Ready Aim Fire

Did you hear the one about the school superintendent who made all of his employees quit smoking? He was fighting more personnel fires than he bargained for.

Haha, Liz Biondi gained some notoriety this week. She is the only member of the Warren Township High School Board referred to by a sobriquet in the local press: Biondi is the 'No Gay' Warren Board Member ...

People push for 'no gay' Warren board member's ouster

The 'No Gay' Warren Board Member's fifteen minutes of fame began last week with a fatuitous statement uttered during a Warren Township High School Board meeting. The exact nature of the remark has not been revealed to your LakeCountyEye -- inquiries are being made as you read this.

Needless to say, over the years there have been countless local government board meetings where some clueless elected official has said something, well, clueless. But none have metastasized like this one. News of the 'No Gay' Warren Board Member's remark spread like wildfire. Stories appeared all over the print, broadcast and electronic media. There have been YouTube videos, online petitions, newspaper editorials.

Your LakeCountyEye attended the Warren Township High School Board lynch mob meeting this week to find out what the ruckus was about. The Daily Herald was there too:

Neither Biondi nor board member Catherine Campbell attended Tuesday's meeting.
People push for 'no gay' Warren board member's ouster

Readers of this blog will be aware that ...

School of Business?

Liz Biondi and Catherine Campbell are the two Board Trustees who did not vote for a proposal to shake down extract $90,000 out of the Warren Township High School.  The village of Gurnee wanted the money -- in the form of tax concessions -- to lure a high-tech into the village.  The proposal passed despite opposition from Biondi and Campbell.

Note to Ops: Watch what you say in Gurnee. They pay hardball there.

School of Business?

If you can read this sentence, chances are you've been to school. Your LakeCountyEye is no exception. School is where your LakeCountyEye learned all about evolution and sex education and how it is illegal to recite prayers out-loud on the taxpayer's dime.

Despite their many benefits, the schools get no respect. Your LakeCountyEye has been told that charter schools and vouchers and testing standards are all aimed at either eliminating or privatizing the public schools. The public schools are like the Route 53 Extension -- everyone likes the idea but no one wants to pay for it.

Now the village of Gurnee has come up with a novel way to shake down the Warren Township High School. The Daily Herald said ...

Two Warren Township High School board members have raised concern about a lack of publicly available information on a technology company's plan as it seeks about $2.3 million from local taxpayers to move to Gurnee. Warren District 121 board member Catherine Campbell said at a recent meeting that business tycoon panelists on ABC's "Shark Tank" would demand more information from AKHAN Semiconductor Inc. than what elected officials have received before agreeing to any financial incentives.
2 Warren High board members decry lack of information in tax break request

The village of Gurnee looks at the Warren Township High School and must see a cash cow waiting to be milked. Haha, Gurnee wants to see $90,000 siphoned out of the High School and into some high-tech company -- in the form of tax breaks. The Daily Herald said ...

Last week, the Warren school board voted 5-0 -- with abstentions by Campbell and Liz Biondi -- to provide $90,000 in tax breaks as the district's share to AKHAN. Campbell and Biondi questioned the idea of approving the financial incentive without much information about AKHAN's plan. "I just feel like we're asked to be basically an investor," Campbell said.
2 Warren High board members decry lack of information in tax break request

Note to Ops: The next time you find yourself putting the squeeze on someone, remind the chumbolone that he is being asked to be an "investor".

The deadline to file for your local school board is December 22, next Monday. File the paperwork at your County Clerk's Office. Operatives who have never been to school are excused.

Truth Spoken to Power Here

Suspicious minds -- out of necessity -- will view this blog with suspicion, while calumniating your LakeCountyEye's good name with accusations of liberal bias. Well, a pox upon thy house, and fie upon thee (not to mention foe and fum), your LakeCountyEye has the Conservative chops of a Chuck Norris and the street cred to prove it. High ranking Conservatives throughout the county have confided to your LakeCountyEye ...

The Swift Boat of Truth

that they are winning their war against the children. The battlelines are drawn where the children are taught their degeneracy: the public schools.

The secret weapon at the disposal of every Conservative are the three Gs: Guns, God & Gays. Conservatives have the guns. Conservatives have God on their side. And Conservatives don't fight like the girls.

Those readers understandably skeptical are asked to ponder one open letter recently penned by a proactive LakeCountyEye Operative:

The below letter was sent to Representative Ed Sullivan Jr., Representative Carol Sente, Senator Dan Duffy, and Senator Terry Link of the Illinois State Legislature.

Atheism in our education system is a bigger threat than terrorism. If students are given ungodly instruction, they grown up being ungodly. God gave the command to not commit adultery (fornication) to Israel for a reason. It was not to "limit their fun". There are unwanted issues which arise when the gift of sexual relations is abused. Look at the problems that the "free love" movement gave us from the sixties, and "shacking up" in the seventies. We now have a whole lot of broken families, unwed mothers (many times over), and disease.

