Monday, January 14, 2013

Q the Eye/01.14.13

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Where does someone go to get a date in Lake County?

One Man, One Vote
Ὥρος HōrosDear Single Issue Voter,

The best place to find a date in Lake County is on an Internet Dating Service. Your LakeCountyEye's profile was posted, a while back, on one popular dating website:
  • Name
    Barney Baxter

  • Favorite Food

  • Favorite Beverage
    Mountain Dew

  • Best Hangout
    Basement (finished) of Divorced Parent

  • Occupation
You would now have to be a Mundelein Free Range Chicken Rancher to have slept with more chicks than your LakeCountyEye!

Haha j/k. The truth is your LakeCountyEye hasn't been on a date since Rumsfeld was a Congressman. (A lousy tipper.) Your best bet is to follow the lead of another Lake County Congressman, Peter Roskam. Given his record of pushing legislation that would criminalize basic reproductive medical decisions, one would think that Roskam would have a big gender problem with his female voters. Not so. In fact, Peter Roskam enjoys a reputation of being Lake County's ladies man in Washington DC.

Roskam's secret? As far as your LakeCountyEye can tell, he knows what the ladies want. And according to the big dating sites, the ladies want someone who will listen:

Like for instance ...
Women Want You to Listen Up
In general, women complain that men don't listen to them.

What Women Really Want
And at ...
Follow the advice in Proverbs 18:13: 'He who answers before listening; that is his folly and his shame.'
Listen ... and find love
So guess who the Northwest Herald has proclaimed Congress's Listener In Chief:
Roskam's listening skills will make the transition to a redrawn district easier, said Darlene Ruscitti, chairman of the DuPage County Republicans.
Roskam seen as 'listener in chief'
The House Republicans, with Roskam's support, may succeed one day at criminalizing a woman's reproductive options. Your LakeCountyEye knows exactly where Peter Roskam will be on that day. Visiting the prisons and listening to the stories of the criminals they sent there.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

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