Funny Pages

Note to Ops: running for political office is a lot like filing for bankruptcy. Always read the fine print before signing anything. One local candidate apparently did not. The Daily Herald said ...

A Barrington village board candidate is accusing village officials of election tampering for providing him with nominating petitions that contained an error. Michael Kozel, a Barrington resident who ran unsuccessfully for village president two years ago as a write-in candidate, said he collected more than 160 signatures to run for village trustee in the April election but might have to do it again because the forms include the date of the 2013 election.
Barrington gave village board candidate incorrect nominating forms

The banks accept pre-dated checks -- a pre-dated nominating petition should be just a good? Haha.

What to do? In a predicament like this, your LakeCountyEye advises to obtain a new, corrected nominating petition. Then gather one or two signatures. Notarize that single petition sheet and file for office with it. And then dare your opponent to challenge the petition.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Move along.

Q the Eye/11.26.14

Hi,

I'm reaching out to you from RebootIllinois.com, a nonpartisan news organization that aims to encourage Illinois citizens to take back control of their governments. A leader in political and government news and views in Illinois, Reboot Illinois has been a top source of information on the 2014 Midterm Elections.

Our goal is to expand our audience to spread the message that more people getting active in government and politics can return power to the people and produce an improved government. We're asking that you consider publishing our some of our articles or linking to our website. We believe that would be a great way for you to provide your users with more of the resources that you want them to have. We know they would be thrilled to see the useful and authoritative posts our website has to offer that help citizens hold politicians accountable.

Please take a look at our website and let me know if you are interested in referring to us or if you have any questions!

Have a great day,

Charles

Dear Charles,

Users of this blog are unanimous: Who the heck is Reboot Illinois? Your LakeCountyEye carried out an exhaustive, in-depth background survey into the true identity of Reboot Illinois and came up with a couple good Google hits to the MSM:

Some Chicago area billionaires are bankrolling an internet effort aimed at influencing Illinois politics. The group launched a website about a year ago called "Reboot Illinois" to support their plans. Is Reboot Illinois journalism, or an on-line propaganda mill? With deep pockets to back it up, the site appears to be thriving. Madeleine Doubek insists she is still an independent journalist. The former executive editor at the Daily Herald is now the boss at the website called "Reboot Illinois." "We are editorially independent and non-partisan," said Madeleine Doubek, Reboot Illinois.
REBOOT ILLINOIS: INDEPENDENT JOURNALISM OR BILLIONAIRES' PROPAGANDA?

Speaking as one independent blog to another nonpartisan news organization, Charles, it takes one to know one. Haha. But no worries, your pretense is good with your LakeCountyEye.

And if it is OK with you, your LakeCountyEye will just pretend to have looked at your website -- but does express great interest in publishing your articles and linking to RebootIllinois.com. Please contact your LakeCountyEye for a payment schedule that works for you. Daily, weekly and monthly plans are available. You may qualify for the billionaire's discount, which is available through the end of this month. Act today and tomorrow you will see your stories and links salted liberally throughout Lake County's #1 political source.

PS: Love the bitchin mononym, Charles.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Tower of Power

It may be $10.5 million over budget but the Lake County Courthouse expansion project is officially under construction. And it already has been christened with a new name. The News-Sun said ...

Breaking tradition of the usual groundbreaking, artwork was unveiled Friday to celebrate the start of construction on Lake County's new $110 million Court Tower. "Justice Tower" was built by Waukegan artist Eric Marston, who used found items to create his original work.
Lake County celebrates groundbreaking of new $110M 'Justice Tower'

Your LakeCountyEye attended the ceremony alongside Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Urban Justice at the College of Lake County. When ground breaks, Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi is the one person who knows where all the fault lines are buried.

He examined an illustration of the completed structure: "Ya, justice is blind, to be sure! And justice is not cheap, either. The County Board could also have used found items to construct this building. They could have saved themselves $10.5 million. They wouldn't be breaking ground over a fiscal hole today."

Your LakeCountyEye wanted to know if the horse was out of the barn and if the new Courthouse will henceforth be known as the Justice Tower.

"Absolutely. And here's why." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi pointed to a nearby parking sign:

VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED AT OWNER'S EXPENSE

"If anything, this building is a monument to the municipal tower."

Your LakeCountyEye was confused: Municipal Tower?

