Friday, June 18, 2010

Q the Eye/06.18.10

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I'm a candidate running for election but every time I try to walk my own neighborhood I'm attacked by a mean dog. It's gotten so I don't want to leave the house. But I really want to serve in Congress, in Washington DC. What should I do?

Thrown to the Dogs

Dear Oh, Sure,

One item from your Idiot's Guide to Running for Congress worth committing to memory: when setting up a photo-op for yourself, you can never arrange to have too many babies and/or dogs in the picture. Every image of you kissing that baby and/or dog is good for a minimum 100 additional votes. The obvious corollary to the rule: never get caught kicking a dog -- particularly if Fido does not belong to you.

So don't make the mistake made by Bill Scheurer, the Green Party Candidate for the 8th Congressional District. Scheurer wants the Health Department to place a neighbor's dog on his county's dangerous dog list. Technically this is not the same as kicking a dog, but the two pretty much are politically equivalent. The Daily Herald has the details ...
Congressional candidate in dispute over dog bite
Not only has Scheurer angered dog lovers, but he's done it for the benefit of the Daily Herald. Getting one's message out is always a good thing. Still, it needs to be a message intended to help your campaign, not hurt it.

The crème de briard to this shaggy tale has Scheurer going door to door, with petition in hand, to have the offending dog declared dangerous. (Your LakeCountyEye cannot help but wonder if Scheurer also used the opportunity to ask "can I put you down for a yardsign"?) But a story like this can sink a campaign faster than a Dean scream. Your LakeCountyEye recalls one candidate who managed to pat/pat/pat a dog that was ripping up his coat-sleeve, all the while complimenting the owner on his friendly dog. Worth noting, this was not a candidate for peace. Scheurer is the 8th District peace candidate, so your LakeCountyEye supposes he can be expected to behave differently.

And it shouldn't hurt to tattoo this somewhere: the 8th Congressional District is ground zero for inept political campaigning. Ever since Phil Crane passed his sinecure to Melissa Bean in 2004, the campaign trail in the 8th has become a junkyard of campaign buses whose wheels came off at some point before the November election. Your LakeCountyEye suggests, if you want to run for Congress then put the junkyard dog on his leash and head over to the 8th Congressional District. Absolutely no experience is necessary!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Barney, with this quality of reportage, you should apply for a job at the Daily Herald!

If you bothered to read the comments, check the facts, do anything -- maybe, try some real journalism? -- you would learn that you are simply perpetuating lies and distortions here.

There is no petition. There IS action pending with Lake County Animal Control because this is the fifth time this dog has left its yard and attacked -- this last time inflicting severe wounds that required tubes of bloody stents that made the victim dog look like a grotesque porcupine.

You obviously have no understanding of what it means to be a peace candidate either. It does not mean you roll over in the face of injustice and aggression. It means you apply forces more creative and constructive than idiotic war to resolve problems.

If the Daily Herald won't hire you, try the Chicago Tribune. Their standards are even lower.