Lawlor? Lawlor? Lawlor?

Good news everyone: your LakeCountyEye is gainfully employed again. And toils away at Lake County's dirtiest job -- publicist for Aaron Lawlor.

Indefatigable up-and-comer -- and not to mention Lake County Board Chair -- Aaron Lawlor was last seen on this blog ...

Scoop the Poop

doing what public servants do best. Lawlor was observed shoveling excrement, all the while smiling for the cameras.

Haha, Lawlor is the star of the Internet's hottest viral video series, Lake County’s Dirty Jobs. Funded by the taxpayers of Lake County, the video series is supposed to shine a spotlight on some of the dirty jobs performed by County government. Well, whatever it is supposed to be, the first two episodes feature some professional-grade camerawork, editing, scripting, audio overlay -- not to mention bravura performances by Lake County Board Chair, Aaron Lawlor.

The News-Sun took notice and gave the shows the moral equivalent of two thumbs up:

The first jump-out-of-your-skin moment comes 30 seconds into Part I, when a protagonist reports that "one of our pumps is plugged – or partially plugged." The suspense about who gets to do the unplugging – and how it will be done – recalls Clarice Starling walking to her first meeting with Hannibal Lecter.
Moran: Lake County 'Dirty Jobs' films are Oscar contenders

Now your LakeCountyEye doesn't want to sound ungrateful, but that "protagonist" referred to by the News-Sun happens to be Lake County Board Chair, Aaron Lawlor. Who just happens to be speaking to the cameras in just about every scene of Lake County's Dirtiest Jobs.

So how often is Mr Lawlor mentioned in the News-Sun review? As often as zero -- nada -- by your LakeCountyEye's count. Aaron Lawlor's name is not mentioned once in the Sun-Times review. Skeptical Operatives can check for themselves:

Google

Despite the fact that Aaron Lawlor gets at least 10 minutes of camera time in Lake County's Dirtiest Jobs, the News-Sun totally neglects to print his name anywhere in their review. Your LakeCountyEye really, really wonders if anyone is even watching these must-see videos.

For the record, it is spelled: A-A-R-O-N  L-A-W-L-O-R

Do Vaccines Need a Shot in the Arm?

A public health emergency has been issued. A highly contagious and possibly fatal virus -- one that has been dominating the headlines -- has been confirmed and observed near Lake County. Residents are instructed to stay indoors until further notice.

Does your LakeCountyEye refer to the recent measles outbreak? Nope -- your LakeCountyEye refers to Ebola.

Haha, j/k -- it's really the measles.

Those Operatives (who have been living in a plastic bubble) should be aware that infectious diseases are like 45 rpm records. And that the measles just knocked Ebola off the top of the charts.

A vaccine has been available since 1963, and it was believed that the measles had been eradicated in the United States. Well, guess again. Anyone not immune is urged to be vaccinated. The only exception are infants less than a year old, and residents of Wauconda, where it is believed that ...

vaccines have chemicals "that are very harmful to your neurotoxins."
Wauconda trustee candidate calls vaccines dangerous

But if you are anything like your LakeCountyEye, then nothing says 100% total immunity better than a full hazardous material suit. Luckily, the leading manufacturer of hazmat outfits is located right in the middle of Lake County:

I Haz a Suit

And as a consequence, Lake County is measles-free:

Lake County measles test comes back negative

This same leading manufacturer had been threatening to move out of Lake County. If they did move to Wisconsin or Indiana, there is no telling which infectious diseases would be coursing through Lake County today. Fortunately, the Governor intervened:

Medline Industries, the giant medical supply distributor in the northern suburbs, has agreed to keep its headquarters in Illinois in exchange for nearly $18 million in tax credits from the Quinn administration. The Mundelein-based firm, one of the largest private companies in the state, also plans to add at least 200 jobs in Lake County and spend at least $60 million expanding operations statewide, according to a statement from Gov. Pat Quinn.
Medline gets tax break to keep its HQ in Illinois

Lake County is grateful to have a Governor who cares about the health of his State. And not some uber-billionaire with a record of outsourcing jobs, who cares only about being the next Vice President of the United States.

The Gold Seal

Groundhog Day was cancelled in Lake County. Pistakee Phil is still waiting for a road crew to plow the snow out of his groundhog hole.

Haha j/k.

Lake County's roads are making news, however. The Daily Herald says the Lake County Department of Transportation is ...

requesting $540,000 in motor fuel tax funds be spent in hopes of preserving two segments of road before more extensive repairs are needed. The technique is called "microsurfacing" and is being targeted for about three total miles in northern Lake County: Deep Lake Road from Route 173 to the Wisconsin state line and North Avenue from Deep Lake Road to the state line.
Lake County considers new technique to preserve pavement

The technique is similar to sealcoating your driveway. The difference being you don't end up tracking tar all over your house.

In related news, county planners made a surprise announcement: the Route 53 Extension will be paved with gold. One source told your LakeCountyEye that the price of gold is at a five-year low. "If we buy now," he said, "we just wait for the next gold-market bubble, and the Route 53 Extension pays for itself."

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. No phony goldbricking here. Dude.

What Goes Arauner Comes Arauner

Lake County, like most counties -- no, like all counties -- in Illinois, has a new Governor. Bruce Rauner became a household name earlier this month, when sworn in as the 42nd Governor of Illinois.

Rauner however was introduced to readers of this blog last summer, when your LakeCountyEye strung together the Haha-Bruce-Rauner-Looks-Like-Howdy-Doody meme:

Doodyville

A mere eight months has passed and your LakeCountyEye's hilarious viral meme is already an Internet cliche:

Capitol Fax

Note to Ops: when all else fails, clown around.