"You know, as in towing company." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Virtually every court case involves a towing operation one way or another. If you don't believe me, just look at how many towing companies contributed to Sheriff Mark Curran's election campaign." He produced a spreadsheet on his iPhone 6:

Friends of Mark Curran D-2 Quarterly Report 4/1/2014 to 6/30/2014
Contributed By	Amount	Description
A-Express Towing	$500.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
A-Tire County Service, Inc.	$1,600.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Ernie's Wrecker Service, Inc.	$1,000.00 6/2/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Fox Recovery & Towing of Lake County	$500.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
J.R.'s Wrecker Service, INC.	$2,050.00 5/2/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Roger's Automotive Services, Inc.	$700.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Whitmore's Wrecker Service, Inc.	$1,000.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Wildwood Service Inc.	$2,050.00 6/2/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran

Friends of Mark Curran
D-2 Quarterly Report
4/1/2014 to 6/30/2014

"How do you think the County got its triple-A rating? The Auto Club doesn't bestow one of those on just anyone."

Quite an arresting revelation.

"We will be calling this Courthouse the Justice Tower for a long time." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "It's the tower who greases the wheels of county government."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Ops to embrace the change. By the way, do you have any quarters? My meter is expired."

In Rauner Numbers

Illinois has a new governor-elect -- who unlike the old governor-elect has promised to increase government spending on everyone a thousandfold while abolishing all taxes. Woo Hoo! Of course spending other-people's-money is never as easy as it sounds, so a website has been launched to solicit suggestions. The News-Sun has the details ...

Gov.-elect Bruce Rauner is launching a website that will allow individuals to apply for jobs in his administration. The website is www.MakeIllinoisGreat.com. Visitors also can submit ideas to improve the state.
Bruce Rauner wants ideas – and resumes – from Illinois residents

Your LakeCountyEye has already visited the website:

ILLINOIS IS BACK

Note to Ops: An opportunity like this does not come by every day. And while these pockets may seem to be deep, an opportunity like this does not last forever. Do not delay!

Q the Eye/11.13.14

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Applications are being accepted for the Lake County Board District 20 seat being vacated by David Stolman, who recently won election as Lake County treasurer. The seat officially will be declared vacant on Dec. 1. County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor, with consent of the board, must fill the vacancy within 60 days. The appointee must live in District 20, which includes the Buffalo Grove and Long Grove area, and be a Republican like Stolman. The appointee will fill the remaining two years of the term. Send a resume and letter of interest to Lawlor at Lake County Board office, 10th floor, 18 N. County St., Waukegan, 60085

Applications sought for vacant Lake County Board seat

Dear Lawlor,

Despite still being tighter than a Waukegan Casino slot machine, the election for Illinois Treasurer is all over. At least in the opinion of one candidate, David Stolman, who will resign from his Lake County Board seat and is already measuring the drapes in the treasurer's office. (One can always count on the Lake County Election Commission to deliver an election, especially when one happens to be the incumbent!)

So it has come to your LakeCountyEye's attention that an opening on the Lake County Board has materialized in District 20. There can be no higher calling than public service, particularly when that calling materializes in the form of a sinecure with a healthy per-diem, plus expense account. Granted, the empty District 20 seat is not even cold yet, having been kept warm all of these years. And while these are big seat cushions to fill, your LakeCountyEye nevertheless humbly requests to be appointed to the Lake County Board.

Your LakeCountyEye's resume is attached below. Please do not mistake this for an Internet top ten list. Which is totally different:

Necessary Qualifications to Fill a Vacant Lake County Board Seat

Goes by a bitchin mononym, like Lawlor. Republican, like Stolman. Never recalled from elected office. Never charged with carjacking. Never operated a carwash in a forest preserve. Never sold bootleg shoes out of a Pleasant Prairie motel. Never ran down a spouse with the Cadillac. Knows where the County Board meets. Knows what the County Board is. Q: The Route 53 Extension? A: Where are the shovels!

Look for your LakeCountyEye at the next COW near you.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

I Haz a Suit

Are any of the stories posted here real? Your LakeCountyEye wishes to have $10 million deposited in a Nigerian Bank for every time asked that. Well, as readers of this blog are dubiously aware, all of these fake stories are real.

This story, posted here last week, for instance ...

