The Heavenly Heist

Face it. No one ever makes good on their New Year's resolutions. So why not sign up for a LakeCountyEye MasterClass^® instead?

Enroll today to be eligible for this week's LakeCountyEye MasterClass:

How to Draw Pictures in the Style of the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist^®

Lesson #1
Find some clipart on the Internet:

Collection of Mary And Joseph Silhouette Clip Art

Lesson #2
Flip the image and then squish it.  Imbue that sketch with some aesthetic street-cred:

Lesson #3
Then copy-and-paste into your picture:

CHRISTMAS; NO ROOM AT THE INN; UNDERSTAFFING

Lesson #4
Now draw a fig-leaf for the Tribune Creepy Cartoonist. He got nothing on you.

Hurry! Supplies are limited.

Which of These People are Behind Bars?

Dick Barr, a Lake County Board Commissioner, alleges that his car was robbed on Christmas Eve. His proof is a porch-cam video of his driveway:

Lake County board member says his car was burglarized twice on Christmas Eve while he was delivering presents

Did Dick Barr file a police report? If not, then why not? If someone broke into your car on your driveway, wouldn't you call the police?

In Chicago there is a code of silence that they call don't snitch:

It's an old problem and an old code — "don't snitch." And it exists everywhere. But in Chicago, where homicides and shootings are up significantly this year, that old code is leaving a rising number of violent crimes unsolved.
In Chicago, Violence Soars And Witnesses Go Silent

But isn't Lake County supposed to be better than Chicago? Shouldn't Dick Barr march right down to the Round Lake Beach Police Headquarters and tell them everything he knows?  If he hasn't already, why hasn't he?

And Dick Barr absolutely needs to show the police the video.  That's because even though Lake County has not seen any snow since last March, the video shows a solid coat of snow on the ground. And Dick Barr, an actual elected Lake County Board Commissioner, will need to explain where all that snow came from.

Because the police aren't stupid.

Some Guys Belong Behind Bars

Lake County Board Member Dick Barr filed an unbelievable report on social media, claiming his car was burglarized at his Round Lake Beach home, twice on Christmas Eve:

Lake County Board Member Dick Barr posted security camera videos early Christmas Day on social media showing his car being burglarized twice. The security camera video showed a masked suspect getting out of the passenger side of a vehicle and running up to Barr's vehicle that was parked in the driveway of his Round Lake Beach home.
Lake County board member says his car was burglarized twice on Christmas Eve while he was delivering presents

This is a photo from Barr's video:

Now, anyone who lives in Lake County knows there hasn't been any snow on the ground since last March -- unlike what you see in Dick Barr's photo:

Your LakeCountyEye checked the Round Lake Beach weather report:

The temperature there on Dec 24 was a balmy 54 degrees. Precipitation was .02 inches (about average for the Gobi desert).

Source:

Weather History for KILROUND40 (Round Lake Beach)

Your LakeCountyEye suspects the perp got away with a load of baloney.

Sneezin's Greetings

Did Santa Claus bring a COVID test-kit and put one in your stocking? If Santa had read the label correctly he would have put it in your nose.

HaHa.

There is good news for anyone who lives in Lake County. You are less likely to have COVID than those who live in McHenry County. Twice as less likely as those in Wisconsin:

New cases of COVID-19 in Lake County increased 72.23% in the past week, to 370.4 per 100,000 residents as of Friday, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website. In suburban Cook County, the average is 299.83 new cases, a 62.16% jump. The numbers are more pronounced in McHenry County to the west, with 521.81 new cases per 100,000 residents, a 56.38% increase; and across the state line in Kenosha County, Wisconsin, the average is 821, a jump of 77%, according to the CDC.
Lake County’s COVID cases increase, as it continues to lead state in vaccination rate

The bad news is Santa had been down every chimney in McHenry County before he even flew into your town. And every chimney in Wisconsin as well. So whatever it is that Santa left under your tree, creosote is the least of your worries.

2021 Xmas holiday hack: The Ivermectin you got from your MAGA uncle is FDA approved for use on reindeer.

What a Nudge

How bad does hasbeen Lake County favorite son Ted Nugent want to gin up sales for his new CD? So bad, he sent a copy to the President:

TED NUGENT Says He Sent A Copy Of His Latest 'Pro-Gun' Song To President JOE BIDEN

The CD, which contains these lyrics ...

Come and take it
Go ahead and try go ahead and die

comes with high hopes to be a big hit when played at the next State of the Union Address.

In related news, an environmentally conscious Lake County will be banning single-use plastics:

In what was described as a small but important step, the Lake County Board on Tuesday adopted a policy banning the use of single-use plastics at its operations by Jan. 1, 2023.
Lake County Board adopts policy banning single-use plastics by 2023

A County official told your LakeCountyEye: "Absolutely, Ted Nugent's CD will be covered by the ban. Nobody ever listens to a Ted Nugent record more than one time."

Secret Weapon

There are many revelations yet to be disclosed by the Capitol Riot Investigation. One of the most shocking is that the President has a Secret Santa: Ted Nugent.