The Lake County Election Recommission

Note to Ops: you know Lake County has lost its edge when the Daily Herald runs a story about a beleaguered Election Commission. And the story is not about Lake County:

Just when it looked like officials would create the first written, mutual agreement spelling out the funding and operation of the Aurora Election Commission, Kane County Board members said Thursday they would rather work toward disbanding it.
Kane to investigate disbanding Aurora Election Commission

Is something new matriculating up at the electoral college? Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Election Surprise Studies at the College of Lake County.

"Ya, some activist judge said the Lake County Election Commission was unconstitutional." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Since then, Lake County has had to operate without an Election Commission."

Old news to your LakeCountyEye.

"Now the Aurora Election Commission," continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "has been threatening to relocate out of Kane County unless they get some generous tax concessions."

Your LakeCountyEye did not follow.

"It's that same old story you always hear in Lake County." sighed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Local taxing bodies pony up with generous tax rebates to lure some new hotshot tech-oriented concern into their community."

Your LakeCountyEye was not exactly sure where this was leading.

"There is a secret plan in the works," confided Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "to get the Aurora Election Commission to relocate into Lake County. They've already been promised $2.3 million in tax breaks and other concessions."

Your LakeCountyEye was taken aback.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi sensed your LakeCountyEye's chagrin. "Do you know how many jobs an Election Commission creates? There are more than 400 election precincts in Lake County.  And every one needs election judges, poll watchers, tech support, ward heelers, you name it.  And these precincts are spread throughout the County.  It's estimated that an Election Commission would eliminate unemployment in Lake County. Totally."

Your LakeCountyEye regained enough composure to wonder who was going to pay for it.

"It will be self-funded." smiled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "Lake County has been lobbying Springfield to create a new kind of TIF district. This new hybrid TIF district would extend two miles in every direction from each precinct polling location -- and would tax only new, non-residential properties, mainly commercial and retail. The extra property taxes generated from the increasing property values would more than pay for an Election Commission. Booyah!"

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"County officials wish to remind your Operatives that the 2015 municipal election is just around the corner. Vote early and vote often."

Your Tax Dollars at Work

When asked for the secret to success, your LakeCountyEye always answers: Sacrifice & Hard Work.

Haha, j/k. The correct answer is: Move your company to Gurnee.

The News-Sun observed that ...

Gurnee area taxing bodies have been asked to pony up tax rebates to the tune of $2.3 million over five years to help bring the AKAHN Semiconductor corporate headquarters, tech incubator and manufacturing operations to the old Kenall facility in the Grand Tri-State Business Park.
Taxing bodies asked to pony up for tech firm eyeing Gurnee

Those taxing bodies included schools:

The requested 50 percent rebate on property taxes would total $172,000 for Woodland Elementary, $90,000 for Warren Township High School, $21,000 from Lake County, $18,000 from the park district and $10,500 from the township. The county also would rebate $500,000 in sales tax over five years.
Taxing bodies asked to pony up for tech firm eyeing Gurnee

If they teach Investing 101 at the Warren Township High School, this Daily Herald story from last week may be of interest:

Questions about the viability of a project touted by AKHAN Semiconductor -- a high-tech company being lured to Gurnee with millions of dollars in state and local incentives -- have surfaced in a complaint filed with a federal agency by a former Argonne National Laboratory executive.
Questions about AKHAN, looking to move to Gurnee, surface in complaint

Of course, $90,000 removed from any high school budget is a lot of money, even in the best of circumstances. To put that in some perspective, the Warren Township High School bully said he would need to steal a year's worth of lunch money before ever seeing $90,000.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Loitering between classes will not be tolerated.

Q the Eye/01.22.15

Hi,

My name is Nicholas and I work at Artsy.net. While researching Edvard Munch I found your post -- The Chicago Tribune Creepy Cartoonist™ Breeds the Screaming Memes. Great post, by the way.

I actually worked on Artsy's new Edvard Munch page and I think it would be a great resource for your readers. The newly designed page includes his bio, over 20 of his works, exclusive articles about Munch, as well as his up-to-date exhibitions -- it's a unique Edvard Munch resource.

Check out Artsy's 10 Favorite Screams to honor one of Munch's greatest works.

I'd like to suggest adding a link to Artsy's Edvard Munch page, as I believe it would benefit your readers.

Please let me know if you have any questions or suggestions on how we can improve the page. I'd also love to stay in touch about future opportunities.

Best,
Nicholas

Dear Nicholas,

Your LakeCountyEye is happy to oblige anyone with a bitchin mononym. Readers of this blog, however, want to know: Who in the vorld is Edvard Munch?

Your LakeCountyEye launched an exhaustive, in-depth investigation and came up with a couple good Google hits. Did you know that Edvard Munch is the fellow who drew that famous Scream picture?

Also, did you know that Edvard Munch is regarded somewhat as the Zeppo Marx of the art world? He was overshadowed by his three, more successful, siblings -- Simon, Theodore & Alvin Munch:

This isn't to say that Munch's heirs have done badly for themselves -- they were farsighted in granting licenses to their brand:

As to your requests, it is the policy of this blog not to post complimentary links to other websites -- at least not without adequate remuneration. Contact you LakeCountyEye for a rate-card today. Be sure to ask for the goofy-named-website discount!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

They Got the Guns But We Got the Guns

When it comes to concealed carry Lake County is outgunned. At least according to statistics released by the Illinois State Police. Their report, per the Daily Herald, says ...

Cook County accounts for the most active concealed carry permits with 23,921. The report doesn't distinguish suburban Cook County from Chicago. Will County follows with 6,134 active concealed carry applications. DuPage falls third in the suburbs with 5,577. Lake County saw 4,252 active concealed carry applications in 2014, followed by Kane County with 2,873. McHenry County rounds out the suburban list with 2,555 applications.
Concealed carry applications fall far short of projections

To help explain these numbers, your LakeCountyEye contacted the only straight shooter with the straight dope on concealed carry, Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Suburban Warfare at the College of Lake County.

