seen by millions. The seldom used freeway is a favorite with moviemakers, ever since scenes in The Blues Brothers were shot there in 1980. The Chicago Tribune said (in 1998) ...

The Amstutz makes a perfect location because it looks like a full-blown expressway and can be closed off for days at a time without causing any real problems for commuters. "The people at the Illinois Film Office call me and ask if the Amstutz is still the road to nowhere," said David Motley, Waukegan's director of public relations and special events. "It's very popular because it looks right and it's easy to close off. We don't charge a rental fee either. Just what it costs for public works and police to close it. What I want to do, though, is show producers some of our other locations when they're in town using the Amstutz."
The Road To Nowhere
If Traffic Were Meant To Fly, All Roads Would Be Like The Amstutz Expressway

However, while the Illinois Film Office features a gallery of top movie locations ...

Location Gallery

... the Amstutz is conspicuous in its absence.

Note to Ops: The Illinois Film Office wants to know about your film location and provides a handy web form ...

Submit a Location

So if you happen to own the Amstutz, please waste no time in correcting this regrettable bureaucratic oversight. If you don't act quickly this offer can expire at any time and without notice.

Film Noir

On Monday two young lookalikes for the President and First Lady were noticed cruising up and down the Amstutz in an old yellow Datsun. Prelude to another inevitable Lake County wrongful conviction? No, this time it was a movie being filmed:

Southside With You is an upcoming American romantic dramedy film directed and written by Richard Tanne. The film stars Parker Sawyers and Tika Sumpter as a young Barack and Michelle Robinson Obama, respectively.
Southside with You

Waukegan's Amstutz Expressway was the scene this week for the Obama bio-pic Southside with You. The Mayor and other Waukegan dignitaries were present on the set, hoping to get a glimpse of the stars. The News-Sun said ...

everyone was told that Sawyers and Sumpter were in the middle of filming and wouldn't have time to greet them.
Barack, Michelle Obama's first date re-created in Waukegan film shoot

In related news ...

Would eliminating the Amstutz improve Waukegan lakefront?

the City of Waukegan wants to bulldoze the whole Amstutz Expressway into Lake Michigan. Siskel and Ebert were unavailable for comment.

Life's a Beach

While it is true that a tunnel is being dug in Waukegan to transfer prisoners from the Lake County Jail -- your LakeCountyEye incorrectly reported that the underground excavation opened a sinkhole on the Waukegan Beach:

Notes from the Underground

The sinkhole in question turned out to be a tidepool of natural origin. The News-Sun observed that the ...

Lake County Health Department threatened to close the beach on June 26 due to a stubborn pool of water that had been developing all year in the middle of the sand.
'Unsafe' area at Waukegan beach fixed after shutdown threat

The Sheriff's Department is adamant that it has no authority to police the tidepool or, for that matter, any Waukegan Municipal shoreline. The News-Sun said ...

Responding to complaints out of Waukegan about motorized watercraft entering the swimming area off Municipal Beach last weekend, Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran disputed claims by city officials that his department's marine unit has jurisdiction to enforce local laws along the Lake Michigan shore. "The county doesn't have any statutory responsibility for the waters, period," Curran said Wednesday, two days after Waukegan City Council discussion included statements by Mayor Wayne Motley and 8th Ward Ald. William Valko that Lake County has jurisdiction beyond the beach.
Dangerous boating reports prompt Waukegan to police beach

Perhaps out of desperation, the City of Waukegan bulldozed the whole beach into Lake Michigan. According to the News-Sun, Waukegan Mayor Wayne Motley says ...

the eventual plan is to completely remove the south dune to both open up more recreational space and allow a view of Waukegan Harbor. "We filled it in, and now we're going to grade it so it grades back into the lake," he said, adding that no protected wetland sections of the dunes were affected. "We've opened up that whole section to the south, so now people can go all the way south, which is really nice."
'Unsafe' area at Waukegan beach fixed after shutdown threat

It is unknown whether there are plans to blacktop the affected area. The displaced piping plovers, sanderlings, spotted sandpipers, dowitchers, rails, common terns, marram grass, sea rocket were unavailable for comment.

Notes from the Underground

There is no truth to the rumor that Mexican druglord Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán is already planning his next escape through the Lake County Jail inmate tunnel.

Haha, according to the News-Sun ...

