All Over Like a Cheap Suit

If Chicago was an island in the Pacific Ocean, then a Federal judge sitting on an island in the Pacific has dismissed a lawsuit to lower property taxes in Lake County.

Earlier this year, several Township assessors filed a Federal lawsuit against Lake County and County Assessor Marty Paulson. They argued that their civil rights were violated when the County raised thousands of their assessments. U.S. District Court Judge Robert W. Gettleman, however, was not buying it. According to the Daily Herald ...

Assessors have no legal right to have the values they set upheld, Gettleman said, and they have no personal interest at risk if their valuations are changed. Gettleman also said Paulson's reversals properly followed the assessment process. Additionally, Gettleman ruled the property owners' complaint against Paulson and the other defendants belongs in state court, not federal.
Federal lawsuit against Lake County officials over land values dismissed

One township-level spokesman said: "We didn't want to risk filing our suit in County Court, because Lake County is notorious for issuing wrongful convictions."

It is unclear who paid the legal expenses. Your LakeCountyEye suspects it did not come out of the pockets of the township assessor plaintiffs.

From Townhall to the Halls of Montezuma?

P.R. has a P.R. problem.

P.R. -- aka Peter Roskam -- aka Lake County's vestigial congressman -- is allergic to townhall meetings. Despite pressure from both the voters and the media, Roskam is afraid his constituents will be too uncouth to participate in a proper townhall. According to the Chicago Tribune ...

Republican U.S. Rep. Peter Roskam of Wheaton says he's no fan of "circus" town hall meetings and prefers a more controlled setting for town-hall-style meetings by telephone
Roskam says he prefers doing town hall meetings over the phone

On the other hand, Randy Hultgren, Lake County's boreal congressman, held a civil townhall meeting this week. According to the Daily Herald ...

"Participating in big circuses is not productive," Republican Peter Roskam of Wheaton said earlier this year. We disagree -- and give kudos to Hultgren and the League of Women Voters for proving it can be done.
Editorial: Hultgren, league prove town halls can be effective

Civility prevailed even though Hultgren represents Lake County's Wisconsin border towns, as well as the unexplored areas of McHenry County. A constituency where the standard of living is based on fishing, hunting and subsistence farming, these are not the voters you would expect to meet in the bedroom communities that Peter Roskam represents.

How did Randy Hultgren do it? An authoritative sounding spokesman divulged the secret to enforcing decorum at a townhall meeting: "Pack the room with Federal ICE agents. If some chumbolone crosses the line, send him back to where he belongs. Mexico, no questions asked."

Here is an actual unretouched Daily Herald photo of townhall participants holding up their green cards:

Hultgren draws jeers, cheers

The spokesman elaborated: "Not only do you guarantee yourself a neighborly townhall, but you make America great again!"

A win-win by your LakeCountyEye's reckoning.

From Townhall to Monty Hall?

There's an old saying in show business ...

Give the People What They Want

And there's another old saying ...

Politics is show business for ugly people.

So it should not come as a surprise that Randy Hultgren, this week, gave the people what they want. As readers of this blog are aware ...

Proxy Representative

Randy Hultgren, Lake County's boreal Congressman, was persuaded to hold a townhall meeting. According to the Daily Herald, Hultgren's district offices had been picketed and ...

The focus of many of those protests has been the call for a town-hall meeting with Hultgren. After working with multiple League of Women Voters chapters on the logistics, Hultgren, of Plano, provided that town hall at the Arcada Theatre in St. Charles.
Hultgren draws jeers, cheers

Of course just as an attorney should never ask a question unless he knows the answer, a politician should never hold a townhall unless he knows who will be in the seats. One credible spokesman explained how it's done: "Don't bother filling the room with friends and relatives. Pack that room with all your lobbyists instead!"

Here is an actual unretouched Daily Herald photo of K Street lobbyists holding up their bid cards:

Hultgren draws jeers, cheers

The spokesman elaborated: "When access to your Congressman is on the table, you not only guarantee a civil townhall meeting, but the event pays for itself!"

A win-win by your LakeCountyEye's reckoning.

Proxy Representative

The two words most feared by the US Congress are town hall and town hall. So your LakeCountyEye was surprised to see this item in the Patch about Randy Hultgren:

After not meeting openly with constituents for far too long, Rep. Hultgren is having a question and answer session this Tuesday, the 18th of April, from 7p to 8:30p at the Arcada Theatre in St. Charles.
Congressman Hultgren, IL 14th District, Holding Open Q&A Tuesday, April 18th

Those wishing to attend may want to book a room at Airbnb. While Hultgren is Lake County's boreal Congressman, St. Charles is nowhere near northern Lake County. Your LakeCountyEye looked it up: St. Charles is located between Virginia Ave and States Ave  ...