"These are alarming statistics." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi threw down the report. "Lake County has a population of just over 700,000.  With 4,252 concealed carry permits, that means you have to round up 165 men, women and children in Lake County before you will find someone carrying a concealed weapon."

A tall order, indeed.

"By comparison," continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "McHenry County's population is somewhat above 300,000 -- but they have 2,555 permits for concealed carry. Which works out to one weapon per every 121 persons in McHenry County. These are not healthy numbers."

Not healthy?

"It's simple math." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi pulled out a slide-rule. "165 minus 121 equals 44. That means in every shoot-out between someone from Lake County and someone from McHenry County, there are 44 innocent bystanders from Lake County who will not be carrying a weapon. I hope your health insurance is paid up. Everyone knows how trigger-happy they are over in McHenry County."

Your LakeCountyEye had to concede the point. Even so, to illustrate his case Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi produced a recent Tweet ...

McHenry County Right to Carry Association Outlines Spring Plans

"Our alarming pistol gap has not escaped the attention of the Lake County bigshots." he said in a conspiratorial tone. "Plans are already in the works to get Lake County better weaponized."

A Pistol Gap?

"Anyone who lives near the border knows what I'm talking about." confided Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Suppose McHenry County decides to mobilize along its eastern border -- BOOM all of a sudden you have on your hands a Cuba Township pistol crisis."

A Cuba Pistol Crisis?

"I know what you are thinking." squinted Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Why doesn't Lake County build a defensive shield instead? Well do you have any idea how much a Kevlar Wars type of Pistol Defense System will cost?"

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Was there any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives that a well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed!"

Guantanamo: A Persistent Legal Stain on the American Justice System

Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy

Distinguished Chicago lawyer Lowell Sachnoff will discuss ways in which President Barack Obama could close the Guantanamo facilities before his second term ends in two years. Since 2002, when the United States military went into Afghanistan after the September 11, 2001 terrorists attacks, more than 775 men have been held for various periods of time at the prison. Several have died in captivity; many have been returned to their home countries or other nations; and many remain at the prison without any charges having been filed against them.

• Sunday
  January 25, 2015
  2:00 pm
• The Stevenson Center on Democracy
  25200 N St Mary's Rd
  Mettawa (Libertyville), IL 60048
  773- 281-0378
• Admission: $15

So Sewer Me

As sure as the tide goes in the tide goes out, the on-again-off-again Lake County sewer line to a Grayslake truck terminal is on again. On-Again in the sense that it is a done deal. The News-Sun says ...

Opposition from municipalities in central Lake County wasn't enough to stop the County Board from voting Tuesday, Jan. 12, to approve a sewer line for property that Grayslake officials are looking to develop as a trucking terminal.
Lake County OKs sewer service to controversial trucking hub proposal

The sewer line, needed for a proposed truck terminal near Mundelein, is so unpopular that County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor tried to sneak it through a special County Board meeting, called last December:

Lake County Board's trucking proposal hearing questioned

Lawlor, for the record, is the noted star of the local cable series ...

Lake County’s Dirty Jobs

which showcases some of the dirty jobs performed by the Lake County government. Lawlor was most recently in Vernon Hills, shoveling sewer sludge at a wastewater treatment plant:

Lake County Board Chairman Lawlor gets dirty for new cable TV program

What's up next? The uninformed sources say filming has already begun on a new Lake County Dirty Jobs video: Look for Lawlor digging a sewer line from the Lake County Central Permit Facility in Libertyville to a new truck terminal in Grayslake.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Please evacuate immediately. Or get off the pot.

The Global Optimum

Mark Kirk -- the only US Senator living in Lake County -- shot off his mouth last week. Kirk told a reporter at the E&E Daily that global warming isn't caused by greenhouse gas emissions. To prove it, he cited Greenland as evidence, stating that Greenland was green back in the day of Leif Erikson, which coincided with a period of exceptional planetary warmth known as the global optimum.

Kirk now is backpedaling from these comments. The Chicago Tribune reports that ...

After criticism from environmental groups, Sen. Mark Kirk said Thursday that climate change is real and human activity contributes to it.
Sen. Kirk clarifies view on climate change

Kirk did not backtrack on his claim that Greenland was green in the time of Lief Erikson, some 1,000 years ago -- during a period known as the global optimum, a time of climate warming. For the record, Greenland has been covered by an ice sheet for 110,000 years. Additionally, global optimum is not a term of climate science, and it is unknown what Kirk meant by it.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised as further developments warrant. Until then, Operatives are challenged to match-up the individuals pictured below with a recent quotation of theirs:

Quotable Notables: Who Said It?
Grandpa Simpson	"Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war."
Mark Kirk	"We had the previous warming period, which was called the global optimum, and the best way to talk about that is when Leif Erickson went west from his home, he discovered a landmass that he called Greenland, because it was," Kirk said after Senate Republicans' first weekly caucus lunch. "And that was called the global optimum, because the planet was much warmer. By calling Greenland 'green land,' we know that the climate has been changing pretty regularly within recorded memory."

Ultima Phule

Lake County US Senator and favorite son Mark Kirk may have changed the course of history this week. Kirk explained the facts behind global warming to the E&E News:

"We had the previous warming period, which was called the global optimum, and the best way to talk about that is when Leif Erickson went west from his home, he discovered a landmass that he called Greenland, because it was," Kirk said after Senate Republicans' first weekly caucus lunch. "And that was called the global optimum, because the planet was much warmer. By calling Greenland 'green land,' we know that the climate has been changing pretty regularly within recorded memory."
Kirk disavows climate change ahead of expected Senate vote

Your LakeCountyEye did some fact checking and learned that the Greenland ice sheet is actually 110,000 years old:

Greenland ice sheet

In comparison, if Leif Erickson (c. 970 – c. 1020) was alive today, he would be a sprightly 1045 years old:

Leif Erickson

As far as the global optimum goes, it's some mathematical thingy dealio:

In mathematics, a global optimum is a selection from a given domain which provides either the highest value (the global maximum) or lowest value (the global minimum), depending on the objective, when a specific function is applied.
Global optimum

How long has Mark Kirk been in Washington? He may be drinking the Kool-Aid. Or something.

