Tuesday, November 15, 2016

It's the Economy, Stupid

the best presidency money can buy It has come to your LakeCountyEye's attention that there was an election last week. And that the next President of the United States will be Donald Trump.


When truth is stranger than fiction your LakeCountyEye gets hold of the one person who can separate the wheat from the crap, Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, College of Lake County visiting Historian of Presidential Erections.

"Ya." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Electing Donald Trump is like electing (former Congressman) Joe Walsh to be President -- except with bad hair."

The nightmare scenario, your LakeCountyEye had to concede.

"This is why the Founding Fathers believed the office of President too important to be left to the whims of the voter." offered Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "I'll bet you thought the Presidential election was on November 8. Guess again -- when you voted, you did not vote for a President. The Republic will choose a new President on December 19."

Your LakeCountyEye did not follow.

"When you voted last Tuesday," explained Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "You voted to appoint electors to the Electoral College."

Ah, no one expects the Electoral College.

"And not only that," continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "You may have voted for electors, but those electors are bound by no constraint to vote for the candidate chosen by the voters."

They're not?

"Nothing in the US Constitution that says so." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Your vote is only a recommendation. The 538 presidential electors are free to vote for whosoever they want."


"Anyone. Living or dead." smiled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "If you are a Presidential elector then your vote is a valuable commodity. Enterprising electors could be able to monetize the ballot by offering their votes to the highest bidder."

Monetize the vote?  That sounded like bribery to your LakeCountyEye. Isn't that against the law?

"Nothing in the US Constitution that says so." deadpanned Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Besides, the stated goal of the GOP is to privatize nonessential government functions. Why not privatize the Electoral College? Electors could post their services with an online auction marketplace. TaskRabbit comes to mind."

Your LakeCountyEye was nonplussed. Privatize the Electoral College?

"Donald Trump promised to make America rich again." grinned Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "A good place to start would be the Electoral College. That would send a strong signal to the American people."

Your LakeCountyEye was not listening. Lalalala.

"Open your eyes." shouted Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "This is an opportunity to make your vote really count. There must be dozens of electors out there who could use a few extra bucks. You'd be surprised. Especially electors from rural and low-income Red States."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives there is still time to raise the necessary capital on GoFundMe or Kickstarter -- while those Electoral Votes are still cheap. I hear they are currently going for about $5000 a pop!"

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