Not to be outdone, Peter Roskam has scheduled a townhall event as well. The time and place of the meeting cannot be disclosed, however. Roskam, Lake County's vestigial Congressman, was forcibly dragged out of an IranAir Airbus, last week, by Iranian Revolutionary Guards. And as a consequence, Roskam has been voluntarily admitted into the Federal witness protection program.

A spokesman however, would reveal that Peter Roskam has a new identity -- henceforth his legal name will be Randall Mark Hultgren. And that Roskam is holding his townhall meeting on April 18, from 7 to 8:30pm, at the Arcada Theatre in St. Charles.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

All Over the Map

Operatives of a certain age will recall when GOTV meant: go to your vehicle, drive to your poll, and vote for your man. Then drive to your poll in the next neighborhood, and vote for your man. Then drive to your poll in the next town, and vote for your man. And then, etc. etc.

Well, haha, you can throw away that gas-card. Thanks to the miracle of local government consolidation, serial voting is as easy in Illinois as one-stop-shopping. For example, you can vote in all of these municipalities ...

• Oakbrook Terrace
• Mount Prospect
• Burlington
• Streamwood
• Lake Barrington
• Hampshire
• Sleepy Hollow
• Bartlet

... with the convenience of a single ballot!

The Daily Herald has the eye-opening photographic proof:

Editorial: Some things we can do to make local leadership more attractive

Of course some will look at a ballot like that and see nothing but partisan gerrymandering. The Independent Maps coalition issued a strongly-worded statement: "Should the career politicians be drawing the electoral maps, even while there are no candidates on the ballot? Or should Independent Maps be drawing the electoral maps, even while there are no candidates on the ballot? We think the choice is clear."

Gross Excess Tax

The best things in life may be free, but they don't generate any sales tax revenue. Not to be outdone, David McSweeney doesn't think your streaming Internet video should generate sales tax revenue either:

The Illinois House on Wednesday passed a resolution opposing a new sales tax on cable TV and streaming services such as Netflix. The resolution, introduced by Rep. David McSweeney, R-Barrington Hills, takes aim at Senate Bill 9, which is part of the so-called grand bargain package of budget bills being considered in the Senate.
Rep. David McSweeney passes resolution opposing 'Netflix tax'

McSweeney, Lake County's corporeal State Representative, last month sponsored a similar measure to block a tax on soda:

State Representative David McSweeney has been joined by 66 fellow members of the Illinois House of Representatives in sponsoring House Resolution 148, which opposes any new taxes on beverages
MCSWEENEY LEADS EFFORT TO STOP NEW BEVERAGE TAXES

Consumer watchdogs had kudos for McSweeney: "The people of Illinois do not want their right to binge infringed. Thanks to Rep McSweeney they can binge on their favorite carbonated beverage while binge-watching their favorite Netflix shows. We urge Rep McSweeney to also pass legislation to protect the rights of binge-eaters and binge-gamblers and binge-smokers."

Sure Fire Winners

Q:	Why is the 2017 Illinois election held right after April Fool's Day?
A:	2017 is an election year? Gotcha -- April Fool's!

Haha, contrary to popular belief, there most certainly is an election tomorrow. And according to the Daily Herald there are more uncontested races than ever:

Suburban voters are seeing plenty of local races on their ballots this week, but they don't always see much choice. Barely 30 percent of the hundreds of races being decided Tuesday are contested, according to a Daily Herald analysis. That's down from about 45 percent of races that were contested in local elections eight years ago.
Where did the candidates go? Why most voters have few choices at the polls
More than two out of three races are uncontested in Tuesday's election. Here are some reasons why

One unquestionable source told your LakeCountyEye that this is part of a long-range plan to lower voter turnout to zero percent. When the day comes that no one votes, then office holders will be appointed -- just like they do in the rest of the undeveloped world. Where their democratically-elected governments are subject to the dictates of one-party rule.

Note to Ops: There is a Consolidated Election tomorrow, April 4, 2017. This is your opportunity to stick it to the man.

Repeal, Replace, Rebut

Note #1 to Ops: Peter Roskam is not like you -- he reads the LakeCountyEye.

Haha, as readers of this blog are undoubtedly aware ...

