Thursday, April 26, 2012

Who's On First?

Hey Abbott!If they ever plan to throw a ticker tape parade in Lake County, your LakeCountyEye has plenty of ripped up Mega Millions® tickets to donate. Luckily there is a new lottery scheduled next week.  According to an item in the TribLocal, posted by Lake County Clerk, Willard "Mitt" Helander ...
A public lottery to determine party order for the November 6th General Election will be held at 10:00 a.m. on Tuesday, May 1, in the lobby of the Lake County Courthouse and Administrative Complex, 18 North County Street, Waukegan, Illinois.
County Clerk Announces Lottery for November 2012 General Election
Sharpeyed operatives will observe this isn't a real lottery -- but is some sort of ceremony to decide ballot position:
"Candidates like to be listed first on the ballot," stated Helander. "There is statistical evidence that the first place position can yield a slight advantage," she continued.
County Clerk Announces Lottery for November 2012 General Election
Your LakeCountyEye advises ops to proofread their press releases before posting them on the TribLocal to look like news items.  In your LakeCountyEye's experience, candidates like to be listed alone on the ballot. Moreover, candidates like to be listed first on the election results.

But no one can doubt there is a slight statistical advantage in being first on the ballot.  Your LakeCountyEye has seen studies where that advantage can range as high as 80%, 90%, 100%, even a whopping 110% in some instances.

The outcome of this particular lottery could make or break more than one candidacy, so the stakes could not be higher. It should come as no surprise that, short of stuffing the ballot box, vested interests are hoping to sway this lottery drawing in their favor. Your LakeCountyEye has learned that one Party, who will remain unnamed, has hired the services of some of the nation's top psychics. On the day of the drawing, Uri Geller, Kreskin, and many others will be sending their telekinetic mind rays from an undisclosed location toward the Lake County Courthouse. Not to be outdone, the other Party, who will remain unnamed, has organized a 24/7 prayer chain. Your LakeCountyEye has been assured that as you read this, there is someone beseeching the Almighty.

Desperate times require desperate measures -- and the beauty of this is it's all perfectly legal! Your LakeCountyEye plans not to miss this particular ballot lottery. Look for the tin-foil hat.

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