The Off-Year Infections

... was real, and all you erstwhile pooh-poohers can eat crow:

A local company is working side by side with many health care facilities to create protective wear for medical workers. Medline, a Mundelein-based company, is in high demand right now. They are making life-saving protective gear to make sure people are protected from the Ebola threat.
Mundelein Company's Protective Ebola Suits in High Demand

Of course, pandemics are always good for hazmat sales, and the 2014 Ebola pandemic did not disappoint.  But now that the 2014 Election is over and Ebola has been contained -- if you are anything like your LakeCountyEye you are wondering what you are doing duct-taped into this hazmat moon-suit anyways. Your LakeCountyEye certainly is.

Nor is your LakeCountyEye about to take this lying down -- at least at the risk of not being able to get back up. Who knew, but -- Ebola not withstanding -- there are plenty of pressing reasons why you should continue to wear your hazmat suit. No fewer than 10 by your LakeCountyEye's count:

Ten Off-Label Uses for Your Hazmat Suit

Waukegan Harbor Deep Sea Diving Proper Washroom Accoutrement at a Route 53 Extension Tollway Oasis Perform the Moonwalk at a Michael Jackson Tribute Concert Ride the Goliath During Thunderstorms Neon-Yellow Goes with Just About Anything Ample Room for Your Concealed Carry Casual Friday Attire for the Zion Nuclear Power Plant Four Words: Southlake Mosquito Abatement District Smoke Anywhere, Anytime, Anything It's Flu Season, People

Look for your LakeCountyEye in quarantine near you.

Sins of Commission

Your LakeCountyEye has learned that a general election was held this week. And while that election produced its share of winners and losers, in Lake County one big loser stands head and shoulders above all the rest:

The Lake County Election Commission

The Lake County Election Commission was originally convened as an accountable body to ensure that elections in Lake County would be conducted with competence and in a non-partisan fashion. But that was back in the day. If this week's election is any indication, the Lake County Election Commission has morphed into a horribly slipshod operation, accountable to no one and hellbent on pursuing it's own questionable agenda. The Daily Herald reports that ...

Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan has won a court order to let currently unregistered voters keep casting ballots after polls close at 7 p.m. because sites for same-day voter registration in Lake County didn't open until 10 a.m. Madigan says Lake County Clerk Willard Helander is "illegally interpreting" election laws. People who vote the same day they register cast provisional ballots that will be counted later if officials verify the voter is eligible. Earlier, Madigan said Helander was making people vote a provisional ballot if they'd previously requested one by mail but hadn't sent it in. Voters, Madigan said, should be allowed to vote a standard ballot if they bring in the one they got in the mail. Madigan said Helander was requiring them to have the envelope with their name on it in addition to the blank ballot in order to vote in person. A county judge ruled this afternoon that a voter only needs to bring the ballot. "These illegal practices risk disenfranchising voters throughout the county," Madigan said in a statement.
Lake County polls open until 9 for same-day registration

It is clear that the one thing the Lake County Election Commission brings to the table is unaccountability, malfeasance and partisan rancor.

When the Lake County Election Commission was first instituted, your LakeCountyEye knew this was a bureaucratic frankenstein that needed to be stopped -- by legal action if necessary. Well, the chickens have finally come home to roost.

Change is now in the air. Operatives are urged to join your LakeCountyEye in a simple chant. Say it proud and say it loud enough that they can hear it all the way to Waukegan:

Mr Lake County Board, tear down this Lake County Election Commission!

A Palestinian Narrative on the Middle East

Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy

Kristin Szremski, Director of Media and Communication for American Muslims for Palestine, will present a Palestinian narrative on the Middle East. American Muslims for Palestine is an education and advocacy organization that promotes human rights for Palestinians with the firm conviction that affording one people human rights does not detract from the human rights of other peoples.

• Sunday
  November 9, 2014
  2:00 pm
• The Stevenson Center on Democracy
  25200 N St Mary's Rd
  Mettawa (Libertyville), IL 60048
  773- 281-0378
• Admission: $15

Vote Tardy and Seldom

Is there some election scheduled this week? Haha, if you are like your LakeCountyEye, you overlooked the deadline to request a vote-by-mail ballot. And you missed your opportunity to vote early. And with so many choices to be made on election day, now comes the hard part: what will be your excuse for not voting on Tuesday?