Scoop the Poop

The thought of slowly descending into the bowels of a sludge pit doesn't automatically bring to mind Aaron Lawlor. But it will if the Daily Herald has any say on the matter:

"A lot of people don't know what county government does," Lawlor said before his descent into the stinky pit. "By coming out and getting my hands dirty, I think we're showing them what Lake County does in a very interesting way."
Lake County Board Chairman Lawlor gets dirty for new cable TV program

Haha, Lake County Chairman Aaron Lawlor put on his protective gear and shot a photo-op in a Lake County water treatment facility. For those Ops with a strong stomach, here is the raw video:

Dirty Job

Lawlor will be starring in a series of educational videos, themed around the dirty jobs performed by the Lake County government. This is an apparent effort to raise the brand awareness -- either for Lake County government or for Aaron Lawlor.

Look for Lawlor to take on some of these dirty jobs, in the near future:

• State Representative
• State Senator
• US Congressman

Dirty jobs all. But somebody has to do them.

99 Pennies for Your Thoughts

Your LakeCountyEye is betraying no secrets to reveal that the planetary odometer rolled over to 2015 on Thursday morning. Of course along with every New Year come the obligatory New Year's resolutions -- of which your LakeCountyEye has two this year:

1. No More Recycled Jokes
2. No More Cheap Shots at the Daily Herald

Your LakeCountyEye will keep a tally sheet and scores will be posted on Dec 31. Until then, the Daily Herald wants your input:

The Daily Herald considers its letters space to be a forum for unfettered community conversation. We strive to publish as many of the letters we receive as possible, with subjects ranging from a simple observation about life in a local community to a passionate discussion about controversial local, national or international issues.
Join the suburban conversation on our editorial page

Your chance to join the suburban conversation is just one click away ...

Join the suburban conversation on our editorial page

Note to Ops: Give the mailman your letter to the the Herald. A first class stamp is only 49¢.

Ring in the New Year with a Bang

Operatives looking forward to the New Year's Eve festivities are encouraged to take advantage of the free rides available. The Daily Herald says ...

If you're headed out to celebrate New Year's Eve in Chicago, both the CTA and Metra are offering incentives to lure revelers out of cars and onto public transit.
Celebrating tonight? Don't forget public transit

Operatives are also reminded that it is illegal to discharge their concealed carry firearms at midnight -- when their blood alcohol level exceeds .08 percent.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Happy New Year.

Take the "A" Bomb

Lake County has been railroaded. The accelerating volume of hazardous material passing through Lake County via rail has caught the attention of the Daily Herald:

A proposed rule by the U.S. Department of Transportation to update older hazmat tank cars (dubbed DOT-111s) that carry highly flammable liquids like ethanol and crude oil is under consideration and could be finalized in 2015. The intent is to prevent breaches of older tank cars, reflecting national concerns given the increase in oil trains and deadly high-profile derailments near Rockford and Quebec in 2009 and 2013, respectively. Many derailments, however, fly under the radar.
Suburbs have dodged a bullet so far with hazmat derailments -- so far

As luck would have it, your LakeCountyEye was stuck at a train crossing (and with an unplanned hour or two to kill) -- so to get the low-down, made a call to Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Loco Motion at the College of Lake County.

"Ya" said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "Lake County has more tracks than the Florida Dog Racing Commission."

But how safe are those tracks? Your LakeCountyEye wanted to know.

"The question isn't how safe. The question is, in case of a derailment, who is culpable." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi then posted this Daily Herald story on Instagram:

"The vast majority of tank cars are owned by shippers or railway-rolling-stock leasing companies who are responsible for the maintenance and qualification of their privately owned equipment -- not railways," Canadian National Railway spokesman Patrick Waldron said.
Mistakes, equipment issues pose serious threats with rail-related hazmat

"Hehe." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "If one of those old tankers goes tick-tick-tick-BOOM, don't blame the railways, it's not their fault."

Unwelcome news for the LakeCountyEye legal dept.

"The tracks that cross Lake County have an evacuation zone, mandated by the US DOT." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Anyone living within half a mile of these rails is advised to map an escape route. Try to avoid going over slow train crossings."

Your LakeCountyEye made a mental note.

"Here is a startling statistic published by the NTSB: If all the railroad tracks in Lake County were laid end-to-end along the Equator," read Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "that would be a good thing."

Your LakeCountyEye was down with that. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice before the crossing gate went up?

"Tell your operatives to leave their firecrackers and firearms at home on New Years Eve. And celebrate the New Year near a rail crossing. Chances are there will be plenty of fireworks."

The Route 53 Explosion

Operatives who look at this map of Lake County and recognize the Route 53 Extension should look again. It is actually an Oil Train Blast Zone map:

Every day the oil industry sends millions of gallons of highly flammable crude oil through cities and towns across North America. Our rail system was never built for this dangerous cargo. Oil Train Blast Zone

The map shows where exploding railroad trains criss-cross Lake County. The Yellow areas denote the potential impact zone in case of an oil train fire. Red is the evacuation zone for oil train derailments.

An actual map of the Route 53 Extension is below:

Transitized

Presumably the Route 53 Extension will be put to use as an evacuation route when one of Lake County's exploding railroad trains explodes.  Provided, of course,  the Route 53 Extension does not catch fire as well.

Merry Xbox

Your LakeCountyEye observes an annual tradition of sending holiday greetings to every reader of this blog in their native language:

Merry War On Christmas!

Startling news, however, has recently come in via the Intertubes:

Everyone knows the story of how the world wide web made the Internet accessible for everyone, but a lesser known story of the Internet's evolution is how automated code -- aka bots -— came to quietly take it over. Today, bots account for 56 percent of all of website visits
Bots Now Outnumber Humans on the Web

The site stats do not lie: Were it not for web bots (and North Korean hackers) this blog would see no traffic at all!