How hard is it for a man in his mid-twenties to find a virgin for a wife these days?
Atheism in Illinios' Education System

How hard is it indeed?

The message could not be any clearer. Will students be given their instruction in the three Rs or in the three Gs? The choice is simple. Reps Sullivan, Sente, Duffy & Link, consider yourselves on notice.

Hold Your Nose & Vote

April 5 is election day, which falls on a Tuesday this year. For those forgetful or truant voters, Tuesday can be easily remembered as the day before Wednesday, hump day. Which brings to your LakeCountyEye's mind the Arabian proverb about the camel's nose:

If the camel once gets his nose in the tent, his body will soon follow.

Discerning operatives will discern in this little fable the Theory of Evolution writ large: No sooner does the nose of the camel sneak into the tent will it slowly but surely evolve into an enormous, spitting camel. Discerning operatives who discern a lede for another update to the LakeCountyEye Creationism-Tote-Board™ are two for two.

In this case the camel's nose is a candidate who wants to be inside the metaphorical tent that would be the Stevenson High School Board. According to the Daily Herald, school board candidate Charles Cardella ...

said he believes "any type of scientific theory" has strengths and weaknesses. Science has changed since Darwin's time, he said. "Why shouldn't students be informed — taught — about what we've learned (since then)?" he said. "Not everything in the theory is right. Not everything in the theory is bulletproof."
Stevenson candidate talks about the "strengths and weaknesses" of evolution

And doubtless there is no better way to examine its shortcomings than to compare and contrast the Theory of Evolution with a pseudo-scientific theory pulled from the theological grab-bag -- like Creationism. Your LakeCountyEye can note however that while not bulletproof, an enormous, spitting camel is capable of leaving an equivalent mess.

Checking the tote board, there are now seven -- possibly eight -- public high schools in Lake County retrofitted to teach Creationism.

The 2011-2012 School Year: Countdown to Creationism

LEGEND Creationist On Board Creationist Not On Board Creationist Conceivably On Board

Antioch High School

Barrington High School

Deerfield High School

Grant High School

Grayslake High School

Highland Park High School

Lake Forest High School

Lake Zurich High School

Lakes Community High School

Libertyville High School

Stevenson High School

Mundelein High School

North Chicago High School

Round Lake High School

Vernon Hills High School

Warren High School

Wauconda High School

Waukegan High School

Zion-Benton High School

Look for your LakeCountyEye in the faculty parking lot, with Joe Camel.

The Swift Boat of Truth

There are many school trustees on the April 5 election ballot, and your LakeCountyEye could not resist making light of both the County's School Boards and the voters who seat them. But with the polls now open to early voting and election day nearing, your LakeCountyEye recognizes a need to dial it down, if only for purposes of bettering the Republic with a well-informed electorate. Acknowledging that some may have been offended by recent, insensitive tweets ...

Q the Eye/03.14.11

your LakeCountyEye reiterates that there is no truth to the claim that conservative voters secretly desire a Swift return to fundamental principles where the mission of public education is to prepare raw & callow youth into a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled.

The aforementioned remarks were brooked for the purposes of Internet satire, and Internet satire only; your LakeCountyEye regrets any false misperceptions these may have created.

This is not to say, however, that conservatives wouldn't like to see the public schools eliminated in favor of private education -- preferably on the taxpayer's dime, and in the form of school vouchers. No doubt more than a minority would prefer to cut out the middleman entirely in favor of homeschooling; and would just as soon the whole public education system blew itself up.

The reason for their animosity toward the three Rs is the three Gs: God, Guns & Gays. An emboldened conservative base doesn't like to see Evolution being taught; they think educators should be teaching children how to recite their prayers -- i.e., their Our Fathers and Hail Marys and whatnot. Sex education is another anathema; they don't want to see their kids fraternizing with members of the opposite sex. Or the same sex.

It should be no mystery why the Tea Party, et al., have declared war on the Teacher's Unions and the public education system. They don't hold much value for what's on the curriculum.

All of which leaves the last G: Guns. They're also none too happy that the conceal-carry laws stop at public school boundaries.

Q the Eye/03.14.11

Dear LakeCountyEye,

So the great and powerful LakeCountyEye thinks our public schools should boost their revenue streams by franchising out space on school property to the likes of beer distributors and payday loan sharks. And you have the impertinence to call yourself a non-partisan blog? There's an old saying where I come from -- probably where you come from too that says -- fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, Oh the humanity!

The Thought Police

Dear Party Pooper,

It's no secret that most Lake County public schools are cost centers that hemorrhage revenue at the taxpayer's expense. Last week this blog published a range of options for school administrators and trustees on how they can turn their operations into revenue producing cash-cows for their constituent stake holders:

Coming Soon: Child-Proof Schools!

And already those with the foresight to invest in your LakeCountyEye's advice are reaping big dividends for their taxpayers. The Daily Herald covers the lesson learned by some schools ...

