Mob FOIA

With 2024 soon to be a thing of the past, your year-end challenge this time is a word-ladder. Can you turn FOIA into SPAM in fewer than 6 steps?

FOIA
FOIL
FOAL
FOAM
FLAM
SLAM
SPAM

The Lake County Gazette did it in 25 steps. They spammed no fewer than 25 Lake County Police Departments with FOIA requests:

Here is what they said:

A Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request was sent to the [redacted] Police Department in Illinois on December 12, 2024. The request was made by the Lake County Gazette, a media organization committed to providing comprehensive and accurate news coverage on local governmental affairs. In our quest for transparency and accountability, we sought access to arrest records from January 1, 2018, up until the present date. The requested data fields include the arrestee's name, arrest date, gender, race, date of birth, and the crime committed.

We also highlighted our eligibility for a fee waiver as a media professional due to our role in disseminating information.

Why burden Police Departments with nuisance FOIAs, when most police blotters are already posted on the web? Because the Lake County Gazette.

Note to Ops: A public body can deny a FOIA request if it is "unduly burdensome". It is not for nothing the Lake County Gazette will always be Lake County's #1 fakenews source!

Feliz Navidad

The war against Christmas has ended -- and Christmas lost. On Jan 20 Donald Trump will deport Santa Claus back to the North Pole and you will have to pay an additional 50% tariff on your Christmas gifts.

Ho, Ho, ... Wha? If the Mexicans are all being sent back to Mexico, then where is Lake County moneybags (and Trump donor) Richard Uihlein going to get Mexican laborers for his Wisconsin warehouses? Well, according to The Guardian, from Mexico:

A company owned by two of Donald Trump's top mega-donors has routinely brought dozens of its workers from Mexico to staff its warehouses in Wisconsin and other locations even though they do not appear to have permission to work in the US, according to a Guardian investigation. Uline – a giant Wisconsin-based office and shipping supply company controlled by billionaires Liz and Dick Uihlein – shuttles in its own workers from Mexico, who are using tourist visas and visas meant for employees who are entering the US temporarily to receive professional training, known as B1 visas. But instead of being part of a dedicated training program, the Mexican employees stay for one to six months and – sources with direct knowledge of the matter allege – perform normal work in Uline's US warehouses.
Major Trump donors who complained of immigrant 'invasion' used Mexican workers illegally, sources allege
Exclusive: Experts believe the alleged 'shuttle support' program used by Uline – a company owned by billionaires Liz and Dick Uihlein – is likely illegal and exploitative of workers

The Lake County GOP issued a statement demanding the immediate erection of a border wall. Not to be outdone, the Wisconsin GOP issued a statement offering their complete support, provided the wall does not extend anywhere beyond the Wisconsin border.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Frosty Fest

Frosty Fest

Out on the Lawn there Arose a Clatter

A not so subtle reminder that Dec 25 is fast approaching, the question-of-the-day will test your knowledge of Santa's gift shop:

Q: Why do Santa's elves use red tape?

A: To keep their pants from falling down.

HaHa. Coincidentally, red tape is why Santa's cargo carrier will not be landing at the Waukegan Airport on Christmas. The Waukegan Airport wants to get its hands on Lake County Forest Preserve land to build a new 7000 ft runway. But so far its hands are tied. They blame it all on FAA "red tape":

The Waukegan National Airport's project to build a new runway in the northern part of the city remains as unresolved this December as it did last December because it cannot move forward until the FAA issues the draft environmental assessment and a public hearing occurs.
Waukegan airport runway project remains in limbo; 'There is just unbelievable red tape'

Coincidentally, red tape is how forest preserve trees will be flagged ...

... for being chopping down. By the Waukegan Airport. So the plutocrats can land their jumbo-jets there.

The end.

Out of Tinley Air

An actual unretouched screenshot of the lead story from Lake County's #1 fakenews source, the Lake County Gazette:

What's a Tinley Park? Nobody knows.

To find out, your LakeCountyEye asked the man-in-the-street:

"The bourbon capital of the World."

Pete Hegseth, Malingerer

"That's where I go to get my truss adjusted."

Kash Patel, Haitian Immigrant

 

"I don't know, maybe one of those made-up towns from The Onion?"

Tulsi Gabbard, Unemployed Suburban Mom

 

Your LakeCountyEye has a feeling you're not in Lake County any more.

Oh For Pete's Sake

The question of the day will test your knowledge of current events.

Q: Pete Hegseth has not yet withdrawn his nomination for US Defense Secretary. How much alcohol does Hegseth consume in a day?

A: One hogshead.

HaHa.