None of which, in your LakeCountyEye's estimation, should be reason to discontinue a perfectly good annual tradition. So to all readers of this blog, young and old, human and otherwise, best wishes for the holiday season ...

• print("Merry Christmas")
  
  
• Response.Write("Merry Christmas");
  
  
• echo "Merry Christmas"
  
  
• PRINT "Merry Christmas"
  
  
• printf("Merry Christmas\n");
  
  
• std::cout << "Merry Christmas\n";
  
  
• Console.WriteLine("Merry Christmas");
  
  
• ? "Merry Christmas"
  
  
• (println "Merry Christmas")
  
  
• WRITE(*,*) 'Merry Christmas'
  
  
• System.out.println("Merry Christmas");
  
  
• alert('Merry Christmas');
  
  
• (princ "Merry Christmas")
  
  
• WriteLn('Merry Christmas');
  
  
• puts "Merry Christmas"
  
  
• SELECT 'Merry Christmas'
  
  
• MsgBox("Merry Christmas")
  
  
• @echo Merry Christmas

And to those hacking in from North Korea ...

• 메리 크리스마르

Ready Aim Fire

Did you hear the one about the school superintendent who made all of his employees quit smoking? He was fighting more personnel fires than he bargained for.

Haha, Liz Biondi gained some notoriety this week. She is the only member of the Warren Township High School Board referred to by a sobriquet in the local press: Biondi is the 'No Gay' Warren Board Member ...

People push for 'no gay' Warren board member's ouster

The 'No Gay' Warren Board Member's fifteen minutes of fame began last week with a fatuitous statement uttered during a Warren Township High School Board meeting. The exact nature of the remark has not been revealed to your LakeCountyEye -- inquiries are being made as you read this.

Needless to say, over the years there have been countless local government board meetings where some clueless elected official has said something, well, clueless. But none have metastasized like this one. News of the 'No Gay' Warren Board Member's remark spread like wildfire. Stories appeared all over the print, broadcast and electronic media. There have been YouTube videos, online petitions, newspaper editorials.

Your LakeCountyEye attended the Warren Township High School Board lynch mob meeting this week to find out what the ruckus was about. The Daily Herald was there too:

Neither Biondi nor board member Catherine Campbell attended Tuesday's meeting.
People push for 'no gay' Warren board member's ouster

Readers of this blog will be aware that ...

School of Business?

Liz Biondi and Catherine Campbell are the two Board Trustees who did not vote for a proposal to shake down extract $90,000 out of the Warren Township High School.  The village of Gurnee wanted the money -- in the form of tax concessions -- to lure a high-tech into the village.  The proposal passed despite opposition from Biondi and Campbell.

Note to Ops: Watch what you say in Gurnee. They pay hardball there.

School of Business?

If you can read this sentence, chances are you've been to school. Your LakeCountyEye is no exception. School is where your LakeCountyEye learned all about evolution and sex education and how it is illegal to recite prayers out-loud on the taxpayer's dime.

Despite their many benefits, the schools get no respect. Your LakeCountyEye has been told that charter schools and vouchers and testing standards are all aimed at either eliminating or privatizing the public schools. The public schools are like the Route 53 Extension -- everyone likes the idea but no one wants to pay for it.

Now the village of Gurnee has come up with a novel way to shake down the Warren Township High School. The Daily Herald said ...

Two Warren Township High School board members have raised concern about a lack of publicly available information on a technology company's plan as it seeks about $2.3 million from local taxpayers to move to Gurnee. Warren District 121 board member Catherine Campbell said at a recent meeting that business tycoon panelists on ABC's "Shark Tank" would demand more information from AKHAN Semiconductor Inc. than what elected officials have received before agreeing to any financial incentives.
2 Warren High board members decry lack of information in tax break request

The village of Gurnee looks at the Warren Township High School and must see a cash cow waiting to be milked. Haha, Gurnee wants to see $90,000 siphoned out of the High School and into some high-tech company -- in the form of tax breaks. The Daily Herald said ...

Last week, the Warren school board voted 5-0 -- with abstentions by Campbell and Liz Biondi -- to provide $90,000 in tax breaks as the district's share to AKHAN. Campbell and Biondi questioned the idea of approving the financial incentive without much information about AKHAN's plan. "I just feel like we're asked to be basically an investor," Campbell said.
2 Warren High board members decry lack of information in tax break request

Note to Ops: The next time you find yourself putting the squeeze on someone, remind the chumbolone that he is being asked to be an "investor".

The deadline to file for your local school board is December 22, next Monday. File the paperwork at your County Clerk's Office. Operatives who have never been to school are excused.

Another Brick in the Paywall

This is just your LakeCountyEye's 2 cents worth, but the Daily Herald may want to rethink its social media policy. Not everyone is going to want to shell out 99¢ for an opportunity to like the Daily Herald on Facebook:

Editorial: All the reasons we want to be Facebook friends

Of course, if it did cost a buck to get BFFed on Facebook, your LakeCountyEye would be governor-elect by now.

Billionaire governor-elect Bruce Rauner was not available for comment.

Busy Work

At $8.25 an hour, anyone earning the minimum wage would have to work 500 hours per week to match the salary of the average Internet political blogger. Needless to say, the typical Lake County resident is quite busy, indeed. But not nearly as busy as the Mayor of Waukegan. According to the News-Sun ...

