Friday, July 8, 2011

Q the Eye/07.08.11

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Your wizardry at opposition research is nothing less than mind boggling. How do you do it? Are you a WikiLeaks source contributor? Do you hack into the NSA? Do you have a Voter Vault account? Presently I am completely beholden to press releases and other bloggers. But occasionally I need to dig up an original fact on my own, and I hope to learn your secrets! There is an all-day-ride ticket at the Corn Maze waiting up in Spring Grove, for your trouble.

No Government is Better than Limited Government

Dear Public Sector Pensioners,

You are asking your LakeCountyEye to divulge closely held secrets of the trade. These are secrets imparted in the utmost confidence directly from the Dalai Lama of oppo research, Karl Rove. Secrets your LakeCountyEye took a blood oath on a stack of Bibles never to divulge to another mortal being. But since you demonstrate the proper inner worthiness, your LakeCountyEye deems this to be the auspicious moment to break the silence.

You should not need to be reminded that what follows is for your eyes, and your eyes only. Your plan of attack is divided into discrete phases. Please devote your undivided attention -- your LakeCountyEye will enumerate the secret phases of oppo research only once.

Phase #1
Open a browser of your choice and navigate to:
Phase #2
In the search bar, type in the target of your curiosities.
Phase #3
Wait for it ... wait for it ... ahhh ... all your base are belong to us!
The Google search engine is a bottomless well of information attainable by those who know how to tap into it. Master it and you will have met the enemy and they will be yours.

There are salaries hidden deep in the well:
And perks hidden deep in the well:
And even recent home sales hidden deep in the well:
Use this weapon wisely. Jedi Master Rove never tired of saying: with great power comes great responsibility. If this were to carelessly fall into the wrong hands -- let's say those RINO Rockefeller Republican bloggers -- there is no telling what calamity may befall upon the universe.

One final consideration: faithfully follow Phases #1 & #3 precisely as written -- these will never change. But Phase #2 is different. Always remember, when initiating a new search, be sure to type something new into the search bar:
If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

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