This is not the first time your LakeCountyEye has wrestled with this existential question. Or for that matter, the eighth or even the ninth. Your friends and neighbors and relatives and co-workers may be voting on Tuesday -- but not you. That's because your LakeCountyEye has rolled up ten suitable rationales to explain why you did not vote:

Ten Reasons for Not Voting this Tuesday, November 4

Convicted felons aren't supposed to vote. Voting just encourages them to hold more elections. Forgot to set the clocks back. Stuck 13 hours at a CN Railroad crossing. Voting is how Ebola spreads. My voting location is on the 9th floor of the new Waukegan Court Tower. Got caught in a monster pile-up on the Route 53 Extension. The sign said: No Electioneering Beyond This Point. So I went home. The Sheriff's police have my three pieces of photo ID. It just doesn't pay to vote -- not nearly as much as it used to.

Look for your LakeCountyEye not in line at a poll near you.

The Off-Year Infections

The hazmat moon suits are flying off the shelves and they're not for Halloween. Lake County has Ebola fever. At least one prominent resident of Lake County has gotten rattled:

U.S. Sen. Mark Kirk has joined other Republicans in calling for a travel and visa ban on those attempting to travel to the U.S. from three Ebola-affected countries in Africa. Kirk contends the public isn't confident the Centers for Disease Control is ahead of the Ebola threat.
Kirk wants travel ban for 3 Ebola-affected nations

When widespread panic threatens to turn into total pandemonium your LakeCountyEye turns to the one person with the sobering facts, Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Viral Phenomena at the College of Lake County.

"Look at how I'm perspiring. Is it hot in here?" asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "I've been sealing the cracks in my fallout shelter. Cough -- pardon my dust. As to Ebola, you got nothing to worry about -- as long as you don't vote this year."

That last remark did not scan. As long as your LakeCountyEye did not vote?

"Ya." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Stay away from the voting booth and you will be fine. Diseases spread when strangers are in close contact. And where do more people get jammed closer together around this time of year?  Epidemiologists have determined that the voting booth has been ground zero for every pandemic since the Black Death."

Your LakeCountyEye was nonplussed. Really?

"Cross my heart and hope to die." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Our election judges and government employees are not happy at all. They want either hazardous duty pay or to see the election cancelled for the duration."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like: Shut Up!

"Neither alternative was judged practical." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "So officials forged a compromise. On election day they will monitor every voter and remove from the lines anyone not deemed safe, and put them into quarantine."

Quarantined -- for how long?

"For 21 days or until November 4th on 7:01PM. Whichever one comes first." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Stunning revelations. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your ops that if they plan to vote in this election, they will need to bring some proof they haven't been in Africa."

A Nod is as Good as a Wink to a Blind Endorsement

Your LakeCountyEye has learned that a general election will be held on November 4th. While technically speaking an off-brand-election, this one is still a real election -- where guys run for office and get elected and then go somewhere and do some other junk.

Well, if an election is scheduled soon, can the LakeCountyEye endorsements be far behind? Your LakeCountyEye thinks not.

Note to ops: It is still not too late to secure a coveted LakeCountyEye endorsement for your candidate. You know the drill. Just write out a contribution -- with the word Endorse Me! on the subject line -- and deposit it into your LakeCountyEye's PAC ...

A Lake County PAC in the Eye

The minute the check clears, a LakeCountyEye endorsement (suitable for framing) will appear, as if by magic, on this blog. What could be easier?

Sample nut grafs from past endorsements to satisfied candidates -- and suggested donations -- are shown here:

$100 : The Perfunctory Endorsement "By any outward appearance, this candidate is ebola free." "He gets the LakeCountyEye nod."

$1,000 : The Qualified Endorsement "This candidate is not nearly as corrupt as his opponent." "He gets the LakeCountyEye nod."

$10,000 : The Enthusiastic Endorsement "All the smart money is going to this candidate." "He gets the LakeCountyEye nod."

$100,000 : The Gubernatorial Special "Anyone not voting for this candidate will have a fatal accident." "He gets the LakeCountyEye nod."

Do not delay. Offer expires Tuesday, November 4, 7pm.

A Cockamamie Moment

Joe Biden came to Lake County. The News-Sun was waiting for him:

Vice President Joe Biden will show up Wednesday for a political speech in Vernon Hills. It could be dull. After all, it's just two weeks before the midterm national elections, and Biden can be expected to carry the Democratic Party flag and jab at Republicans. Nothing scintillating about that. On the other hand, maybe this will be one of those "Biden Being Biden" moments
Opinion: Maybe we’ll get to see Biden being Biden

The Vice President did not disappoint. Biden was caught cussing and the News-Sun was all over it like ketchup on a Happy Meal:

Criticizing Republican plans to turn Medicare into a voucher system and cut funding for education and other programs, Biden condemned the GOP's budget proposals. "Show me your budget and I'll show you your values." he said, before going into attack mode. "These guys believe it. These guys mean what they say. As cockamamie as it sounds, they believe it."
Biden denounces 'cockamamie' Republican values at Vernon Hills rally

Haha, the Vice President said cockamamie.