After Pete Hegseth becomes Secretary of Defense the Army is expected to announce a new class of armored fighting vehicle: Drunk Tanks

Hegseth would be uniquely positioned to manage the Pentagon. Compared to a typical office building, the Pentagon has more corners to pee in.

After his confirmation. Hegseth will visit the Great Lakes Naval Station. He will ask the Admiral about the size of the sailor's daily rum ration. The Admiral will say "Mr Secretary, there hasn't been a rum ration since before 1863." Hegseth will say "OK, I can come back then."

US soldiers may be deployed to enforce the mass deportations that Donald Trump has promised. Lake County could be a target:

Column: The unknown about Trump’s plans rapidly coming into focus

Pete Hegseth is all on-board with the idea: "We can buy everyone a bottle of tequila to keep them happy. Calm down, I'm talking about the soldiers."

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Bottoms up.

Doobious Achievements

The year-end holiday slog is now on the final stretch, a time traditionally celebrated in verse:

The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

Sugar-Plums must have been a brand name for cannabis gummies, back then? Something has to explain all the hallucinations:

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.

In related news, the Village of Mundelein.

Did you know that Mundelein was the first local municipality to host a medical cannabis dispensary after they became legal? And that Mundelein hosts an annual outdoor cannabis festival? Read about it in the Daily Herald:

Could a second pot dispensary be headed to Mundelein?

Operatives are asked to make up their own joke here.

Holiday Lights

Holiday Lights

The War of the Roses

Fed up with the deep state bossing you around? Don't secede from the State of Illinois. Relocate instead to Barrington Hills -- a Libertarian's paradise, at least according to the Village website:

A community low in legislation and high in property rights, Barrington Hills residents can indulge their passions and interests at home.
Barrington Hills is a Community Where Landowners Determine How They Enjoy Their Land

Barrington Hills is also the only local Chicagoland community where a resident can apply to build a shooting range or a sporting clays course on their own property.
Large Properties Create Endless Possibilities

Barrington Hills is clearly that low-in-legislation, high-in-property-rights kind of place where your passions can run wild.  Is your passion a shooting range? Then build a shooting range. Is your passion a pick-your-own flower farm? Then build a pick-your-own flower farm.

HaHa, j/k.

If you build a pick-your-own flower farm in Barrington Hills, the Village will serve you with a cease-and-desist order:

Little Ducky Flower Farm might have become too big for its own good. Its online popularity recently caught the attention of Barrington Hills officials and some residents who demanded the pick-your-own flower operation be shut down. Barrington Hills residents Chris Yamamoto and his wife Sarah Gul are fighting to maintain the farm's operations and contend they merely want to engage with the community and share their passion for flowers and agriculture. However, they are encountering resistance from village officials, the zoning board of appeals and some residents who argue the commercial operation compromises the village's residential character. In May, the village ordered the farm to cease operations
Barrington Hills couple faces uphill battle to keep flower farm open to public

One neighborhood watchdog told your LakeCountyEye: "That's not going to fly in Barrington Hills, unless you give your visitors a firearm and then call it a shoot-your-own flower farm."

When Comedy was King

Provided there is such a thing, your LakeCountyEye's eyeteeth were cut on the Saturday morning cartoons. Who amongst you wasn't glued to the set early every weekend, laughing at the outrageous antics of your favorite cartoon buffoons?

The cartoon buffoon, like the animated cartoon, is an only-in-America invention. He has been in circulation since from back when a five cent exploding cigar cost only a nickel.

To celebrate the cartoon buffoon, your LakeCountyEye has tracked his evolutionary history:

Wellington J Wimpy


Elmer J Fudd


Bullwinkle J Moose


Homer J Simpson


Stimpson J Cat


Sheldon J Plankton


Donald J Trump

Now, that's entertainment!

The Profit is Not Honored in its Own County

All those FEMA conspiracy theories are true! The red hurricane tsunami of 2024 flushed a boatload of Lake County Republican candidates into office -- and it was fueled by dollars from Lake County moneybags, Richard Uihlein.

HaHa, j/k. Every Lake County incumbent was re-elected. And all that Uihlein cash went south into DuPage County:

Doug Truax has nurtured small, politically conservative groups based in west suburban Downers Grove into a sprawling empire of organizations pushing far right agendas and election denialism — buoyed by contributions of more than $150 million from Illinois' Richard Uihlein, one of the country's biggest Republican donors.
Powerful suburban Chicago political operation fueled by Uihlein money spends millions on far right causes

Was any of that money spent on Lake County Republican candidates? Nobody knows. One thing is certain, if any Uihlein greenbacks found their way into the pocket of a Lake County GOP candidate, it didn't help. And if, on the other hand, Uihlein stiffed all his home-team candidates, they can take heart knowing that the money was spent somewhere else where it might do some good.

