Thursday, August 15, 2013

Don't Sprayz Me, Bro

Raid!Lake County can boast a surplus two things: mosquitoes and assault rifles. So it should be no surprise that the #1 Lake County nighttime fun activity for the entire family is target practice. Against biting insects. It should also be no surprise that the Village of Highland Park, which recently banned assault rifles, is reporting a bumper crop of mosquitoes this year. According to the News-Sun ...
A group of Highland Park residents criticized officials with the South Lake Mosquito Abatement District on Monday, Aug. 12, for a decision to conduct fly-over spraying on July 11.
Residents criticize mosquito district for fly-over spraying
When the conversation turns to things by nature all bugs, your LakeCountyEye turns to the bugs expert, Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Math Death at the College of Lake County.

The obvious question was: "How safe is insect spraying?" Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi had a quick response: "Safe as milk. Just ask the insecticide manufacturer. Or the application contractor. Or the responsible government body. If you can't trust the word of vested special interests like these, who can you trust?"

Safety, of course, comes at a price. Your LakeCountyEye wanted to know if this was reflected in the tax bill. "Not at all." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "In fact, save yourself a couple of bucks. The next night they spray, treat the family to icecream cones. When the clerk offers to upgrade your cones with extra toppings, tell him no thanks. Tell him you'll be outside, waiting for the mosquito spray. Different insecticides will deposit different color residues on the cones!"

Your LakeCountyEye was intrigued and asked, "What insecticide do they use?" Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi said the chemical they now use is called DUET.

"DUET?" mused your LakeCountyEye. "That sounds safe."

"Absolutely." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "I do recall one insecticide that was not as popular. It was marketed under the brand name: A CUTE NEUROTOXIN"

Your LakeCountyEye wondered how the DUET was applied.

"Aerosol particulates delivered through a spray mechanism." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Typically a fogger mounted on a pickup truck. Sometimes from an airplane, like in Highland Park last month. This is a funny story -- I know one pilot who sprayed "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" over his girlfriend's home."

"Very romantic." said your LakeCountyEye. "Did they get married?"

"It's actually a sad story." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "She's still in the Hospital ICU."

This was more than your LakeCountyEye needed to know, and asked "Do you have any parting advice?"

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi only said "Tell your operatives, if they want to pick up a couple fast bucks, open a retail Hazmat supply shop in Highland Park."

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