HaHa.

Honorary Lake County favorite son Ted Nugent sent one of his songs to Joe Biden for Christmas. Nugent says the ballad ...

is a love song to the punks in our government who think that they have the right to infringe on our constitutionally guaranteed, God-given individual freedoms. So I sent them a love song. In fact, I sent a copy of 'Come And Take It' to [U.S. president] Joe Biden
TED NUGENT Says He Sent A Copy Of His Latest ‘Pro-Gun’ Song To President JOE BIDEN

Come and take it
Come and take it
Go ahead and try go ahead and die
Come and take it

Come and Take It
Ted Nugent

There is no truth to the rumor that Ted Nugent's Secret Santa is a Secret Service agent.

What's the Beef?

That sound of a roaring freight train you hear is not a deadly tornado. It is a deadly freight train:

It's 2013 again, only instead of Barrington leading the charge against the Canadian National's acquisition of the EJ & E Railroad, this time several suburbs along the Irving Park Road corridor are organizing to oppose Canadian Pacific's merger with Kansas City Southern.
Suburbanites have till Friday to speak up about rail merger

More trains on the ground will mean more money in the pocket of someone, to say the least.

An industry spokesman told your LakeCountyEye: "Of course, any increase in rail traffic will mean an increase in exploding oil trains. We are taking all the necessary safeguards by installing extra-heavy-duty cow-catchers on all of our engines."

Tyson the Bison, Lake County's runaway buffalo, was unavailable for comment.

Oh Give Me a Home

Do you have a lost pet? Sadly, the Sheriff's Dept does not have the resources to help. If your pet is an American Bison however, well that's another story:

Authorities said the owner of the animal reported it missing to the Lake County Sheriff's Office in mid-September.
Sheriff warns residents not to approach ‘Tyson the Bison’ which has been on loose for months in Lake County

This lost bison ...

is making a name for herself in the Cary area, an hour northwest of Chicago, with citizens posting photos and videos of her on Facebook, along with jokes and statements of support. A local artist has painted a portrait of the wily bovine — dubbed Billy by her fans.
A runaway buffalo roams the streets of suburban Cary, inspiring social media posts, art and Sasquatch comparisons: ‘Are we dreaming this?’

Going by several aliases -- such as "Tyson the Byson" and "Buffalo Billy" -- the runaway ungulate has eluded capture because no one knows exactly which name they need to to call out. One thing is known, there are ten names the bison does not answer to:

10 Rejected Names for the Lake County Lost Bison

Joe Blow the Buffalo Terramycin the Bison Covid the Bovid Buffalo Bill Barr Lice In the Bison Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Buffalo Chip The Grove Formerly Known as Buffalo The Notorious B.I.S.O.N. Yertle the Bison

Look for your LakeCountyEye in Buffalo NY.

The Revolution Will Not be Tote-Bag-ized

Question of the Day: Why are Governors Ron DeSantis and Greg Abbott, US Senator Ted Cruz, and US Reps Jeff Duncan, Bill Posey and Lauren Boebert all chanting Let's Go Brandon?

The short Answer:

Let's Go Brandon

is the alt-right's new rebel yell.

It is ...

a euphemism that many people in conservative circles are using in place of saying, "F*** Joe Biden."
Here's what 'Let's Go, Brandon' actually means and how it made its way to Congress

That's right, Let's Go Brandon is your way of giving the middle finger to Joe Biden.

And if you itch to flip off the President, then why not do it with a Let's Go Brandon Tote Bag? You heard that correct, the McHenry County GOP will be giving away Let's Go Brandon tote bags at their next fundraiser:

Just in time for the holidays, why not give a Let's Go Brandon tote bag to that hard-to-shop-for grandparent? Or take one to that next Secret Santa office party? Is there a better way to publicly declare your allegiance to the resistance?

Best of all, these are easy to carry when you're at church or the grocery store or just out caroling. Nothing says "I am an insurrectionist" like your Let's Go Brandon tote bag!

OMG Omicron

Note to Ops: Run for your lives. The Omicron Variant is coming:

As Lake County awaits first omicron variant case, health officials suggest everyone ‘continue using the same precautions we have been using all along’

One public safety expert told your LakeCountyEye: "Make no mistake, the Omicron Variant is dangerous. But this is no Thanos or Dormammu. As far as Marvel Villains go, I'd rank Omicron Variant somewhere between Doctor Octopus and Green Goblin. No need to call a Spiderman or Wolverine. Captain America would be able to clobber an Omicron Variant."

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Motivated Seller

It looks like your LakeCountyEye will not have Joe Walsh to kick around any more:

Former U.S. Rep Joe Walsh sells Mundelein home for $685,000

Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh got notoriety in the early 2010s when he exposed Lake County to the Paranoid Style in American Politics:

Rep. Joe Walsh yells at his constituents

One long-time political scientist told your LakeCountyEye: "It's too bad that you can't copyright your shtick. Walsh would be a gazillionaire today."