Workers will begin pouring concrete next week for an underground tunnel that is designed to securely transfer Lake County Jail inmates separately from county officials, jurors and judges between court buildings in downtown Waukegan. The tunnel is part of a $110.6 million Lake County Courthouse expansion project, approved by the Lake County Board in 2012. The expansion includes construction of a nearly 200,000-square-foot, eight-story tower to house 15 new courtrooms
Inmate tunnel next step in $110M jail, courthouse expansion

Sources tell your LakeCountyEye that a preliminary tunnel already had to be abandoned because of faulty GPS coordinates ...

County miners veered off course and punched a hole in Rasmussen Lake, near Antioch:

Where do fish go when you drain a lake?

The miners then hit some sand when they tunneled under Waukegan Beach:

'Unsafe' area at Waukegan beach fixed after shutdown threat

They saw the light of day when coming to the surface in Long Grove:

Giant sinkhole closes Diamond Lake Road in Long Grove

Note to Ops: If you see a lost crew of miners, point them in the direction of Waukegan. And when they get there, to look for a $110.6 million hole in the Lake County budget.

Phone Trees

Note to Ops: Don't bother trying to hook-up in a Lake County Forest Preserve -- there are no bars there.  Your smartphone service, however, will improve dramatically as soon as the Lake County Board decides to build cell towers in the Forest Preserves. The Daily Herald talked to Forest Preserve chairwoman, Ann Maine:

"I don't want to give people the impression we're looking to commercialize everything, but at the very least, we should look into it," Maine said of the cell tower issue.
New contract for Lake County forest preserve chief

While the predictable pooh-poohers say this is an inappropriate setting for commercial phone towers, Lake County officials are undeterred about introducing cell service to the Forest Preserves. One told your LakeCountyEye: "If I can't drive over to a Forest Preserve and shoot some Angry Birds, then who will?"

Best of all, your LakeCountyEye has learned that leasing public land to the commercial cell service interests will actually pay for itself in the long run! Who knew?

Well your LakeCountyEye knows. Your LakeCountyEye also knows that Lake County officials have some other ideas for turning the Forest Preserves into gold. 10 to be exact:

Ten Surefire Proposals for Monetizing the Lake County Forest Preserves

Host the 2024 Olympics Medical Marijuana Sharecropping Two Words: Banana Derby! Purchase the Long Grove Sinkhole & Unveil New LCFPD Bungee Park Plenty of Trees for Another Wood Roller Coaster Phase #1: Give the Exploding Oil Trains Right-of-Way Access Phase #2: Wait for Trains to Explode Phase #3: Collect FEMA Money New Site of the Relocated SAIA Truck Terminal Where Else are They Supposed to Put the Route 53 Extension Feeder Ramps? LCFPD Sues the County for Wrongful Conviction Damages Flip the Land into Townhomes

Look for your LakeCountyEye making like a tree near you.

Murder in Paris

The LakeCountyEye VCR will be recording ...

Death Row Stories: Murder in Paris

on CNN tonight, Sunday, July 19, 9pm CDT.

Ordinarily your LakeCountyEye would embed a video trailer at this point. But stupid CNN has their promotional video set up to auto-play. You will have to settle for a screen-cap:

Death Row Stories: Murder in Paris Trailer

CountyLeaks has eveything you need to know about the CNN documentary:

CountyLeaks has published never-reported information on the role the Illinois State's Attorneys Appellate Prosecutor's office, its former Board of Governors and the Illinois State's Attorneys Association in protecting wealthy and powerful individuals.
ALERT: CNN's Death Row Stories this Sunday: Paris, IL Unsolved Murders

Scroll down the right side of this blog ad look for Local Blogs of Note where you will see the very same CountyLeaks -- the area's investigative blog without peer.

Lake County malefactors, freeboodlers and curs are advised to hatch their schemes on 9pm Sunday, July 19. Because that's when your LakeCountyEye will be watching CNN: Death Row Stories: Murder in Paris

Keef, Body & Soul

Lake County has heard not a peep out of Chief Keef. Not since Keef -- Lake County rap-artist and favorite-son -- missed a court hearing last year for a DUI issued in Highland Park. While a DUI conviction may qualify you for elected office in the Village of Mundelein, the same offense can get you jail time in Highland Park.

He may be gone, but Chief Keef apparently hasn't forgotten Lake County -- his new single is called Ain't Missing You:

Chief Keef - Ain't Missing You feat Jenn Em - Tribute To Big Glo

Haha, touche.

