Monday, February 8, 2010

Get a Job!

Running perilously low on stockpiles of peanutbutter & Sterno, your LakeCountyEye deemed it necessary to doff the flannel pajamas and don the the corporate monkeysuit to attend the nearest Scott Lee Cohen Job Fair. Your LakeCountyEye, a firm exponent of the opacity of hope, however must admit being a tad disappointed. Quite frankly, the pickings for job seekers are slim. (No surprise given that Lake County has been ravaged by triple digit unemployment.) A representative sample of positions now available:

Scott Lee Cohen Job Fair -- Job Openings
  1. Massage Therapist
  2. Pawnbroker
  3. Divorce Attorney
  4. Personal Injury Attorney
  5. Bail Bondsman
  6. Bounty Hunter
  7. Carny Barker
  8. Scott Lee Cohen Job Fair Barker
  9. LakeCountyEye Operative
  10. Lieutenant Governor

The job openings seemed to skew in the direction of the criminal justice sector. No surprise for your LakeCountyEye, given that unemployment numbers are often correlated with crime statistics. One position at the bottom of the job card did catch your LakeCountyEye's interest. Your LakeCountyEye headed immediately to the Hall-of-Featherbed-Jobs to inquire about Lieutenant Governor.

No surprise, the Lieutenant Governor queue stretched all the way from the Hall-of-Featherbed-Jobs through the Parlor-of-Patronage-Jobs to the Diorama-of-Dirty-Jobs-but-Someone-has-to-Do-Them. This was easily the longest line at the Fair.

In fact it is so jammed with unappointed office seekers that your LakeCountyEye is still standing at the wrong end of a long file, and will be liveblogging this post thru the foreseeable future. While your LakeCountyEye waits for an eyeball-to-eyeball interview, here are some comments overheard while waiting in line:

10 Things Overheard at the Lieutenant Governor Job Interview Line
  1. Is this the line to the men's room?

  2. Why, yes it is, Mr Keyes.

  3. 18 weeks vacation?! The Wisconsin Lieutenant Governor gets 21 weeks!

  4. Yeah, I heard about this job, too, from CraigsList.

  5. Hey Senator Link, no fair cutting to the front!

  6. The same goes for you too, Senator Burris!

  7. I hear there's still one opening left for Governor. Over in the Republican aisle.

  8. Thanks for the tip, Mr McKenna.

  9. Is this an AFSCME hire?

  10. Uh oh, that's Art Turner doing the interviews.

Well that was quick, your LakeCountyEye is up next. It's always best to to go over the paperwork before the job interview.
  • Photo ID -- check
  • FOID -- check
  • PERC Card -- check
  • Green Card -- check
  • Divorce Papers -- check
  • Arrest Record -- check
Wish your LakeCountyEye luck!

1 comment:

Crazy4glf said...

Did he actually drop-out yet? As of last night on PBS, the papers weren't filed....