Saturday, January 9, 2016

The Dold Heave-Ho

but only a white lie Note to Operatives: Everyone who has an all-expenses-paid trip to the State of the Union Address in Washington DC, please step forward.

... not so fast there, Kowalski!

Haha, according to the News-Sun ...
Rep. Bob Dold planned to bring a felon to President Barack Obama's State of the Union speech next week as a guest, but he withdrew the invitation Thursday after learning that a Waukegan woman had accused the man of threatening to kill her in 2014 and obtained a restraining order against him.
Rep. Bob Dold withdraws invite to felon to attend State of the Union
Your LakeCountyEye, being under no such constraints, immediately contacted Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Criminal Neglect at the College of Lake County.

"At this point," said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "Robert Dold may as well just order a side of bacon. He already has egg on his face. And just how do you uninvite a felon to a State of the Union Address -- send them a Dear Con letter? Still, I wouldn't fault the Congressman. If you can't trust a convicted felon these days who can you trust?"

Why would Congressman Dold invite a felon in the first place?

"Street cred, pure and simple." explained Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The 10th Congressional District follows the Amstutz all the way to the Wisconsin border. A diversity challenged candidate like Robert Dold is going to need all the street cred he can get if he hopes to win an election in the Tenth."

Street cred?

"Ya." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "If Mr. Dold gonna be down with the voters, he better be seen with the right type of guys."

Like Frank Sinatra did with Sam Giancana?

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi grimaced. "I was thinking more like guys with the name D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty."

Your LakeCountyEye could not recall ever having the pleasure.

"The State of the Union speech is next week." observed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The Congressman better get on the stick if he wants to round-up a new criminal sidekick. He could look in Highland Park for an illegal AR-15 rifle owner. Or if he goes to Mundelein it shouldn't be hard to find a DUI."

Would that send the right vibe the Congressman is looking for?

"Well, Chief Keef's people told me he is booked that week." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "But, it's not all bad news for Mr. Dold. I can get him the names of a hundred or more other ex-cons, any of whom he could invite. They've all sued Lake County for wrongful conviction, and can afford to pay for their own Washington airfare and hotel."

A penny saved is a penny earned. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives they still have time to get arrested and contact Congressman Dold's office."


Anonymous said...

Something's wrong here.

This very detailed article about Dold (and his antics), is drawing no flies. I guess no one cares - except for the writer - and this was the worst Doldish thing they could "come up with".

Barney Baxter said...

Hi Anonymous,

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

We take pride in being Lake County's finest news blog since 2008!