Sources tell your LakeCountyEye that Keef wants to return -- in order to file a wrongful conviction suit. Legal scholars, though, agree that Keef would not be able to collect a sizable wrongful conviction judgement against Lake County -- without having been convicted of something first. For that reason, your LakeCountyEye does not expect to see Keef back any time soon.

Keef is holding a live concert this week in Chicago, to benefit a shooting victim. While Keef, physically, will be in California -- his performance can be seen in Chicago via hologram:

Chief Keef's performance on a soundstage in Beverly Hills, Calif., will be shown at a yet-to-be-announced location in Chicago. A stage will be built into a semitrailer that can display holograms, Hologram USA spokesman Owen Phillips said. The concert will be live streamed on filmon.com. Chief Keef, whose real name is Keith Cozart, can't be in the Chicago area because of outstanding warrants, Phillips said.
Chief Keef concert: Stage to be built into truck that can display holograms

High ranking officials informed your LakeCountyEye that the Lake County Sheriff's Department has obtained a holodeck from Homeland Security. And Sheriff Deputies will be waiting with a holographic arrest warrant, if a holographic Chief Keef appears in Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Adlai E. Stevenson - Citizen of the World: His Life and Legacy

Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy

Dr. Alexander Karakkal, former Vice Chancellor of Kannur University in Kerala, India will address the influence of Adlai Stevenson II on the world scene at a commemoration of the 50th anniversary of Stevenson's death. Adlai Stevenson III, the chairman of the board of the Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy, will introduce Dr. Karakkal and reflect on Governor Stevenson's political legacy and its implications.

• Sunday
  July 19, 2015
  2:00 pm
• The Stevenson Center on Democracy
  25200 N St Mary's Rd
  Mettawa (Libertyville), IL 60048
  773- 281-0378
• Coffee and conversation will follow the presentation
• This Event is Free

The Monkey Business

Lake County loves a dog & pony show. Particularly when the ponies are dogs. And the dogs are capuchin monkeys.

The Lake County Fair is bringing back the Banana Derby this year, which is your chance see capuchin monkeys (cebus capucinus) competing on the backs of dogs -- like itty-bitty little jockeys. Haha.

Some spoilsports, however, do not think this is a laughing matter. According to the Daily Herald ...

Despite urgings from some Lake County Board members, the Chicago Zoological Society and others, fair officials say there is no compelling reason to cancel a popular feature the fair has had for five years, and they take proper animal care and handling is a responsibility very seriously.
Protests don't get the monkeys off dogs' backs at county fair

One bona fide authority assured your LakeCountyEye, "For safety, they crazyglue the monkeys to the dogs. None of the animals, that way, don't get hurt."

The Banana Derby is a top draw at the Lake County Fair. The same official explained, "We're a for-profit organization and most of our customers are from Wisconsin. Do the math."

Your LakeCountyEye did the math and counted up 10 more popular attractions at the Lake County Fair (July 29 - Aug 2):

Ten Additional Attractions to See at the 2015 Lake County Fair

Dwarf Tossing Bear Baiting Cock Fighting Cow Tipping Bait & Switch Swatting The Swimsuit Competition Dog Fighting Toad Licking Wrongful Convictions

Look for your LakeCountyEye at the OTB near you.

An Unwin Situation

Anyone out this weekend could have seen your LakeCountyEye at the Mundelein Fourth-of-July Festival. Your LakeCountyEye volunteered for a shift in the elected-official wing of the festival's sober-up tent. Haha.

One sourpuss Mundelein elected official has little patience for that sort of intemperate revelry -- and gave a Fourth of July address explaining why changes in social norms signal the decline of the Republic. The address cites the ostensibly scientific theories of J.D. Unwin and is posted on YouTube:

Steve Lentz July 4th

The Daily Herald took notice:

Mundelein Mayor Steve Lentz on Monday defended widely criticized comments he made about the legalization of gay marriage and other societal issues during an Independence Day speech.
Mundelein mayor defends controversial remarks on gay marriage

Is the nation is going through a period of irrational exuberance or to hell in a hand basket? For the real lowdown, your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi -- the J.D. Unwin Professor of Anthropology at the College of Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye had never heard of J.D. Unwin.

