Saturday, May 11, 2013

One Man One Goat

Cheezborger Cheezborger CheezborgerWhenever operatives inquire about a career in politics, your LakeCountyEye usually observes that more money can be made as a goatherd. Haha, that's no joke, goats are a growth industry in Lake County. According to the Barrington Courier-Review, Chicago aviation officials have obtained the services of a herd of goats to control vegetation at O'Hare Airport, and ...
a contract for sustainable management grazing services has been awarded to Chicago-based Central Commissary Holdings, which cares for a small grazing herd on a farm in Barrington Hills.
Barrington Hills goats called in to tame O'Hare's vegetation
A go-getter stands to make some good money in the goatherding business -- so your LakeCountyEye sought the expert advice of Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, professor of Animal Husbandry Studies at the College of Lake County.

"These goats are a bellwether in Lake County." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi told your LakeCountyEye. "It used to be, the big landholders would sell at top dollar some blighted bottomland to the Lake County Forest Preserve District, and in return receive a sweetheart zoning variance on the rest of their land. And faster than you could say Levittown, acres of genetically modified soybeans suddenly became acres of semi-detached single-family units with a two-car garage. But that trend is now reversing. Lake County homeowners are turning their backyards back into free-range grazing plots for their livestock and chickens."

This was all fascinating, but your LakeCountyEye came to hear about the goats.

"When compared to goatherding," Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi continued "it's the sheepherders who get all the props. Shepherds have their own dog, their own pie, their own crook. But did you know that goatherds have their own hiphop anthem -- Wind It Up -- how cool is that?

No doubt too cool for school. Your LakeCountyEye then wanted to know if it would be difficult to build a herd.

"No," said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi after a moment. "Goats have become so numerous that there are now free-roaming feral herds munching out a swath of Lake County as wide as Sherman's March to the Sea. Not a pretty sight, particularly if you treasure your hardy perennials as much as I do."

Forewarned is forearmed. Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi if he had any parting advice for the operatives.

"If they grow medicinal marijuana, I've discovered it helps to renew your FOID card and keep a shotgun loaded by the door."


CountyLeaks said...

Here's yet another anthem, Lake:

Barney Baxter said...

hi CountyLeaks,

I don't know what is more disturbing there, the goats or the puppets.


CountyLeaks said...

Here's another version...