Thursday, April 1, 2010

Nothing Secedes Like Secession

Lake County has caught secession fever! Not to be outdone by recent threats from Palatine, Wheeling and other townships to secede from Cook County, Lake County is planning to secede from Lake County. It's an inviolable rule that every nutty idea from Cook County eventually filters up into Lake County -- and what once was taken seriously only among teabaggers and other local paramilitary organizations is now close to being reality.

The NewsSun has the latest on the County's secession plans ...
County Plans to Go Ahead with Secession Plans
The Daily Herald fills in some of the details ...
Lake County to Lake County: Hasta la Vista
A non-binding resolution working it's way through the county board would effectively dis-incorporate Lake County from Lake County, creating Illinois's newest, and 103rd, county. The resolution originated from within Sheriff Mark Curran's office. "The minute we secede," said a Lake County Sheriff's spokesman, "undocumented workers will no longer be able to locate Lake County using MapQuest."

Some secession details are yet to be worked out. "We haven't settled on a name yet," announced a press release from the office of County Board Chair, Suzi Schmidt. "Our State's Attorney has advised us that there already is a Lincoln County downstate, somewhere. And another governing body has first dibs on Reagan County. We're taking a hard look at calling ourselves Amstutz County right now." State Representative Eddie Washington could not be reached for comment.

The new County was to roughly correspond with Lake County's original boundaries. However County Clerk Willard Helander's office is believed to oppose the prospect of providing voter services to municipalities -- like Buffalo Grove and Island Lake -- that would overlap three or more County jurisdictions. "It's hard enough finding some of these towns on the map, as things stand now," explained a County Clerk employee. Currently there are no pending objections to excluding these municipalities from the new County.

State Senator Terry Link favors the proposal, and your LakeCountyEye has learned that Link is working behind the scenes to be appointed Lieutenant Governor of the new County. Not everyone however supports the proposal. Mark Kirk, the 10th District Congressman, supports its repeal. In a related story, US Senate Candidate Mark Kirk gave the proposal his enthusiastic endorsement.

Long term projects include detaching the new County from the mainland and floating it out into Lake Michigan. Benefits of this plan would include County-wide access to Lake Michigan water. And a free Asian Carp Fish Boil every Friday night. One related item under proposal would be to securely nail down Route 53 on the Cook County side, to provide an access bridge to the mainland. This is widely perceived -- a belief undoubtedly shared by Long Grove Mayor Maria Rodriguez -- to be a necessary step toward seeing the Route 53 extension become a reality. Cost of the project would be minimal. Residents whose property lines abut the new County border will be issued surveying equipment and a circular saw.


Crazy4glf said...

April fool's day?
April Fool is the next lesser known until now GOP candidate for an important public office.

It would be just like the GOP County Board Majority to recommend another aimless (I'm sorry, non-binding) resolution or ballot initiative. Of course, this could be because they may doubt their voters' desire to come out and elect their mediocre candidates.

Anonymous said...

Ha, the Township would be in charge! Excellent. What........? April Fools-darn.