"Ya, J.D. Unwin was a British Anthropologist who published a study in 1934." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "He looked at 80 non-civilized societies, like primitive cultures, etc, plus 16 civilized cultures and he discovered an amazing correlation."

Your LakeCountyEye's curiosity was piqued.

"The cultures that had a strict code of marital monogamy -- heterosexual marital monogamy -- those cultures had the most vibrancy, and affected those around them the most." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "And when the wheels came off and the standards began to decline in that area, it was within two to three generations that culture would end."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like Get-Out!

"What's astounding is that there was no exception to this. And what's astounding to me too is he was not some radical Christian evangelical with an ax to grind." explained Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "He was not a Christian at all."

OMG, OMG, is there any hope?

"Upon discovering his findings he proposed that in Britain that they start abstinence clubs for the youth -- that would have the revelation of his findings and voluntarily abstain until marriage." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "He didn't tell them to go to church or any of that. He came from a completely different perspective. He had that level of conviction."

By now, the LakeCountyEye mellow was totally harshed. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives that these facts are the established scientific truth. And are nothing whatsoever like global warming."

Bang for the Bucks

If you're lucky, Christmas may come in July -- but Independence Day is celebrated on July 4, rain or shine. Your LakeCountyEye has compiled a map of Fourth of July holiday destinations:

Every day the oil industry sends millions of gallons of highly flammable crude oil through cities and towns across North America. Our rail system was never built for this dangerous cargo.
Oil Train Blast Zone

Being a checkerboard of these exploding oil-train routes, Lake County is the perfect place to celebrate the Fourth beneath an awesome pyrotechnic display. If you love fireworks, hurry over to one of the red zones, above. These however, technically are evacuation zones -- so if safety is your first concern, reserve a spot outside of the 1/2 mile perimeter in one of the yellow zones, instead.

The exploding oil-trains crisscross Lake County 24/7/365. Don't be late, the fireworks can start any time. Rain or shine.

Not Exactly Gay About Marriage

Traditionally June is the month for marriage rulings from the Supreme Court. June also marks the end of the school year, and your LakeCountyEye has a pop quiz. Operatives are challenged to guess which of these actual headlines (for this week's Supreme Court gay marriage ruling) was seen in the Daily Herald:

	Supreme Court extends gay marriage nationwide
	Supreme Court ends bans nationwide on same-sex marriage, recognition
	McHenry County residents react to Supreme Court's gay marriage ruling
	Sharp language from justices on gay marriage decision

If you checked the last headline give yourself a pat on the behind. While most local newspapers chose to trumpet the historic Supreme Court decision, the old gray lady -- the Daily Herald -- seemed none too pleased.

While your LakeCountyEye has not actually read the story, the Herald's headline says all you need to know:

Sharp language from justices on gay marriage decision

Your LakeCountyEye assumes the dissenting Court justices issued a firm tongue lashing, or some junk.

One Daily Herald reporter told your LakeCountyEye: "There aren't any more eligible bachelors as it is. And now they can all marry each other? Give me a break!" On top of that, it is feared that the only marriageable men remaining soon will be the Illinois GOP caucus of confirmed bachelor legislators. The aforementioned bro's with no ho's were unavailable for comment.

A Confederacy of Dukes

In Lake County the word on the street is ... the South Will Rise Again. And they aren't talking about the sales tax in Cook County.

According to the News-Sun, the latest confirmed siting of a Confederate flag is in the Village of Volo:

The director of the Volo Auto Museum said he's committed to keeping one of the original General Lee cars from the television show "The Dukes of Hazzard" on display, despite the fact that it sports a hand-painted Confederate flag on its roof.
Volo museum to keep 'Hazzard' car with Confederate flag on display

Readers of this blog may recall ...

Takedowns

that David McSweeney sponsored a Bill in Springfield to remove the Confederate Flag from the South Carolina state Capitol. McSweeney probably did not risk offending his constituents, because his Representative district is about 850 miles from Columbia, South Carolina. For purposes of comparison, his district is about 3 miles from the Village of Volo.

Your LakeCountyEye was informed today that South Carolina passed a Bill to take down the Confederate Flag in the Volo Auto Museum. Boss Hogg was unavailable for comment.

Takedowns

With the Illinois legislative session nearly over, and with the people's work done, most legislators will be heading home to lower expectations. According to the Daily Herald, however, one suburban legislator wants to lower a flag as well ...