Repeal Replace Repeat

Peter Roskam would have preferred a two-for-one discount colonoscopy over having to cast an up or down vote to repeal the ObamaCare. But, long story short, that up or down vote imploded last week. And this week vestigial Lake County Congressman Peter Roskam is sitting tall in the saddle.

Were Roskam listening to your LakeCountyEye, he would make sure that no discommodious ObamaCare bill ever got near the floor of the House of Representatives. Which, according to POLITICO, is exactly what he did, yesterday:

Rep. Peter Roskam (R-Ill.), a former member of House Republican leadership, is leading a charge to bury Speaker Paul Ryan's Obamacare replacement once and for all and start over, multiple sources told POLITICO. The move by the senior House Republican who sits on the Ways and Means committee could complicate any GOP leadership attempt to resurrect the bill that Ryan pulled from the floor Friday.
Roskam rejects bid to revive failed GOP Obamacare repeal bill

Note #2 to Ops: From your LakeCountyEye's lips to Peter Roskam's ear.

Repeal, Replace, Rogaine

Your LakeCountyEye has the Lake County Gazette -- Lake County's #1 source for the fake news -- home delivered every morning.

Here is an actual, unretouched, unNSFW headline from the Lake County Gazette bulldog edition ...

Illinois' Roskam felt rug pulled out on health care bill

Note to Ops ...

Peter Roskam 1.0	Peter Roskam 2.0
Oh Noes, another hair-splitting hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!

... make up your own joke here.

Repeal Replace Repeat

If Peter Roskam's re-election campaign was on life support, it just got a shot in the arm from ObamaCare. And not a minute too soon, because if ObamaCare had been repealed then Peter Roskam's Congressional career would be flatlining.

Roskam, Lake County's vestigial Congressman, represents a district that Hillary Clinton won by a 10 point margin. And, in what could only be described as a near-death-experience, Peter Roskam this week came perilously close to casting an up or down vote to repeal ObamaCare. Had he voted to repeal ObamaCare, Roskam risked losing his job when his constituents lost their health insurance. But vote against repealing ObamaCare and Roskam risked losing his job to a Tea-Party challenger in the Primary.

As luck would have it, Roskam had to risk neither this week -- because TrumpCare was DOA. And for now and the foreseeable future, Peter Roskam is ObamaCare-free -- a medical miracle!

Roskam was feeling his oats well enough this weekend to tell the North Cook News ...

Six-time Illinois Congressman Peter Roskam said he would have voted in favor of the president's proposed health care bill but it was pulled from consideration before it could proceed to a full House vote on Friday.
Illinois' Roskam felt rug pulled out on health care bill

If the North Cook News looks familiar, it is published by the same outfit that publishes the Lake County Gazette -- Lake County's #1 source of pro-GOP fake news.

Just what the spin-doctor ordered!

Downtown Townhall

Whoever said that Peter Roskam is allergic to townhall meetings may be using the wrong inhaler. Your LakeCountyEye has received an invitation to a townhall from Peter Roskam (Lake County's vestigial Congressman):

An Evening wth Speaker Paul D. Ryan

One spokesman said: "The Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and the Illinois GOP delegation have been invited. This townhall is temporarily on-hold while Peter Roskam and these men pursue their historic vote to repeal ObamaCare!"

Spokesman #2 said: "Tickets range from $1000 to $50,000 -- which we think should work well within the budget of every Sixth Congressional District constituent!"

Spokesman #3 said: "The townhall will be held at an undisclosed location. If you get lost, just look for a throng of demonstrators protesting in front of the Chicago Club @ 81 East Van Buren St in downtown Chicago!"

Spokesman #4 said: "No health insurance?  No worries.  A full staff of trained cardiologists will be on premises -- along with the necessary resuscitation equipment.  So be sure to come hungry!"

Updated: Protest the ACA Vote

Your activism is making a difference! Paul Ryan has postponed his Thursday fundraiser in Chicago. Ryan will be in Washington on Thursday to Repeal the ACA. Send Peter Roskam a Message! Protest Against the Vote to Repeal the ACA Thursday March 23 4:30 pm Chicago Club 81 E. Van Buren Chicago Protest the Paul Ryan Fundraiser in Chicago Friday March 24 4:30 pm Chicago Club 81 E. Van Buren Chicago March against Paul Ryan and Peter Roskam who want to repeal the ACA. It's going to be important to draw attention to Roskam and the ACA on both days, so bring signs about Roskam and the NEW cruel Republican replacement proposal.