With the minimum wage debate raging across the country, state and Chicago area, Waukegan Mayor Wayne Motley said this week that he doesn't see a similar move taking shape in his community anytime soon. "I've been busier than a one-armed boxer trying to get the city back on track, and that hasn't even crossed my mind," Motley said on Wednesday, Dec. 3
Officials: Minimum-wage hike unlikely in Lake County

Never having worked in an amazon.com warehouse, your LakeCountyEye does not know how busy a one-armed boxer is.  But if labor statistics are any indication, there are a few jobs in Lake County that will have you busier than even the eagerest of beavers. And not just a few -- 10 by your LakeCountyEye's count:

The Ten Busiest Occupations in Lake County

Busier than a One-Legged Wallenda Busier than a One-Armed Bricklayer on a No-Bid Township Contract Busier than the Termite Inspector for the Goliath Roller Coaster Busier than a Grand Ave Red-Light Camera Busier than a Backyard Chicken on the Day Before Easter Busier than a Southlake Mosquito Abatement Truck in a Nudist Colony Busier than a One-Armed Bandit in Unincorporated Lake County Busier than a Blind Concealed Carry Certification Instructor Busier than the Shoeshine Booth at a Lake County Dog Park Busier than a County Board Chairman on the Route 53 Extension

Look for your LakeCountyEye gettin' busy near you.

Keep On Truckin!

Culture vultures of Lake County may want to prick-up their ears. On Friday, County Board Chair Aaron Lawlor told the Daily Herald ...

"The Lake County Board's culture is not one of playing gotcha politics," Lawlor said. "We're about good government and good fiscal management."
Lake County's Lawlor, Maine look ahead to big projects

Note to Ops: A self-professed exemplar of "good government" should probably wait more than three days before trying to sneak a sewer bill into a special non-business meeting of the County Board. The sewer is for an unpopular truck terminal in Grayslake:

Residents near the Mundelein/Grayslake border say scheduled action Tuesday by the Lake County Board involving the site of a proposed truck terminal is an unusual, if not unprecedented, maneuver that bypasses the normal review process in response to a corporate threat. The special call meeting, beginning at 9 a.m., traditionally is held to approve rules and make appointments to county board committees. This time, the board also will consider changing an agreement with Grayslake to extend sewer service to the truck terminal site south and west of Midlothian and Peterson roads.
Lake County Board's trucking proposal hearing questioned

But once the maneuver was reported in the Daily Herald, Lawlor pulled a quick one-eighty:

Residents and others concerned with a proposed truck terminal in Grayslake will get another chance for input after an unusual maneuver by Lake County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor did not proceed Tuesday as planned.
Public to get another venue for comment on proposed truck terminal in Grayslake

Gotcha!

To the Victor Go the Spoils

It's not too late to mail in your ballot for Bruce Rauner. A new chief executive would bring to Illinois one thing, above all else: jobs, jobs, jobs.

Haha, the Bruce Rauner administration is hiring and it's not too late to get in on the ground floor. Operatives are advised to spell-check their resumes -- then submit them to the Governor-Elect Bruce Rauner Transition Committee:

Compassionate Illinois is Back Competitive

State job-seekers cannot be blacklisted because of their political affiliation, so even if you voted for Pat Quinn, do not hesitate to submit your resume anyways. Of course it never hurts to make a donation to the Governor-Elect Bruce Rauner Transition Committee, conveniently located at the same website:

Bruce Rauner Transition Committee

Job-seekers may donate $25 through $5000 or more, any amount that fits their budget. Note to Ops: there is a difference between working a toll booth on the Route 53 Extension, or indoors as a station supervisor there. Just sayin!

Safe at Any Speed

Ladies & gentlemen, start your engines. The Daily Herald observed that ...

State lawmakers Wednesday voted to raise speed limits on Illinois tollways to 70 mph in urban areas. The Illinois House overrode Gov. Pat Quinn's veto of the idea without debate. The Senate already did the same last month, so the proposal will become law next year. Suburban county boards could opt out of the plan and keep tollway speed limits at 55 mph.
Tollway speed limit going to 70 unless counties object

The champagne corks must be flying around the Lake County Board offices. One source told your LakeCountyEye: "At 70 MPH we can move twice the number of cars through the Route 53 Extension over previous estimates. That translates into twice the amount of toll dollars. We may just pay off this concrete pork barrel in my lifetime!"

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Hit the road.

Funny Pages

Note to Ops: running for political office is a lot like filing for bankruptcy. Always read the fine print before signing anything. One local candidate apparently did not. The Daily Herald said ...

A Barrington village board candidate is accusing village officials of election tampering for providing him with nominating petitions that contained an error. Michael Kozel, a Barrington resident who ran unsuccessfully for village president two years ago as a write-in candidate, said he collected more than 160 signatures to run for village trustee in the April election but might have to do it again because the forms include the date of the 2013 election.
Barrington gave village board candidate incorrect nominating forms

The banks accept pre-dated checks -- a pre-dated nominating petition should be just a good? Haha.

What to do? In a predicament like this, your LakeCountyEye advises to obtain a new, corrected nominating petition. Then gather one or two signatures. Notarize that single petition sheet and file for office with it. And then dare your opponent to challenge the petition.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Move along.

Q the Eye/11.26.14

Hi,

I'm reaching out to you from RebootIllinois.com, a nonpartisan news organization that aims to encourage Illinois citizens to take back control of their governments. A leader in political and government news and views in Illinois, Reboot Illinois has been a top source of information on the 2014 Midterm Elections.

Our goal is to expand our audience to spread the message that more people getting active in government and politics can return power to the people and produce an improved government. We're asking that you consider publishing our some of our articles or linking to our website. We believe that would be a great way for you to provide your users with more of the resources that you want them to have. We know they would be thrilled to see the useful and authoritative posts our website has to offer that help citizens hold politicians accountable.

Please take a look at our website and let me know if you are interested in referring to us or if you have any questions!