Illinois lawmakers entered the debate over the Confederate flag when a suburban Republican Monday formally called for South Carolina leaders to remove it from that state's Capitol grounds. State Rep. David McSweeney, a Barrington Hills Republican, filed a resolution in Springfield that wouldn't carry legal weight but was intended to convey lawmakers' opinion.
Suburban Republican: South Carolina should take down Confederate flag

What is Representative McSweeney's next challenge, if he is successful in getting the Confederate flag removed from the South Carolina state Capitol? Your LakeCountyEye has learned there is already a bill in committee to lower the Sky Trek Tower at Six Flags Great America:

Riders were stuck on the "Sky Trek Tower" ride for more than two hours Sunday at Six Flags Great America in north suburban Gurnee. Passengers told NBC Chicago they had made it to the top of the nearly 30-story ride when it got stuck.
Riders Stuck on Six Flags' "Sky Trek Tower" for More Than 2 Hours

No word yet on whether there will be a bill to turnaround recall Governor Rauner. Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Q the Eye/06.20.15

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I take umbrage against your recent diatribe against McHenry County gun owners and 2nd Amendment patriots. It was simply false to assert that McHenry County hospitals are reporting a pandemic of self-inflicted gunshot wounds to the leg.

When you wrote in A Leg Up that "McHenry County is populated by erstwhile bipedal unidexters with a knack for shooting off their feet", nothing could be further from the truth. Speaking as a McHenry County native and life-long gun owner, I can state with certainty that I do not lack any appendages below my belt-line. And I assure you, as an eyewitness, that this is true of every McHenry County gun owner in my acquaintance.

If anyone is a "one-legged human pogo-stick with an itchy trigger-finger" those would have to be the people of Lake County. And I can prove it.

The Illinois State Police have issued 3,142 concealed carry permits to McHenry County gun owners. With a population of 307,283, that works out to about 1 permit for every 100 McHenry County residents.

But Lake County on the other hand, with a population of 705,186, has received 5,179 concealed carry permits. Mathematically, it means that for every 100 Lake County residents, 0.7 of those have a concealed carry permit.

You read that correctly, each concealed carry permit in Lake County is held by zero-point-seven, or seven tenths of a person. Is that even possible? It absolutely is, if that means those people are all missing appendages.

I submit to you that it is gun owners of Lake County who are shooting off their feet, and not the crack marksmen of McHenry County.

And I demand an immediate retraction!

I Second That Amendment

Dear Second Banana,

Your LakeCountyEye stands corrected.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

High Volume Turnaround Agenda

Mark your calendars, Christmas in July arrived a month early this year. When then-candidate Bruce Rauner promised the voters a lump-sum cash distribution if they elected him Governor, frankly, your LakeCountyEye was skeptical. But now-Governor Bruce Rauner is apparently making good on that promise.

Your LakeCountyEye has learned that the Bruce Rauner Turnaround Agenda^® is doling out substantial gratuities to help give the stagnant Illinois economy a Reboot^® to the rear. Some lucky Lake County residents have already received their checks from Citizens for Rauner, Inc:

Committee to Elect Sheri Jesiel


Committee to Elect Dan Duffy


David McSweeney for State Representative

And it's not just Lake County residents who benefit from the Governor's largess:

Citizens for Pamela J Althoff


Citizens for Matt Murphy


Committee to Elect Michael W Tryon

If you have not received your dividend check yet, then visit your nearest Citizens for Rauner, Inc branch office. Tell the minimum-wage clerk there that you you are eager to help goose-start the Illinois economy, and would like your check deposited in your PAC right away.

Do not delay. This offer may be voided without notice, pending review of the RICO statutes.

A final note:  When the minimum-wage clerk asks for your preference, request the $8000 check and not the $4000 check.  If you are like your LakeCountyEye you will not regret it.

The Brohoho Over Mark Kirk

Q: Name three guests who were recently expunged from the Mark Kirk Christmas party list?

A: Ho, Ho, Ho

HaHaHa, congenital Lake County US Senator Mark Kirk was heard this week talking trash on one of his homeboys:

A spokeswoman says Illinois' U.S. Sen. Mark Kirk has apologized after being caught on a hot mic using a word considered disparaging to women. Kirk called Republican senator and presidential candidate Lindsey Graham a "bro with no ho."
Kirk apologizes for calling Lindsey Graham 'bro with no ho'

The object of Kirk's reflection, Lindsey Graham, is an announced candidate for the office of US President. Washington insiders say Graham, who is unmarried, will have to beard the lion if he hopes to get to the White House without the benefit of a First Lady.