Protest the ACA Vote

The US House Will Vote to Repeal the ACA on Thursday ... ... Send Peter Roskam a Message! Protest Peter Roskam in Barrington Tuesday March 21 5:30 pm -- 6:30 pm Roskam District Office 200 S. Hough St. Barrington Sponsored by Indivisible Resist the 6th and NWSOFA, this protest will be covered by the news media. So please show up in force. For more information, go to this Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/events/440397726351967/ Protest Against Peter Roskam and Paul Ryan in Chicago Thursday March 23 4:30 pm Chicago Club 81 E. Van Buren Chicago There is a massive protest planned outside Paul Ryan's Republican fundraiser in Chicago Thursday. It's going to be important to draw attention to Roskam and the ACA during this, so bring signs about Roskam and the NEW cruel Republican replacement proposal.

Funny Money

It has come to your LakeCountyEye's attention that there will be an election on April 4, a Tuesday. And as if that don't beat all, there is an election every year in Illinois -- not just in the years divisible by four. Who knew? Certainly not your LakeCountyEye!

To be sure, your ballot will be top heavy with candidates for park board and township trustee and other stupid stuff. But while that is enough to stop everyone from voting, it is never enough to stop everyone from running.

In Mundelein the candidates are waging a flame war. According to the Pioneer Press, Mundelein Trustee candidate Dawn Abernathy went to Facebook and put one candidate for Mayor on notice:

"We have to work together to counter the $14,000 in Korean money you have funding your race. We are pooling our money together."
Mundelein trustee draws heat for 'Korean money' comment on Facebook

If you are all like ... What is Korean Money? ... you are not alone. Your LakeCountyEye looked it up on Google:

Early voting begins tomorrow, March 20, on Monday. Note to Ops: Don't forget to tip your election judge.

Gun Laws and Community Violence

Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy

Colleen Daley, Executive Director of the Illinois Council against Handgun Violence, will discuss current Illinois gun laws and citizen actions to decrease gun violence. ICHV is the oldest and largest statewide organization in the United States working to keep communities safe from deadly gun violence. Colleen Daley has 20 years of experience in political strategy, public policy, legislative affairs, media relations and resource management.

• Sunday
  March 26, 2017
  2:00 pm
• The Stevenson Center on Democracy
  25200 N St Mary's Rd
  Mettawa (Libertyville), IL 60048
  847-816-7433
• $15
  (Students Free)

Hell on Wheels

Yesterday, the exploding freight train that rolls through Lake Forest failed to explode. According to the Daily Herald ...

Lake Forest-area residents might have dodged a bullet Wednesday after a freight train carrying sulfur derailed but did not spill. The Federal Railroad Administration is investigating the situation that started shortly after 3 a.m. when 11 rail cars went off the rails and piled up alongside the Union Pacific Railroad tracks.
Freight train carrying hazardous sulfur derails in Lake Forest; no leaks found

Contrary to widespread belief, the toxic freight was not high-fructose corn syrup. The toxic substance in question was actually molten sulphur.

Lake County's corporeal State Representative, David McSweeney, was unavailable for comment.

No Taxation With Our Carbonation

While it took 3 days to clean up a spill on Route 14 in Barrington, contrary to widespread belief the toxic substance was not high-fructose corn syrup. According to the Daily Herald the toxic substance in question was actually methylene diphenyl diisocyanate:

The misidentification of the substance spilled during a crash on Northwest Highway in Barrington caused valuable time to be lost in cleanup efforts that led to nearly three days of lane closures, authorities said Friday.
Misidentification of chemical spill caused cleanup delay, authorities say

David McSweeney represents that stretch of Barrington and, perhaps not coincidentally, has sponsored an Illinois House resolution condemning taxes on soda drinks:

MCSWEENEY LEADS EFFORT TO STOP NEW BEVERAGE TAXES

McSweeney, Lake County's corporeal State Representative, is out front on an effort to sweet-talk the State Legislature into torpedoing any proposed tax on sugary beverages.

One spokesman said: "These beverage taxes represent a sweetheart deal for the fat-cats in Springfield. We should be trimming fat off of the budget instead."

Another spokesman said: "Any tax on soda is a whale of a mistake that will fail like a lead balloon."

One spokesman spoke from the Capitol rotunda: "Fat chance we'll see a beverage tax, now. Not after we finish'em off."

A Lame Duck?

Peter Roskam was once asked how he was different than a street mime. He wouldn't say.

Haha, Representative Peter Roskam had to go all the way downtown this week to not talk to his constituents and reporters. According to CBS 2 Chicago ...