Question to ops: Is there a worse feeling than when the boss wanders too close to an open mic and utters some barnyard epithet? Your LakeCountyEye does not think so.

In the Vice President's defense, the word cockamamie is technically not a swear word -- but your LakeCountyEye is reluctant to call down the News-Sun. C'mon, who knows what cockamamie means, anyways? Not likely the News-Sun.

Your LakeCountyEye, however, does -- and has compiled a number of suitable substitutes for the word cockamamie. If you are one who needs to express inner feelings out in public, be sure to memorize all 10 of these:

Ten Genteel Euphemisms for the Word Cockamamie Suitable for Polite Company

Shit for Brains Off the Canadian National Rails Not Dressed for Concealed Carry In Low Orbit Around a Lake County Traffic Circle Riding the Goliath Without a Helmet Two Buffalo Wings Less Than a Backyard Chicken Chumbolone One Story Short a Waukegan Court Tower Bhatschidtkhrazzi $2.89 Billion Shy a Route 53 Extension

Look for your LakeCountyEye gaffing out loud near you.

Imaginary Numbers

If money is the mother's milk of politics then the Illinois GOP must be the well-oiled breast pump. At least according to the Daily Herald:

With the election 20 days away and in-person early voting starting Monday, tallies of campaign spending reveal where the toughest legislative battles are being waged in the suburbs. Five Illinois House contests we looked at drew donations of more than $200,000 in the third quarter of the year.
GOP puts big money into 5 suburban races

The Herald examined five IL House races and concluded that Illinois Republicans were spending some big money. Just how much money is big money? Your LakeCountyEye loaded the Daily Herald numbers into a spreadsheet to find out:

Contest	Republican	Raised	Democrat	Raised	Advantage
IL 61st House	Sheri Jesiel	$228K	Loren Karner	$414K	$186K +D
IL 45th House	Christine Winger	$245K	Jenny Burke	$293K	$48K +D
IL 55th House	Mel Thillens	$124K	Marty Moylan	$370K	$246K +D
IL 62nd House	Rod Drobinski	$36K	Sam Yingling	$238K	$202K +D
IL 59th House	Leslie Munger	$61K	Carol Sente	$179K	$118K +D
TOTAL	Republicans	$694K	Democrats	$1,494K	$800K +D

Source: GOP puts big money into 5 suburban races

As operatives can plainly see, it doesn't look good for the Democrats, at least in the burbs. Out of 5 different State Rep contests -- hand-picked for analysis by the Daily Herald -- the Republicans are outfunded in only 5 of them. And overall they lag behind the Democrats by an insignificant $800,000. The Herald was right on the money!

When the Daily Herald sees the GOP pouring big money into suburban IL House races, your LakeCountyEye listens. Note to ops: if you work for one of those overfunded Democratic opponents, do yourself a favor and cut your losses. Quit now.

The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Mollie Netcher

You heard it here first: No longer is Facebook simply the province of nonagenarians and minimum security prisoners. Your LakeCountyEye is on Facebook now, somewhere or other, and already has a friend. Your LakeCountyEye's new BFF is Mollie Netcher.

Here is a screencap of Ms. Netcher's Facebook page:

Mollie Netcher

Mollie Netcher, according to Facebook, is ...

• Born: September 28, 1932
• Hometown: New York, New York
• Current City: Highland Park, Illinois
• Likes: The Art Institute of Chicago

And Mollie shared a photo on Facebook:

Mollie Netcher

If your LakeCountyEye wasn't in love already, her Wikipedia entry sealed the deal:

Mollie Wilmot (born Mollie Netcher (died September 17, 2002), Chicago, Illinois) was a philanthropist and socialite. Wilmot spent her formative years in Europe where she studied art and achieved fluency in French. She graduated from the rigorous Foxcroft School.
Mollie Wilmot

Your LakeCountyEye not only has a Facebook friend who merits a Wikipedia page, but one that has been dead for 12 years. How cool is that?

If there was any doubt that this is the one and the same Mollie Netcher, Wikipedia says ...