Sources tell your LakeCountyEye that the National Republican Senatorial Committee is all-in, and actively seeking a suitable companion for the footloose & fancy-free senior Senator from South Carolina:

      prohibited^[?]      Posted: 1 day ago

Confirmed Bachelor Seeks Ho

Elderly male seeks wifey bitch. Honey dimes only! Deuces, stangs, tweakers, babymommas, need not apply.

Send photo and resume to Lindsey Graham for President
Be sure to include a photo.

Please observe the utmost discretion. No 3rd party inquiries. You must be 18 or older.

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

post id: heaterpoints      posted: 1 day ago      updated: an hour ago

craigslist

Senator Kirk, your LakeCountyEye learned, can stand-in as father of the bride.

Until then, look for your LakeCountyEye shooting fish in a barrel near you.

Hastert Highway Revisited

He's back and he's broke. Dennis "I'm Broke & Back" Hastert was in the news again, this time pleading not guilty to Federal banking charges -- charges (as incorrectly reported on this blog) totally unrelated to check kiting.

If Hastert did have a wad of hush money salted away in a secret bank account, the $3,500,000 must have evaporated -- because the former Yorkville wrestling coach had to bum a ride to his arraignment in a borrowed Lincoln:

Hastert's long-awaited day in court began about 9:30 a.m. Tuesday, when he was spotted by reporters leaving his sprawling estate in far west suburban Plano in the hired black Lincoln.
Dennis Hastert pleads not guilty amid claims of hush money, lying to FBI

Rumors of Hastert's wealth, your LakeCountyEye has learned, are greatly exaggerated. Any doubts of Hastert's beggary will be immediately dispelled by the News-Sun, which revealed that Hastert, in fact, drives an old used car:

A classic car once owned by former House Speaker Dennis Hastert will be removed Friday from an I-90 tollway oasis display between Rockford and Marengo.
Auto museum to remove Dennis Hastert car from tollway display

The story goes on to say that Hastert's buggy is now in the hands of the repo man. You can help Hastert out of these hard times by donating to the Dennis Hastert Legal Defense Fund. Please limit donations to $10,000, in small denomination bills.

The Rauner Turnbuckle Agenda

The Governor Bruce Rauner Turnaround Agenda® is coming to the Lake County schools. Lake County will be participating in a pilot program aimed at eliminating the State budget deficit by reducing education costs. Beginning with the 2015-16 school year, Lake County schools will be required to include wrestling instruction in their common-core curricula, for all grades K thru 12.

It recently came to the attention of the Governor's office that former Yorkville wrestling coach Dennis Hastert had not only retired comfortably, but had enough discretionary income on hand to dole out $3,500,000 in hush money. Not a paltry sum, your LakeCountyEye has learned, even by Governor Rauner's standards.

According to the Governor's office, if that kind of money can be made on a wrestling coach's salary, then every public school teacher should be required to teach wrestling. And every public school teacher can expect to retire as comfortably well-off as Dennis Hastert.

One source told your LakeCountyEye: "This teacher pension system can be eliminated entirely. Teacher's unions will be eliminated as well -- because who with $3,500,000 in their secret bank account will ever want to go on strike?" No doubt about it, a win-win for everyone.

School-age children in Lake County have been asked to practice up on their noogies, wedgies & wet willies over the summer.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. No biting, hitting below the belt, or head butting is allowed.

The Hastert Highway

Governor Bruce Rauner, this week, killed the downstate Illiana Expressway. Opponents were able to scuttle the project, your LakeCountyEye has learned, by renaming the ill-fated tollway to the Dennis Hastert Memorial Highway.

Haha, in related news, the Governor appointed a bunch of suburban guys to the Toll Authority ...

Schillerstrom: Route 53 expansion could do great things for Lake County

It is not known whether or not the Governor appointed Individual A to the Toll Authority:

Who is 'Individual A'?
The person Hastert is said to have paid hasn't been identified, and is referred to in the indictment only as "Individual A."
Key questions about Dennis Hastert's scandalous indictment

One source did tell your LakeCountyEye: "Do the math. With weekly payments in $10,000 increments, we'll be able to pay off the Route 53 Extension in less than 6,000 years!"

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. And you can take that to the bank.