For weeks, constituents of Congressman Peter Roskam — one of the most powerful Republicans in Congress – have accused him of ducking their questions. As CBS 2 Political Reporter Derrick Blakley explains, Roskam is now ducking reporters' questions as well.
Rep. Roskam Avoids Angry Constituents At Chicago Appearance

Channel 2 posted their video of Roskam ducking the press ...

Rep. Roskam Avoids Protesters,
Won't Talk With Reporters After Event

Roskam (Lake County's vestigial Congressman) was downtown to speak at the City Club of Chicago. Working from a prepared outline, Peter Roskam demonstrated the science behind ducking reporter's and other annoying questions:

"Talk to the Hand."	QUACK
Fair or fowl, you've waddled through another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!

Duck soup was served.

There's an App for That

Whoever said ...

There are No Do-Overs in Life

never appealed his property taxes.

Haha, does anyone in Lake County know what the true assessed value of their home really should be? It would appear not, because everyone is appealing their assessment. And by everyone, your LakeCountyEye means everyone enough to overwhelm the system. According to the Daily Herald ...

The Lake County Board of Review is seeking additional members to assist with property tax assessment appeal hearings from July through November. Appointees are paid $250 per full day. Eligible applicants must have experience and training in property appraisal and taxes, and pass an Illinois Department of Revenue exam to be given at 9 a.m. April 12, at the Kane County Government Center, 719 Batavia Ave. Geneva. Visit www.revenue.state.il.us for review materials. Seating is limited.
Lake County seeks help with tax appeals

Note to Ops: $250 a day is nothing to sneeze at. At full-time rates that works out to sixty-five grand a year. Of course they don't make it easy to get on board -- you need to go to Geneva (Illinois) and pass an assessor's exam.

One spokesman, however, offered some helpful tips to applicants: "If you don't have transportation to Geneva, there is always Uber. And if you don't think you will pass, you can always ask your driver to take the exam for you. Also, if that driver passes, he can sit on the review board for you -- and you can turn that extra free-time into extra cash by driving for Uber!"

A win-win for everyone by your LakeCountyEye's reckoning.

Spin Out

Does anyone remember Aaron Lawlor? It has come to your LakeCountyEye's attention that Lawlor -- the celebrity Chairman of the Lake County Board -- has not been in news, anywhere, for a couple of months. So this would be a good time to post part two of a conversation ...

Referendee and Referendum

... with Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Historian of Lake County Chairmanships at the College of Lake County.

"Did you hear that Aaron Lawlor is gay?" said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "You could've bowled me over with a butter nut squash."

The news was a complete surprise to your LakeCountyEye. The News-Sun got the scoop when they asked Lawlor to clarify some public remarks made at a diversity conference:

After the event, Lawlor, 34, said in a phone interview that he "meant to share with the audience that I'm gay."
Lake County Board chairman reveals he's gay at tolerance event

"Smart politics." nodded Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Politicians know that Lake County voted for Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump by an incredible 58 to 37 margin. Especially Republican politicians. If they hope to get re-elected in 2018 they need to put as much distance as possible between themselves and the head of their Party, Donald Trump -- who is red meat radioactive. A GOP candidate could start by telling the press he is gay -- even if he is not!"

Your LakeCountyEye strongly suspects Lawlor is.

"Lawlor is a special case." confided Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Suppose Lawlor decided to run for higher office. Like Lieutenant Governor. Or even State Senate. What do you think his Republican Primary opponents would all be whispering?"

That Lawlor is gay?

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi smiled. "And what do you think his Republican Primary opponents will not be whispering -- now?"

That Lawlor is gay?

"Smart politics." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Then what was up with the public histrionics? Lawlor's announcement was delivered like he was trying to sneak it in through the back door. A cringe inducing moment, to say the least. Your LakeCountyEye played the video on a Grindr app:

Aaron Lawlor Speaks at "A Welcoming and Inclusive Community - Summit of Leaders"

"Ya," grimaced Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "it looks more like he's being prepped for a colonoscopy there."

And your LakeCountyEye couldn't help but notice Lake County State's Attorney Michael Nerheim seated behind the podium.

"Nerheim never batted an eyelash." observed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "To be fair, no one ever listens to these speeches. Nerheim might have been doing math problems in his head. Like how many wrongful prosecution judgments can the County absorb, without going belly up."

Embrace the crazy. Did Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"You can break some news. Tell your operatives that Princess Nudelman is gay."