Saturday, March 26, 2016

Conventional Weapons

Lake County Republicans bound for the GOP Convention face a vexing choice: Which guns should they take with, to Cleveland this July?

FOX 32 observes that ...
Thousands of people have signed a petition demanding the right to carry guns at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland this summer. Ohio is an open carry state, but guns are banned at Quicken Loans Arena. The Change.Org petition claims that Cleveland is a dangerous place, and that the GOP and the owners of Quicken Loans Arena are depriving attendees of their right to carry arms. Petitioners also claim that the GOP convention might be a target for ISIS terrorists.
Thousands demand right to carry guns at GOP convention
Packing a suitcase is a taxing enough, even without having to pack heat. So your LakeCountyEye consulted an expert, Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Unconventional Behavior at the College of Lake County.

"Ya," said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Who in their right mind would get anywhere near Cleveland without their pocket rocket?"

Easier said than done, it occurs to your LakeCountyEye.

"No doubt about it," agreed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "it is difficult to transport your guns and ammo by commercial air, these days. If they want my opinion, the RNC should reserve some space on the floor for a gun show. That way the delegates could arm themselves after they get to the convention site. Plus, firearm vendors never do background checks. So the Republican delegates with mental illnesses or felony convictions will be properly armed as well."

Other than standing tall for the 2nd Amendment, your LakeCountyEye was not sure why GOP delegates were making a fuss over their right to bear arms.

"Some delegates are itching for a floor fight, and they need to come prepared. You never want to bring a knife to a gun fight." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi then smiled. "Forewarned is forearmed."

Have the Presidential candidates said anything?

"I hear Ted Cruz plans to secure the uncommitted delegates by doling out the pork," confided Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "He will be frying bacon on the barrel of his AR-15."

So, should anyone who likes his bacon crispy be worried about ISIS?

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi shook his head. "The last place ISIS would attack is at the Republican convention -- Donald Trump might be ISIS's best recruiter. ISIS may be crazy but I don't think they are stupid. They ought to pledge a donation to every candidate who radicalizes a new ISIS recruit with his campaign rhetoric."

Nothing a little waterboarding wouldn't fix. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives that if they plan to attend the Republican Convention, they better be sure they are signed up for ObamaCare."

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