Tough Guy

He is a former anti-abortion lobbyist. State Senator Daniel McConchie now wants you to go to jail:

 

Illegal abortions are guaranteed to be on the rise this year. Dan McConchie says ...

this year rising crime rates will be even deadlier!!

Women who need an illegal abortion brazenly thumb their noses at the law. While McConchie condemns those who ...

work insidiously to lift up the lives of felons and those with no respect for rule of law

Women who receive illegal abortions are criminals who should be kept in jail. And McConchie strongly opposes ...

efforts to allow prisoners to walk out of jail without bail

Lock them up!

Turkey Shoot

BREAKING NEWS: Thanksgiving has been cancelled in Lake County.

Armed with an AR-15 military-style assault weapon, the Thanksgiving Turkey this week gunned his way out of the turkey farm.

The Thanksgiving Turkey was subsequently apprehended. But despite being in illegal possession of a lethal firearm, and despite admitting to the use of deadly force, a jury acquitted the Thanksgiving Turkey of all charges.

One jury spokesman said it was a clear-cut case of self-defense.

The whereabouts of the Thanksgiving Turkey is currently unknown.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

High on the Tokin' Poll

Heads up. Is one marijuana joint enough for the Village of Lake Zurich? Maybe not:

Just two weeks after Lake Zurich leaders voted to allow the village's first marijuana dispensary, a new group pitched a plan to build the second.
The Village of Lake Zurich hears plan for second marijuana dispensary

By the same token, it looks like the Village of Lake Zurich might be on a roll. Village approval ratings are flying higher than a kite:

The village of Lake Zurich was given its highest marks yet in several categories by residents participating in the biannual community survey, with 96% of respondents rating their town as a good or excellent place to live.
Lake Zurich receives high marks from residents in community survey

What possibly explains a 96% approval rating?  Your LakeCountyEye obtained a copy of the survey to find out what residents are saying about the Village of Lake Zurich. All ten of them:

10 Most Frequently Heard Responses to the Lake Zurich Community Survey

Totally Awesome Rad Cowabunga Gnarly Most Excellent Primo Bitchin Tubuler 5 Yelps   Da Bomb

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Smoke'em if ya got'em.

When the Going Gets Tough the TIF Get Going

Note to Ops: Cue the snow. Santa Claus is coming to Lake County:

Santa will jump-start the holiday season when he arrives via firetruck Saturday night at the Deer Park Town Center. His visit coincides with the annual tree-lighting and fireworks display.
Santa's on his way to Deer Park

What is hiding in Santa's sleigh-full of gifts? A TIF district for Deer Park:

Deer Park officials may create a special taxing district to raise money for public improvements and to encourage development in its part of the Rand Road commercial corridor.
Deer Park weighing special taxing district on Rand Road to boost development

A spokes-elf issued a statement from the North Pole: "Santa made a list and checked it twice. All you naughty Deer Park schools, libraries and parks are getting a lump of coal this year."

Creeping Stagnation

An actual unretouched screengrab from the Lake County Gazette, Lake County's #1 fakenews source:

"Number of teachers pledging to teach Critical Race Theory in Fox Lake stagnates at one"

In related news, the number of journalistic ethics observed at the Lake County Gazette dissipates to zero.

Explosive Material

The Lake County exploding oil train did not explode. And the Lake County ethylene-oxide cloud did not explode either. Nor, for that matter, did the Lake County nuclear plant, nor the Lake County mosquito abatement truck.

So, what did explode in Lake County last week?

There is no question many northern Lake County residents either heard or felt something Friday afternoon. But what it was remains a mystery. At about 3:30 p.m., emergency dispatch centers began getting reports of what sounded like a large explosion.
'It sounded like a bomb going off': Loud boom heard Friday in Lake County remains a mystery

Note to Ops: Has anyone seen Kyle Rittenhouse's ammo dump?

Laughter is the Best Medicine

The enervated theocrats at the McHenryCountyBlog are blaming the Democrats for the high cost of Medicare prescription drugs:

Note to Ops: Cognitive impairment can strike anywhere, at any time. If your prescriptions are too expensive, try this over-the-counter remedy:

Did you know Prevagen is made from jellyfish?

Those Who Cannot Remember the Past are Condemned to Repeat It

A Halloween treat goes to the first person who can name this Illinois GOP Congressman who gained notoriety for opposing Donald Trump. You would be as likely to see him on TV as in his Congressional office. His far-rightwing Congressional career ended because of redistricting. And he is now widely expected to run for President in 2024.

The answer, of course, is Lake County favorite son Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh:

Joe Walsh raises 'White Flag' with new podcast

In related news, some unknown downstate Congressman says he will not run for re-election:

The time to move on 'is now': Adam Kinzinger won't run again for Congress in 2022

The Halloween contest winner may claim their Snickers.

Bald Faced

Being that time of the year when the nation gathers to remember the dead, the Lake County GOP is celebrating Halloween:

Note to Ops: You are welcome to attend but your Halloween mask is not:

Now that's scary!