Have a great day,

Charles

Dear Charles,

Users of this blog are unanimous: Who the heck is Reboot Illinois? Your LakeCountyEye carried out an exhaustive, in-depth background survey into the true identity of Reboot Illinois and came up with a couple good Google hits to the MSM:

Some Chicago area billionaires are bankrolling an internet effort aimed at influencing Illinois politics. The group launched a website about a year ago called "Reboot Illinois" to support their plans. Is Reboot Illinois journalism, or an on-line propaganda mill? With deep pockets to back it up, the site appears to be thriving. Madeleine Doubek insists she is still an independent journalist. The former executive editor at the Daily Herald is now the boss at the website called "Reboot Illinois." "We are editorially independent and non-partisan," said Madeleine Doubek, Reboot Illinois.
REBOOT ILLINOIS: INDEPENDENT JOURNALISM OR BILLIONAIRES' PROPAGANDA?

Speaking as one independent blog to another nonpartisan news organization, Charles, it takes one to know one. Haha. But no worries, your pretense is good with your LakeCountyEye.

And if it is OK with you, your LakeCountyEye will just pretend to have looked at your website -- but does express great interest in publishing your articles and linking to RebootIllinois.com. Please contact your LakeCountyEye for a payment schedule that works for you. Daily, weekly and monthly plans are available. You may qualify for the billionaire's discount, which is available through the end of this month. Act today and tomorrow you will see your stories and links salted liberally throughout Lake County's #1 political source.

PS: Love the bitchin mononym, Charles.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Tower of Power

It may be $10.5 million over budget but the Lake County Courthouse expansion project is officially under construction. And it already has been christened with a new name. The News-Sun said ...

Breaking tradition of the usual groundbreaking, artwork was unveiled Friday to celebrate the start of construction on Lake County's new $110 million Court Tower. "Justice Tower" was built by Waukegan artist Eric Marston, who used found items to create his original work.
Lake County celebrates groundbreaking of new $110M 'Justice Tower'

Your LakeCountyEye attended the ceremony alongside Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Urban Justice at the College of Lake County. When ground breaks, Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi is the one person who knows where all the fault lines are buried.

He examined an illustration of the completed structure: "Ya, justice is blind, to be sure! And justice is not cheap, either. The County Board could also have used found items to construct this building. They could have saved themselves $10.5 million. They wouldn't be breaking ground over a fiscal hole today."

Your LakeCountyEye wanted to know if the horse was out of the barn and if the new Courthouse will henceforth be known as the Justice Tower.

"Absolutely. And here's why." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi pointed to a nearby parking sign:

VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED AT OWNER'S EXPENSE

"If anything, this building is a monument to the municipal tower."

Your LakeCountyEye was confused: Municipal Tower?

"You know, as in towing company." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Virtually every court case involves a towing operation one way or another. If you don't believe me, just look at how many towing companies contributed to Sheriff Mark Curran's election campaign." He produced a spreadsheet on his iPhone 6:

Friends of Mark Curran D-2 Quarterly Report 4/1/2014 to 6/30/2014
Contributed By	Amount	Description
A-Express Towing	$500.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
A-Tire County Service, Inc.	$1,600.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Ernie's Wrecker Service, Inc.	$1,000.00 6/2/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Fox Recovery & Towing of Lake County	$500.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
J.R.'s Wrecker Service, INC.	$2,050.00 5/2/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Roger's Automotive Services, Inc.	$700.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Whitmore's Wrecker Service, Inc.	$1,000.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Wildwood Service Inc.	$2,050.00 6/2/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran

Friends of Mark Curran
D-2 Quarterly Report
4/1/2014 to 6/30/2014

"How do you think the County got its triple-A rating? The Auto Club doesn't bestow one of those on just anyone."

Quite an arresting revelation.

"We will be calling this Courthouse the Justice Tower for a long time." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "It's the tower who greases the wheels of county government."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Ops to embrace the change. By the way, do you have any quarters? My meter is expired."

In Rauner Numbers

Illinois has a new governor-elect -- who unlike the old governor-elect has promised to increase government spending on everyone a thousandfold while abolishing all taxes. Woo Hoo! Of course spending other-people's-money is never as easy as it sounds, so a website has been launched to solicit suggestions. The News-Sun has the details ...

Gov.-elect Bruce Rauner is launching a website that will allow individuals to apply for jobs in his administration. The website is www.MakeIllinoisGreat.com. Visitors also can submit ideas to improve the state.
Bruce Rauner wants ideas – and resumes – from Illinois residents

Your LakeCountyEye has already visited the website:

ILLINOIS IS BACK

Note to Ops: An opportunity like this does not come by every day. And while these pockets may seem to be deep, an opportunity like this does not last forever. Do not delay!

Q the Eye/11.13.14

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Applications are being accepted for the Lake County Board District 20 seat being vacated by David Stolman, who recently won election as Lake County treasurer. The seat officially will be declared vacant on Dec. 1. County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor, with consent of the board, must fill the vacancy within 60 days. The appointee must live in District 20, which includes the Buffalo Grove and Long Grove area, and be a Republican like Stolman. The appointee will fill the remaining two years of the term. Send a resume and letter of interest to Lawlor at Lake County Board office, 10th floor, 18 N. County St., Waukegan, 60085

Applications sought for vacant Lake County Board seat

Dear Lawlor,

Despite still being tighter than a Waukegan Casino slot machine, the election for Illinois Treasurer is all over. At least in the opinion of one candidate, David Stolman, who will resign from his Lake County Board seat and is already measuring the drapes in the treasurer's office. (One can always count on the Lake County Election Commission to deliver an election, especially when one happens to be the incumbent!)

So it has come to your LakeCountyEye's attention that an opening on the Lake County Board has materialized in District 20. There can be no higher calling than public service, particularly when that calling materializes in the form of a sinecure with a healthy per-diem, plus expense account. Granted, the empty District 20 seat is not even cold yet, having been kept warm all of these years. And while these are big seat cushions to fill, your LakeCountyEye nevertheless humbly requests to be appointed to the Lake County Board.