Wilmot soared to prominence in 1984 the day after Thanksgiving when a 197-foot freighter, MV Mercedes I, carrying ten Venezuelan sailors crashed into the seawall of her oceanfront Palm Beach mansion. She served the sailors sandwiches and freshly brewed coffee in her gazebo, offered martinis to journalists and photographers, and granted the stranded Venezuelans access to her pool cabana.
Mollie Wilmot

Your LakeCountyEye made a closeup of the quite becoming Ms. Mollie Netcher, posed against the aforementioned love boat -- the MV Mercedes I:

Beached freighter made headlines, but Disney didn’t make 'Palm Beached' into a movie

For the record, a LakeCountyEye martini is braced with Hendrick's Gin. And a cucumber slice.

Feel Like a Million?

No two ways about it, there is big money in oil. According to the Daily Herald ...

the state's motor fuel tax law grants counties with more than 1 million residents a significant percentage of the more than $1 billion in annual revenue generated by the tax. In 2013, that amounted to more than $91 million for Cook County. When DuPage County hits that magic number -- projected to happen as soon as 2019, according to estimates from the Illinois Department of Commerce and Economic Opportunity and the Chicago Metropolitan Agency for Planning -- DuPage County would get half of what Cook County normally gets.
Griffin: How DuPage County population growth could hurt Cook County

Should Lake County be concerned? To find out, your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Reproductive Studies at the College of Lake County.

"45 million bucks is a lot of dough. It could pay off a Route 53 Extension in no time. That much gas tax money would erase a $2.89 billion debt in only 64 years." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Ya, Lake County is very interested."

Your LakeCountyEye was confused. Wasn't DuPage County in line for the tax windfall once their population hit one million?

"Not if Lake County gets there first." smiled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "One million is not a lot of people."

That did not add up for your LakeCountyEye.

"Sure it does." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The population is already at 700,000. Lake County just needs to merge with another County that has 300,000 people. And McHenry County is right next door."

Your LakeCountyEye almost dropped the pumpkin latte. McHenry County?

"Don't worry." grinned Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "That deal fell through. McHenry County wanted to earmark the $45 million for farm subsidies."

Your LakeCountyEye was relieved.

"There's more than one way to hit the magic million mark." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Build free Section 8 housing for 300,000 people."

Your LakeCountyEye did not think many people would abide by that.

"Or order the CLCJAWA to spike their water with Viagra."

That was hard for your LakeCountyEye to conceive.

"Or even make like Vladimir Putin and annex the Kenosha / Racine corridor."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Was there any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives," said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "not to complain about the lines at the Goliath rollercoaster. Not yet, at least."

This Hall is Available

The Village of Mundelein has seized the bleeding edge of municipal governance. In an era when brick-and-mortar businesses are vanishing faster than the dinosaurs, Mundelein has shuttered its brick-and-mortar city hall. The city hall doors are locked and all Mundelein city business, henceforth, is being conducted in the cloud -- via a proprietary amalgam of Skype, Google Docs, a peer-to-peer botnet and dedicated IRC chatroom. Anyone with an iPhone 6 now has no excuse for being AWOL to the next Mundelein Village Board meeting!

Haha, j/k.

The Village of Mundelein now conducts business in a new city hall, located somewhere in the the Village of Mundelein.  And while not like decommissioning a battleship or deconsecrating a church, strict regulations and requirements do have to be met before Mundelein's old city hall building can go off-line. According to the News-Sun ...

A survey will soon go public asking Mundelein residents for help in deciding what happen to the 85-year-old building that was formerly Village Hall.
Community ideas sought for future of old Mundelein Village Hall

If Politicians and old buildings all get respectable if they last long enough, can your LakeCountyEye be far behind? Operatives are advised to keep an eye peeled in Mundelein for your LakeCountyEye, walking the streets. And have ready your suggestions for repurposing the old Mundelein village hall. All 10 of them:

Ten New Uses for the Old Mundelein Village Hall

Halloween Haunted House Same Sex Marriage Chapel Drive-Thru Medical Marijuana Dispensary Lake County Election Commission World Headquarters Route 53 Extension Rest Area The Park City Casino The New Lake County Court Tower Canadian National Railway Layover Terminal Old Politicians Retirement Home Walmart

Look for your LakeCountyEye, not fighting city hall near you.

