Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Q the Eye/04.21.10

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I'm a Tea Party Patriot who says it's time to take back our county ever since 2009. Last week I agreed to be a Lake County precinct committeeman. I really have 2 questions. One, what is a precinct committeeman? And, two, where can I get some of those Obama+Hitler signs?

A Picture is Worth 1000 Wards
Dear Wards Fail Me,

There has been an undeniable uptick, recently, in the slash & burn politics of demonizing the opposition. This mostly occurs when individuals or groups are unwilling to compromise, and you seem no exception to the rule. These are, no doubt, frustrating times. Communicating successfully with voters is the primary task of a precinct committeeman and giving voice to one's frustrations is difficult & confusing in the best of situations. Luckily there will always be the Nazis to bank on when one needs a universally recognizable semaphore for smearing the other Party.

As reported here last week ...
Secret Stash
Hitlerizing one's political bĂȘte noir is a voodoo art best left to the professionals. But having been inundated, for some reason, with requests similar to yours ...
Itteh Bitteh Teah Parteh Committeh
your LakeCountyEye is prepared to go one better and empower you to create camera-ready images of your opponents -- complete with their very own Hitler-mustaches. All you need is some web-smarts plus a printer and you're soon to be denigrating the political opposition like a Goebbels or a Rove.

To begin, familiarize yourself with the All-Purpose Political Demonizer Web Widget™, below. Then on the Internet, find a front-portrait image of your enemy. It does not matter whose image it is -- like the Internet itself, the Demonizer Widget™ does not discriminate. Paste the Internet http address of the image into the box marked URL. Then click the Demonize Me! button. Position the Hitler-mustache over the image where it looks most lifelike. The Move Down number adjusts the distance from the top margin. The Move Right number adjusts the distance from the left margin. And the Size number adjusts the mustache size. Keep tweaking the numbers and clicking Demonize Me!, until you have utterly Hitlerized your victim. When satisfied, send your artwork to your printer.

Your LakeCountyEye suggests pasting the image on your precinct walkcards. You can also print poster sized copies for the next protest confrontation. Or emboss some for your wallet and pass out copies to friends and neighbors.

The Demonizer Widget™ is already pre-set with an example to get you started. Do not hesitate. Click Demonize Me! now and go nuts!

LakeCountyEye Web Widget
All-Purpose Political Demonizer™

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

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