While most suburban school districts continue to struggle with a weak economy and unreliable state funding, a few have combined strong local tax bases with frugal spending to generate annual surpluses even before their state and federal funding arrives. Districts at the top of that list describe their approach to aggressive budgeting as a culture that permeates the thinking of not only board members and administrators, but teachers, parents and other community members.
Some school districts generating surpluses

But the point is well taken, your LakeCountyEye should cast aside the partisan goggles, and stop trying to pretend to be moderate and non-partisan. Only some ultra-liberal county-club conservative would expect his public school to generate him a surplus by merely operating under budget. A true conservative would want much more, a healthy, double-digit positive cash-flow from out of his child's school, and direct to his wallet.

The free market is all about transforming resources into profits. And what resources do the public schools have in abundance over all other competing units of government? That would be lots of pupils and lots of time. So your LakeCountyEye asks: Why aren't these abundant resources being put to good use? They would be if the free enterprise system wasn't crippled by onerous government regulations that go by the name of: Child Labor Laws. Your LakeCountyEye says it is high time these antiquated laws are finally eliminated from the books. Then the Lake County taxpayer will be looking at some real money!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Coming Soon: Child-Proof Schools!

It's no secret that conservatives are winning the war they declared on the children. The median age of the GOP is now about 85 -- and these retirees show up at the polls every election to vote down school funding referenda. The Tea Party wants to blow up government because they don't like paying their property taxes, and most of these taxes go toward supporting the public schools. One way to blow up the schools is to demonize the teachers and bust their unions. Once the teaching profession becomes a minimum wage job, all the good talent will be lured away to the high-paying & long-term opportunities with employers like Taco Bell and Walmart. Parents will then be compelled to home-school their children, which doesn't cost the taxpayer anything. To quote Hannibal Smith: I love it when a plan comes together!

With the prospect of the schools being slowly bled to death -- or worse dismembered, parcel by parcel -- your LakeCountyEye would advise school administrators against divesting their assets & infrastructure to realize the quick buck and focus instead on those long-term strategies that will lock-in a healthy ROI for years to come.

Case in point, Fremont Elementary School. The Daily Herald has the blow by blow:

Fremont Elementary District 79 officials say they will sell 10 acres that will not be needed in the future. District 79 Communications Coordinator Margaret Van Duch said the undeveloped parcel at Route 83 and Ivanhoe Road will be sold through sealed bids to a potential developer. The district does not know when the bid process would begin. If no bids are received, a Realtor will be brought in to help sell the property, Van Duch said.
District 79 to sell "unneeded" parcel

But your LakeCountyEye asks, with 10 acres of prime, close-to-schools real-estate, why sell when you can turn that asset into a cash-cow money maker? There are a literal slew of development opportunities just waiting to transform your acreage into high-yield investment property, and a bigger slew of eager developers waiting to make it happen. Don't throw away taxpayer money by converting your land into unnecessary athletic fields and parking facilities. Instead, here are ten tried-and-true turn-key opportunities for improving that unused property into a developed asset, requiring little to no up-front investment from the principal stakeholders.

Ten Ways to Turn Unused School Acreage into Big $$$

Liquor Store Nuclear Power Plant Tattoo Parlor Army Recruitment Post Safe-House, Witness Protection Program Medicinal Marijuana Farm The Lake County Casino Thomson Correctional Center for Gitmo Detainees, Minimum Security Annex Route 53 Extension Chuck E Cheese

And look for your LakeCountyEye's newest University of Phoenix Degree Program: Blogging for the Big Bux

The Descent of Man

What does Charlie Sheen think, now that the Lake County Schools are riddled with Creationism study units? Sheen is uncharacteristically reticent. But if Sheen was your LakeCountyEye, it is virtually certain the beleaguered actor would be nonplussed. Operatives who surmise they are looking at another update of the LakeCountyEye Creationism-Tote-Board, would be correct. The Daily Herald provides the latest wrinkle in this shar-pei-caliber shaggy-dog story ...

Most recently, four of the candidates running for the Round Lake Unit District 116 board were asked to share their stances on the issue during a discussion at the Daily Herald's Lake County office. Three of the candidates favored teaching creationism in science class.
Dist. 116 candidates talk creationism's role in science classes

For those keeping score: seven down, twelve to go ...

Got Creationism? Where to Look in Lake County

Antioch High School

Barrington High School

Deerfield High School

Grant High School

Grayslake High School

Warren High School

Highland Park High School

Lake Forest High School

Lake Zurich High School

Lakes Community High School

Libertyville High School

Stevenson High School

Mundelein High School

North Chicago High School

Round Lake High School

Vernon Hills High School

Wauconda High School

Waukegan High School

Zion-Benton High School

LEGEND Creationist On Board Creationist Not On Board Creationist Conceivably On Board

With new census figures coming in, Lake County is expected to overtake rival McHenry County as the Dukes-of-Hazard epicenter of Northeastern Illinois.