Friday, September 18, 2009

The Noobs, Part Twoob

Your LakeCountyEye could not help but notice the spate of new arrivals to the Lake County political landscape, and has compiled a (by no means exhaustive) list of political newbies likely to appear on the ballot next February:

• Jonathan Farnick (D) / US Congress 8
• Paul Mitchell (R) / State Rep 62
• Carol Sente (D) / State Rep 59
• Aaron Lawler (R) / State Rep 59 County Board 18
• Collin O'Rourke (G) (D) / County Board 8
• The half dozen upper middle class & middle aged white guys no one's ever heard of (R) / US Congress 10

To this list must be added some honorable mentions who, while technically are not political newbies, your LakeCountyEye would be in remiss to overlook:

• Maria Rodriguez (R) / US Congress 8
• Lisa Stone (D) (R) (?) / [insert your favorite elected office here]

With this many years of political inexperience all crowded into one ballot, the number of campaign trainwrecks may set a new high-water mark. Your LakeCountyEye speculates that after all the dust settles the phrase silly season may need to be redefined after 2010. While this is the obvious boon to any humble political satirist, there's no telling what the rest of the State will be saying about us following the November election. It's hard enough to get any political respect as it is -- way up here in Lake County where one border abuts up against Wisconsin and even worse another abuts McHenry County.

For that reason your LakeCountyEye is prepared to disseminate, gratis, many decades-worth of finely honed political wisdom. Campaign mistakes are as easy as being knocked off the ballot by a hanging chad. To all you Obama wannabees, forewarned is forearmed. As a public service to political newcomers (and oldtimers as well) here are 10 LakeCountyEye campaign DOs and DON'Ts:

1) Do not ask Princess Nudelman to sign your nominating petition.
2) Candidates are permitted to shake hands and kiss babies. Not the other way around.
3) GOTV may be your margin of victory. Tell your voters all voting booths have video poker.
4) Save all that unused parade candy for Halloween!
5) The Bachelor Party is not a registered political party in Illinois.
6) It is impossible to poll voters too often.
7) Go Green: Recycle those stolen yardsigns.
8) Never really, literally or actually throw anyone under the bus.
9) I'll be stuffing the ballot box tonight is not a punchline to an off-color joke.
10) Do not take your campaign advice from an Internet blog.


Anonymous said...

Are you sure you have the district right for Paul Mitchell? Shouldn't it be 62?

Nicki said...

For those of us who work in the campaign industry, having so many candidates is an opportunity. On the other hand, though, the newbies haven't done any fundraising yet ... it's good to get paid ...

Barney Baxter said...

Thanks for the heads-up, Anon, Mitchell is in 62. A correction was made.

Barney Baxter said...

Hi Nicki,
there are enough fundraising do's & dont's to be its own top ten list!

Paul Mitchell said...

Some good advice there, thanks for the mention!

Middle-aged White Guy said...

Can I hire you? Nobody has heard of me...yet.

Anonymous said...

I love Mitchell's close association with the 9-12 Patriots organization. Nothing like capitalizing on a tragedy, ey? You'd think Paul would 'get' that the group is just re-victimizing all those lost souls and families. I loved how the group came over to the Dems booth at the Lake County Fair to try to explain why there is no global warming and that 'creationism' is the only 'science' that should be taught in the schools. You'll go far with this, Paul. Well, at least just slightly further than the end of the pier.

Barney Baxter said...

Middle-aged White Guy,
advertise on the LakeCountyEye and you will be famous in no time!