Monday, March 22, 2010

Miracle Cure

Huzzah, universal healthcare is now a reality! Your LakeCountyEye will not have to sell a kidney after all to cover some pesky medical expenses. (Experts say that this is a trick that can't be counted on to work more than twice.) Soon your LakeCountyEye can start seeing a real MD. And totally free of charge.

Checking the Congressional record, there were few surprises in yesterday's Health Care Reform vote. No one seriously thought Obama-Mama Melissa Bean would oppose her poker buddy, Rahm. Voting in the Noes column was shapeshifting Mark Kirk, who has metamorphosed from a North Shore liberal to a downstate teabagger.

The bill, HR 3590, is bigger than Social Security plus Medicare plus the Repeal of Prohibition. Combined and times one hundred. Of course no one, including any of our reps, can say for certian what exactly is in the bill. Exclusive video of demonstrators at Melissa Bean's office last week has the 411 on the 911:

Did you spot your LakeCountyEye? Look for the Testey's Tea furry.

So before hailing an EMS vehicle for an all-expense-paid ride to the ER, your LakeCountyEye decided to look up just what is covered by the Healthcare Bill. You may be as surprised as your LakeCountyEye. Here are the ten most significant provisions in the Healthcare Bill, HR 3590. How these will affect you is anyone's guess.

The 10 Most Important Features of the Healthcare Bill
1) Rockin' pneumonia: Covered
    Boogie Woogie flu: Not Covered

2) Medicare can now bargain with pharmaceutical makers for cheaper placebos.

3) Dr Kevorkian to be named Death-Panel Czar.

4) Owners can now keep pets on their policies until they are 26. (Dog years: 182)

5) Ambulance Chasing to be named newest Olympic Trial Sport.

6) Torte Reform provision eliminates the prescription drug doughnut-hole.

7) So-called Cadillac Tax also to be levied on owners of unsafe Toyotas.

8) Vaccine now available for blue-flu.

9) Entire package to be paid for by reinstating the death tax.

10) Health insurance companies now required to actually pay some claims.

Does anyone have the phone number to Michael Jackson's doctor?


Anonymous said...

Watching the video lends credence to just how uninformed the citizens of this country are. It is down right embarrassing.

IllinoisJim said...

Remember when Walter Cronkite interviewed reform communists after the Soviet Union fell? He asked, what is wrong with communism? The answer? Simple. “It doesn’t work.” I say wrong. It did work. For some. Just like capitalism. It does work. For some. American health care works…for some. Too bad it didn’t work like the computer industry. Year after year, those machines got faster, better, cheaper.

If Big Health had not screwed up, I would not have been for reform. But it did. Big time. Like a scummy car insurance company, it cancelled everybody except those who wouldn’t make a claim. Hell, if Commonwealth Edison had its way, rates would be five times what they are now, and customers who are not profitable enough would be cut off, left to burn candles. That’s pure capitalism. So thank you, you the people, for acting through your government to keep utilities in business, with service for all, without excess profit for the few. Wouldn’t want another Enron, anyway.

I was disgusted by Far Left behavior in the 60’s and 70’s. I’m repelled by today’s behavior of the Far Right, filled with fright.

That’s right! Fright. Fear of losing a dominant position in society? Fear of giving something up to people who are not supposed to be here anyway? Fear of losing what was never there, ever? Don’t know. I do know that fear of change was second to fear of starvation when New Dealers came to power. America was saved because of their ‘moderate’ use of government, saving capitalism at the same time saving lives.

I hope what Congress did this week will be as wise as the best of the last century. If Congress does this right, some old teabag may end up saying, “Get government off our backs! And keep it away from my reformed health care!!!”