Between You & Me & the Fencepost

If Google is your friend, can the Daily Herald be far behind? Despite showing up on your doorstep every morning, the Daily Herald also wants to be your BFF:

We're doing several things at the Daily Herald this week to help put a spotlight on all the ways we use technology to talk to each other. And, because talking to each other should be easy, we're going add a few things to make it more fun.
Daily Herald and readers: We're in this news business together

Now's your chance to sync up with the Herald on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. These are only some of fun things they have added to beef up their online presence -- for a complete rundown, follow the story link below. It's underneath the actual unretouched screencap of the actual unretouched Daily Herald story:

Daily Herald and readers: We're in this news business together

No doubt about it, talking to each other should be easy. Along with those fun additions, the Herald should consider some fun subtractions, starting with the paywall.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Please do not block the view of the paying customers.

Rules for Radicals

October in Lake County is when strangely dressed people will knock on your door and threaten mayhem unless you reward them with a sweet confection. Halloween trick or treaters? Nope, campaign canvassers.

Haha, your LakeCountyEye loves that joke. It seems however that no one loves campaign canvassers. The Sun-Times observed that ...

While people are bombarded with campaign commercials each time they turn on the television, some local political leaders are getting a different story as they knock on their neighbors' doors to have conversations about the upcoming election. Republican and Democratic grassroots leaders are sensing community anger and discontent as they fan out across Lake Forest, Deerfield and Highland Park in advance of the Nov. 4 election. "Everybody's angry and fed up with the negative commercials," Moraine Township Republican Chair Lou Atsaves of Lake Forest said.
Local political leaders sense anger preceeding November election

Not to be a buzzkill, but your LakeCountyEye senses otherwise. Operatives report that overall everybody's been quite nice, and the electorate is no more riled up than usual. Note to ops: if you are received poorly at the door, the problem may not the message but the messenger. Just sayin!

Candidates who send people door-to-door should recognize that there are standards of decorum and, if adhered to, their volunteers could be the margin of victory.  Simply observe these 10 rules and you will walk away from that next house not only with a yardsign in the lawn but a Double-Decker MoonPie in your sack!

Ten Rules of Conduct for Campaign Door Knockers

Wear pants.     Speedos or pajama bottoms are unseemly. Keep your concealed carry concealed. No Smoking: Tobacco Marijuana Do not hypnotize the backyard chickens. Skip Chief Keef's House. Do not play Shave and a Haircut Two Bits.     That knocker is not a musical instrument. It is illegal to trade your iPhone 6 for their vote. It is not illegal to trade your vote for their iPhone 6. Do not say: "One last survey question: What's for lunch?" No shirt, no shoes? Stay off the lawn.

Look for your LakeCountyEye on a stoop near you.

Ballot Secrets

Your LakeCountyEye observes that there are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand math, and those who get into politics.

Haha, appearances to the contrary, mathematical know-how is essential to success in the political arena. Operatives will be asked to count votes, identify precincts by number, punch a phone number into a robo-dialer, and more. Anyone deficient in these basic skills should immediately get over to the College of Lake County, and sign up for Arithmetic One-Zero-One. Or enroll in a comparable on-line 3rd grade math course. You will not regret it.

Math is also useful when it comes to cracking coded messages. Lake County Clerk Willard Helander told the Daily Herald that her office has been inundated with a record-busting number of requests for absentee ballots:

The possible reason, Helander says, is the nationally watched battle for Congress between Democratic U.S. Rep. Brad Schneider of Deerfield and Republican challenger Bob Dold of Kenilworth in the north suburban 10th District. Both sides are scurrying for votes and trying to take advantage of the law allowing people to vote by mail without having to explain why they can't vote on Election Day.
Riopell: North suburban race for Congress drives ballot requests

Helander divulged a whopping 17,309 requests for ballots. Operatives should immediately recognize this as a coded message, and decipherable by anyone with sufficient math skills. Political cognoscenti will count up the number of absentee ballots requested by their campaign, and subtract that from 17,309. The answer will be the number of absentee ballots requested by their opponent:

17309 - Your Absentee Ballots = Their Absentee Ballots

This resulting number is a campaign secret closely guarded by campaign operatives. You know who you are.

DoS and Don'ts

Being Lake County's #1 political blog means your LakeCountyEye can count on a dozen or two or three pageviews every day -- rain or shine. So when the stat-counter clocked more than 2,300 pageviews on Sunday, your LakeCountyEye took notice:

Your LakeCountyEye was once asked by Mae West ...

"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
Wikiquote

Note to ops:  Was that a DDoS attack? Or are you just happy to see your LakeCountyEye?