Your LakeCountyEye's resume is attached below. Please do not mistake this for an Internet top ten list. Which is totally different:

Necessary Qualifications to Fill a Vacant Lake County Board Seat

Goes by a bitchin mononym, like Lawlor. Republican, like Stolman. Never recalled from elected office. Never charged with carjacking. Never operated a carwash in a forest preserve. Never sold bootleg shoes out of a Pleasant Prairie motel. Never ran down a spouse with the Cadillac. Knows where the County Board meets. Knows what the County Board is. Q: The Route 53 Extension? A: Where are the shovels!

Look for your LakeCountyEye at the next COW near you.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

I Haz a Suit

Are any of the stories posted here real? Your LakeCountyEye wishes to have $10 million deposited in a Nigerian Bank for every time asked that. Well, as readers of this blog are dubiously aware, all of these fake stories are real.

This story, posted here last week, for instance ...

The Off-Year Infections

... was real, and all you erstwhile pooh-poohers can eat crow:

A local company is working side by side with many health care facilities to create protective wear for medical workers. Medline, a Mundelein-based company, is in high demand right now. They are making life-saving protective gear to make sure people are protected from the Ebola threat.
Mundelein Company's Protective Ebola Suits in High Demand

Of course, pandemics are always good for hazmat sales, and the 2014 Ebola pandemic did not disappoint.  But now that the 2014 Election is over and Ebola has been contained -- if you are anything like your LakeCountyEye you are wondering what you are doing duct-taped into this hazmat moon-suit anyways. Your LakeCountyEye certainly is.

Nor is your LakeCountyEye about to take this lying down -- at least at the risk of not being able to get back up. Who knew, but -- Ebola not withstanding -- there are plenty of pressing reasons why you should continue to wear your hazmat suit. No fewer than 10 by your LakeCountyEye's count:

Ten Off-Label Uses for Your Hazmat Suit

Waukegan Harbor Deep Sea Diving Proper Washroom Accoutrement at a Route 53 Extension Tollway Oasis Perform the Moonwalk at a Michael Jackson Tribute Concert Ride the Goliath During Thunderstorms Neon-Yellow Goes with Just About Anything Ample Room for Your Concealed Carry Casual Friday Attire for the Zion Nuclear Power Plant Four Words: Southlake Mosquito Abatement District Smoke Anywhere, Anytime, Anything It's Flu Season, People

Look for your LakeCountyEye in quarantine near you.

Sins of Commission

Your LakeCountyEye has learned that a general election was held this week. And while that election produced its share of winners and losers, in Lake County one big loser stands head and shoulders above all the rest:

The Lake County Election Commission

The Lake County Election Commission was originally convened as an accountable body to ensure that elections in Lake County would be conducted with competence and in a non-partisan fashion. But that was back in the day. If this week's election is any indication, the Lake County Election Commission has morphed into a horribly slipshod operation, accountable to no one and hellbent on pursuing it's own questionable agenda. The Daily Herald reports that ...

Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan has won a court order to let currently unregistered voters keep casting ballots after polls close at 7 p.m. because sites for same-day voter registration in Lake County didn't open until 10 a.m. Madigan says Lake County Clerk Willard Helander is "illegally interpreting" election laws. People who vote the same day they register cast provisional ballots that will be counted later if officials verify the voter is eligible. Earlier, Madigan said Helander was making people vote a provisional ballot if they'd previously requested one by mail but hadn't sent it in. Voters, Madigan said, should be allowed to vote a standard ballot if they bring in the one they got in the mail. Madigan said Helander was requiring them to have the envelope with their name on it in addition to the blank ballot in order to vote in person. A county judge ruled this afternoon that a voter only needs to bring the ballot. "These illegal practices risk disenfranchising voters throughout the county," Madigan said in a statement.
Lake County polls open until 9 for same-day registration

It is clear that the one thing the Lake County Election Commission brings to the table is unaccountability, malfeasance and partisan rancor.

When the Lake County Election Commission was first instituted, your LakeCountyEye knew this was a bureaucratic frankenstein that needed to be stopped -- by legal action if necessary. Well, the chickens have finally come home to roost.

Change is now in the air. Operatives are urged to join your LakeCountyEye in a simple chant. Say it proud and say it loud enough that they can hear it all the way to Waukegan:

Mr Lake County Board, tear down this Lake County Election Commission!

A Palestinian Narrative on the Middle East

Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy

Kristin Szremski, Director of Media and Communication for American Muslims for Palestine, will present a Palestinian narrative on the Middle East. American Muslims for Palestine is an education and advocacy organization that promotes human rights for Palestinians with the firm conviction that affording one people human rights does not detract from the human rights of other peoples.

• Sunday
  November 9, 2014
  2:00 pm
• The Stevenson Center on Democracy
  25200 N St Mary's Rd
  Mettawa (Libertyville), IL 60048
  773- 281-0378
• Admission: $15

Vote Tardy and Seldom

Is there some election scheduled this week? Haha, if you are like your LakeCountyEye, you overlooked the deadline to request a vote-by-mail ballot. And you missed your opportunity to vote early. And with so many choices to be made on election day, now comes the hard part: what will be your excuse for not voting on Tuesday?

This is not the first time your LakeCountyEye has wrestled with this existential question. Or for that matter, the eighth or even the ninth. Your friends and neighbors and relatives and co-workers may be voting on Tuesday -- but not you. That's because your LakeCountyEye has rolled up ten suitable rationales to explain why you did not vote:

Ten Reasons for Not Voting this Tuesday, November 4

Convicted felons aren't supposed to vote. Voting just encourages them to hold more elections. Forgot to set the clocks back. Stuck 13 hours at a CN Railroad crossing. Voting is how Ebola spreads. My voting location is on the 9th floor of the new Waukegan Court Tower. Got caught in a monster pile-up on the Route 53 Extension. The sign said: No Electioneering Beyond This Point. So I went home. The Sheriff's police have my three pieces of photo ID. It just doesn't pay to vote -- not nearly as much as it used to.

Look for your LakeCountyEye not in line at a poll near you.