Note to Ops: 2026 is only 2 years from now.

E Pluribus Doom

With the big election in the rear view mirror, everybody suddenly finds themselves with nothing to do. Fret not, this is your perfect opportunity to sign up for the new LakeCountyEye MasterClass™.

This LakeCountyEye MasterClass™ will show you how to draw in the style of the Chicago Tribune Creepy Cartoonist™ ...

First retrieve an old copy of MAD Magazine from your vault.

Open the hilarious MAD Fold-In page:

Then fold it in:

And voila, you have for yourself an instant Creepy Tribune Cartoonist drawing:

Still Here

Fun fact: Ben Franklin thought the national bird should be a turkey. Franklin was clearly 250 years ahead of his time.

Who's Next?

There is only one or two hundred million dollars left between now and election day. And the one question on everyone's lips is: "Who will accurately predict who will win the presidential election?"

Prognostication, to be sure, is as much an art as a science. A good oracle will know all the polls, and have their finger on the pulse of the voters, and will be plugged into the Zeitgeist.

All of which explains why your LakeCountyEye asked the A.I. chatbot for the answers instead.

You won't have to stay up late, waiting for election results on Tuesday night. The chatbot has generated a deepfake video that anyone can watch right now:

FRAUD AT POLLS

Note to Ops: Rosebud.

The Electoral Collage

The election to end all elections is approaching. That day of reckoning will be arriving before you know it -- you cannot afford to procrastinate.

Of course your LakeCountyEye refers to the 2025 Illinois municipal election:

2025 Consolidated Election

The first day to file your 2025 nominating petitions is November 12; the last day is November 18. At stake will be Township, Municipal, Park District, Library District, School District, and Fire District seats.

In related news, it has been reported that there also will be a general election next week. Reliable sources say the election will be held on November 5. If so, please make some plans to vote.

Free Girls Basketball Clinic

Gurnee Park District
FREE Girls Basketball Clinic

County-Wide Early Voting Starting October 21

Lake County Clerk’s Office Announces County-Wide Early Voting
Starting October 21, 2024

Some Big Bucks

Perhaps in lockstep with Vladimir Putin, the Chicago Tribune Creepy Cartoonist™ doggedly pursues his war of attrition against the African black rhinoceros:

A New Way Forward

Does the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist™ harbor some secret animosity toward critically endangered African megafauna? Or is this just a manifestation of a bankrupt imagination with an infusion of some lazy cartooning?

For the record, the national debt increased nearly $8 trillion during the Trump years:

And the elephant is still an endangered species. Just sayin!

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

An actual unretouched screencap from the Lake County Gazette, Lake County's #1 fakenews source:

Confused? Well this may explain the funny numbers: The Lake County Gazette has also reported that 556 Lake County students failed the math portion of their SAT exams:

Making Up the Grade

There is good news. Of those 556 students, no fewer than 1140 have been accepted to law school.

Making Up the Grade

Boy oh boy, Lake County students are a bunch of knuckleheads. How unintelligent are they? Lake County students are so unintelligent they even fail their IQ tests!

Impossible you say? Because IQ tests (like, say, the SAT exam) measure aptitude, and concepts like pass and fail do not apply. Well, not according to the Lake County Gazette:

It goes without saying that the Lake County Gazette is Lake County's #1 fakenews source. All of the content in the Lake County Gazette comes direct from Russian troll farms, and delivered fresh to your table every day.

In America you take the SAT exam. In Russia, the SAT exam takes Ukraine!

Secret Organization

He may be yesterday's news, but the facts have not changed: Mark Robinson (the self-described black Nazi perv) had been invited to speak in Lake County by the Tenth Congressional District Republican Organization:

Controversial North Carolina Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson has pulled the plug on a much-criticized speaking appearance at a GOP fundraiser, according to the Tenth Congressional District Republican Organization's website.
Robinson won't speak at local GOP event amid latest firestorm

And yet one disturbing question remains, still unanswered:

What could possibly be the Tenth Congressional District Republican Organization?

Does anyone know? To find out, your LakeCountyEye asked the man-in-the-street:

"It's like one of those things you read about in The Onion."

Sally Kavity, Unemployed Suburban Mom

"Obviously not a scam PAC."

Shaw Marx, Malingerer

"Parlez-vous français?"

Brian Keith, Haitian Immigrant

 

They're unanimous -- nobody knows what the Tenth Congressional District Republican Organization is.

Vox populi, vox Dei.